Got owned by my wife.

Had a recent discussion with my wife about my DL side. As this is a "wear when she is not around" situation, I was trying to talk to her a little more and trying to figure out why she needs this space between her and my DL side.

We talked for a while before she told me that as I'm not in a medical need of diapers, she cant get why I choose to wear them. They are not for free and I should be able to choose not to wear them. She referred to the time she choosed to quit smoking, even though she feels the urge to smoke from time to time.

Even though smoking and wearing diapers are different things conserning health. I did not find any further arguments to her point and ended it there, feeling I got owned bigtime.

Its only been a short time since i told her, but have anyone managed to turn your wife/husband to beeing more positive for you to just wear around them (not participateing.) Im not expexting her to charge her mind in the near future, but im afraid she will never charge her mind.

I'm not married, but as far as I know, there are a couple links that you can read and give to your wife to read. They are supposed to be good tools for helping your wife to understand.

I, unfortunately, am unsure of what the websites are. Hopefully someone else can link them here. I'd like to give them a read too.

Good luck!

You didn't get owned. You said so yourself, it doesn't harm you like smoking does. So now that being said it is now incomparable to smoking. It's in fact more like how you like any other interest like a sport such as tennis. You'll need to buy balls, racquet, pay for court usage each week (these are your diaper costs).

But now here is the real question...why do you like tennis? Like seriously why? I could find millions of people out there that absolutely loathe tennis. They hate to watch it, hate to play it. Yet you like it...why? What makes your positive reasons for playing tennis correct and the negative reasons others have incorrect?...Can't answer? Well that's because they are both correct.

Each individual likes and dislikes different things and we are free to do so as long as it doesn't harm others. Yours as with me happens to be diapers. And that is perfectly OK.

I don't see the urge as coming from habit, although I suppose over time that could also be a factor. I had an urge that came to me before I ever wore. It started as a young child and resurfaced in varying strengths from time to time. I think this is different from habits I have acquired or cultivated.

In any event, it's a harmless quirk. I hope your wife can get on the same page with you because it's hard to have the person who is supposed to have your back judging your desires.

You can't change her mind. Most of us don't understand why we have this urge, we can't expect others to understand why. She has to come to acceptance on her own terms. At least she allows you to wear on your own.

Tobacco and diapers have some things in common, they're a psychological and habitual thing. But they have some important differences: diapers aren't chemically addictive, are cheaper, don't directly harm those around you, and aren't a big health hazard to the user. I don't think that's a very fair comparison.

If she wants to go that route though, change her comparison to say, recreational cigar smoking, which is a lot closer of a comparison. Done for relaxation and recreation instead of chemical dependence, cheaper, less frequent, and not affecting the public.

It's easy to see there are many more reasons to give up a pack-a-day addition to cancer sticks than an after-dinner cigar.

Or find some other comparison, any club (bridge club etc) she belongs to, any organization she's a member of that pays dues, anything that she collects like hummels or stamps or beanie babies etc. Those are all closer examples that she may be able to more easily understand why you don't want to give up your diapers.

But as mentioned above, accept that it may simply not be possible to change her point of view on this.

A better comparison might be diapers to pricey food, or going to the movies. They are both not medically necessary, but give some kind of enjoyment that the person feels is worth the cost. It's pretty shallow for a person to dismiss someone's pursuits as frivolous merely because there are different than one's own pursuits. It's unprincipled.

im afraid she will never charge her mind.

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These are things you should discuss before marrying someone, when everyone's options are still open.

Thank you for your support. Dont know what I would do without you I'm afraid youre right that she will never change her mind, but I will continue working on it and takeing baby steps going forward. I still think its possible, but I tend to get stuck when we talk about it. Reading your feedback and other posts helps alot. I think I just needed someone telling me what I was actually trying to espress

Perhaps “changing her mind” would be less threatening as “helping her see it is no harm”. The cost is there but everything has a cost. So a cost benefit analysis is in order. Anxiety meds vs diapers. Cost, side effects, positives and negatives.

I took canes and twintillex (spelling) for a couple years and just got worse. I have been in pull-ups for 3 months and am getting less anxious and depressed by the week.

All of us have different reasons for our diapers but we all gain something from it and in comparison to other things this is harmless and safe and wonderful.

Maybe you can’t change her mind. May we you can gain her suppprt

Agomma said:

Had a recent discussion with my wife about my DL side. As this is a "wear when she is not around" situation, I was trying to talk to her a little more and trying to figure out why she needs this space between her and my DL side.

