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Thread: "Choosing to be gay"

  1. #1

    Default "Choosing to be gay"

    This came up in another thread and I didn't want to derail it...so I figured it would be best to start a new thread. I know this has been discussed to a degree in other threads, but I wanted to kind of focus on it in particular.


    For a lot of people who have a problem with homosexuality, one thing they believe to be true is that sexual orientation is a choice...particularly that homosexuals in some way shape or form choose to be gay.


    My own sexuality is so complicated that it's hard for me to give a personal testimony....but because of my ABism, I've always believed that no gay person chooses to be gay...because I know that I never made any kind of active choice to be AB. I know you can't equate the two things, but I've always seen a similarity, particularly in the sexual realm. It's a lot more difficult to look into the causes of sexuality...whether it's genetic or environmental or whatever.

    But I don't want to focus this thread on the cause of homosexuality. Instead, I wanted to look at this notion of a gay person choosing to be gay.


    Personally, I have never heard a gay person completely come out and say "I actively chose (or still choose) to be gay. I sat down one day and decided that I was going to be attracted to the same sex as opposed to the opposite one." This further supports my position that gay people don't choose to be gay.


    So I'm interested in a few things. First of all...if there's any gay person on here that can state in any way that they chose to be gay, I want to hear more about it. Things like how the decision was made, why it was made, when it was made, what went through your head...just as many details as possible.


    But I also want to hear more about why some people believe that homosexuality is a choice. What makes you think that it is? Is there anything any gay person has ever told you that made you feel that way or confirmed your belief? I ask this because I myself am still a bit confused as to where this mentality comes from and why people feel this way...and I'd like to learn more about that.

    What I don't want is any gay person saying "Anyone who believes that homosexuality is a choice is an idiot, and it should be obvious why it's not." To me, that's not helpful or informative. I think it's okay explain more about why it's not a choice and to describe that in detail...but to me the whole point is to inform other people about yourself, not tear down their own beliefs. This isn't necessarily a cut and dried issue.


    But I definitely would like to hear people's thoughts and feelings.

  2. #2

    Default

    I don't think it's a choice.

    I remember the night that the idea popped into my head. I didn't sit up in my bed, walk over, grab a pad of paper and a pen and start listing the pros and cons of being bisexual. It was more of about a half-hour reviewing how I acted toward guys for the past few years, and it was like the choice was already made for me. I wasn't making the choice that night in my bed, I was realizing it and fighting myself over resigning to it. Which I did.

    And that morning, I woke up happy.

  3. #3

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    A simple counterfactual. If one can choose to be gay, then one can choose to be straight. Yet only gay people are said to have chosen and are expected to choose heterosexuality. If it is something that can be chosen, then a heterosexual should be able to choose to be a homosexual. This means that a straight person should be able to choose to love a member of the same sex and to engage in intercourse with them.

    So the next time you see someone talking about how homosexuality is a choice, invite him to prove his point by bending over and taking a big fat one right up the ass!

  4. #4
    aj1983

    Default

    I have no idea why I'm gay, i just am. Even wikipedia couldn't answer this one for me *giggles*. But the page on "Biology and Sexual Orientation" had all kinds of possible causes and/or correlations.

  5. #5

    Default

    I doubt it's a choice, me liking diapers and stuffed animals isn't a choice.

    Of course what is a choice is how you act upon your feelings.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by harris View Post
    A simple counterfactual. If one can choose to be gay, then one can choose to be straight. Yet only gay people are said to have chosen and are expected to choose heterosexuality. If it is something that can be chosen, then a heterosexual should be able to choose to be a homosexual. This means that a straight person should be able to choose to love a member of the same sex and to engage in intercourse with them.

    See, I don't think a lot of people look at it like that, though...and it's because they don't put heterosexuality and homosexuality on the same plane.

    What I mean is...they think that heterosexuality is the norm, or the natural way of things, or the way that things are supposed to be, and that homosexuality is a deviation from the norm.

    So the way they see it is...asking a heterosexual person to love a member of the same sex would be asking them to go against nature, or their natural feelings.

    But they view a homosexual person as already doing that...going against nature. I honestly don't think they perceive a homosexual person loving someone of the opposite sex as making the same kind of jump...they think it should be easier.

    Don't get me wrong...I'm playing devil's advocate here and I don't agree with this mentality. But I think that's why this argument doesn't always convince someone.



    So I think part of the problem is the whole concept of sexuality itself. I think that's why I always look for examples, like being attracted to certain hair colors or body types, as a way for straight people to look at it. You could say that someone doesn't "choose" who they find attractive...it's just something that comes naturally. And perhaps this can be extended to being attracted to a sex type as well.

  7. #7

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    I agree that people don't view homosexuality and heterosexuality as equivalent when it comes to choice. But all that does is underscore that their beliefs are not reasoned, rigorous and consistent conclusions based on evidence but on their prejudice at best, hate at worst. We are all prejudiced to some degree or another, but again, it's whether you act on it that matters.



    Of course what is a choice is how you act upon your feelings.
    Could you ellaborate on that? Are you suggesting that choosing to act on homosexuality or that the manner in which one chooses to act on homosexuality is immoral? If so, what specifically is that manner, and what about that is unique to homosexuality?

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by harris View Post
    Could you ellaborate on that? Are you suggesting that choosing to act on homosexuality or that the manner in which one chooses to act on homosexuality is immoral? If so, what specifically is that manner, and what about that is unique to homosexuality?
    I think it's a sin to commit homosexual acts, that's about it. As for stuff being immoral well that's all based upon status quo. If I woke up tomorrow and I was one of a few straight people left in the world then being straight could be considered immoral.

  9. #9

    Default

    I used to think that homosexuality was a choice. However this was before I realized I was asexual. I didn't base my view on fact. It was a "I am not I am not I am not..." type of reaction. For the longest time I thought I might have been gay. But after several days of self analysis and a bit of net surfing. I realized I was asexual. After that I had to do alot of revising on my views. After a while I realized I wasn't gay, maybe a tiny bit bi, But for 85% of the time I'm straight I just don't want sex. So sexuality not a choice.

  10. #10

    Default

    Well, as a gay person, I would like to add my brief

    When it comes to choosing, or creating an emotional/sexual response to someone - No, I doubt anyone can do that. No one sees another person, decides that person will appear attractive, decides they will then have a sexual response to that person, and THEN has those feelings. No, those sort of feelings and reactions are instinctual. Where those instincts come from is anybody's guess.

    On the other hand, we certainly DO choose to act on our feelings, to live openly, honestly out of the closet - which is what really bothers people who are bothered by that sort of thing.

    BUT, there is a larger, moral issue here that gets overlooked. If you start with the premise that it is not wrong or immoral to be gay, to have gay feelings, or to have gay sex, then whether or not it is a choice makes no difference. If it's not wrong, then it's not wrong to choose it, neither is it wrong to be born that way.

    Thus, I would LOVE to meet someone who has primarily heterosexual feelings but chooses to be gay as a simple matter of lifestyle choice. I would applaud such a person. Just like I used to not like single malt scotch, but I forced myself to drink it because I thought it was cool, and now I actually like it.

    Well, that wasn't brief after all. But I hope it was helpful.

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