My Boyfriend

My boyfriend saw I was wearing a diaper when I went on our fifth date four days ago. I leaned over, I guess he saw the back. He asked, and I told him that I wear them because I’m incontinent, both urinary and fecal. He told me that he is a dom and likes littles, so when I told him I am a little, we were both very excited. However, he started to move really fast. He bought me a new type of babyish diapers that he likes, and he keeps referring to himself as daddy. He also checks my diaper every five minutes. While I’m little, it’s fun, but when I’m not, it’s demeaning. How do I deal with this shift in our relationship? I have a very submissive personality, so I’m scared to do anything serious, and this is my first relationship due to my autism.

What you need to do is to inform him about how YOU feel reg al this Nate dear . If you think things go to fast you need to tell him this dear . you shouldent feel you have no choice then to go along with al this just because he`s a Dom and youre a sub Nate . it HAS to be a MUTUAL agreement between the two of you how this relationship is going to work Nate. I trust he is alredy familiar with youre Autism ? and as shush he shouldent have any problems in slowing down for you

you have to discus boundaries, explain you are excited to add this dynamic to the relationship however there are times that you don't want to be treated this way, if he really cares about you he will understand

rennecfox said:

you have to disgust boundaries, explain you are excited to add this dynamic to the relationship however there are times that you don't want to be treated this way, if he really cares about you he will understand

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This is exactly what I was going to say. You may even have to write up something for him, like a contract. That should get your point across. I would be annoyed if someone was checking my diaper every 5 minutes.

Unfortunately you are going to have to put aside your "very submissive personality" and do what the others have said - sit your BF down and tell him he is going too fast for you.

There are other transgender autistic folks struggling with incontinence?!

For me, the only way I can have the kind of talk you're about to have with your sweetie is to have it sooner than later. If you are like me and let your desire to remain pleasant keep you from sharing your feelings, then the irritating feelings will build up over time, until you have some petty argument over something else and it just comes out, brutally. I'd get it over now, when the problem hasn't been galling you for a couple of years. YMMV.

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This could very easily tip over into an abusive relationship if you don’t set out boundaries right away. And even after having that talk be prepared to get out at the first sign of trouble.

Hi TransNate

You need to be honest with him about how you feel. He needs to know that there is a time and a place for dom/submissive activities, and only with your permission.
I appreciate that you enjoy this side of your relationship but it can't take over everything else. You have to set boundaries and let him know when you're feeling little and when you're feeling big. He needs to know that you wear diapers for medical reasons and unlike other submissives, you can't come out of them when you want to be big.

Don't be afraid of speaking up for yourself. If you boyfriend truly cares about you then he will listen. And keep checking in on things with him - these activities have to be consensual or it becomes abusive.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

AutisticExtrovert said:

There are other transgender autistic folks struggling with incontinence?!

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Me too!

Yay! Although I am old (I transitioned in the late 80s/early 90s), worn out, and live in an autistic colony/farm in the hinterlands of Oregon, perhaps further conversation will allow us the basis of a friendship? FYI, I am not always super-verbal in RL, I can always type to folks on the internet!

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You both have to talk about limits. You both want to equally enjoy the relationship.

Seasonedcitizen said:

You both have to talk about limits. You both want to equally enjoy the relationship.

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Damn it you beat me to it. But I do agree with Seasonedcitizen. Maybe take more time to get to know your boyfriend.