new to IC and this forum

hey there,

Due to an operation I've had recently I've become urine incontent. For the experts on this forum: it's called neurogenic spastic bladder. Urodynamic testing showed my bladder gives in at max. 200 ml. I do have some sensation so i can hold in at first urge (pelvic muscles of steel, yeah!), but then I need to find a toilet like 3 seconds ago.
I already had interstitial cystitis and during flare ups in the past I used to experience some leaks as well, mostly at night. But the pull ups (always discreet and depend silhouettes, because they come in black) I used for that are not enough for what I am experiencing now.

It makes me feel awful having to put on the adult diapers, but I need to have te leakage under control before I start working again. And wearing the pull ups to work is not an option (having to take of my shoes and panty-hose 2-3 times is just not something I find practical. I do this at home but when I get back to business meeting this won't do). I find the bigger pull up style pants do not fit me right, I'm in between an S and M and neither fits as it should. So stepping over my embarrassment, I've tried abena M0, Tena slip plus and absorin T-flex. The last one actually fitted OK, and did the job. Tonight I'm trying the absorin slip day/night. Then I'm basically trough all the samples the nurse gave me and I should probably order a package

I'll look in to older forum post for tips on how to get used to this situation, and might ask for some moral support. I'm not stressed out easily and tend to cope with humor, but it's tough being a mom, wife, business woman in her late thirties and having to wear diapers. I have shed some tears over this and I'm sure more will follow. But I guess that's life.

thank you for reading and for being here.

B.

Hello Busylady and welcome to the group.

Very informative introduction.

Egor

Hi busyLady and welcome to the group,
becoming accustomed to being bladder incontinent is a life-changing moment. I have had some form of bladder incontinence since birth but at 63 and due to spinal and nerve damage am now totally bladder incontinent and have to wear disposables nappies 24/7. Also if i go out of the house I wear waterproof pants and a plain coloured onesie so a very wet nappy doesn't sag. You will have to make some changes to your lifestyle, this may include having to carry a small changing bag with you withthings like clean nappies, wet wipes etc in it also some ziplock bags just in case you can't dispose of a used nappy. Fortunately for you youhave a small output so a disposable will hold two or morre accidents. I personally use Abena L4's although the NHS provide me with depends, I find the depends are not very good if I'm out of the house. Consider getting a washable waterproof pad for the bed and place it on top of the sheet, not underneath it. that way if you are a restless sleeper and leak your bed will be protected. you don't mention if you have a partner, unfortunately if you do intamacy can be a problem for some people. for more help have a look at the forum for the incontinence group.

thank you @egor and @PCBaby for your reply and advice.
At the moment, despite having to get used to the situation, I'm happy that I still have some control. When at home I try out what works for me and simulate a working situation. I've noticed that if I go to the toilet every hour, I almost have no leaks at all. But I know that in the office ones every 2 hours is more feasible, and 4 hours occur as well. Since I had interstitial cystitis, my management assistant knows that I like some time in between meetings, she's a sweatheart and makes sure to plan some extra time when travelling as well. That reminds me, I'll have to see how the driving goes... shouldn't be different than just sitting down?

So even though the pullups don't do it because of the size, I can wear something thin and wear high waisted shorts over it. I can take 2 changes with me in my regular bag, and maybe put a spare in my laptop bag. The biggest adjustment for me is a mental one, the incontinence is just a bodily disfunction and it does not define me. I know that rationally, but emotionally I'm quite a wreck...

But...i do like nice lingerie, and I'm not giving up on that either. I hope. If I stay close to the toilet I can manage without any leaks. So I know I will still have moments when I can wear my "normal" (what is normal, or what WAS normal anyway) lingerie. Not that the incontenince material (i still hate to call it a diaper,) bothers my husband, he still thinks I'm hot and considers it to be underwear. I kind off frose when his hands first touched my crotch while I was wearing an always discreet but he was very relaxed about it, he knew it was there and his hands went there anyways. So, since the operation we have been intimate, and there has only been a small leak during. As long as I go to the toilet beforehand it won't be bad. I havent thought about protective sheets yet, I'm not sure if I need it. The bigger slip for the night seems to work fine. I do wake up when voiding, and at first I tried to cinch and run for the bathroom anyways, only to find that you don't remove a slip that easily. I've got a lot to learn and try (what if it's hot wheather and I need to drink more? what if I drink wine with diner? so many questions!)

the fun part is, I have a reason to buy some new dresses and skirts. <3

yeah the truth is diapers you get in grocery stores aren't going to cut it alone without some "hacking" (incontinence pads inside the brief or some other absorbent booster) If you're looking to get something else you haven't tried, tranquility atns, confidrys probably could get you through the day (warning they start thick and will only get thicker as the day goes on) to deal with getting used to it, its best to have your mind on something other then your underwear. Think of it like glasses, they let you get done what you need to do

thank you, I think I have seen the tranquility brand on Amazon, not sure if they're sold in Germany. But I wouldn't mind the shipping, as I had the costs before as well for the black Depends, those are nowhere to be found in Europe

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PCBaby said:

Consider getting a washable waterproof pad for the bed .

