Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Wife is a good sport about my DL, but...

  1. #1

    Default Wife is a good sport about my DL, but...

    She recently told me that it is a huge turn-off for her, just knowing. When I first shared this with her many years ago, she was very accepting, but made it clear that it wasn't something she was into. She has been passively accepting for many years, even suggestively pointing out items like Poise pads to me when we were out shopping. Her change in attitude has been gradual over many months, but she has finally made it plain. Apparently the deal breaker was when she had to sign for a plain package delivery which she knew was something DL. It was obvious that it pained her to tell me that it bothered her; she made a point out of telling me that she didn't want to take away something I enjoy. I think her greatest fear is that I'll be discovered by our kids (four from age 7 to 18). I told her that the decision was simple, if she didn't like it I'd make it go away. The problem is, as you all know, I cannot make it go away. I want to respect her sensibility, but at the same time I know that I cannot shed this affinity just like that.
    I welcome your comments, suggestions, advice. Whaddayathink?

  2. #2

    Default

    I think I would try to explore with her the genesis of these negative feelings she's having. Where did they come from? When and why did they start? What aspects of your lifestyle does she have a problem with? How do you fix the situation?

    You should let her know that a paraphilia/fetish/lifestyle (whatever you want to call it) does not go away, that it can really only be suppressed. As long as you're discrete and it never harms anyone, then what's the heart of the issue? Maybe you can ask her what would be acceptable security measures to ensure the kids won't stumble on something.

    I re-read your post, and you worded it that it's a "huge turn-off for her." Does that mean maybe she sees you as less of a man because of it? It seems like she's bought into some stereotype or stigma that exists around *b/dl-ism, and is applying it to you. You really need to figure out what's going on in her head before you guys can move forward as a couple. This could be symptomatic of what will become a larger problem, perhaps.

  3. #3

    Default

    This is almost exactly what has happened to me. She was OK with it at first, and has slowly grown to hate it over the 13 years we've been married. When I first explained my DL tendencies to her, before we were married, I think that she believed she could come to fulfill the emotional need that diapers provide me. As the years go by she has come to the realization that it just won't happen; so she has started to become jealous of my association with them. I think she feels like I am cheating on her with diapers.

    Things came to a head a month ago. Without going into details (some of it was truly my fault) she told me to get rid of everything or get out. I explained to her that I can't cut out a piece of myself and remain the same person that I am today, then started packing.

    Fortunately, she softened up a bit and we started discussing the issue again. I did not end up leaving, and we've smoothed the waters again until the next flare-up. I think the realization we've both come to is that, all marriages have some issues with them. We realized that, besides the diaper issue, we get along great. There was really no good reason to dissolve our marriage over our own selfishness in this one area. She was selfish in wanting me to get rid of my fetish, and I was selfish thinking that it was OK not to consider her feelings about me being a DL.

    The biggest thing I told her that helped her understand was:
    "I can't get rid of my feelings and desires (heck knows, I've tried many, many times, to my detriment) and when you force the issue, I will only try to please you. This usually ends up with me being dishonest in some way. Even if I got rid of everything, the feeling will always be inside me, regardless of whether you see it or not, and I will be hiding something from you. I've tried to stop during our marriage, and I've been dishonest about things when I've failed, and it's always backfired. It is better to be honest now, and compromise, than to live a lie."

    I've been to a couple therapists during our marriage about my being a DL. I think she was disappointed that the therapist came to the same conclusion I did. If she can't at least compromise, within reason, our marriage will not survive. Also, I learned I can't expect her to be sexually attracted to me while wearing diapers. But, to me, my marriage is worth the loss of having my sexual fantasies fulfilled.

    I do not have experience with the whole having kids aspect, yet. But I will be soon. I am sure that it will cause a whole new set of arguments between us, but I'm confident we'll get through.

  4. #4
    Darkfinn

    Default

    I wouldn't have mislead her and said that you could "make it go away".

