Be who you are and don't hide your ABDL from a new partner

TabulaRasa2017 · Aug 1, 2018

Hello my little friends,

I wanted to post something because this week I became officially divorced. What follows is what I wish someone had said to me and is my opinion and “sage” advice. The great part about advice is it’s free and you can take it or leave it.

Some of you know me – I’m a middle-aged guy who finally embraced his ABDL side. My divorce was not directly a result of ABDL, but as I’ve said before, it sure didn’t help.

I guess what I want to say to anyone out there who is not yet in a relationship or is just starting a relationship is to be brave and be honest about this side of you with whomever you end up seeing. I know some advice out there is to wait awhile before you reveal this part of who you are. Let me tell you, while you probably shouldn’t lead with “Hey, I’m ABDL, and how are you?”, do yourself and everyone else a favor and be honest about this part of you when it is appropriate, and not very long into the relationship. You want someone who will accept you, all of you, for who you really are.

In the relationship that just ended, I did let my now ex-wife know about this side of me pre-marriage, but she and I were both convinced in different ways that we could make it go away. Please listen to me – don’t do that to yourself. If you and your partner cannot indulge in ABDL in some way together, or if you have to hide ABDL from your partner, in my opinion you are not right for each other no matter what else you think is clicking. Sure, there is give and take in every relationship, and you can’t get everything. But, in my opinion, getting nothing is not acceptable either and will only lead to long term stress and strain on your relationship. I know it sometimes feels you’ve found someone and you don’t want this pesky ABDL stuff to ruin your relationship. But if that person really cares about you and wants to know the real you, then there is no substitute for them knowing and being involved with ABDL to some degree. Don’t starve the part you need to feed.

The people on this site really made me feel welcome and human at a time when I needed it most, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, be you, all of you. Know you are worthy and human and that it is okay if you are ABDL in whatever way that manifests itself in your life and possibly in your sex. If you’re struggling with self-acceptance, know you are not alone – look at all of us here! But I encourage you not to beat yourself up and be kind to yourself. Trust me – I beat myself up for decades over being ABDL … it’s not worth it. If you can find it within you to accept who you are and love yourself, you will set yourself free.

I wish all of you the best on your journeys.

Be well,

Tab

rainbowpenguin · Aug 2, 2018

Thank you for the advice. It's hard to open up to someone about my little side. My ex-boyfriend knew I was a little childlike, but he didn't know about my little side. I was scared to tell him because when I would argue with him about his problems he would called me immature. (Even though that's not true.) I was scared that if he knew he would use it as a way to dimiss my problems with him; by going around and telling people I have the mind of a toddler. (Even though that's definietly not truth.) Depsite what I just said finding a commuinity like this definetly gives me faith that I will find an accepting boyfriend or girlfriend.

I'm sorry to hear you're offically divorced. Hopefully you will find someone more accepting in the future. Out of just morbid curiousity how long were you married?

Str88jacketabdl · Aug 2, 2018

Wow Tab sounds like you’ve gone through a lot. Thanks for sharing.

EtherealKitsune · Aug 2, 2018

I'm in a long-term relationship with an awesome girl, who I recently told about my ABDL-side. Unfortunately the news completely blind-sighted her and she didn't know what to make of it all.
We are still together, but I'm not sure how my abdl interests are going to fit in, if at all.

Makubird · Aug 2, 2018

Hi Tab,

Thanks for your advise and I agree very much. I am very lucky to have met someone recently who understands and accepts who I am, and for the first time in a relationship, I do not feel the burden of hiding or suppressing part of my identity and my needs. It feels so liberating. Not only because I do not have to hide anymore, but also because her accepting me helps me tremendously accepting myself and not feeling a freak. I am never going to accept a relationship anymore in which there is no place for my ABDL needs. Better being single than having a relationship in which there's only place for half of myself.

Hope you are doing well despite the difficult times. And that you will find a very understanding partner whenever the time is right.

dogboy · Aug 2, 2018

I'm one of the lucky ones, or at least, I was. I told my wife many years after we were married and she was very accepting. At that point in our lives, we knew each other very well. We had a great relationship and we loved each other deeply. Unconditional love can overcome hurdles like diaper wearing. It's a small thing if one takes out the initial "yuch" element.

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you Tabula. Adjusting to a knew lifestyle is not easy. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my wife's death, and living alone is a difficult venture for me. I guess you know all about that.

kik91 · Aug 2, 2018

AMEN!! Be yourself and never hold back! My motto...