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I don't think I will need that, or I hope!

Welcome to the form,

Retail brand diapers are not great as they are not very absorbant and will leak way to often, ordering online alows you to order more premium diapers that you can trust to do thier job. I currently wear Betterdry Diapers 24/7 as they have proven to work and I can trust them to manage my bladder and occasional bowel movment. try a few samples from the following brands to find what fits you best and works the best for you

Betterdry
Confidry 24/7
Forsite AM/PM
NorthShore Supremes

once you find a diaper you can trust dealing with incontinence issues becomes easy

busylady said:

thank you, I think I have seen the tranquility brand on Amazon, not sure if they're sold in Germany. But I wouldn't mind the shipping, as I had the costs before as well for the black Depends, those are nowhere to be found in Europe

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I don't think I will need that, or I hope!

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.

I don't NEED one, but it's an extra layer of security and if I do leak I don't run the risk of ruining a mtteress or having a lot more laundry to do. The one i use is UK sourced but you can see the specs at:- https://www.incontinencechoice.co.u...pad-90x90cm-without-tuck-in-flaps-2000ml.html

thank you for the information!

I can't remember if I posted this or not. German site for people with incontinence. https://www.deutschland-inkontinenz.de/mag/en/home.php

Hello Busy,
Welcome to the :grouphug:

Hi busy lady and welcome

thanks!

Welcome! I'm sure there's plenty of women your age in diapers, they just keep it well hidden... nothing to be ashamed of, it's just another kind of underwear, as your husband clearly appreciates!

I wonder why, if there are many of my age wearing diapers, I couldn't name one. The only ones I know of having a form of incontinence, mostly after giving birth or when laughing hard, get by with pads

On the other hand, I'm not keen on advertising there's a bug in my code either. So guilty of keeping it a secret I guess. Happy to have this forum to be able to ask for advice

Hi BusyLady, yes postnatal women can have problems due to weakened pelvic floor muscles, but that is easily corrected. Incontinence however is not something you discuss with your neighbours especially if you have to wear nappies as most people see this as rather odd in a person of any age that seems not to be very disabled or very old. People tend to associate nappies with babies and toddlers or with people in hospital or nursing homes.
Things are getting slightly better in so much as we are now seeing ads for things like the pull up's for ladies, but again that is really only for leaks, not incontinence. In Japam and Korea and I believe in the US, depends did an advertising campaign called Diaper day where people who knew someone with incontinence were asked to show support by openly weraing a nappy to work, school etc, unfortunately i can't find the youtube link atm. Incontinence in the general population is something we should be speaking out about it. World wide the prevalence of adults with incontinenveis anywhere from 10% to 17% of the population. That is a lot of adults dealing and usually hiding their problems.
I have one friend that if i told him I was incontinent he would stop seeing me. Such is the reaction of some people.

Drinking wine won't make a difference, but as daft as this sounds you do need to keep your fluid intake up. I know that sounds like just the opposite of what someone with bladder incontinence should do, but if you don't stay hydrated, the liver and kidneys start to hold back water, your urine becomes more concentrated which irritates the bladder and can lead too more wetting accidents. It can also lead to bladder and kidney infections. There is no need to feel ashamed about wearing a slip nor is there any reason to give up on your lingerie as well as nice dresses and even casual trousers (depending on the type of slip you use - some like the Abena (abri-form) m and l series are very absorbant they are also very discreet under clothing.

Yes I know exactly what you mean by the mental attitude, it took me a long time to adapt mentally but now for me they are just my regular underwear, they just take more time to put on than my underpants and need changing more often. Whilst I am not suggesting that you should do this. I got into being an Adult baby to help me cope with the feelings that wearing slips 24/7 aroused. mostly shame and guilt.

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abuse by both my parents and when I had a wetting accident, my mother would stand me on newspaper and then strip me at arms lenght, all the time telling me what a dirty little boy I was and when i first had to start wearing 24/7 all i could here was my mother's taunting voice. You will adapt and get used to them in time. sometime you may not want to be intimate with your husband because of they way you feel and that is a conversation you need to have. I was lucky in that my late wife was a Nurse and just accepted the fact it was a part of me.

But you are not "odd" or a "freak" or a "baby" you have a medical problem and wearing slips helps that in the same way that taking paracetamol for a heaqdache helps.

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one other thing, this forum is really just for new members, this would be better carried on in the Incontinence forum.

Hi Busylady,

Welcome!

busylady said:

I wonder why, if there are many of my age wearing diapers, I couldn't name one. The only ones I know of having a form of incontinence, mostly after giving birth or when laughing hard, get by with pads

On the other hand, I'm not keen on advertising there's a bug in my code either. So guilty of keeping it a secret I guess. Happy to have this forum to be able to ask for advice

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Yeah, most people will keep it quiet and you don't normally notice the diapers under people's clothes!