    In my experiences you can't just get rid of AB/DL... you could maybe repress it... but it is still going to be there.

  5. #5

    Default

    Wow. Thanks for the thoughtful responses. You guys are quite perceptive. There have been other stresses on our relationship that we've been working through. Oddly enough, our relationship seems to be on a high note at present. Maybe that's where she found the courage to tell me how she really feels. I've accepted that she will never view the fetish as I do and I, too, value our relationship more than a fantasy. Darkfinn; I caught myself misleading her and as we discussed the issue I told her that I wasn't going to quit, but that I would keep it completely discreet. Thanks all for sharing your thoughts and personal experience...

  6. #6

    Default

    The fact is also that relationships evolve over the years. Where in the beginning it's all about discovering each other and oneself, it later becomes more of a mutual support situation, especially when there are kids. In the beginning the other's likings and quirks are intriguing, fun and cute, but over time many of them risk becoming annoying. I figure that your wife just has other worries than your DL if she has 4 kids in the house. I also figure that you guys don't have much sex any more (gives the term sleepover a whole different meaning), simply because you are so exhausted from working and taking care of a large family. Also, you went from having one relationship in the house (between the two of you) to having five, if you include the kids. And when you have to deal with five relationships, you just don't want them to be complicated.

    In my experience the only way out of this dilemma is to focus on the relationship rather than your DL: engage your wife, do some journaling together or do some couple therapy. It shows her that you are still as committed and that she will be able to count on you, no matter what you are wearing under your clothes. That's the biggest thing you can offer a mother of four at this stage in life. As a result she is going to trust you more, you will trust her more, your relationship will deepen again, become more interesting, and your "quirky side" will be less threatening.

    Good luck!

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by puffybottom View Post
    She recently told me that it is a huge turn-off for her, just knowing. When I first shared this with her many years ago, she was very accepting, but made it clear that it wasn't something she was into. She has been passively accepting for many years, even suggestively pointing out items like Poise pads to me when we were out shopping. Her change in attitude has been gradual over many months, but she has finally made it plain. Apparently the deal breaker was when she had to sign for a plain package delivery which she knew was something DL. It was obvious that it pained her to tell me that it bothered her; she made a point out of telling me that she didn't want to take away something I enjoy. I think her greatest fear is that I'll be discovered by our kids (four from age 7 to 18). I told her that the decision was simple, if she didn't like it I'd make it go away. The problem is, as you all know, I cannot make it go away. I want to respect her sensibility, but at the same time I know that I cannot shed this affinity just like that.
    I welcome your comments, suggestions, advice. Whaddayathink?
    Does she need to be turned on by them? Who cares if she isn't turned on by them. Why do people feel they need to be turned on by things because they are bothered when they aren't turned on by something.

    This is something she should have thought about years ago when she knew about it. She either accepts it or you aren't right for her.

    Maybe you should tell her you can't make it go away because it's wired in your brain and tell her if she can make her own interests go away. Is there something she likes? I am sure there is so use that as an example by telling her can she make that go away by not liking it anymore? Does she have a favorite food? Tell her if she can make it stop being her favorite? Then she might get the point why you can't make your fetish go away.
    Take something away someone enjoys, they are unhappy inside. So if you took something away from her she enjoys, she might also be unhappy about it. That's how liking diapers work. It's something we enjoy.

  8. #8

    Default

    Marriages have enough issues without the fetishes. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot and she had some "issue" that you no longer accepted. I find myself in a similar situation. I think the whole problem is the overall dissolving of the relationship anyway. I wished I had shopped around a little better for someone that understands this fetish prior to making a marriage comittment.

Similar Threads

  1. I told my wife!
    By discodiaper in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 24-Jun-2009, 22:12
  2. Coming out to wife after 8 months of marriage.
    By discodiaper in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 21-Mar-2009, 22:20
  3. wife dont like me wearing
    By lingerie69 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 13-Oct-2008, 15:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.