Some things to get off my chest

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Hey guys!

I've always been very good looking, but I don't have much dating experience. Which of course, makes the idea of dating even scarier when I have a DL fetish.

I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and my mind is an enormous "What if" generator. In these situations, I often fear the worst when it probably won't happen.

Right now, I am scared to date women. I feel like I wouldn't be able to enjoy the relationship and live in the moment because I am always going to have incredible anxiety over the fact that I will eventually have to tell her about it. I feel like I would be living in constant anxiety and would end up telling her too soon just to get it off my chest. I know this is something that I can get over once I connect with more of you guys.

I think the problem is right now is that I don't have any AB/DL friends. I just told my parents about my DL fetish last week (which went very well), and that was the first time I have ever told someone about it.

I think I need to make some DL friends first before I start dating. If you think about it: any time you have a breakup with someone, it's going to hurt and you're probably going to need someone to talk to to help process your emotions.

But let's say the relationship ended over my fetishes (that's my "what if" mind coming into play). I can't talk to any of my friends about that, because they probably wouldn't understand the fetish and telling them about it would be too frightening.

It's the worst predicament to be in. I can either a.) Keep my breakup emotions bottled up inside and have a nervous breakdown, or b.) talk to my non-DL friends about my breakup, lose a lot of friends, and have a nervous breakdown lol.

So what I really need is to spend more time on here and make some friends where we can confide and support each other, and have each others' backs when no one else will understand. I need help and validation from this community to help me accept and embrace this part of myself before I can start dating again.

I've kept this part of myself secret for FAR too long, and it's time to start opening up about it. Thank you so much for reading guys!
 
People say “yolo” (you only live once). However, that is very wrong. You live everyday and die only once. What matters is how you live. So stop letting fear be your god and just go date.
 
I think I have to agree, don't let fear stop you from dating. If it is an absolute deal breaker for you that they are into the DL lifestyle then start your search there. Much like die hard Christians meet people at church or some christian dating site. The wonderful invention of the internet has brought about groups for everything.

That being said we are happy to be that support group for you if things don't go well and you need to spill your emotions to someone.
 
Can't get dumped for being DL if they know you're DL before the relationship begins. That said I don't know that I'd start any dating profiles with saying how you think you're a good looking "HSP". Also I mean this in the nicest way possible but, you might want to consider getting some help for the anxiety before you begin dating. Good Luck :)
 
I should point out that I have anxiety disorder, and things like this can cause massive panic for me. I really wish what you were saying was that easy for me, but telling me not to let my emotions get the best of me over this situation is like telling me not to be afraid when I'm being held at gunpoint.

It's really frustrating, because when it comes to a lot of things in life, my mind starts anticipating the worst possible scenario that will probably never happen. I know intellectually that I'll probably be fine, but unfortunately the extreme anxiety is not something I can just shut off with the flip of a switch.

But I think the best thing for me right now is to just have people to talk to so I can accept this part of me. I can't just jump into the dating world when I have a massive chip on my shoulder about this fetish. I have to get comfortable with it first and then I can jump in.
 
That's understandable. We all have irrational fears and totally understand what you mean about not being able to just not be afraid. Your no different than anyone else just different interests and fears. Hope we can help you to see that. Talking always helps!
 
Afterburner said:
I should point out that I have anxiety disorder, and things like this can cause massive panic for me. I really wish what you were saying was that easy for me, but telling me not to let my emotions get the best of me over this situation is like telling me not to be afraid when I'm being held at gunpoint.

It's really frustrating, because when it comes to a lot of things in life, my mind starts anticipating the worst possible scenario that will probably never happen. I know intellectually that I'll probably be fine, but unfortunately the extreme anxiety is not something I can just shut off with the flip of a switch.

But I think the best thing for me right now is to just have people to talk to so I can accept this part of me. I can't just jump into the dating world when I have a massive chip on my shoulder about this fetish. I have to get comfortable with it first and then I can jump in.

Listen bud, we accept you for who you are, and as I said, we're here to talk and support you! I too have a disorder, so I know what extreme anxiety feels like. I know what it feels like to anticipate the worst. So don't worry, you're not alone!
 
