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Thread: How to Find a Mommy?

  1. #31

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbmccue View Post
    I actually found the conversation pretty easy. The CNA I mentioned had already heard of ABs. With someone who was unfamiliar, I always started by telling them that acting and being treated like a toddler helped me relax, which is perfectly true.

    I then asked her what she did to relax. You wouldn’t believe some of the answers I got!

    As far as feeling like “a complete fool,” that only lasts for the first few minutes until you really get into little space. Once you’re acting like a toddler, you start thinking like one as well. The woman becomes a maternal caregiver, and you cease to be embarrassed. If it helps, remember she’s likely done everything you need her to do many times before with real little kids.

    I share your opinion of most pros. I have run across a couple who seem to know what they’re doing, but they certainly do not abound.
    Wow,, that's so awesome and you were very fortunate to find the care you needed. So how would one go about contacting a caregiver through a home care agency that offers sitter services and home care? What should be asked as to not get in any trouble trying to explain what type of care is needed from the caregiver or sitter? How should the conversation start? A phone call or email to the agency? And then.... say what?? I have no problem talking about this. I just don't want any issues with the law or possible getting arrested for requesting this kind a care or treatment from an health care agency

    Any input or advice from anyone who has done this and was successful would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #32

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    There's nothing illegal about having someone change your diaper or treat you like a child. However, I wouldn't contact agencies in your effort to find a sitter.

    I actually tried that tact about 30 years ago; a friend owned a nursing agency. I told her what I wanted and she promised to try to find someone who could help me. After 2 weeks, she told me none of the healthcare providers she had on call wanted the job. I then tried another agency (with an owner I did not know) and got a similar result. The problem is in the unique nature of the job; these folks are paid the same hourly rate no matter what sort of care they provide, and they'd rather not tackle anything strange or unusual. There's just no incentive for them to take any job that isn't considered 'typical.'

    Having wasted a month of my time, I turned to my secretary and asked her who she knew in healthcare. Then I sat down at her desk and explained why I wanted to know. Suffice it to say this was about 1988, before the internet had made infantilism somewhat mainstream.

    Turned out she wanted to try babysitting me herself. She was probably the worst babysitter I've ever had, but she was a start. Because she worked for me, I instinctively trusted her. Her positive response – and the feedback she gave me – led me to start trying to find people on my own. However, I made up my mind to look for someone with healthcare experience, because even if she wasn't good at roleplaying, she'd at least be competent at bathing, feeding, changing, dressing, etc. That's how I ran into the waitress who was a nursing student.

    If you're determined to try the agency approach, good luck! I'm not sure how far you'll get. Patient privacy laws being what they are, I don't imagine you'll have any worse luck than having someone hang up on you. But you'll have far better luck trying to find an individual, having an honest conversation with him or her, and offering them a decent hourly rate to try caring for you. My goal was always to help a new sitter have so much fun the first time that she wanted to come back again and again. That's only possible if you have a personal relationship with the caregiver and show genuine appreciation for what she provides.

    I hope that helps.

  3. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbmccue View Post
    There's nothing illegal about having someone change your diaper or treat you like a child. However, I wouldn't contact agencies in your effort to find a sitter.

    I actually tried that tact about 30 years ago; a friend owned a nursing agency. I told her what I wanted and she promised to try to find someone who could help me. After 2 weeks, she told me none of the healthcare providers she had on call wanted the job. I then tried another agency (with an owner I did not know) and got a similar result. The problem is in the unique nature of the job; these folks are paid the same hourly rate no matter what sort of care they provide, and they'd rather not tackle anything strange or unusual. There's just no incentive for them to take any job that isn't considered 'typical.'

    Having wasted a month of my time, I turned to my secretary and asked her who she knew in healthcare. Then I sat down at her desk and explained why I wanted to know. Suffice it to say this was about 1988, before the internet had made infantilism somewhat mainstream.

    Turned out she wanted to try babysitting me herself. She was probably the worst babysitter I've ever had, but she was a start. Because she worked for me, I instinctively trusted her. Her positive response – and the feedback she gave me – led me to start trying to find people on my own. However, I made up my mind to look for someone with healthcare experience, because even if she wasn't good at roleplaying, she'd at least be competent at bathing, feeding, changing, dressing, etc. That's how I ran into the waitress who was a nursing student.

