Feeling Kind of Angry with Myself...

Here it is, Thursday morning, and I'm still in bed. I told myself yesterday that today I would wear underwear. Well today I want nothing to do with underwear.

I feel frustrated. I'll be upset if I take off my diaper and put on underwear, but I'm already upset that I can't muster up the courage to wear the damn underwear. It's like... why do I have to be like this? Why am I so mentally messed up? I guess I'm so messed up on the inside, so scared of loss and abandonment, that I just can't part with my diaper. I can feel my therapist's disappointment already. And it's a habit I don't really have the money for.

i can relate to how you are feeling. wearing diapers for me, keeps me centered and able to function better. i woke up this morning not wanting to take my diaper off. so guess what i did. i wore two diapers to the store. i think if i could i would wear diapers all the time. i dont think its being "mentally messed up" at all. i think everyone has that something that helps them stay centered and focused. for us its diapers or a plush or a blanket. it is hard to stay away from the things we need and it can be midigated over time. or just have to embrace the suck. which is not fun.

And a further clarification: this isn't a binge/purge thing, or a lack of self-acceptance. It's just I wish... that maybe I didn't have so much negative energy fueling such a strong attachment to diapers.

Maybe if the EMDR my therapist plans to do on me helps me process my trauma, I won't need diapers as a coping mechanism so much.

But I know how she praised me about starting to switch back to underwear, telling me it was awesome, and now I just continue to regress.

KimbaWolfNagihiko said:

And a further clarification: this isn't a binge/purge thing, or a lack of self-acceptance. It's just I wish... that maybe I didn't have so much negative energy fueling such a strong attachment to diapers.

Maybe if the EMDR my therapist plans to do on me helps me process my trauma, I won't need diapers as a coping mechanism so much.

But I know how she praised me about starting to switch back to underwear, telling me it was awesome, and now I just continue to regress.

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Hey friend.

Don't feel so bad with yourself. Don't be so tough on yourself. If you feel you're not emotionally ready to give up diapers, then don't. Just try to relax and remember that everybody get ready at their own pace. I imagine it must be very tough to feel that way, but here you are loved and understood. So keep it together. You'll be fine.

Love, Henry