Thinking About Telling Girlfriend.

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ColinInDiapers

Colin
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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Hey everyone, I just started dating someone, we are starting to get a little serious now. I think it is only a matter of time before I tell her, I do think that a relationship partner should be aware of what's going on. We do not live together...Yet, but if we move in together I don't think it would be a good Idea to hide my diapers from her and hide secrets. Therefore I think it would be best to be open to her about my love for diapers and how i'm a DL and slightly an AB. However, I think that I should still wait before coming out with it. I'm not even sure what to say, lol, I have never told anyone about this before. Obviously I'm not going to be like " Hey I like to wear diapers" and that's it. It would be hard for me to not only explain what this is but to explain why I am who I am. I don't even Know why, I just am I guess. Anyway, She has an elderly grandmother, that she takes care of whom is incontinent and requires diapers. She told me that she often has to change her diapers and that it is a pain in the butt, and doesn't really like it. If I tell her, I would say that she wouldn't have to change me if she did not want to. I would also tell her that I do not want this to come between our relationship, and that my very last resort(hopefully not) would be to give up on diapers, knowing that it would be extremely difficult for me to do as they have become a part of me now. Her and I are almost perfect together and I would not want to give up the relationship either.



But, Kinda off topic on a positive note. The PeekABU diapers that I ordered had FINALLY shipped and I am super excited for the delivery.
 
We get questions like this every now and then. I have a lot of personal experience in this regard, I've told numerous friends who responded positively and I have had 2 girlfriends in the past, both of whom I told, one of them thought it was fine, but she let me indulge on my own time, she wanted no part of the Mommy/Baby dynamic and my 2nd girlfriend was completely OK with it and steadily began mothering me when in baby mode.

First off, it's totally natural to be a little nervous, I think many of us AB's are pretty self-aware and we know that being a big baby and or enjoying diapers can be a bit of a tough sell for a prospective partner, as such we tend to get iffy and protective when it comes to revealing this side of ourselves to others. Eventually, as you get closer to your partner and more comfortable with this side of yourself, being nervous about telling will fade fast.

Before I proceed, can I ask you a question as well, how long exactly have you been dating this person? I ask this because when you decide to tell them usually matters. I've heard of people who confided in their partner extremely early, a few dates in and it appears that if you tell too early, you run the risk of coming on too strong and driving them away. I've also heard that if you tell them too late, say years into the relationship, they respond poorly because it's almost like you were deliberately hiding a part of yourself from them, it causes trust issues.

I told my first girlfriend 6 months into our relationship and my 2nd girlfriend 3 months into the relationship, things were serious and we practically did everything together at those points in the relationships. So, from personal experience if your relationship is between the 3-6 month mark, that's a pretty opportune time to tell, it's still early enough to break away without any hurt feelings if it doesn't go over well, but not late in the game enough to risk severe disappointment or a possible break-up.

Secondly, the type of person your partner is should help you determine when you tell as well. I waited with my first girlfriend because she wasn't a big child or baby person, she was very independent and stern, more of a rock in the relationship, not the life of the party or the best friend, I figured if I told her too early she'd break it off right away. I waited a shorter amount of time with my 2nd girlfriend because we had a lot in common, she had a very bubbly demeanour and had a strong maternal side she was very upfront with me about, she worked at a daycare and an animal shelter during her time in University, so I figured chances are she'll likely be OK with this side of myself and she was, more so than my 1st girlfriend.

When I told them, I tried not to make things awkward. I prepared what I wanted to say beforehand and I treated the day like any other, I invited them over for a dinner, we got to talking and hanging out and then when things quieted down and we settled in for the evening, I slowly started the conversation. I told them that I was an AB, what being an AB means to me and how important this was to me as eloquently as I could without giving away all of the details and then I let them engage in the conversation as well, I gave them time and space to ask their own questions. If you prepare how you're going to bring it up and what you're going to say beforehand, you can effectively reveal this side of yourself in a way that is devoid of nerves and awkwardness. If you give them the time to ask their own questions, the conversation feels like a mutual one, it becomes a conversation that builds trust and makes things less one-sided.

If your relationship is still fresh and you don't know where you stand or what being an AB/DL means to you exactly, then maybe it's best to take some time and figure things out further. When you are comfortable and confident, prepare what you want to say, have a date like any other and bring it up when things feel right. Hopefully, your partner is an open-minded person and they will accept you for who you are. Chances are if you have a lot in common and similar interests they'll be fine with this.

Also, if things go over well don't expect them to want to take part in this right away. Even after you tell, it'll take time for your partner to fully come to terms with this as well. My 1st girlfriend never came around to embracing my AB side fully, but didn't judge me for it, she allowed me to wear and regress in my spare time and my 2nd girlfriend was OK with it from the get go, found it cute, but it even took her time to get comfortable with caring for me when I regressed.