    If you're determined to try the agency approach, good luck! I'm not sure how far you'll get. Patient privacy laws being what they are, I don't imagine you'll have any worse luck than having someone hang up on you. But you'll have far better luck trying to find an individual, having an honest conversation with him or her, and offering them a decent hourly rate to try caring for you. My goal was always to help a new sitter have so much fun the first time that she wanted to come back again and again. That's only possible if you have a personal relationship with the caregiver and show genuine appreciation for what she provides.

    I hope that helps.
    That's the problem. I just do not know anyone in the healthcare industry. Wish I did though. If I do decide to contact an agency would it be safe to ask for this type of treatment from an health care worker? I'm not sure if asking for this via email would be criminal or lead to criminal charges due to Infantilism or Adult Baby syndrome being classified as a fetish. If they would google Infantilism or Adult baby syndrome the first thing that comes up regarding this condition is that it is fetish of sexual nature. So I'm not sure if in this situation it would be considered a crime introducing a fetish to someone even though it has nothing to do with real babies or anything sexual at all. I myself do not consider this to be a fetish as it is not sexual for me. It's about the nurturing I was not given as a young child due to my mother passing away from cancer when I was only 7. I really wish this syndrome was classified differently and not as a fetish.
    It would be extremely difficult for me to approach someone and engage in a conversation about this hoping she would possibly be on board to help me with this issue. Again you are very very lucky. Congrats!!

  4. #34

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    I'm not lucky at all. My infantilism is a curse which has plagued me for more than half a century. The only thing that makes me 'lucky' is my willingness to share my plight with women in the hope that one of them will agree to help me.

    You've hit on the real problem: The internet. When I first approached agencies, the internet as we know it didn't exist. Nowadays, when someone Googles infantilism, they're apt to read just the sort of negative commentary you mentioned.

    That's why I think finding healthcare professionals and speaking with them face-to-face is the only real way forward in this day and time. If you seem sane and sincere, what they find when they go home and do an internet search won't really matter.

    I imagine there's a Craigslist or similar board available where you live, and the Resumes section always has postings from healthcare workers looking for jobs. If you email them and they don't respond, there's no harm done since the approach is relatively anonymous. Gumtree is also a good place to find CNAs, LVNs, LPNs, MAs and RNs. The problem with Craigslist-type venues is that there's no way to 'see' a candidate until you meet him or her. I'm very particular about the sort of person I want changing my pants, so a photo is invaluable. For example, I'm late middle-aged; I would not want a 20-year-old trying to treat me like a toddler. For that reason, I've also tried Care.com and SitterCity.com, but with mixed results.

    You must be willing to get out and meet these folks in a Starbucks or somewhere that's neutral ground, comfortable enough with them (and with yourself) that you can spend 45 minutes or so allaying their concerns, and willing to pay an above-average hourly rate for what they will view as easy work. Nowadays, I wouldn't offer anyone less than $25 per hour, and a lot of ABs won't even consider spending that sort of money.

    I'm obviously happy to help; feel free to PM me if there's anything I can do to assist in your search.

  5. #35

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    Your advice is very sound. I just wish there was an easy way to find someone willing to do this for me without fear of getting into any kind of legal trouble. If you can think of something please let me know and maybe we can chat about. Thanks for responding back to this issue.

  6. #36

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    The only kind of 'legal trouble' you might encounter would be if you asked for or expected some sort of sexual favor while being cared for. Since I know that's not your interest, I think you're on safe ground legally. The unfortunate truth is that people can complain about anything, and some do. However, I've never encountered that sort of difficulty and I've had 15 women caring for me over the past 35 years. I've had 'the talk' with a couple dozen more.

    As I've said, having your diaper changed by someone else isn't a criminal act, assuming you haven't tricked or entrapped them into doing so.

    While you may require several dozen attempts to get a response, your best bet is to try Craigslist posters who are looking for home healthcare jobs. In looking at the Craigslist resumé posts for your area, I saw 4 or 5 ads that might warrant an email. One of my best babysitters was a young lady who'd posted a Craigslist ad looking for babysitting and adult care jobs.

  7. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbmccue View Post
    The only kind of 'legal trouble' you might encounter would be if you asked for or expected some sort of sexual favor while being cared for. Since I know that's not your interest, I think you're on safe ground legally. The unfortunate truth is that people can complain about anything, and some do. However, I've never encountered that sort of difficulty and I've had 15 women caring for me over the past 35 years. I've had 'the talk' with a couple dozen more.

