Be who you are and don't hide your ABDL from a new partner

dl23aar said:

Hi tab.
I haven't read all the earlier posts that you have posted, just infact this one, and i'm sorry to hear that you are divorced. I'm new user here but have been on other sites for years.
I my self have not been in an releationship, and i have a few questions about that, the main question is: Lets say IF, the person you have told about you're ABDL side (for me mostly DL), accept who you are, at least they say that they do, i personally don't now if the person does accept even if they saying that they are, if you now what i mean? And also lets say after they say that the are accepting you, you live you're life for years or months with this person, the ABDL side for this person is just "to much" and the person leave you. And now, i would have been terrified that the person would tell my friends, family collegues at work and so on, because no one nows about my DL side, and i prefer it to stay that way. So yeah, thats that.
Just thinking about this for a long time, sorry for my bad english.

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Hi dl23aar,

Your concern is the universal one I think we all have in some way -- what if a relationship goes bad and then the person tells everyone about this vulnerable side of me. I would be lying if I said it's nothing to worry about it -- of course it is to a point. I think some of that gets more into the realm of dating and relationship red flags and trying to spot them early on. To be wise with your head and heart, so to speak. And I think more people than not have no desire to gossip about your intimate bedroom/life details because it usually makes them look terrible, too. But of course there is no guarantee and I wouldn't pretend such a thing couldn't happen. Sometimes it can be a matter of parting as maturely and drama-free as possible, but I'm sure there are horror stories to the contrary.

For me, I ended up coming out about this to my family and confided in a number of friends I could trust, partly so that if someone in the future did try to use this against me, it's less of a weapon -- the people I love and trust already know. But it's different for everyone.

I guess what I was trying to say is to be true to who you are and look for what you need in a relationship. And as always, guard your heart and look for red flags that tell you in your gut this person is trouble.

I wish you the best.

Be well,

Tab

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Drifter said:

I agree the truth should come out early in a relationship.

The flip side of the "true love" argument is that if you truly love someone who can't live with a person who indulges in ABDL behavior then you would lovingly accept that as part of who that person is. You would recognize that the two of you are incompatible and that trying to force your partner to compromise would only cause misery to him/her. If you were not willing to end your ABDL behavior then the right thing to do would be to end the relationship, no matter how painful that might be. Trying to get the other person to fall in love with you before disclosing what you are really like is dishonest, not a sign of true love.

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Hi Drifter,

Thanks and good points. To be clear you must absolutely accept that if someone doesn't want to participate with this part of you, you have to be okay with that, too -- you cannot and should never force anything on someone else without their consent. Maybe what you and others are getting at, too, is that you can absolutely love someone but recognize you are sexually incompatible. That can be heartbreaking, but if ABDL is a need and important, then it is better to break it off, as you say, rather than continue the relationship.

Be well,

Tab

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LilacCrinkle said:

I wish there was a way to give gold trophies on this site because that is the most honest, most well written, and most realistic thing I have ever heard on here. I have lost jobs with my abdl side and even a girlfriend in early years of learning. I absolutely love how you mentioned not to start so quickly but not to late and so many people make that mistake...

Communication in a relationship is the strongest tool...or weapon when bringing people tigether. It is what will either sew or unstitch love in a matter of moments. Even though I believe firmly that people shouldn't hide, I feel boundaries are critically important to (as I seen many stories if caretakers suffering burnout)

Thank you for your strong post, and keep your head high out there, okay?

-lilac

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Hi LilacCrinkle,

Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you found it honest and well-written. I agree with you 100% -- communication is key and boundaries must be discussed and respected.

Be well,

Tab