TabulaRasa2017 · Aug 2, 2018

rainbowpenguin said:
Thank you for the advice. It's hard to open up to someone about my little side. My ex-boyfriend knew I was a little childlike, but he didn't know about my little side. I was scared to tell him because when I would argue with him about his problems he would called me immature. (Even though that's not true.) I was scared that if he knew he would use it as a way to dimiss my problems with him; by going around and telling people I have the mind of a toddler. (Even though that's definietly not truth.) Depsite what I just said finding a commuinity like this definetly gives me faith that I will find an accepting boyfriend or girlfriend.

I'm sorry to hear you're offically divorced. Hopefully you will find someone more accepting in the future. Out of just morbid curiousity how long were you married?

Hi rainbowpenguin,

I already reached out to you privately, but thank you again! And I wish you kindness and understanding on your journey.

Tab

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Str88jacketabdl said:
Wow Tab sounds like you’ve gone through a lot. Thanks for sharing.

Hi Str88jacketabdl,

It has been quite a journey. But this was all for the best, odd as it may sound. I can now be who I really am, and I wish her the best and hope that she can be who she needs to be. I couldn't live anymore hiding this part of me away all the time and not being able to share it with an intimate partner.

Thanks,

Tab

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EtherealKitsune said:
I'm in a long-term relationship with an awesome girl, who I recently told about my ABDL-side. Unfortunately the news completely blind-sighted her and she didn't know what to make of it all.
We are still together, but I'm not sure how my abdl interests are going to fit in, if at all.

Hi EtheralKitsune,

That is certainly a tough situation. I am certainly no therapist nor am I an expert on relationships, but your situation is common. I wish you both the best and I hope you're able to make things work out. I've put this question to others and so I'll put it to you: how important is ABDL to you? I ask because I think sometimes we conflate things we're curious about or would like to try with those things we need to feel whole. If you need ABDL to feel whole, make sure you get what you need.

Be well,

Tab

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Makubird said:
Hi Tab,

Thanks for your advise and I agree very much. I am very lucky to have met someone recently who understands and accepts who I am, and for the first time in a relationship, I do not feel the burden of hiding or suppressing part of my identity and my needs. It feels so liberating. Not only because I do not have to hide anymore, but also because her accepting me helps me tremendously accepting myself and not feeling a freak. I am never going to accept a relationship anymore in which there is no place for my ABDL needs. Better being single than having a relationship in which there's only place for half of myself.

Hope you are doing well despite the difficult times. And that you will find a very understanding partner whenever the time is right.

Hi Makubird,

I'm once again very glad for you that you've found someone who understands and accepts your ABDL side. I know how you've struggled with that ... and we're both about the same age, so I think you and I are in a different place with this stuff. But I agree that with you on this -- that I will never persist in a relationship where this side of me is not validated and where my needs are not met.

Thanks so much,

Tab

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dogboy said:
I'm one of the lucky ones, or at least, I was. I told my wife many years after we were married and she was very accepting. At that point in our lives, we knew each other very well. We had a great relationship and we loved each other deeply. Unconditional love can overcome hurdles like diaper wearing. It's a small thing if one takes out the initial "yuch" element.

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you Tabula. Adjusting to a knew lifestyle is not easy. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my wife's death, and living alone is a difficult venture for me. I guess you know all about that.

Hi dogboy,

Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm glad you had so many good memories and experiences with your wife. I wouldn't compare your experience to mine -- I believe you have it far more difficult than I do. I'm starting over because of my own choices. Your life changed and you didn't want that -- I don't know what that's like but I can only imagine.

Be well and thanks as always for all of your wisdom and kindness,

Tab

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kik91 said:
AMEN!! Be yourself and never hold back! My motto...

Aw, thanks, kik91,

Tab

Poofybutt · Aug 2, 2018

As always, a very personal and insightful post.

It sounds as though you've been through the ringer, but being true to your AB side seems to have helped you work through the rough parts. I agree, if you have acceptance and love for yourself, you can weather any storm. When relationships end it's always difficult, but I have faith that if we are honest with ourselves and those we court, we will find that special someone to spend our lives with, both as an adult and as a baby

I can say that all relationships are hard, even the ones I have had with accepting and open partners never seemed to last, parting ways with my previous Mommy friend was quite difficult, but having that self-love and acceptance really did and does go a long way towards lifting ones spirits. I also agree with you, it pays off to tell romantic partners early. Be confident about this side of yourself and when the time is right, confide in your partner, if they aren't remotely accepting, then they were never someone you were meant to be with anyway.