    As I've said, having your diaper changed by someone else isn't a criminal act, assuming you haven't tricked or entrapped them into doing so.

    While you may require several dozen attempts to get a response, your best bet is to try Craigslist posters who are looking for home healthcare jobs. In looking at the Craigslist resumé posts for your area, I saw 4 or 5 ads that might warrant an email. One of my best babysitters was a young lady who'd posted a Craigslist ad looking for babysitting and adult care jobs.
    I did just that on Craigslist a day ago and sent out 3 replies. One person responded yesterday morning showing intrest but I have not heard back from her today She sent me pics and said she could try to do it for me?

  8. #38

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    One out of 3 is a pretty good start!

    If she's willing to try, that's a good step forward. No one is a perfect caretaker on day one; big babysitting is a skill that takes time to develop.

    If she does get back with you and you need some help on how best to proceed, feel free to PM me.

  9. #39

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    Hi,

    I am very new here. I am not an ABDL... I am a carer or caretaker, looking to be a Mommy. I know there probably won't be any or many little babies from my own country, but I am happy to chat with anyone who wishes to say Hi to a lonely Mommy.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by sbmccue View Post
    There's nothing illegal about having someone change your diaper or treat you like a child. However, I wouldn't contact agencies in your effort to find a sitter.

    I actually tried that tact about 30 years ago; a friend owned a nursing agency. I told her what I wanted and she promised to try to find someone who could help me. After 2 weeks, she told me none of the healthcare providers she had on call wanted the job. I then tried another agency (with an owner I did not know) and got a similar result. The problem is in the unique nature of the job; these folks are paid the same hourly rate no matter what sort of care they provide, and they'd rather not tackle anything strange or unusual. There's just no incentive for them to take any job that isn't considered 'typical.'

    Having wasted a month of my time, I turned to my secretary and asked her who she knew in healthcare. Then I sat down at her desk and explained why I wanted to know. Suffice it to say this was about 1988, before the internet had made infantilism somewhat mainstream.

    Turned out she wanted to try babysitting me herself. She was probably the worst babysitter I've ever had, but she was a start. Because she worked for me, I instinctively trusted her. Her positive response – and the feedback she gave me – led me to start trying to find people on my own. However, I made up my mind to look for someone with healthcare experience, because even if she wasn't good at roleplaying, she'd at least be competent at bathing, feeding, changing, dressing, etc. That's how I ran into the waitress who was a nursing student.

    If you're determined to try the agency approach, good luck! I'm not sure how far you'll get. Patient privacy laws being what they are, I don't imagine you'll have any worse luck than having someone hang up on you. But you'll have far better luck trying to find an individual, having an honest conversation with him or her, and offering them a decent hourly rate to try caring for you. My goal was always to help a new sitter have so much fun the first time that she wanted to come back again and again. That's only possible if you have a personal relationship with the caregiver and show genuine appreciation for what she provides.

    I hope that helps.
    Hi, I have worked in the care industry on and off for at least 10 years. I have worked with people with intellectual disabilities, most of them were or could be violent at times. Looking after an adult baby would be so easy after what I have experienced. I would love to find someone like you who I could possibly work for part time, or in weekends.

  10. #40

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    I'm sure there are ABs in your part of the world who would welcome you with open arms ... literally!

    You've hit the nail on the head: For most healthcare professionals, caring for an AB is a piece of cake. Compared to the work they have to do each day, taking care of a big baby is easy and safe in comparison. Because most ABs can, if required, sit up, lie down, walk and talk, caring for our needs is relatively simple in comparison.

    The real hurdle is the inherent 'strangeness' of providing infant-type care to an adult. Once you can 'see' yourself in that role, which runs counter in many ways to traditional healthcare training, caring for an AB is almost a no-brainer. For example, it's hard to imagine baby-talking an adult in a healthcare setting as you change a diaper, but when you're caring for an AB, you can feel free to do so.

    My current nanny still struggles with treating me like a child instead of an adult in baby clothes. The result is something akin to geriatric role-play, but she's getting better with time. She's been babysitting me on and off for nearly 4 years, which is why I mentioned that caregivers take time to adapt and improve. I've seen the progress, growth and change firsthand ... and it takes time.

    Here's hoping you find someone who treasures your skill and willingness to help!

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