Finally Accepting My Incontinence

Hi everyone

I may finally be coming to terms with my incontinence and being in nappies 24/7. I know this may sound strange, but after 11 years I finally feel at peace with it.

Why has it taken so long? There are a couple of reasons why:

1. Firstly, nappies aren't a lifestyle choice for me - I wear them out of medical need. I have no problem with other people wearing nappies out of desire, but they have the luxury of going without a nappy if they want to, or if it's not practical. I don't have this option. As such, the permanence of the situation took a lot of getting used to.

2. Secondly, my incontinence fluctuates, but continues to worsen. It's caused by a long-term neurological illness that also affects the rest of my body as well, which is causing nerve damage to my bladder. I still have some control but I'm losing this slowly. However incontinence isn't a common symptom of my illness, so it took me ten years to get a diagnosis. For most of this time I was also having some serious anxiety about this issue as no-one could work out what was wrong with me and I didn't know if I was making this up. Over the summer, I had to order thicker nappies for everyday use, and I realised that the level of protection I would need was only going to increase as this worsens.

Anyhow...

Last week, I was working away from home in a different city, and I'd taken with me a pack of BetterDry. This is thicker than my regular nappy I wear for both day and night. I disclosed this to my employer as part of my disability, so I could get a wheelchair accessible hotel room and a mattress protector.

I woke up early one morning last week, and realised I was wetting my nappy, but unable to stop it. Normally this would make me feel nervous, but the BetterDry contained everything easily. And in a way it was comforting. And I was lying there in bed, wearing nothing but a nappy and a t-shirt, thinking "Is this really so bad? What am I afraid of?"

I was in a different city for work, wearing a much thicker nappy than usual. My employers knew about it but didn't mind, and nor do my family and close friends. I'd been able to arrange everything I needed in advance, so I had the right protection - and then some. So I had no need to worry about it.

I gently ran my fingers over the shell of the nappy that was wrapped around me in a hug. In addition to keeping me dry, it was also helping me stay more comfortable, giving me some much needed pain relief from chronic pain so bad it left me unable to walk very far. Considering the other illnesses I've faced and survived, this was easy to manage, and the treatment much less invasive.

And feeling warm, comforted and dry, I realised that I would never need to be afraid of my bladder issues again, no matter what happened.

I lay there in my wet nappy and smiled. Everything was going to be fine.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

Im HAPPY for you dear CONGRATS ! :thumbsup: We are al different on how well and how fast we are able to accept certain NOT so pleasant changes in life for some its quick (like me as in my case this isent even CLOSE to the worst thing i have had to deal with in my life ) but others needs time simple as that (in my case i bacikly have to prepare my self for whats seems to be whether i like too or not both Total Urine IC ,as well as (sigh ) Bed wetting i have TO many risk factors pointed in alredy to not have to count on this to happen :frown:

Just as youres my IC goes worse by the day im afraid :frown:

I’m very glad to hear that you are achieving acceptance and peace regarding your incontinence. Accepting diapers as part of the solution instead of part of the problem is an important achievement. So is discovery that a high-capacity diaper (such as BetterDry or ConfiDry 24/7) takes away the worry when you are in the midst of wetting. What a relief to just let the diaper do it’s job.

I am happy to hear another person is. I am fecal incontinent. I have been so for almost 16 years. It took me a long time to accept it, and be OKAY with it. My friends and family understand. I have been in diapers so long, that I have also become urinary incontinent as well. Since I don't hold back to pee for years, I have lost control. Either way... I wear Better Dry as well. Love them, but they are expensive, as I go thru a case every week.

Well, you beat me. It "only" took me about 10 years to come to terms with it. I started out as a DL, but then became urge incontinent from an auto wreck. I fought with my need for diapers because I had also wanted them and sort of felt guilty while questioning if I truly needed them.

I also use only high capacity diapers. My current go-to is Crinklz (same as betterdry, but with prints) And yeah, as a truly trustworth diaper they do great for eliminating any worry.

Me i use Molicare Super plus M. And i have done a test with the same amount /Layer as i have on me and it cleared 800 ML within say an hoer 300 ML X 2 and one 200 ML) with added pressure like i was laying in bed or sitting down. Without even starting to go down to the other layers so i would say yeah im safe as well as i cant even produce that amount /day (Of course i will have to ad PVC or PUL pants fore minor leeks from soaked diaper but still im safe i would say) And our version is NOT plastic backed i should ad.

It's all about learning to be comfortable where life leaves you sitting... most people don't choose to be stuck here, but those who are can resist it (it won't be pleasant and there is no guarantee they won't be back before too long) or you can embrace it... you can think of diapers like something a baby wears but that isn't helpful unless you are an adult baby... on the other side you can think of it like glasses, you might be able to get by without for a while but it will cause you some serious problems.