I wish you luck in your continued journey and I hope that whomever you meet next, can be open and understanding enough to love you for all of who you are

TabulaRasa2017 · Aug 3, 2018

Poofybutt said:
As always, a very personal and insightful post.

It sounds as though you've been through the ringer, but being true to your AB side seems to have helped you work through the rough parts. I agree, if you have acceptance and love for yourself, you can weather any storm. When relationships end it's always difficult, but I have faith that if we are honest with ourselves and those we court, we will find that special someone to spend our lives with, both as an adult and as a baby

I can say that all relationships are hard, even the ones I have had with accepting and open partners never seemed to last, parting ways with my previous Mommy friend was quite difficult, but having that self-love and acceptance really did and does go a long way towards lifting ones spirits. I also agree with you, it pays off to tell romantic partners early. Be confident about this side of yourself and when the time is right, confide in your partner, if they aren't remotely accepting, then they were never someone you were meant to be with anyway.

I wish you luck in your continued journey and I hope that whomever you meet next, can be open and understanding enough to love you for all of who you are

Hi Poofybutt,

Thanks for the kind words. Despite how difficult the past year+ has been, I'm glad I did what I did. By being who I am, finally, I am a happier person, and I hope she will be, too. And I believe my children will also benefit from this as well.

Be well,

Tab

kik91 · Aug 3, 2018

TabulaRasa2017 said:
Hi Poofybutt,

Thanks for the kind words. Despite how difficult the past year+ has been, I'm glad I did what I did. By being who I am, finally, I am a happier person, and I hope she will be, too. And I believe my children will also benefit from this as well.

Be well,

Tab

Tab, I am really happy you managed to put a non-working relationship past and you are positive and optimist despite the hassle and conflict. I am happy you are a happier person, and that you can embrace yourself for who you truly are. If you need anything, you know where to find us!

Grannyweatherwax · Aug 5, 2018

I am going to play “devil’s advocate” or whatever it is called…

Now, I am in no way a fan of wearing nappies, I wear them because I have to.

Whilst you all have said, “yeah go for it, tell them asap!”

I think it should hold off a while.

I don’t think you even need to mention it until you’re at the stage where you’re thinking of moving in together.. Or going to be intimate if that happens before the moving in stage.

On a selfish note for the ab/dl/insert yourself here… I think that you should at least wait until they are EMOTIONALLY invested in you, and have proved that they plan to stick around for quite some time.

If they are not remotely emotionally invested, it is far easier for the new love of your life to turn round, scream and bolt out of the door.

If they ARE remotely invested, it will be harder for them to be drastic and just do a runner, which will give you more time to talk them around to the idea. (if they have given you that opportunity and not just told you to get knotted)

I think to give the impression that it usually/always goes well is not the one to be giving, you need to give the other side of the coin, the “what if…”

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I would do. Now my friends know that I am a very good, kind and honest person - so I SHOULD be immediately accepting. BUT I don’t think I would be, I think I’d panic and need to be told all about it before I made a decision.. I don’t know.

Saying that, Simon jokingly asked me something, and because I was so in love with him, I said I would do almost anything he asked. (barring things that would trigger my awful past)

I just think that there SHOULD be a devil’s advocate. NOT everyone is understanding, even if they love you they still might be selfish and not willing to allow change in their lives.

Whilst it would be nice to mention this as a general passing like, “by the way I snore” kind of thing, I think it is a whole kettle of fish more than that, and it needs long discussions and explanations. (not explaining yourself, but explaining what it’s all about - I still don’t know, even though I’ve been here for like, ever)

Hope I don’t upset people too much.

Best wishes

Nanny x

ShinKitsune · Aug 6, 2018

I've seen a lot of cases where one gets blackmailed, or even undisclosed cause of a break-up.
But I've made my mind since a couple years ago. If I were to have a partner myself...
...they must be AB/DL's already.

It doesn't count for me if they're "accepting" or claim to show interest. Cause that might be a major factor of a relationship not working out, at least for me.
I somewhat struggle with self-acceptance myself. Mostly cause I feel I won't be accepted if found out, but at the same time, I'm distanced towards people that actually doesn't share my interests, be it ABDL related or not.