As long as you're working toward a tangible goal and not just using this as an excuse not to date, I think there's some sense to it. Becoming a social ABDL is a significant step if you're not feeling good about it and yourself already.
 
You may one to take one step at a time, so I would start with just dating. Most dates don't lead to a permanent relationship. One tends to date one person after another until they finally find that one person who they think is the one. So just start dating and don't think about diapers or having to tell that person you enjoy wearing diapers. You'll know when the right time to divulge that has arrived.
 
"WORRY" is interest on a debt that will probably never come due.
 
Dan Savage gave great advice on this. I'm not good with this phone or I'd link.
 
A lot of us are/were in the same boat as you. I punished myself by not dating for the same reason until a few years ago and I tried to “cure”myself in the process—the only thing that ended up doing for me was hurting myself. After a lot of self-reflection, I decided that I couldn’t just cut out part of who I am, so in my next relationship, I would be open about my interests. For me, it did work out. I am currently in a relationship with a non ABDL and diapers aren’t an issue at all. Obviously, this won’t be the case for everyone, but don’t let being a DL stop you from living a fulfilling life.
 
Hi Afterburner

I can relate to your issues on a number of levels. Like yourself, I'm struggling with dating while in diapers. While I'm not a highly sensitive person, I do have anxiety, which can be very severe at times, and I'm afraid of being rejected because of them. Unlike you however, I have to wear them 24/7 because of nerve damage to my bladder. While I also consider myself a DL, as I enjoy wearing diapers (especially compared to other methods to manage my bladder), I don't have the luxury of being able to go without a diaper on occasions. In addition I have other disabilities which can complicate things further still. Despite all of this, it's taken me ten years to accept my need for diapers and be comfortable wearing them, mainly because I over-think things, and because incontinence isn't usually a symptom of any of my health issues. So I've been in the dark for most of this time.

From my own experiences, if you're anything like me, the biggest fears you face are in your own head. While it is nerve-wracking, it is important to be honest and truthful about your need for diapers. I wouldn't recommend wearing for the first few dates, but if you're beginning to develop some trust, it's better to tell them sooner rather than later. It took me ages to explain to my last girlfriend about my diapers, and she wasn't impressed. But it wasn't because of the diapers - it was because that I hadn't told her about them. Relationships work on trust, and because I hadn't told her, she was annoyed because she felt that I hadn't trusted her. So if you keep it secret from a partner, they won't be happy about not being trusted. If wearing diapers helps calm you down and helps make you feel more relaxed or confident, it's also important that they know how diapers improve your self-esteem. As I said, it's about trust.

I think the main question your partner may be worried about the whole DL question, is whether you want them to get involved in it. For some people, this can be a deal-breaker. If you're happy to wear diapers and not need any help with changing etc., you may be surprised at how some people may be okay with it, providing they don't have to do anything with it. The important thing is that you don't want your partner to feel obliged to do anything they don't want to do. If you want someone to change you, I'd find some friends in the DL community and see if you can find anyone to date from there. If not, try finding someone outside of the community first.

While it's nerve-wracking, it's important not to let your fears get the better of you. As someone who over-thinks and also has lots of anxiety (especially around this subject) I've lost countless hours fretting over if anyone would ever find me attractive or interesting, but I suggest you just go ahead and try. Even if things don't work out as planned, it's unlikely that they'll be as bad as you feared they would be.

Although not quite the same, because I'm going to be diapered for life, I've now started telling most of my friends about my incontinence, and also some of the worries I have over it. This was absolutely nerve-wracking and it took me months to build up the courage, but the responses I've had so far from people have been very supportive, or at least respectful. As a result, I feel a lot more relaxed than before as it means I don't have to worry about hiding my diapers around people, it's been a big weight off my shoulders. Now I just need to build up the courage to start dating again.

I won't say, "do not worry," but instead "don't let your fears hold you back." Test your fears by holding them up to the truth. You may be surprised by the response you get.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
 
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