Finally told my wife

After moving into my own place my urge to wear diapers came back the only thing was my wife didn't know yet so just last week I got the courage to tell her about how I felt she was verry supportive and understanding how was your experience in telling the person you are married to

Hey there, Safariwolf, I'm very glad to hear it went well! I was 13 years (!) into my marriage before the diaper thing came up. My wife stumbled upon a portion of my cloth diaper stash, and so I had to come clean about it. Long story short: It went fine. I'm still happily married, I still have a vibrant sex-life, and I also still wear diapers. My wife's expressed no interest in the diapers, though, and I haven't pressed that at all. And I won't! So, for me, very little has changed. Mainly I no longer have to worry about her stumbling upon my stash. It's been done. She knows where it is, what's in it, and what I use it for. Her only request of me was that I be more careful about leaving things out, as we have a 10- and a 13-year-old. That was obvious enough.

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Those of us who come out post-marriage tend to get grief over it, but I'm not convinced there's a one-size-fits-all solution for coming out. There are definitely some obvious pitfalls, though. If you're the kind whose little side really needs the involvement of another person to be happy, and you suppress that for years, and you end up marrying somebody who isn't interested... well, you fucked up. Similarly, if wearing diapers is a solo act that you enjoy every once in a while, and yet you decide to bring it up on a first date, and she makes an "eww" expression and stops returning your calls, ... then again, you fucked up. The timing of disclosures in a relationship says a lot about where you expect those things to fit into the overall hierarchy. I would tend to guess that, if you play the timing thing correctly, and things still don't go well, then there are other, bigger problems. For example, if your marriage already sucks (e.g. you aren't doing anything together, aren't having sex, etc.), and then you bring up diapers, ... right!

Very well said the timing thing is important but the other factor about it is it truly shows how much love the other person has for you no marriage is perfect but it helps when you don't have to hide anything or keep secrets congrats on being married so long we just got out 1 year anniversary and were still loving every day of it

That is great! I think you will find it easier to accept it yourself now that your wife knows. Well.. at least that was my experience. You may have already have been at peace.

I told my wife before we were engaged. The talk went well but it still provides some tension (probably all I'm my head). I still struggle to know just how to bring it up when I'm wearing. I know it hasn't been easy for her, but I know that she loves me and I'm SO thankful. It has given me the confidence to mentally address it.

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She could not have been more, "beautiful" about it. It was if an Angel reached out scooped me up in her arms. It has been wonderful ever since. God broke the mold.

My wife threatened to take the kids and leave me if I didn’t stop wearing. She made me throw out all my stash. I waited 11 years to tell her. A few months later, she lightened up a little and decided it would be okay if I did it in private, never around her. I have to Lee my stash super hidden so she doesn’t find it and she basically never wants to hear about it ever again. So in her mind, it doesn’t exist.

I told my wife later in our marriage and she was very accepting, but she was an amazing, loving person.

i came clean when we were going out though. We went camping and hopped into the tent to find my wife to be was in a molicare. Well that was a surprise. Over the years ive worn them on and off. Wife use to wear them with me, but after kids came along she never has again. Kids are now grown up and I dont push the subject though she knows i basically them now wear 24x7. She will just pass comments like your very crinkly tonight. of you must be wet cause it looks like you have a pare of explorer socks down the front of your pants.