ESPF · Aug 6, 2018

I'd love an LTR with a fellow ABBL that would aspect this aspect of us... But ABDLmatch.com seems to be nothing but a bunch of cat fishing.

TabulaRasa2017 · Aug 7, 2018

marlim said:
Inspiring message. I agree that in any relationship, there should be acceptance and understanding. We love a person for who they are not for what they should be. We should enter a relationship where we could be free to express ourselves without the fear of being unaccepted or judged.

Dear marlim,

Thanks! Yes, acceptance and understanding and love for who you really are is important for any sort of relationship.

Be well,

Tab

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Grannyweatherwax said:
I am going to play “devil’s advocate” or whatever it is called…

Now, I am in no way a fan of wearing nappies, I wear them because I have to.

Whilst you all have said, “yeah go for it, tell them asap!”

I think it should hold off a while.

I don’t think you even need to mention it until you’re at the stage where you’re thinking of moving in together.. Or going to be intimate if that happens before the moving in stage.

On a selfish note for the ab/dl/insert yourself here… I think that you should at least wait until they are EMOTIONALLY invested in you, and have proved that they plan to stick around for quite some time.

If they are not remotely emotionally invested, it is far easier for the new love of your life to turn round, scream and bolt out of the door.

If they ARE remotely invested, it will be harder for them to be drastic and just do a runner, which will give you more time to talk them around to the idea. (if they have given you that opportunity and not just told you to get knotted)

I think to give the impression that it usually/always goes well is not the one to be giving, you need to give the other side of the coin, the “what if…”

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I would do. Now my friends know that I am a very good, kind and honest person - so I SHOULD be immediately accepting. BUT I don’t think I would be, I think I’d panic and need to be told all about it before I made a decision.. I don’t know.

Saying that, Simon jokingly asked me something, and because I was so in love with him, I said I would do almost anything he asked. (barring things that would trigger my awful past)

I just think that there SHOULD be a devil’s advocate. NOT everyone is understanding, even if they love you they still might be selfish and not willing to allow change in their lives.

Whilst it would be nice to mention this as a general passing like, “by the way I snore” kind of thing, I think it is a whole kettle of fish more than that, and it needs long discussions and explanations. (not explaining yourself, but explaining what it’s all about - I still don’t know, even though I’ve been here for like, ever)

Hope I don’t upset people too much.

Best wishes

Nanny x

Hi Nanny x,

Certainly, not everyone will be into this and not everyone is understanding. But I believe that it's better to be honest and upfront about this part of yourself sooner than later to avoid heartache on all sides. Of course, it's probably unwise to announce you are ABDL to someone before you get to know them a bit. But I think that many people wait far too long and become more enmeshed in a relationship before they finally reveal what is often a very important part of themselves to their partner. I don't agree with you that you should wait until you're moving in together - that suggests you are already invested emotionally in that person and now this would be a shock or surprise to them. Personally I feel like it best to at least let on that you're kinky or something along those lines from the get go or early on and then go from there. The best relationships are built on honesty and trust - if you wait too long to reveal this, that brings up all sorts of trust issues that then undermine a relationship.

I will also challenge you on something else -- you said "NOT everyone is understanding, even if they love you they still might be selfish and not willing to allow change in their lives." I would argue that if someone truly loves you, then they accept this as part of who you are. If they're selfish and unwilling to give you at least some of what you need, then I'm not sure I believe that is true love.

It is, of course, important to keep in mind that not everyone will accept this ... but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will.

Be well,

Tab

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ShinKitsune said:
I've seen a lot of cases where one gets blackmailed, or even undisclosed cause of a break-up.
But I've made my mind since a couple years ago. If I were to have a partner myself...
...they must be AB/DL's already.

It doesn't count for me if they're "accepting" or claim to show interest. Cause that might be a major factor of a relationship not working out, at least for me.
I somewhat struggle with self-acceptance myself. Mostly cause I feel I won't be accepted if found out, but at the same time, I'm distanced towards people that actually doesn't share my interests, be it ABDL related or not.

Hi ShinKitsune,

Self-acceptance of ABDL was one of the most difficult things I ever struggled with. You are correct - in bad circumstances, people get blackmailed for being kinky, ABDL or not. That's why I think it best to be upfront about not being vanilla or whatever more general way you want to approach it as first. If someone enters into a relationship with you thinking they are getting something vanilla and then come to find out you're ABDL, it can feel like a betrayal to them, whether that is fair or not. So, I think it is important to make clear early on that you're not "typical" sexually whatever that may mean.

