Lovelylittlelove said:
So I have been on here for a while and just have not posted much. I am the significant other to a DL, but who has started exploring the AB side. When he first came out to me a couple of years ago, it took me a while to adjust- like it would with anyone. I was fine with the DL after a while and just wanted it to be that. I felt that the AB side would get in the way of our sex life and would make me feel uncomfortable. I point blank set boundaries. I felt that I gave him the freedom to do whatever he wanted when it came to diapers, as long as he respected my boundaries. So far, he has pretty much crossed every line possible. He keeps pushing me into more and I feel like I am detached now. I don't feel connected with him anymore. What put me through the line was watching him on his tumblr page. He took a video of himself doing a #2 in his diaper. That has been the biggest line for me and I said that to start off with. I said that I would be grossed out and that I would not want to be part of anything with him anymore. I told him that point blank also. I feel like the last couple weeks, our relationship is pretty shitty and we have nothing in common because most of his thoughts are not what they were. He is exploring more and becoming more into it. I can't even talk to him about it because I say one thing and he threatens that he isn't good enough for me and that I hate him and everything else you could think of. I know he is insecure and he just wants to feel comfortable.. but I also told him my boundaries and just feel like we aren't even dating anymore because of it. My heart sunk when I saw the video and I can't even bring it up because I get my head bit off... So I just don't say anything and I remain unhappy.
I feel like I have given so much. I have been changing him. I feel him or "check him" I am okay with him sleeping in onesies and having baby things.. but the video put me over the edge.
I don't know what to do anymore and I have nobody to turn to because it's a secret. So please. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I have been so accepting and understanding... But now I just feel like my thoughts don't matter.
Curious how its going for you. I know its been a while since you posted this I just found it but this Is my reponse.
Ditch him now. I wasted 10 yesrs of my life waiting to matter. My kids went to live with their dad because he consumed all of me.i am not blaming him it was all my fault. Everyone I have spoken to online about it says the same thing "he is so lucky to have you he should worship you kiss your feet." He was great to me and my girls. I was told everday how good I made him feel and noones ever done what I do. So after 10 years I left him, well our home, to repair my relationship with my children.
He said he was happy I left because he knew I hated keeping him like a baby and I deserved better and noone understands poor him. . I didnt hate it I loved making him happy I had fun trying new things. He didnt care at all about me. He needed a new mommy a new fantasy caretaker to play with.
He married his wife last September after 3 years together. He kept in touch with me of course and tells me how she wont participate at all with the abdl ..probably a lie. I didnt even know he had a girlfriend for 2 years because I loved him and would still meet up to "take care" of him. I did everything he asked.except bring other mommies in to participate to babysit my submissive sissy baby girl diaper lover.
He never loved me he loved what I did. I was threatened if I ever told anyone he knew about his diapers hed kill my family, not just me. He does not love his wife. He loves having as many mommies as he wants while she looks the other way, im sure he thinks because where is she going to go. Thats why he married her. He has no children of his own she none of her own and they none together. She and I are mid forties hes slightly younger just turned 40 and 6'4" smart good looking army ranger infantry soldier brave strong. Socially/financially he is way out of my league and soon as his actual mom started to dislike me he found himself, and Im not being mean intentionally, a 300lb girl that made his mom and 2 sisters happy and dont forget most importantly she allowes him to do as he pleases.
I am tryng to let him go. I AM LUCKY TO
HAVE MADE IT OUT. i feel sorry for his wife the end of our decade together were the first two years of their 3 yr relationship, honestly who knows how long theyve been together could have been a decade. Obviously it hurt. Id blame her call her everything under the sun..he never has defended her. Its hard to erase one who once made you feel like noone else on earth had ever made you feel. It is definately not her fault i know that knew it then, He waits for her to pass out at night then sneaks out and does who knows what. He tells me he has to pay to get taken care of. I cant say anything to her warn her. Hell she gets to be wife shes got a lomg road ahead. Im sure he did that when we were together and I hate who I have become. Hes a married man. Thank God not to me.
Ive finally stopped beating myself up and crying myself to sleep questioning why didnt he marry me? How did I let him get me here. How do I look at my girls and raise them to be strong women. Ive told him begged him to leave me alone. I cant keep living like this. As long as he is there I cant move on. I told him i fear growing old alone.. ive told him i want to die. I say if you ever cared for me leave me alone I cant take it.
His response to me is fine or just silence for maybe a day then he will send me a message like whatcha doing hows the girls. Id say for example send HIM a pic of my mowed lawn as my response.. Hed respond what would you do with me in thst field would i be wearing just diapers tell me who would see me ( this happened today after last night I old him i was leaving my patio dpor open in hopes someone breaks in and ends my life.
I RESPOND GO ASK YOUR WIFE and it starts again...he then will always follow up with she doesnt understand but YOU used to understand youre so good at it...he doesnt stop he never has. NOONE will ever be enough. I used to try to tell him I had another baby i take care of now that would shut him up for a min.
Id never do that.
That was only for him.
I would have done it the rest of my life. That was not enough.
I hope this is not your case.
I hope for you its something special you share together have fun with and you grow old together.
We used to joke maybe someday hed be changing my diapers! That was my fantasy growing old and loving each other no matter what.
But my fantasy nor I will ever matter. Ive never told anyone my story. Noone. I did however have about 40 different journals over the years..the first one pitched in the trash before starting the next just in case someome could have found it. Looking back now my life was hell
disguised in world ending soulmate love.
Xoxo
Mommy Crissy