I Guess I am lucky it did not take me 10+ years to accept my diaper needs but once you reach the total acceptance point incontinence no longer seems to be that big of a deal. There are way more worse things thst can go wrong with our bodys then needing to be back in diapers as an adult.

I think my acceptance level bugged my new urologist as he was not able to recommend a different solution then me continuing managing my issue with diapers as I have been. (meds are out and really did not want to try a catheter setup.

Glad to hear you are at peace with your diapered needs and that you are managing it well emotionally as well. Being diapered does have some advantages especially when the only available bathroom close by is out of order or if you are atuckmin traffic I try to remind my self of some of the benefits so I do not dwell on the negatives of being back in diapers so far its worked

Hi guys

Thanks for all of your support.

I'm fully aware that worse things can happen to us, physically and mentally, from my own experiences, as I'm unable to walk very far because of my nerve pain. I never anticipated that the same illness would put me in nappies too, or that it would take me over 10 years to find out the two issues were linked. Had someone had told me this sooner, say when I was 20, it would have still been hard to deal with, but then I wouldn't have had to deal with so many years of doubt and fear about what was happening to me. But that's the nature of chronic illness and uncommon symptoms.

It doesn't matter now. I've spent enough time mourning for what I've lost. I still have a life in front of me. Hopefully the next few years of it will be happier and with fewer life-changing disabilities and incurable chronic illnesses, but I've learnt to hold my breath. Still, it's helped me gain a more positive sense of respect and appreciation for life. My nappies don't hold me back anymore, on the contrary they take me forward without having to worry about finding a toilet. And thanks to my wheelchair I always have somewhere comfortable to sit.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

Yes. It's all about making lemonade!

Dinotopian2002 said:

Hi guys

Thanks for all of your support.

I'm fully aware that worse things can happen to us, physically and mentally, from my own experiences, as I'm unable to walk very far because of my nerve pain. I never anticipated that the same illness would put me in nappies too, or that it would take me over 10 years to find out the two issues were linked. Had someone had told me this sooner, say when I was 20, it would have still been hard to deal with, but then I wouldn't have had to deal with so many years of doubt and fear about what was happening to me. But that's the nature of chronic illness and uncommon symptoms.

It doesn't matter now. I've spent enough time mourning for what I've lost. I still have a life in front of me. Hopefully the next few years of it will be happier and with fewer life-changing disabilities and incurable chronic illnesses, but I've learnt to hold my breath. Still, it's helped me gain a more positive sense of respect and appreciation for life. My nappies don't hold me back anymore, on the contrary they take me forward without having to worry about finding a toilet. And thanks to my wheelchair I always have somewhere comfortable to sit.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

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Hey, my problems are quite similar! Due to a bad car wreck, my entire nervous system took a bad hit (quite literally). Just on the neurological side, I too will have increasing pain in my leg and knees. I can go 10-15 of standing/walking before the pain is too much. I "had" urge incontinence as a result of that same wreck (which is also very much neurogenic), and even "had" a slowly worsening neurogenic sphincter blockage (when I'd send the signal to relax my sphincter to pee, but got involuntary spasms and tightening instead).

I also have a neurogenic cough where the nerves in my throat overreact to the natural amount of saliva and mucus that normally gets swallowed (usually without us thinking about it). Except for me, it feels like something is caught in my throat and I get an automatic cough reflex.

So to sum it up, my leg pain, incontinence, and even my cough are all linked. Just like yours.

I'm not at peace yet.... but I'm working on it

Yes it took me 6 months to accept it. Lets face it the diaper was an inconvenience. It took a couple of months to know where to change when at work and out and about. I wear a full brief so that is an issue as the tapes and plastic make noise when changing. But I have learned to deal with it. At this point if I was to be able to wear regular underwear it would be a bit uncomfortable.

Keep with it. Im ok with it and in some instances just find it to be a better choice as going to the bathroom every hour was a serious inconvenience. No long trips are easier as i can wear an overnight diaper and go for hours.

Excellent that you finally could accept yourself and now can be just the person you are. Please continue this way!

I’m still struggling with accepting my incontinence I’m diapered 24/7. Now I’m dealing with new issues glad you came to acceptance I’m still working on acceptance of my need for diapers

daylight said:

Yes. It's all about making lemonade!