I also haven't had that great of an experience. We are going on 12 years now and I told her while we were engaged. She went and did some research on her own and decided the only reason I would wear diapers was because I was suppressing some childhood trauma and/or because of the super religious environment I was raised in where my mom prevented me from seeing or reading anything about women or sex or anything. While I vehemently denied going through anything "traumatic" I can see her point where I may have developed an attachment to diapers in the absence of much awareness of "normal" sex. That is not to say that I am not attracted to her in that way (she does really turn me on!), but the whole diaper thing makes her feel like she doesn't turn me on as much as they do, or she isn't as attractive as she, in fact, really is. She herself deals with a lot of self image problems because of her own experiences and I have learned how much it really hurts her when she feels like I "need" something more than her to feel satisfied. So early on in our marriage after a couple failed attempts to try and incorporate diapers into our relationship and it not going well, I made the mistake of trying to suppress it and never talk about it. I would go through the binge purge cycle over the next decade and whenever I bought diapers I would hide them and only wear them when she was at work. But over time I realized how much it was killing me inside. That combined with other stress like getting laid off and finding another job and for the past year I'd been having severe panic attacks and I knew I had to come clean and talk open and honestly with her about it. So now about a week ago, I did. It opened up that wound and things were terrible for a couple days. She felt like I'd been lying to her for years and she felt like she had made a mistake in marrying me. It really, really hurt. But in being honest with each other about our feelings I'm now committed to not hiding this anymore. She does truly love me and doesn't want to leave. I also realize that my "need" for diapers is something psychological that I don't necessarily have to act upon, but I need to tell her what's going on in my head and that itself is a release of that tension. We are doing much better now and I feel closer to her than I've felt in a long time. Every couple's experience with this is different and if you are both happy with whatever arrangement you have that is great. I feel like the key though to any successful marriage whether you are dealing with diapers or anything else, is openness and honesty.

Safariwolf said:

After moving into my own place my urge to wear diapers came back the only thing was my wife didn't know yet so just last week I got the courage to tell her about how I felt she was verry supportive and understanding how was your experience in telling the person you are married to

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There are probably just as many answers to this situation as their are differences in how unique every couple might be.

I am happy for you Safariwolf that things went well for you.

In my own situation, I have been married long enough to now have grown, adult aged children. I shared my ABDL interests with my wife just after being married. And while initially she was a little skeptical, she at times actually participated in it, but eventually grew to distain it and hold it over my head. It went so far as to later in life for her to blackmail me with this and threaten to tell my work, my children, and others about it. Dark days indeed.

Since that time I have been through hell and back and hell again. There is no way to truly describe the hurt that one feels when someone who you have trusted with the deepest parts of yourself turns against you and uses these things as leverage to try to control you and get what they want.

In this case, I have to share that the challenges really are not about being ABDL, but rather a spouse that does not hold things that were special and shared in trust as something that is between you and her. The trustworthiness is gone and you are left with shock and sorrow as the person you devoted your life to be with turned against you, taking those thing that were shared in vulnerability and then using it as a weapon.

My spouse was someone who did not honor our mutual trust and is actually a very angry and selfish person. So, if it hadn't been the diapers, I am sure it would have been something else.

Hence, my original comment that I think the success of having a spouse that accepts your being ABDL isn't as much about the ABDL as much as it is actually who they are and the strength of your relationship. If two people totally love each other and are willing to see through the things that they may not exactly appreciate about the other person, but their love is stronger, then your ABDL interests aren't going to matter in the long run.

Either they may chose to participate with you, or simply allow you to be the person that you are without being involved, but they won't use it against you.

But if they are selfish and the relationship already may have issues, despite how much you try to invest in it and give of yourself to make it work, then certainly being ABDL with someone who is not is going to be a source of contention and a problem that may erode further against the relationship. And if you give up being ABDL and simply abstain from the interest, I would suggest there is just going to be something else that will come up that it isn't going to work.

Hence, perhaps I am being a bit hardened because of the freshness and raw nature of my current wounds, but if your wife or husband cannot accept you being ABDL, then I would propose that it is likely just a matter of time where they are not going to accept you for some other reason. I know that is a bold statement, as one who is ABDL should not expect that their partner accepts their ABDL interests, for that is a bit selfish. But if the two of you truly love each other equally and beyond yourselves, then you will find a way to work it out.

Hence all the more reason I strongly advise all who are ABDL or even just have a DL interest, share this with your partner before being married. It is only fair to them, but also fair to you. You need to know how they will respond to it and they likewise need to have time to understand and accept this or at minimal not holding it against you.

If I were to give anyone advice who was about to get married, I would not just counsel them about sharing their ABDL, but rather to take their partner out in the woods and get them in a circumstance where they perhaps skin their knee. run into a bunch of mosquitos or otherwise have some unpleasant things happen. Maybe pretend you got lost and don't quite know the way you are supposed to be traveling... Then observe how they react.

• Do they work through it with you?
• Do they laugh and smile at you even when they are hurting?
• Or do they blame the hurt upon you for taking them there in the first place and doing something they didn't want to do?

There are some real lessons to be gained on how your potential life partner acts when in a situation that they don't really like. Is there placement of blame? Or rather hopefully a desire to work together to get through it?

I wish you the best Safariwolf, as well as all others who find themselves in a similar situation.

But if things are not working out, and the partner tries to make your being ABDL to blame, I'm going to call "BULLSHIT" on that one. It isn't the being ABDL that is the root cause. --While that can exacerbate the situation, there are other factors there that make the relationship at risk to begin with.

:detective3

My ex was ok with my diapers... It was my decision to transition that sent her to the lawyer.

I told my wife/then girlfriend about my diapers while we were still dating. I also made sure she was completely ok with them before getting serious with her. No way I was going to risk being with the wrong person, potentially for years even.

NMDL said:

That is great! I think you will find it easier to accept it yourself now that your wife knows. Well.. at least that was my experience. You may have already have been at peace.

I told my wife before we were engaged. The talk went well but it still provides some tension (probably all I'm my head). I still struggle to know just how to bring it up when I'm wearing. I know it hasn't been easy for her, but I know that she loves me and I'm SO thankful. It has given me the confidence to mentally address it.

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The thought of me not telling her started to weigh down on me pretty hard but whenever I wanted to tell her I got really nervous but I finally found the right timing I told her I have been wanting to tell her my embarrasing secret for awhile now and she said tell me when ur ready that's when I knew I could tell her we have been a lot closer and my stress level has decreased quite a bit

Safariwolf said:

After moving into my own place my urge to wear diapers came back the only thing was my wife didn't know yet so just last week I got the courage to tell her about how I felt she was verry supportive and understanding how was your experience in telling the person you are married to

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Congrats on telling your wife, glad she was supportive.

pampers47 said:

Congrats on telling your wife, glad she was supportive.

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Thanks

I wish mine had gone as well. I think I left it WAY to long (15+ years), but mainly due to the fact I didn't even know myself what was going on.

When I did tell her I was SO nervous (having protected this for so long) that I made a complete mess of it and made it out to be something WAY bigger than I guess it is. In the end I did attempt to bring the conversation up again a few days later, she kind of dismissed it and it's never been brought up again.

I don't know if she thinks it was just a one time thing and I've forgotten about it, but nothing could be further from the truth. I now have quite a nice stash and I'm an EXPERT level hider! I often wonder what she would think if something were to happen to me and several years later my stash is unearthed.

Luckily I work from home several days a week, so my (AB)DL side gets some ME time. It would be nice not to have to hide this side of me, but that's the way life turns out I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My ex was very unsupportive and even tried to black mail me with pictures of me. I’m glad she’s my ex. She is also a pathological liar. She knew from the beginning that I had to wear at night because I wet while I sleep. As the years progressed I started having more and worse day time problems. After moving into my new house and hurting my back I had lost almost all control of my bladder. She made me go through the ringer with urologists, neurologists, and other doctors. All of them told her the same thing “we definitely know there is a problem from the tests we’ve done. We cannot find what the cause is”. She thought it was all psychosomatic. I’m just glad that terrible relationship is over.

Me and my girlfriend have a very open relationship. So we basically know everything of each other. She even said that she liked it and still thinks it’s funny. But since then she „controls“ the diapers. She choose diapers for me and also change me (which feels super great but also very embarassing)

My wife just put me in a diaper for the first time today I'm so excited I love her so much

PaddedInPuyallup said:

My wife threatened to take the kids and leave me if I didn’t stop wearing. She made me throw out all my stash. I waited 11 years to tell her. A few months later, she lightened up a little and decided it would be okay if I did it in private, never around her. I have to Lee my stash super hidden so she doesn’t find it and she basically never wants to hear about it ever again. So in her mind, it doesn’t exist.

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That’s horrible , I’m so glad my fiancé excepts it to a point where she’ll change me and wear herself I’d get a lot more satisfaction if she was into it like me but you can’t force these things it is or it isn’t basically. The only reason I’m not living out loud about my love of being padded is the misconceptions that stand to come up almost all the time about pedophilia, I would hate to be treated that way as I believe pedophiles are scumbags so I keep it to myself and people I know will understand which sadly is not many! I just really am terrofied at the thought of being found out and treated differently as a result!