tenderbottoms47
Est. Contributor
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- Adult Baby
Sbmccue, how do I go about sending you a PM? I was in your profile but did not see an option to PM.
tenderbottoms47 said:Sbmccue, how do I go about sending you a PM? I was in your profile but did not see an option to PM.
I just seen this. About the 20 posts issue. Why is this a 20 post thing just to pm someone??littlemoosey said:You can’t PM TB until you have 20 posts.
tenderbottoms47 said:I just seen this. About the 20 posts issue. Why is this a 20 post thing just to pm someone??
littlemoosey said:I'm not sure TB, maybe it is just to insure you are not here trolling other members with "hit and run" tactics. Perhaps the mods want to get to know you a bit, before they let you reach out to established members. It is just the forum rules, it doesn't take long to get to 20. Just read what others are saying, and if something interests you give your honest opinion. Before you know it you are there and can PM another member.
tenderbottoms47 said:Ok thanks for the heads up. So I am thinking about posting an ad on Craigslist looking for a sitter. What section should I post it in and what should I state to get the best possible responses?
sbmccue said:I guess you could post in the 'Gigs' section, but even a carefully-worded ad will attract a lot of spam. Obviously, I've never posted an ad, and I'd be very leery of doing so.
I've always responded to ads posted by women looking for healthcare positions. Sometimes you have to be patient and wait for someone to post.
Again, CL isn't the only option. If you don't mind spending a little money, you'll find a much better 'class' of caregiver on sites like SitterCity and Care.com.
Wow that's great advise. I had responded to several care giver ads and basically told them exactly what I was looking for and out of 7 or 8 replies to an ad only one lady responded back to me. I guess my thinking was not to mislead anyone and state my intentions and what type of care was needed. Funny thing is this morning I was checking Craigslist for more ads and when I went to reply to one I got this message stating "Sorry something went wrong" So I went to another ad and tried to reply and got the same message. So I'm wondering if CL locked me out of responding to ads.sbmccue said:I’d look for an individual senior caregiver with nanny or extensive childcare experience, and ask them in a brief email if they’d be interested in discussing some unusual private duty work ... nothing illegal, immoral or fattening, but unusual.
I’ve never had that fail me as an opening line; it gets a laugh and tends to make AB care seem relatively innocuous.
In my experience, if you come right out in the introductory email and talk about what you want, you don’t get a response. If you establish something of a humorous rapport, on the other hand, you should be able to carry on a dialogue.
The lady may have no interest, but she probably won’t go off her rocker if the idea offends her.
Ok, So if they do respond to what you stated to say in short then what should I proceed to tell them?sbmccue said:I’d look for an individual senior caregiver with nanny or extensive childcare experience, and ask them in a brief email if they’d be interested in discussing some unusual private duty work ... nothing illegal, immoral or fattening, but unusual.
I’ve never had that fail me as an opening line; it gets a laugh and tends to make AB care seem relatively innocuous.
In my experience, if you come right out in the introductory email and talk about what you want, you don’t get a response. If you establish something of a humorous rapport, on the other hand, you should be able to carry on a dialogue.
The lady may have no interest, but she probably won’t go off her rocker if the idea offends her.
sbmccue said:Keep your reply as brief as possible, and be very matter-of-fact in your second email: You're an adult baby, looking for someone with her sort of childcare and adult nursing experience who can provide infant-type care to an adult. Then mention that you know the job sounds unusual, and it is, but you're very sincere and happy to provide her with additional information if she's interested and think this is something she would be able to do.
Incidentally, be prepared for turndowns along the lines of "I'd be too embarrassed."
If you're emailing via Care.com or a similar site, I'd give her an email address and suggest she contact you there. That way, you avoid any TOS violations with the 'care' sites in the event she asks questions that lead you into the more personal or intimate aspects of infantilism.
I've found that about 1 out of 3 will reply to the very direct response that indicates what you're looking for. They'll typically have questions ... lots of questions. It's not uncommon to email back and forth for a week or more before the lady decides she'd like to meet for coffee, etc.