We talked for a while before she told me that as I'm not in a medical need of diapers, she cant get why I choose to wear them. They are not for free and I should be able to choose not to wear them. She referred to the time she choosed to quit smoking, even though she feels the urge to smoke from time to time.

Even though smoking and wearing diapers are different things conserning health. I did not find any further arguments to her point and ended it there, feeling I got owned bigtime.

Its only been a short time since i told her, but have anyone managed to turn your wife/husband to beeing more positive for you to just wear around them (not participateing.) Im not expexting her to charge her mind in the near future, but im afraid she will never charge her mind.

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No, being dl is not habitual in the least, and you were no "owned". We don't "choose", we are inexorably compelled towards wearing (and using) them. The association between being dl and a smoker is way off. It's closer to compare being gay and a dl. Again, this is not something we choose, it is who we are. And by her denying your dl side she is literally denying a part of you.

DL is not the same as smoking (which is a choice and then an addiction), I've likened it to other aspects of people's sexuality like being gay, or liking brunettes, or any of the many other things considered perfectly normal and just kinda built-in from birth by whatever mechanism.

You can't change liking diapers any more than your wife could change her favourite food or which hollywood actor she'd most like to jump.

This is a great place to start with help/advice and a very good podcast for ABDLS and their partners: https://www.thelittlelounge.com

Youre right, and I know the association was off. I will keep working on it Rubberjin; the link you gave me was a lifesaver! Im going to be spending many hours there

Whatever you do with future communication with her, just do it slow and in small steps. I find pushing or pressure just makes it worse. I still need to hide my usage, but once in awhile she just deals with it. Good luck.

Barnboy said:

Whatever you do with future communication with her, just do it slow and in small steps. I find pushing or pressure just makes it worse. I still need to hide my usage, but once in awhile she just deals with it. Good luck.

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God advice! Perhaps I'm pushing it to much. And yeah, seems like we are in the same boat for now. I think she might understand this better if she does some research. I asked if she would listen to some of the topics on the podcast linked above yesterday, and I think that was one step in some right direction.

My wife has been tolarence of my desire to wear diapers from our very first date. She has never really understood why I love wearing diapers. After a couple of years of being married she started insisting I wear diapers all the time, so I did and I would wet my diapers every time, this went on until I had lost control of when I wet my diapers and my wife seemed pleased with the results.
Than one day I decide to crap my diaper, that was frowned apond by the wife, she wanted to know why I did it, I said I wanted to see what it was like. She asked if I liked how it felt, I said it felt natural and I liked how my diaper felt after pooping in it, she asked if I was ever going to poop my diapers again, I answered only if you say I can, her reply was unexpected, she just said well get used to it cause as of now you will be pissing and shitting in your diapers, I said ok if that’s what it takes to make you happy than I will do it.
To this day I still piss and shit my diapers, haven’t used a toilet in years.

SweetPrincess said:

You didn't get owned. You said so yourself, it doesn't harm you like smoking does. So now that being said it is now incomparable to smoking. It's in fact more like how you like any other interest like a sport such as tennis. You'll need to buy balls, racquet, pay for court usage each week (these are your diaper costs).

But now here is the real question...why do you like tennis? Like seriously why? I could find millions of people out there that absolutely loathe tennis. They hate to watch it, hate to play it. Yet you like it...why? What makes your positive reasons for playing tennis correct and the negative reasons others have incorrect?...Can't answer? Well that's because they are both correct.

Each individual likes and dislikes different things and we are free to do so as long as it doesn't harm others. Yours as with me happens to be diapers. And that is perfectly OK.

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I love this.

Agomma said:

Had a recent discussion with my wife about my DL side. As this is a "wear when she is not around" situation, I was trying to talk to her a little more and trying to figure out why she needs this space between her and my DL side.

We talked for a while before she told me that as I'm not in a medical need of diapers, she cant get why I choose to wear them. They are not for free and I should be able to choose not to wear them. She referred to the time she choosed to quit smoking, even though she feels the urge to smoke from time to time.

Even though smoking and wearing diapers are different things conserning health. I did not find any further arguments to her point and ended it there, feeling I got owned bigtime.

Its only been a short time since i told her, but have anyone managed to turn your wife/husband to beeing more positive for you to just wear around them (not participateing.) Im not expexting her to charge her mind in the near future, but im afraid she will never charge her mind.

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O.P., may I tell you what I'd say?

"You, wife, do not have a blood sugar low currently threatening your life, therefore, you have no medical need for that chocolate cake! It's not free, and you should choose not to eat it! It's better than Midol, or Prozac? Why should that matter!? I don't understand your need for that! How could you want to be near me, and eat that!? It's disgusting! The only needs are medical ones! Give me the chocolate cake!"

Take it, render it inedible, and throw it in the garbage.

"Damn it, husband! I'm grown! I'm entitled to a slice of cake, every now and then. My money went to pay for it. You can't stop me!"

"Really, wife? Then, I'm entitled to a diaper every now and then, just because it's good."

"You, wife, are not threatening to end your life, because I won't hug you, and be a good husband, and help you regain composure, and self-control, when you're upset, therefore, you have no medical need for me to do it. Therefore, I don't understand it, and, as such, I choose to be an unsupportive mucwad, and I won't! What do you mean it's my job!? So what if I made vows!? Oh, it's how you know I love you? I don't care! It's repulsive! The only needs are medical ones! I am, however, aware of a fellow ABDL, who had his life saved, because, his wife, who understands it's his, 'love language,' said, 'No, you're not, 'going for a walk,' alone, in the woods, with your hunting rifle. We're going to go home, get you diapered, put your footed pajamas on, and watch a movie. I love you so much! That's why I'm also calling your psychologist.'"

Any time she does anything to calm herself, or, to enjoy herself, say, "You know that's not free? You know there's no medical need for joy?"

Hell, anytime she needs a damn thing from you, say, "Nope, you have no medical need for that."

She'll get it pretty darn quickly!

She, first, needs to understand that it's literally how you know you're loved, and, that she called your, "love language," repulsive, and, that's why it hurts so much.

If she's too silly to understand that rips your heart out, you need to tell her. She may even understand, by the end of you mirroring her misbehavior, how lack of diapers could even lead you to medical need for antidepressants. You wearing a diaper hurts no one, provided you don't let your muscles weaken, or, you aren't wasting 16 hours a day looking at diapers, to make up for an inability to wear, but, you not wearing a diaper hurts you, in the long run, because of how your love map is wired. It's not your fault, and has been there since your formative years.

lonnie said:

her reply was unexpected, she just said well get used to it cause as of now you will be pissing and shitting in your diapers, I said ok if that’s what it takes to make you happy than I will do it.
To this day I still piss and shit my diapers, haven’t used a toilet in years.

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OMG - that is so amazing if you are for real! I agree, if you don't understand, it is very hard to get past the societal directives - but as Lonnie experienced - you never know what will happen unless you try!

SpAzpieSweeTot: Thanks, thats more or less probably what I wanted to tell her. However I think communicating this to her in a way that's always trying to make a point, will lead to a huge fight in the end and nothing good out of it. I think I need to find a moment where this comes back as a subject and camly excamplify the things you have mentioned to her comment. Remember, I want her on my "team" and I dont think I will get there by pressing any buttons. Your points are very helpfull, and I will most likely use them when the time comes.

Lonnie: glad to hear that you freely can do what you like without limits. Did you need to compromise at all in the beginning? Did you talk about it alot? Did she do some research her self before she opend more up? Did you need to convince her in anything?

Agomma, sorry I went, "Mama Bear," on you.

I just understand how you feel. Feel free to tone my advice down some. You probably won't have to take it as far as my examples did. If she's a decent human being, the moment she realizes she essentially attacked you as a person, she'll apologize, and wish she could take it back.

Ask yourself what her love language is. Establish that. When you're sure what the little things are that let her know you love her, ask her how she'd feel if those little things grossed you out.

The chocolate cake analogy works, too, albeit with a lot less anger. Help her understand that you know it's cheaper than Midol, when she's on her period, and you know that hurts. It's okay. We need chocolate to live through that week of our lives. You get that. You know that hurts. If she needs chocolate, she needs it. You trust her not to get addicted to food. Though she could, you know she won't. Gotta eat to live. Love is also a need. Did you know if babies aren't loved and nurtured, they don't grow correctly? Humans need love. Simple as that.

Also, I knew I was a big baby, by the time I was 5 or so. Children don't spontaneously addict themselves to anything. This isn't an addiction. I have heard people say, "I didn't know what to call it, but, I knew I was gay by the time I was____"

Feels like me.