I have been pleasantly surprised in the past year how accepted this side of me was from friends and family, and finding people in the kink community was helpful, too. I certainly don't have a relationship right now and I don't claim to have all the answers, but you might be surprised how accepting people can be. I'm certainly not pretending it's easy -- it's not -- but I think it's better to be honest and do so sooner than later for all involved.

If you're ABDL and looking for another ABDL partner, I would strongly recommend joining FetLife and going to events and munches where you know and they know what you're getting.

Best wishes and be well,

Tab

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ESPF said:
I'd love an LTR with a fellow ABBL that would aspect this aspect of us... But ABDLmatch.com seems to be nothing but a bunch of cat fishing. &#55357;&#56894;

Hi ESPF,

Yes, I don't think most of those ABDL dating sites are the way to go. I think you have to explore Fet and/or go through vanilla channels indicating you are kinky and looking for folks with an open mind. It is certainly scary to do so, especially if you're struggling with acceptance, but those options would seem to me to be your best bet. I would avoid ABDLmatch.com. Plus, if you're truly looking for an LTR, you have to bond with someone over more than just ABDL -- it takes some work, for sure.

I wish you the best!

Be well,

Tab

Grannyweatherwax · Aug 7, 2018

TabulaRasa2017 said:
Hi Nanny x,

I will also challenge you on something else -- you said "NOT everyone is understanding, even if they love you they still might be selfish and not willing to allow change in their lives." I would argue that if someone truly loves you, then they accept this as part of who you are. If they're selfish and unwilling to give you at least some of what you need, then I'm not sure I believe that is true love.

It is, of course, important to keep in mind that not everyone will accept this ... but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will.

Be well,

Tab

You contradict yourself, at least in my head you do...

"I would argue that if someone truly loves you, then they accept this as part of who you are."

"If they're selfish and unwilling to give you at least some of what you need, then I'm not sure I believe that is true love."

ok, but then afterwards you state:

"It is, of course, important to keep in mind that not everyone will accept this ... but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will."

Just because someone does not or can not accept that part of someone, it does not remotely mean that they do not truly love them. It really doesn't. Especially if they are already truly in love with them.

Putting it on a more simple level, there are couples that have been together for decades but they still abhor a part of their partner's lives, an interest, a habit, or a fetish or whatever, it doesn't mean they don't truly love them.

Just because they cannot accept something, it does not give you the right to assume it is not true love. That's the kind of narrow minded judging that splits otherwise good relationships up.

(people repeatedly telling, and in the end convincing, their friends that their significant other simply cannot love them if they don't accept or embrace this that and the other)

TabulaRasa2017 · Aug 7, 2018

Grannyweatherwax said:
You contradict yourself, at least in my head you do...

"I would argue that if someone truly loves you, then they accept this as part of who you are."

"If they're selfish and unwilling to give you at least some of what you need, then I'm not sure I believe that is true love."

ok, but then afterwards you state:

"It is, of course, important to keep in mind that not everyone will accept this ... but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will."

Just because someone does not or can not accept that part of someone, it does not remotely mean that they do not truly love them. It really doesn't. Especially if they are already truly in love with them.

Putting it on a more simple level, there are couples that have been together for decades but they still abhor a part of their partner's lives, an interest, a habit, or a fetish or whatever, it doesn't mean they don't truly love them.

Just because they cannot accept something, it does not give you the right to assume it is not true love. That's the kind of narrow minded judging that splits otherwise good relationships up.

(people repeatedly telling, and in the end convincing, their friends that their significant other simply cannot love them if they don't accept or embrace this that and the other)

Hi Nanny x,

I certainly don't mean to suggest people that are in love should split up because they are not compatible on all levels. I'm just of the opinion that if ABDL is important to you and is part of your sexuality and is part of your identity, then if you are in the process of looking for a relationship don't hide that away for long. The original point of my post was that if you are in the process of seeking a new relationship, and if ABDL is an important part of who you are, your partner needs to know that. And I think you need to be comfortable with that as well -- if you want ABDL in your relationship but your partner does not, and that is a deal breaker or a significant strain, better in my mind to get that out of the way early on rather than end up in a long term relationship with that fundamental need unmet.

