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Thread: Goofy Horror Movie Realizations

  1. #1
    Butterfly Mage

    Default Goofy Horror Movie Realizations

    So... I'm a big fan of cheesy 80s and 90s b-rate horror films. I've made a couple of noteworthy observations about the genre.

    -- There have been plenty of "chainsaw" horror movies, but no circular saw horror movies. Is it because of the *extension cord* problem?!

    -- In movies where some blood-thirst demon or a pissed-off Indian spirit is making everyone's life hell, how come the occupants never realize that a REALTOR could solve their problems much easier than a Priest?!

    -- Since Jason Voorhes is Undead, indestructable, and immortal, how come no one has ever though to just lock him in a bank vault? He's unkillable, but he's not super-strong.

    Feel free to add your own observations!

  2. #2

    Default

    Hey, nice observations! I got one. In Pet Sematary, how come the father didn't just punt his bratty reincarnated kid across the room? And also, did you notice the kid didn't talk at all but when he came back to life he spoke perfect english?

  3. #3
    Mako

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly Mage View Post
    -- Since Jason Voorhes is Undead, indestructable, and immortal, how come no one has ever though to just lock him in a bank vault? He's unkillable, but he's not super-strong.
    I see you were spared the horror (and not in a good way) that was Jason X. In the beginning of the movie they did lock him up and freeze him.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly Mage View Post
    -- There have been plenty of "chainsaw" horror movies, but no circular saw horror movies. Is it because of the *extension cord* problem?!
    Well it has a shorter range. I'm not sure how well blades would fare against bodies compared to chains.



    -- In movies where some blood-thirst demon or a pissed-off Indian spirit is making everyone's life hell, how come the occupants never realize that a REALTOR could solve their problems much easier than a Priest?!
    Buying a house is a tedious process. Not just actually buying one, but finding one you like. I think a good majority of people would be stubborn about leaving a house they spent so much time into (they tend to be haunted when they're remodeling and whatnot).



    -- Since Jason Voorhes is Undead, indestructable, and immortal, how come no one has ever though to just lock him in a bank vault? He's unkillable, but he's not super-strong.
    He seemed to be a bit stronger than everyone else in the newest rehash. Anyways, there'd probably be some freak accident or something to release him.

  5. #5
    Butterfly Mage

    Default

    Good observations Pojo.

    I've had the idea that a good "power tool massacre" item for a movie would be to replace the string dispenser in a week wacker with a circular saw blade intead.

  6. #6

    Default

    Just skip the circular saw blade and go straight for the lawnmower ala Dead Alive!

  7. #7

    Default

    For pretty much any zombie film or disaster film regarding a pandemic of some sort, why doesn't anyone think of taking a powerboat and staying out at sea? Zombies can't swim, and it's much safer being isolated than battling it out in your basement with boards covering the windows.

  8. #8
    Butterfly Mage

    Default

    Good point!

    How about this one:

    After defeating one's demon-powered badass enemy, how come the heroes *always* make the mistake of turning the body face up? Shouldn't it be general knowledge by now that the bad guy is *never* dead the first time you kill him. Insteadn the villian opens his eyes and grabs your throat, making you have to fight him all over again!

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by pixel View Post
    For pretty much any zombie film or disaster film regarding a pandemic of some sort, why doesn't anyone think of taking a powerboat and staying out at sea? Zombies can't swim, and it's much safer being isolated than battling it out in your basement with boards covering the windows.
    Yeah, that's been tried and it didn't work out so well. Go watch the newest Dawn of the Dead.


    Anyways if you want to slove a problem, just call Ash and give him a shotgun and/or a chainsaw arm.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by pixel View Post
    For pretty much any zombie film or disaster film regarding a pandemic of some sort, why doesn't anyone think of taking a powerboat and staying out at sea? Zombies can't swim, and it's much safer being isolated than battling it out in your basement with boards covering the windows.
    According to Luccio Fulci's film Zombie, zombies are perfectly capable of taking the fight to a shark one-on-one and ripping the bitch apart. I don't think a measly boat would stand a chance!

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