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Thread: dating older people

  1. #1

    Default dating older people

    Ok, i want to know is there a point were i just shouldn't date some one. I like older guys, and i mean i find guy's in there 30's way hotter than guy's my age. And because of the fact i was gonna ask this guy out, my friend flipped out on me saying he was to old. This guy is ten years older than me (I'm 17 he's 27) and i plan on asking him out on a date but my friend and his girlfriend both said i shouldn't because the guy is way to old, which caused some drama because i freaked out on them a little because it sounded like they were trying to act like my parents. so back to my question, should i ask him out or is he to old? I would have to tell him I'm 17 because i lied about my age and made a pounced AD (furry dating site)

  2. #2

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    Yeah ten years is a little much, I mean would you date a 7 year old? because when he was you age that is exactly how old you were and sorry to be the one to say this but if a 27 year old has to date a high schooler to get some then he is either a total loser or a scum bag, or something else is seriously wrong with him

  3. #3

    Default

    Hey, if you're interested I say go for it. You're both consenting adults, and if it makes you happy, then who cares what other people think?

    And I don't think it's a fair comparison to ask if he'd date a 7 year old. At 7 you're just a kid.. blissfully oblivious to the world of dating, and well.. I think it's just quite a bit different. As you get older, age differences mean less and less.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous kiba View Post
    Ok, i want to know is there a point were i just shouldn't date some one. I like older guys, and i mean i find guy's in there 30's way hotter than guy's my age. And because of the fact i was gonna ask this guy out, my friend flipped out on me saying he was to old. This guy is ten years older than me (I'm 17 he's 27) and i plan on asking him out on a date but my friend and his girlfriend both said i shouldn't because the guy is way to old, which caused some drama because i freaked out on them a little because it sounded like they were trying to act like my parents. so back to my question, should i ask him out or is he to old? I would have to tell him I'm 17 because i lied about my age and made a pounced AD (furry dating site)
    Awesome.

    Now that this is out of the way, let's get another thing immediately out of the way: you're 17. That means that dating isn't going to happen with anyone older than 19 if they value their freedom.

    Now that THAT is out of the way, we come to the truth: Dating and relationships is less about age and more about experiences. I've lived outside the family home and stood on my own feet for a long time. This means that I have very little in common with someone who still lives at home. Hence, there is much less chance of me having anything in common--and any interest in as a peer--with someone who is, say, mid-twenties and still lives at home, fully supported by parents.

    It also means that I have MORE in common with a 40-year old without children than a 28-year old still living in the family home.

    Hence, it becomes less of a jump (for me) to date a 40-year old in the contrived example above than the 28-year old.

    The threshold ages really are these:
    5
    10
    13
    16
    18
    21
    22-23
    30
    40
    60
    80

    This is a pretty rough estimate, but there's a valid reason; thresholds are being met and passed at each age, and with these thresholds come very different circumstances and experiences. While I can relate with people who are outside these bands, it would not typically be as an intimate partner.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    Awesome.

    Now that this is out of the way, let's get another thing immediately out of the way: you're 17. That means that dating isn't going to happen with anyone older than 19 if they value their freedom.

    Now that THAT is out of the way, we come to the truth: Dating and relationships is less about age and more about experiences. I've lived outside the family home and stood on my own feet for a long time. This means that I have very little in common with someone who still lives at home. Hence, there is much less chance of me having anything in common--and any interest in as a peer--with someone who is, say, mid-twenties and still lives at home, fully supported by parents.

    It also means that I have MORE in common with a 40-year old without children than a 28-year old still living in the family home.

    Hence, it becomes less of a jump (for me) to date a 40-year old in the contrived example above than the 28-year old.

    The threshold ages really are these:
    5
    10
    13
    16
    18
    21
    22-23
    30
    40
    60
    80

    This is a pretty rough estimate, but there's a valid reason; thresholds are being met and passed at each age, and with these thresholds come very different circumstances and experiences. While I can relate with people who are outside these bands, it would not typically be as an intimate partner.
    ummm ya i think i understand most of that, but as far as legally i think i can date people over 18 if i have my parents consent (and my mom has told me straight out she wouldn't care if i dated people in there 20's

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous kiba View Post
    ummm ya i think i understand most of that, but as far as legally i think i can date people over 18 if i have my parents consent (and my mom has told me straight out she wouldn't care if i dated people in there 20's
    *shudder* <-- Directed at your mother, not you.

