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Thread: I'm dying

  1. #1

    Thumbs down I'm dying

    i was told i have a year to live recently. They can't figure out what is wrong with my brain, but it just keeps getting worse with everyday that passes. They want me to shave my head and have surgery, which I would do, but it still doesn't seem like the surgery will do anything positive for me.

    so i'm frustrated obviously, i dont want to die, but i am starting to accept it. which sucks, because i have recently noticed that im not mad that i'm dying but im mad that my death is going to hurt others. i would do anything to not let others get hurt, which is my biggest weakness if you want to call it that.

    so me trying not to let others get hurt i've started to push people away very majorly, including this one guy i really love and have started seeing, he is also AB and we jsut have so much in common. but i dont want my death to let him hurt more. i care about him so much but he knows that i am dying so i can't help but wonder if he is

    A) just sticking around because i am dying and he feels bad. or ...

    B) he actually cares about me and has just forgotten the fact that im dying.

    like he sits there and talks about the future and almost pretty much says im his soul mate, but i dont know if i can be all that for him, i mean i cant even be strong enough for myself to get through this surgery, i guess i just need some advice and i needed to rant. thanks for reading.

  2. #2

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    That's just TRAGIC to hear...

    I wish you the best life possible... It's an upsetting thing to read.

  3. #3

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    Kali,

    It sounds like you're an immensely strong person with a lot of will, especially to be able to handle this awful news with such proverbially strong shoulders. I can't imagine what it is like to be in your shoes, and I truly hope that medicine can help you live the best life you can.

    As for pushing others away, while you may feel that it is the best solution to minimize their pain, remember that these are people who love and cherish you. No matter where you are or what your condition is, they will always have you in their heart -- you never forget those who touch your lives, who inspire you, who give you strength. You are no doubt a source of all of these things for them, and while you may be afraid you are hurting them, I can guarantee that you are not.

    They're finding in you what it's hard to find in oneself: Strength, compassion, love.

    When Death rears its head, things can easily be stripped of their gray colors and go black and white. I'm almost positive that your proposed B) is the case -- regardless of prognosis, he loves you, and you will always mean a great deal to him. Therefore, he'll be by your side. You should embrace that.

    Remember that the notion of your death, while it may be frightening to some (to you, to others) is not a reason to condemn those near you to loneliness, nor is it reason to condemn yourself to that same fate.

    Whether you have a year to live or a thousand, spend it with those you love, those you hold dear. They wouldn't want it any other way, and neither should you.

    I'll keep you in my prayers! And your loved ones, too!

  4. #4

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    Being associated with medicine, you have me curious... do you have a seizure disorder, tumour (metastatic or not) , Transient Ischemic Attacks? I can't give you a "medical" opinion but I can give friendly advice if I think being cut on would be worth the pain and put my $0.02. I really hate it when it comes down to a choice of comfort or length

    Good luck and best wishes
    -DP

  5. #5

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    well i've just recently started having seizures, and the thing is they haven't been able to tell me what it is that i have, they dont know how to explain it.

    heres how i can explain it to the best of my ability
    it started out as an anxiety attack that just kept getting worse, eventually had quite a bit of memory loss, dizziness, confusion, and i started biting myself. i forgot people, ive forgotten part of my day and i forgot how to get home one time, and these are things i never forget. then i started getting numbness in my toes and fingers and im always cold as ice now, splitting migraine which ive never gotten headaches before even. and this has been going on for almost a year now. they have done an mri and an eeg all they found out is that i have an oddly shaped brain? i also tried going to a therapist and getting on meds ad that didnt help at all.



    and back to the guy i was just wondering if anyone knew the legal laws in minnesota about a 17 year old, ill be 18 in may, and a 22 year old, he just turned 22 today dating. like i know tat the age of consent is 16, and whatnot but could he get in trouble for being with me since im young. like if my mom wanted to punish me by getting him in trouble with the law? any advice would help.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by kali View Post
    i was told i have a year to live recently. They can't figure out what is wrong with my brain, but it just keeps getting worse with everyday that passes. They want me to shave my head and have surgery, which I would do, but it still doesn't seem like the surgery will do anything positive for me.

