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Thread: Did any of your parents seem to change in personality when you became an adult?

  1. #1

    Default Did any of your parents seem to change in personality when you became an adult?

    I don't know if it's just my mother or if this is normal for parents.But since my late twenties I have noticed a change in my mother's attitude. She gets so defensive, she will also twist things or take whatI say the wrong way. Here are some examples:

    I was once talking to my mother a few years ago and I told her how most people will compare things to Hitler and my mom took offense to that. I told her this is true because that is what people actually do so that is why Goodwin's Law was invented. She then told me "When you say say most people, that implies me and I don't do that" I told her "Then you are not most people then" and she was still adamant she was most people after I had told her she isn't most people then if she doesn't do that. It used to be she would just listen to my words and move on like "oh okay." It was like she was looking to be offending because dude, why are you making yourself most people? If someone had said lot of Americans are fat and eat unhealthy, I am not going to take offense to that because I am not fat and I am not lot of Americans and I don't eat lot of fast food or TV dinners and I don't buy sweets or junk food often and I don't buy chips. So I am not going to put myself into a group of Lot of Americans and get offended because I am not fat and don't eat lot of garbage. But that is what my mom was doing which I found so bizarre. If someone said lot of people are bad drivers, I wonder if she will take offense to that lol or narrow it down to "many people in Portland are bad drivers."

    Another example:

    I told her about the word antisocial and what it actually meant when she said my husband was anti social. I told her what the word implies and she accused me of twisting her words. I told her I was not and I was telling her what the word meant. Then she told me to look the word up and we will see who here is wrong. I knew she was probably saying that as a challenge but I decided to just take her word literal and actually look the word up lol. So I got online and typed it in and got antisocial personality disorder and showed it to my mother. But she wouldn't accept defeat so she told me to look up the definition of anti social alone so I did and we both looked at the google given definition and I accepted defeat and said "okay, I guess people online were wrong then about the word." Here was the definition Google gave for anti social:

    1. not sociable; not wanting the company of others.

    She was not always like this until I got to my late twenties. It used to be I could share anything with her and then it would turn into a discussion so I can learn something online how people think and share it with her and she will get upset and defensive and start cursing at me saying "I don't give a fuck what other people think, that is just their opinion."

    I bet I could tell her "Did you know there are people out there who think when you say medical facts about obesity, they call it fat shaming? And they think it's a guise people use to bully them and put them down" I bet she will twist it and start acting like I accused her of such when all I did was shared something with her I find interesting because of crazy people out there. Instead of going "Oh my god, are you serious, people really think that way?" or "That isn't anything new, I have always known that, people have different opinions even if they are bull or twisted." But instead it has to be her being defensive and it makes me not really want to talk to her at all or even be around her. We used to do lot of stuff together as ladies and I would talk to her about anything but it has come to a point now I have limited my communication with her and I feel I can't even talk to her like normal anymore without her getting pissed off or defensive or acting like I am accusing her of anything when all I was doing was sharing something I have learned with her.

    I am sure my mom has always been this way but because I am an adult now, she has dropped her mother personality and then became her true self with me than readjusting herself with me growing up. I wonder how she even functions if she is like this? I don't want to deal with these people or be around them.

    Has anyone's moms or dads changed in your adulthood?

  2. #2


    My parents are long gone however, my partner/roommate is a different person now than when we met. I feel like Ive stayed the same but maybe I’m not a good judge.
    Last edited by drawer; 12-Oct-2018 at 13:27.

  3. #3


    My mom especially changed, but in a good way. She treated me like the adult I had become. I was living on my own, had the job of my dreams and earning a living wage. She respected me for accomplishing my goals, something that is an adult thing to do. She was very supportive when I got married and she gave us the down payment for our first house, which back in the day, was just a thousand dollars. She not only loved me, but she loved my wife, and later our son who she got to hold a few months before she died of cancer. I still think fondly of her.

    My dad grew gradually to accept me an an emerging adult. We used to go sailing together when I was in high school and that enabled us to build a more adult relationship.

  4. #4


    As far as I've been going here, my parents have not changed. In fact, they still want to teach me stuff that I already know about, both from self-teaching and educated by school. I do want to tell them that I am old enough to figure that stuff out on my own now, but I'm not sure if they'll be happy or not. Most likely as parents they won't be happy about it.

  5. #5


    Yes my changed.

    She gets a lot madder at me know because I do not play her little games (passive aggressive) and now that my brothers have caught on she is even more so at playing the "victim" since nobody will put up with the "Sh**"!

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