As someone who has recently come out of a long term relationship in which I deeply loved someone who could not accept this side of me, and now having seen long term relationships in which ABDL was negotiated in a healthful way despite one partner not being "into" it, I truly believe if a partner loves you they will help give you what you need, whatever form that may take in that relationship, and without judgment. Just as I would want to give my partner whatever they needed in a healthful and negotiated way. And I would hope that if my partner truly needed something to make them feel whole, we would know about this and talk about it before we began a long term relationship.

Be well,

Tab

dl23aar · Aug 11, 2018

Hi tab.
I haven't read all the earlier posts that you have posted, just infact this one, and i'm sorry to hear that you are divorced. I'm new user here but have been on other sites for years.
I my self have not been in an releationship, and i have a few questions about that, the main question is: Lets say IF, the person you have told about you're ABDL side (for me mostly DL), accept who you are, at least they say that they do, i personally don't now if the person does accept even if they saying that they are, if you now what i mean? And also lets say after they say that the are accepting you, you live you're life for years or months with this person, the ABDL side for this person is just "to much" and the person leave you. And now, i would have been terrified that the person would tell my friends, family collegues at work and so on, because no one nows about my DL side, and i prefer it to stay that way. So yeah, thats that.
Just thinking about this for a long time, sorry for my bad english.

Drifter · Aug 12, 2018

I agree the truth should come out early in a relationship.

The flip side of the "true love" argument is that if you truly love someone who can't live with a person who indulges in ABDL behavior then you would lovingly accept that as part of who that person is. You would recognize that the two of you are incompatible and that trying to force your partner to compromise would only cause misery to him/her. If you were not willing to end your ABDL behavior then the right thing to do would be to end the relationship, no matter how painful that might be. Trying to get the other person to fall in love with you before disclosing what you are really like is dishonest, not a sign of true love.

LilacCrinkle · Aug 12, 2018

TabulaRasa2017 said:
Hello my little friends,

I wanted to post something because this week I became officially divorced. What follows is what I wish someone had said to me and is my opinion and “sage” advice. The great part about advice is it’s free and you can take it or leave it. Some of you know me – I’m a middle-aged guy who finally embraced his ABDL side. My divorce was not directly a result of ABDL, but as I’ve said before, it sure didn’t help.

I guess what I want to say to anyone out there who is not yet in a relationship or is just starting a relationship is to be brave and be honest about this side of you with whomever you end up seeing. I know some advice out there is to wait awhile before you reveal this part of who you are. Let me tell you, while you probably shouldn’t lead with “Hey, I’m ABDL, and how are you?”, do yourself and everyone else a favor and be honest about this part of you when it is appropriate, and not very long into the relationship. You want someone who will accept you, all of you, for who you really are.

In the relationship that just ended, I did let my now ex-wife know about this side of me pre-marriage, but she and I were both convinced in different ways that we could make it go away. Please listen to me – don’t do that to yourself. If you and your partner cannot indulge in ABDL in some way together, or if you have to hide ABDL from your partner, in my opinion you are not right for each other no matter what else you think is clicking. Sure, there is give and take in every relationship, and you can’t get everything. But, in my opinion, getting nothing is not acceptable either and will only lead to long term stress and strain on your relationship. I know it sometimes feels you’ve found someone and you don’t want this pesky ABDL stuff to ruin your relationship. But if that person really cares about you and wants to know the real you, then there is no substitute for them knowing and being involved with ABDL to some degree. Don’t starve the part you need to feed.

The people on this site really made me feel welcome and human at a time when I needed it most, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, be you, all of you. Know you are worthy and human and that it is okay if you are ABDL in whatever way that manifests itself in your life and possibly in your sex. If you’re struggling with self-acceptance, know you are not alone – look at all of us here! But I encourage you not to beat yourself up and be kind to yourself. Trust me – I beat myself up for decades over being ABDL … it’s not worth it. If you can find it within you to accept who you are and love yourself, you will set yourself free.

I wish all of you the best on your journeys.

Be well,

Tab

I wish there was a way to give gold trophies on this site because that is the most honest, most well written, and most realistic thing I have ever heard on here. I have lost jobs with my abdl side and even a girlfriend in early years of learning. I absolutely love how you mentioned not to start so quickly but not to late and so many people make that mistake...

Communication in a relationship is the strongest tool...or weapon when bringing people tigether. It is what will either sew or unstitch love in a matter of moments. Even though I believe firmly that people shouldn't hide, I feel boundaries are critically important to (as I seen many stories if caretakers suffering burnout)

Thank you for your strong post, and keep your head high out there, okay?

-lilac