    so i'm frustrated obviously, i dont want to die, but i am starting to accept it. which sucks, because i have recently noticed that im not mad that i'm dying but im mad that my death is going to hurt others. i would do anything to not let others get hurt, which is my biggest weakness if you want to call it that.

    so me trying not to let others get hurt i've started to push people away very majorly, including this one guy i really love and have started seeing, he is also AB and we jsut have so much in common. but i dont want my death to let him hurt more. i care about him so much but he knows that i am dying so i can't help but wonder if he is

    A) just sticking around because i am dying and he feels bad. or ...

    B) he actually cares about me and has just forgotten the fact that im dying.

    like he sits there and talks about the future and almost pretty much says im his soul mate, but i dont know if i can be all that for him, i mean i cant even be strong enough for myself to get through this surgery, i guess i just need some advice and i needed to rant. thanks for reading.
    I know practically nothing about your situation but I would guess it is a combination of A and B: and the two are not separable. It is what I would call a false dichotomy.

    Which basically means he wants to enjoy you as much as he can while he can.

    If I were in your shoes I would be eager for the surgery: if it works you are fine; if it does not, you are not much worse off. I am not in your shoes though; and I encourage you to participate here and talk about anything you wish, and I shall pray for you. (I am not Christian, but I do pray. My theology is a matter of public record: it includes saying no more on the topic of religion than I just did.)

    Be well, and be happy.
    Last edited by Raccoon; 04-Aug-2009 at 16:59.

  7. #7

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    Honestly, you never know what could happen. I wouldn't count away my days too quickly, my Aunt had cancer and lived for 6 years after they told her she had 3 months to live. The best thing to do is enjoy the days you have left.


    I would take a set amount of time to decide all the things I would want to do + see before I die, and go about doing these things, for example I personally have always wanted to see the pyramids of Egypt in person.


    Although there is no proof of this, I believe conciousness will always be there.

  8. #8

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    Damn dude I've come really close to dying from brain trama. I really hope you make the best of this. And I'll be thinking of you.

  9. #9

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    don't push people away. that's not the kind of legacy you'll want to leave when you're gone.

    we all lose people we love. it's a part of life. you're very lucky that there are going to be a lot of people caring for you and helping you through this. the best thing you can do for them is tell them thank you.

  10. #10
    Elli

    Default

    First, I am incredibly sorry to hear such news. I do not know you, but as a fellow human person I feel some grief just reading it. I agree with Dawes and other posters. The people who love you will grieve your loss, should it or when it happens. People handle grief in different ways. Perhaps it's a little like the 'fight or flight' phenomenon. But some people will only be happy with themselves if they do all they can to help and support you, to do all they can for you and spend quality time with you. If or when you die, these people they will resolve to themselves that 'at least' they did all they could, they couldn't have done any more for their loved one. The feeling that they didn't do enough might be an uncomfortable one for some. So, you may actually help some people to manage if you allow them 'closer'. Even if they did all they can, they will still grieve deeply, that is natural and actually quite healthy, but they will have that small solace, that they did all they could. Maybe.

    This said, you are important and your needs are important. You are also anticipating leaving them and although you seem a very strong, noble and admirable character for thinking of other people's needs, your needs are important too. By this I'm suggesting you can choose when you want people around and when you need space alone. I am no counsellor or expert of any kind, so please use your own wisdom about this, but I wonder whether it's also your (potential?) grief for them that leads you to want to drive people away. I'm sure it is partly your amazing consideration for others in any case, but maybe just as you're trying to care for them, they just want to care for you. But as I say, this is just a lay-person's thought. Throw it thought away if it's rubbish.

    I will pray that your surgery is affective and that you get life to the fullest, whatever time-scale we're speaking of. Again I am very sorry that life has taken this turn and I apologise for any ignorance I show in my reply.

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