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I guess you are right. I have an overactive bladder which was a real problem when I was working. There were times when I was working on something and would put off going to the bathroom only to end up having to rush to get there and most time just barely making it. There is medication but I don't like dealing with side effects, so I use it only when traveling since I don't have as much control as I would like over getting to a restroom. Since I have retired and I'm not traveling, I have just accepted my situation and don't care. I still like to take my 2 mile walk which I cannot complete without having to go. I just make sure I'm wearing pants or shorts that are really dark and make of quick drying material. When I get to the park which is the half way point and has no bathroom, I just let it out after seeing that no one is looking or no one else is in the park. After that, I continue with the second half of my walk and I'm dry by the time I get back. On my way back, after the first five minutes if someone passes me, they and see that I'm wet, but just in case, I usually have a sweat jacket or a t-shirt to hold in front of me. I feel that's a lot better than trying to make it all the way back, then having a huge accident just before I can get back. That actually happened once and I was delayed getting back because I had to wait until I was dry enough. My realization of my situation and knowing that there isn't a lot I can do about it makes me more calm now. I'm more relaxed and feel that if it happens, it happens. Most of the time when I'm out, there's usually a restroom around somewhere. If not, I usually find a way to get rid out it discreetly.

ipee2much said:

I guess you are right. I have an overactive bladder which was a real problem when I was working. There were times when I was working on something and would put off going to the bathroom only to end up having to rush to get there and most time just barely making it. There is medication but I don't like dealing with side effects, so I use it only when traveling since I don't have as much control as I would like over getting to a restroom. Since I have retired and I'm not traveling, I have just accepted my situation and don't care. I still like to take my 2 mile walk which I cannot complete without having to go. I just make sure I'm wearing pants or shorts that are really dark and make of quick drying material. When I get to the park which is the half way point and has no bathroom, I just let it out after seeing that no one is looking or no one else is in the park. After that, I continue with the second half of my walk and I'm dry by the time I get back. On my way back, after the first five minutes if someone passes me, they and see that I'm wet, but just in case, I usually have a sweat jacket or a t-shirt to hold in front of me. I feel that's a lot better than trying to make it all the way back, then having a huge accident just before I can get back. That actually happened once and I was delayed getting back because I had to wait until I was dry enough. My realization of my situation and knowing that there isn't a lot I can do about it makes me more calm now. I'm more relaxed and feel that if it happens, it happens. Most of the time when I'm out, there's usually a restroom around somewhere. If not, I usually find a way to get rid out it discreetly.

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I'm curious. Why do you puposely choose to wet your pants when it sounds like even a pullup would be enough to prevent that. And especially prevent anyone from noticing.

What is a pullup? I always make sure no one is noticing. If there are people around who can see me, I will start my walk back, letting the pee out gradually when I go through grassy areas, not on concrete, as that will leave a visible trail. Besides, I'm helping to water the grass. There are situations where it's better to purposely let it go. When I do my walk, I was always concerned about getting back in time to use the bathroom. I use to try getting to the park, which is the halfway point and getting back and then go to the bathroom. That was before I wised up. That was the time when I was getting back and was literally 20 steps from getting inside to use the bathroom when The pee came and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I had this tremendous gusher which I had no control over until I guess 90% was out. At that point, I just let the rest out as I wasn't going to get any wetter. I had to continue walking until I was dry enough to get inside. I don't worry about getting shoes wet because I live a barefoot lifestyle, wearing shoes rarely. It is better to purposely let it all go at the halfway point as now I have no worries about having another huge accident. This allows me to feel free. It works for me.

ipee2much said:

What is a pullup? I always make sure no one is noticing. If there are people around who can see me, I will start my walk back, letting the pee out gradually when I go through grassy areas, not on concrete, as that will leave a visible trail. Besides, I'm helping to water the grass. There are situations where it's better to purposely let it go. When I do my walk, I was always concerned about getting back in time to use the bathroom. I use to try getting to the park, which is the halfway point and getting back and then go to the bathroom. That was before I wised up. That was the time when I was getting back and was literally 20 steps from getting inside to use the bathroom when The pee came and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I had this tremendous gusher which I had no control over until I guess 90% was out. At that point, I just let the rest out as I wasn't going to get any wetter. I had to continue walking until I was dry enough to get inside. I don't worry about getting shoes wet because I live a barefoot lifestyle, wearing shoes rarely. It is better to purposely let it all go at the halfway point as now I have no worries about having another huge accident. This allows me to feel free. It works for me.

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Like I said, public urination is against the law. It is not better for you even if you like the feeling. You need to keep it to yourself, or at the very least contained by a diaper or pullup so it isn't public urination.

And how do you not know what a pullup is? Are you trolling?

Public urination is against the law but that refers to people who pull their pants down, open their zipper, or in the case of women pull their dress up and pee. It's unlikely to be arrested for peeing on yourself. If you stand up in from of people and let it go, yes. However, if you let it go discreetly and others around are unaware, then no, especially if there is no restroom available. The park I go to during my walk has no restroom. The pee is coming out whether I want it to or not. I prefer to have control over it as to when. I would rather discreetly let it out there than try making all the way back and having a gusher that others are sure to see. When that happened to me, I was just lucky that no one was watching at the time. When my gusher occurred, it didn't care if anyone was watching or not. That pee was coming out no matter what. I never asked for this problem but I do what I feel is best for me.