It's important not to bring up diapers or being diapered until she does. For whatever reason, that's the 'ultimate' aspect of big baby care and most women will take some time to get their head around the notion of an otherwise healthy adult wearing and using diapers. That's why you word the initial response in very general terms. If she emails you back to ask if you wear diapers, just say "Yes, I do wear diapers." Don't offer any more detail until she asks. If you meet in person and she still hasn't brought up diapers or what you wear, you can ask a direct question: "Do you think you could change a wet adult diaper?" Most will have done so hundreds of times already; you need to 'couch' the question to make it seem almost an afterthought or something you're unsure she can do.
The point of the in-person meeting is to (a) show her you're a real, warm human being, (b) make the point that the care you're seeking isn't that hard, and (c) that this job might actually be fun. Compared to other senior care jobs she's likely had, caring for you is a piece of cake because you won't hurt yourself, won't fall, won't require medication at specific times, won't have bedsores, etc. However, you need to let her reach that conclusion herself ... telling her the work is easy will likely produce a "Why haven't you found anyone else, then?" sort of response.
But I'm getting the cart before the horse. Don't be surprised if you exchange 6 to 12 emails before deciding to meet in person. And when you do, pay her something to compensate her for the time. I always hand the lady a $20 in an envelope. It's not much money, but it shows you value her time and expertise. And if you discuss an hourly rate, go toward the high side of the hourly rate she specified on the site ... for example, if she has an hourly rate of $15 to $25, offer $20 or $25 per hour to start.
When you do meet someone in person, make sure that the place isn't so noisy that you cannot hear yourselves think. Also make sure it isn't wildly crowded. I prefer a sandwich shop or restaurant to Starbucks for that reason ... it's much easier to have a quiet and detailed conversation without worrying about being overheard. Be sure to pick up the tab. If she doesn't want to eat, you should ... the silence will give her the opportunity to talk, tell you about herself and her experience, and ask whatever questions she has.
tenderbottoms47 said:Wow you make this sound easy. I was trying to explain what my needs would be in my ads and diaper changes were listed as part of care needed. Maybe that's why I only by ot one response. Well put advice.
sbmccue said:I wish it was easy! It's a lot of work to find someone, which is why I try to make those 'mommy-baby' relationships last as long as they can.
Back when I was starting to develop a process, in the early 1990s, the internet wasn't anywhere near as pervasive as it is 25 years later. Most of the ladies I approached initially took me at face value rather than trying to research infantilism. Nowadays, of course, prospective caregivers can Google the term while reading your note. No matter how direct and to-the-point your reply is, they'll still research 'adult babies' ... and often, what they find is decidedly unhelpful.
Every now and then, you'll come across a prospective caregiver who already knows about infantilism. I've found two who did, and both were genuinely excited to try big babysitting. When I told one woman that she might have to change a dirty diaper now and then, she replied, "Oh, I can't wait to do that!" Believe it or not, she meant it.
For most, however, the concept of treating an adult as a baby or toddler will require some explanation. When you do get to that point, give your prospective caregiver information in 'bite-sized chunks' and allow her to digest what you've written or said. A lot of guys overwhelm with precise descriptions of what they want and how they want it, which often dooms the effort.
Best of luck! Let us know how you fare.
Starlight99 said:You know, a caretaker could have more than one child. Me and Wuggle are really close now, and both of our littles want a Mommy, but we want the same one. Basically, our two littles are already together forever, at least in terms of friends, so finding a Mommy for them would be the one missing part of their lives. Also, unless your caretaker is your significant other, it's kind of okay for them to have other littles, since it's no different than someone having more than one child. In terms of Wuggle, I've done roleplays where I was her caretaker, and even though I'm dealing with the same little whether I'm big or little, it feels somewhat different. Just know, in some cases, a caretaker with multiple littles isn't a bad thing. Considering most people have siblings, it would be the same as you being mad at your parents for having other children. I don't know how this will go over, but that's my two cents on the matter. :twocents: