I need more advice

So as I've said in my first post, my boyfriend is into abdl, specifically DL.

He has said that it's not just an interest for him but a big sexual turn on. And he wants it to heavily involve me, I've tried to explain that I accept his abdl side but he thinks that I only "accept" it because I'm uncomfortable with him wearing diapers around me.
He's told me that he is into abdl girls and that's the reason why he wants to get me into it. He's not 100% sure how much abdl means to him as he can only determine that if I partake in it and not just stop at the small stuff.

Arashi

Well I for one am sorry if you are in an awkward spot, not just ABDLs of course everyone wants to be accepted and sexuality is possibly the strongest driver humans have.

While for lots of us diapers/nappies are a beautiful and comfy thing to wear and it seems crazy not everyone thinks so I think you have to ask yourself would you be ok with doing a normal activity like wearing a diaper to the movies or to a cafe together? Before you answer though be aware if you wear a tape on or cloth diaper rather than say a pullon their is a good chance you will need to use it as changing is not for the faint of heart.

I think you should either wear or not wear depending on your comfort level. If you're okay with wearing a diaper, that might spice up a lot of things, but if you're uncomfortable about wearing, no one should pressure you into wearing. I've found that wanting to wear diapers is something that is imprinted into us at an early age. It's not really something that you can learn to like. Again...just my opinion. You might learn to tolerate it, but that's not a good reason for wearing.

My wife had always been ok with me wanting to wear diapers and use my diapers as their intended to be used, however she has reminded me a few times she has no desires to wear diapers and I respect that and seldom ask her to try one on.
It is with her blessing I am able to wear diapers 24/7 and it was her who suggested I mess my diapers all the time seeing how I enjoy doing it once in a while.
The only time she is willing to change my diaper is if I only wet and we have some bedroom pleasures to attend to.
So if your boyfriend is trying to force you into wearing diapers stay your ground and keep reminding him your ok with him in diapers and it just not your thing.

Arashi,

As I stated in a reply to your first post, you need to determine how much (if any) of this lifestyle you are OK with. You also need to determine an acceptable timeline. Since he is more DL than AB the activities that he'll want to involve you with may be very different than the ones suggested in the other thread. Regardless, you and only you, should decide.

Do not let him pressure you into doing something that you are NOT comfortable doing. Take your time! Do not rush! Over time you'll figure out what works for the two of you.

I told my then girlfriend after we had been dating for several months. It was a great relief to share something so private with her and not have her ridicule me. I left it at that until after we were married (about a year later). I loved her (and still do) deeply. She has worn a few times but this is not her thing. I respect her position. We have been happily married for over 25 years and have wonderful children. My DL (and limited AB) tendencies are only one aspect of who I am.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. Your presence here indicates your willingness to learn about something dear to him yet foreign to you.


-Ieyasu

i think you should cuz as a psychologist it would majorly improve your love

cbgames said:

i think you should cuz as a psychologist it would majorly improve your love

Click to expand...

No, it wouldn't. In fact, if you do something you don't want to do just to please your boyfriend, you'll only succeed in driving the two of you apart.

As I said in responding to your previous thread, he's going to involve himself in ABDL activity with or without you. If you're not comfortable doing this with him, and you're not comfortable with the idea of him doing it with others, I'm not sure you have much choice.

As another poster has noted, you shouldn't let him 'pressure' you into doing something you don't want to do. That's not love; it's coercion. At the end of the day, you have to decide your boundaries and stick to them. While the idea of losing your boyfriend may frighten or upset you, it shouldn't 'push' you into any activity that's uncomfortable.

I'm wondering about how much he's pressuring you to do this, to be perfectly honest. It's one thing to see that a person is interested, but worried/scared, and give them that nudge to get them to try something. But another to just..."I WANT you to WANT this". Which is what it's sounding like to me.

(And don't believe anyone who goes around the internet saying they're a psychologist. If it were true, I would also be a small fuzzy animal.)

Hi Arashi,

It sounds a bit like the speed at which your boyfriend is trying to move at is a bit overwhelming for you. I understand why you are getting slight anxiety attacks, but don't feel like you need medication for them - you know what triggers the anxiety, so let's work on that!

There's been some good all-round relationship advice here about making sure you feel comfortable, but you already instinctively know that, which is why you posted in the first place.

So here's a thought: I am going to assume that it took your boyfriend quite a while to become interested in diapers - it doesn't usually happen overnight (for me it took probably 3 full years of questioning myself before I first even looked at an adult diaper). So, maybe ask him how long it took him for the desires to become established, and then say:

"I probably need at least that amount of time to get to the same point."

Hopefully that should be logical to him? That won't stop him from being impatient, but at least it will give him a reason to give you breathing space. My gf is into light BDSM - she likes being held down, tied up, handled roughly, taken by force, that sort of thing. I can't stand doing any of those things, I am a gentle buttercup at heart and I hate hurting people even slightly. But I have taken a year or two with her and slowly opened up to trying it all with her. She loves it! I don't. I needed time to get my heart around the fact that I was hurting her, but she liked it. I still have problems with that. But as I explore this side of her, I find that she falls more and more in love with me, which for me is totally weird. I. Don't. Do. Abuse. In. Any. Way.

Anyway, maybe keep reminding him that you need the same length of time that he took....? I hope you find your way with this xx

EDIT: Anxiety isn't always bad, btw. It's flip side is excitement, they are basically the same emotion, but one has "bad" attached to it, and one has "good". Maybe to help your anxiety, you can start a process of desensitizing yourself to wearing diapers? As I wrote above, it took me 3 years from the first time I looked at a sanitary pad (and nearly died of anxiety, I'm not kidding), to being able to buy them at the supermarket (still nearly died, but at least I could do it).

If you take a cute pullup, for example, and leave it in your own room, for you to study, look at, feel, watch, think about, check your emotions for a little while, you may find that you are able to process why you get anxious, and so that anxiety will subside a little.

Yeah, your boyfriend needs to rein it in a little.

He did the right thing by disclosing his ABDL interests.

You did the right thing by accepting that side of him.

Now he's pushing you to go further/faster than you're willing or ready to go right now. That's not cool.

CuddleWoozle,
He's not pressuring me at all. But he does get impatient even though i have gently stated to him that I need time to process everything and take the time that I need to work through it.
Since this tends to be an undetermined amount of time he asks me about it periodically to see if I've made any progress.
Usually I have made some progress and he says he'll give me some more time.

- - - Updated - - -

He has no intention of doing it with others, he only wants to do it with me. He sees it as an intimate thing and a possible bonding experience.

I'm thinking this is going to call for a lot of honest "sole searching" (With HONEST" being the oppritive word here) on your part. To find what, if any, is YOUR comfort level with this.

- - - Updated - - -

Good luck and happiness to you both.

Well, glad to hear he's not pushing so aggressively, but still. It might take time and you might not end up liking any of it much at all. :\

Just opposite here...... wife got me into it.
It took some time but I finally broke !! Lol
It not something I do a lot but when she gets in her kinky mindset we have lots o fun.


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Hi Arashi
Sorry to hear about the situation your in. If your not comfortable with wearing diapers don't do it, and your boyfriend will just have to understand and be ok with your decision of not wanting to participate in any ABDL activities.
Your boyfriend should be thankful you are willing to accept him wearing diapers.
I have a female friend that excepts my ABDL side, and I would never force diapers or any baby things upon her. She is willing to baby me, and change me when we are together. It is very hard to find a companion out there that excepts the ABDL lifestyle, he is very fortunate to have you by his side.