DprLuv85
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 236
- Role
- Diaper Lover
Hello everybody! I'm hoping the collective opinions and advice of the community can help me work through some changes to my feelings about being a DL. First a little history...
I've been a DL since...well a long time. I've basically had an interest in diapers since I got out of them when I was a toddler. I fit the stereotype of most DL's at that age; I stole diapers from relatives, I tried (unsuccessfully) to fashion make-shift diapers out of towels and plastic trash bags, and I just knew I wanted to wear diapers...wearing diapers made me feel funny. As I grew older, sometime around late middle school, I lost interest in diapers for a few years. I thought it was wrong to want to wear diapers for the fun of it, so I just kind of suppressed my feelings. Sometime in my freshman year of high school, during puberty, I discovered that the internet had unlimited content that a teenage boy would enjoy. I don't remember exactly what led me there; but somewhere along the way I discovered there are communities of people online that enjoyed wearing diapers. There was even pornography featuring women wearing and using diapers. I suddenly had flashbacks to when I was a young kid wanting to wear diapers. Could it be that I had the same attraction to diapers that the people online had? At this point is when I realized that I did indeed have a diaper fetish and I was a DL. Throughout the years since then, my DLism has progressed. Shortly before I got married I told my wife about my lifelong interest in diapers and she took it wonderfully...she now fully embraces my DL life and even happily participates. We have no kids (yet), so I'm free to wear anytime I want. So, now the reason for this post...
Before I told my wife, I would only wear when she wasn't around so I wouldn't get caught. If I was lucky that meant I got to wear a couple times a month. After I told her I was still a little embarrassed to wear around her, even though she supported me, so I would still only wear once every week or so. That was about 4 years ago now. I'm finding that I wear more and more; now I probably wear 3 or 4 times a week...sometimes more. I know for some of you, this really isn't much but for me it is a big leap. I just want to wear diapers every free chance I get. So here's my problem: the more often I wear diapers, the more shame, fear, and excitement I feel. The excitement is actually not a problem, and sometimes the feeling of shame itself can be exciting. However, most of the time it is not. The shame, I think, comes from the stigma of wearing diapers for pleasure...like I'm some kind of freak. The fear stems from becoming addicted or in some way dependent on the diapers. I've been a diaper lover for my entire life and I'm now 33. I've been a part of this online community for a large part of that...so I've seen related post and I know that everybody says that it's not shameful to wear diapers. I know that there's nothing wrong morally, legally, or otherwise with wanting to wear diapers; but I just can't seem to get past these feelings of regret when I wear more frequently. Interestingly, when I only wear once a week or so I don't have these feelings...it's only when I can't get diapers off my mind and I can't wait to get home from work to tape one on.
So, who can offer some advice on how to get past this? I want to not feel this way so I can get more enjoyment out of wearing diapers. I want to wear freely whenever I want and not feel like I'm doing an abnormal thing. Has anyone else felt this way?
I've been a DL since...well a long time. I've basically had an interest in diapers since I got out of them when I was a toddler. I fit the stereotype of most DL's at that age; I stole diapers from relatives, I tried (unsuccessfully) to fashion make-shift diapers out of towels and plastic trash bags, and I just knew I wanted to wear diapers...wearing diapers made me feel funny. As I grew older, sometime around late middle school, I lost interest in diapers for a few years. I thought it was wrong to want to wear diapers for the fun of it, so I just kind of suppressed my feelings. Sometime in my freshman year of high school, during puberty, I discovered that the internet had unlimited content that a teenage boy would enjoy. I don't remember exactly what led me there; but somewhere along the way I discovered there are communities of people online that enjoyed wearing diapers. There was even pornography featuring women wearing and using diapers. I suddenly had flashbacks to when I was a young kid wanting to wear diapers. Could it be that I had the same attraction to diapers that the people online had? At this point is when I realized that I did indeed have a diaper fetish and I was a DL. Throughout the years since then, my DLism has progressed. Shortly before I got married I told my wife about my lifelong interest in diapers and she took it wonderfully...she now fully embraces my DL life and even happily participates. We have no kids (yet), so I'm free to wear anytime I want. So, now the reason for this post...
Before I told my wife, I would only wear when she wasn't around so I wouldn't get caught. If I was lucky that meant I got to wear a couple times a month. After I told her I was still a little embarrassed to wear around her, even though she supported me, so I would still only wear once every week or so. That was about 4 years ago now. I'm finding that I wear more and more; now I probably wear 3 or 4 times a week...sometimes more. I know for some of you, this really isn't much but for me it is a big leap. I just want to wear diapers every free chance I get. So here's my problem: the more often I wear diapers, the more shame, fear, and excitement I feel. The excitement is actually not a problem, and sometimes the feeling of shame itself can be exciting. However, most of the time it is not. The shame, I think, comes from the stigma of wearing diapers for pleasure...like I'm some kind of freak. The fear stems from becoming addicted or in some way dependent on the diapers. I've been a diaper lover for my entire life and I'm now 33. I've been a part of this online community for a large part of that...so I've seen related post and I know that everybody says that it's not shameful to wear diapers. I know that there's nothing wrong morally, legally, or otherwise with wanting to wear diapers; but I just can't seem to get past these feelings of regret when I wear more frequently. Interestingly, when I only wear once a week or so I don't have these feelings...it's only when I can't get diapers off my mind and I can't wait to get home from work to tape one on.
So, who can offer some advice on how to get past this? I want to not feel this way so I can get more enjoyment out of wearing diapers. I want to wear freely whenever I want and not feel like I'm doing an abnormal thing. Has anyone else felt this way?