    I'd recommend against going out with a 27-year old. You're looking for different things, and your life experiences will be very different (hopefully).

    As for hotness, are you perhaps looking at/for people who are more mature and/or are responsible? If that's what it is, with few exceptions you'll be looking at the over-30 crowd.

    I don't know what your school/life plans are, but you're on the cusp of heading out of the family home and you will change and grow greatly in the next year or two.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by chevre View Post
    Hey, if you're interested I say go for it. You're both consenting adults, and if it makes you happy, then who cares what other people think?

    And I don't think it's a fair comparison to ask if he'd date a 7 year old. At 7 you're just a kid.. blissfully oblivious to the world of dating, and well.. I think it's just quite a bit different. As you get older, age differences mean less and less.
    A 17 year old is just a kid too age differences mean less as you get older but a 17 year old has probably not experienced very much at all. I mean hell I am 19 and I have experienced more in the last two years than I have in most of my life and I know I am still a kid, but even I have trouble relating to high schoolers because honestly if you think you understand the ways of the world in high school you are wrong. Look I am not trying to be rude or put you down because I know what it feels like to be years more mature than others in my head, I mean hell I am 19 and people ask me when I graduated college regularly so I guess I look older too but that doesn't mean I am going to date a 29 year old. I am just saying large age differences before both people are at least over 20 can be very unhealthy for the younger person. And technically it would be statutory rape if you all did anything sexually.

    Edit: Never mind if your Mom said she doesn't care than you have been raised in a way that dating old dudes is fine and if he abuses you or something like that I mean I'm sure you'll probably stand by his side and take it because he loves you and he is just in a hard place.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    A 17 year old is just a kid too age differences mean less as you get older but a 17 year old has probably not experienced very much at all. I mean hell I am 19 and I have experienced more in the last two years than I have in most of my life and I know I am still a kid, but even I have trouble relating to high schoolers because honestly if you think you understand the ways of the world in high school you are wrong. Look I am not trying to be rude or put you down because I know what it feels like to be years more mature than others in my head, I mean hell I am 19 and people ask me when I graduated college regularly so I guess I look older too but that doesn't mean I am going to date a 29 year old. I am just saying large age differences before both people are at least over 20 can be very unhealthy for the younger person. And technically it would be statutory rape if you all did anything sexually.

    Edit: Never mind if your Mom said she doesn't care than you have been raised in a way that dating old dudes is fine and if he abuses you or something like that I mean I'm sure you'll probably stand by his side and take it because he loves you and he is just in a hard place.
    i really don't get the whole more experience thing is bad, that's one of the things that attracts me to older guys. And yes i know about the whole it would be rape, i almost started a relationship with a 23 year old but he was hard to talk to and lived far away so it never started. And the abuse thing... I'm not an idiot ive seen abuse i know what it is, my dad was abusive, my sisters boyfriend could be abusive, my grandfather was abusive, my uncle was abusive, and Ive pretty much have been mentally abused ,my dad fucked with my head every time i saw him, he called me a name so many time that if some one called me that, i think i would pound there face in, my sister called me it once and i just got instantly outraged to the point were i had to walk away from her. i would never let it happen.

  9. #9

    Default

    Well sure, you need to be compatible on a number of levels, including world experience and maturity, but all I'm saying is ruling it out purely on age is kind of silly. If those things don't match, I think it will shake itself out soon enough. I mean, we all can have our own limits, but apparently this guy is within anonymous kiba's interest.. so if anonymous kiba is within this guy's interest, I say give it a shot.

    Now, I'm not saying age is not a factor to consider.. just saying it should not stop you from being happy.

  10. #10

    Default

    Which is why you shouldn't get into a situation where it is more likely to happen. If a 27 year old will date a 17 year old than he is obviously not in the right mindset and might likely have self confidence issues which is why he doesn't try to date people around his own age and then during your relationship with him he will probably become slightly jealous at first and then it will slowly turn into an abusive relationship. I went to a seminar on abuse last semester with a friend of mine who's boyfriend abused her and this set up already reminds me of what is a potentially unhealthy relationship.

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