Lastly, there's no need to rush things. Asking within the 3-6 month mark, preparing what I was going to say and starting the conversation in a very natural, straight forward way worked for me, but that doesn't mean that'll work for you. Only you know your partner and the nature of the relationship well enough to know how they will react and when the time is right and only you know what being an AB/DL means to you, so you'll have to figure out what it is you're going to say when the time comes. Hopefully, my experience can be of some help to you and I'm sure others will chime in with their support and advice as well.

Whenever you decide to tell, I wish you luck :)

PS. I just got my PeekABU's Thursday, but haven't been able to wear them, I'm preparing for a trip across the country. Oh well, they'll be waiting for me when I get back :)
 
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Yeah, absolutely say that she doesn't have to change you/participate if she doesn't want to.

I would absolutely maintain that it is a big thing for you though, if she doesn't like it she shouldn't have to participate in it, but you should still be able to indulge yourself when you want to.
 
Poofybutt said:
We get questions like this every now and then. I have a lot of personal experience in this regard, I've told numerous friends who responded positively and I have had 2 girlfriends in the past, both of whom I told, one of them thought it was fine, but she let me indulge on my own time, she wanted no part of the Mommy/Baby dynamic and my 2nd girlfriend was completely OK with it and steadily began mothering me when in baby mode.

First off, it's totally natural to be a little nervous, I think many of us AB's are pretty self-aware and we know that being a big baby and or enjoying diapers can be a bit of a tough sell for a prospective partner, as such we tend to get iffy and protective when it comes to revealing this side of ourselves to others. Eventually, as you get closer to your partner and more comfortable with this side of yourself, being nervous about telling will fade fast.

Before I proceed, can I ask you a question as well, how long exactly have you been dating this person? I ask this because when you decide to tell them usually matters. I've heard of people who confided in their partner extremely early, a few dates in and it appears that if you tell too early, you run the risk of coming on too strong and driving them away. I've also heard that if you tell them too late, say years into the relationship, they respond poorly because it's almost like you were deliberately hiding a part of yourself from them, it causes trust issues.

I told my first girlfriend 6 months into our relationship and my 2nd girlfriend 3 months into the relationship, things were serious and we practically did everything together at those points in the relationships. So, from personal experience if your relationship is between the 3-6 month mark, that's a pretty opportune time to tell, it's still early enough to break away without any hurt feelings if it doesn't go over well, but not late in the game enough to risk severe disappointment or a possible break-up.

Secondly, the type of person your partner is should help you determine when you tell as well. I waited with my first girlfriend because she wasn't a big child or baby person, she was very independent and stern, more of a rock in the relationship, not the life of the party or the best friend, I figured if I told her too early she'd break it off right away. I waited a shorter amount of time with my 2nd girlfriend because we had a lot in common, she had a very bubbly demeanour and had a strong maternal side she was very upfront with me about, she worked at a daycare and an animal shelter during her time in University, so I figured chances are she'll likely be OK with this side of myself and she was, more so than my 1st girlfriend.

When I told them, I tried not to make things awkward. I prepared what I wanted to say beforehand and I treated the day like any other, I invited them over for a dinner, we got to talking and hanging out and then when things quieted down and we settled in for the evening, I slowly started the conversation. I told them that I was an AB, what being an AB means to me and how important this was to me as eloquently as I could without giving away all of the details and then I let them engage in the conversation as well, I gave them time and space to ask their own questions. If you prepare how you're going to bring it up and what you're going to say beforehand, you can effectively reveal this side of yourself in a way that is devoid of nerves and awkwardness. If you give them the time to ask their own questions, the conversation feels like a mutual one, it becomes a conversation that builds trust and makes things less one-sided.

If your relationship is still fresh and you don't know where you stand or what being an AB/DL means to you exactly, then maybe it's best to take some time and figure things out further. When you are comfortable and confident, prepare what you want to say, have a date like any other and bring it up when things feel right. Hopefully, your partner is an open-minded person and they will accept you for who you are. Chances are if you have a lot in common and similar interests they'll be fine with this.

Also, if things go over well don't expect them to want to take part in this right away. Even after you tell, it'll take time for your partner to fully come to terms with this as well. My 1st girlfriend never came around to embracing my AB side fully, but didn't judge me for it, she allowed me to wear and regress in my spare time and my 2nd girlfriend was OK with it from the get go, found it cute, but it even took her time to get comfortable with caring for me when I regressed.

Lastly, there's no need to rush things. Asking within the 3-6 month mark, preparing what I was going to say and starting the conversation in a very natural, straight forward way worked for me, but that doesn't mean that'll work for you. Only you know your partner and the nature of the relationship well enough to know how they will react and when the time is right and only you know what being an AB/DL means to you, so you'll have to figure out what it is you're going to say when the time comes. Hopefully, my experience can be of some help to you and I'm sure others will chime in with their support and advice as well.

Whenever you decide to tell, I wish you luck :)

PS. I just got my PeekABU's Thursday, but haven't been able to wear them, I'm preparing for a trip across the country. Oh well, they'll be waiting for me when I get back :)

Thank you for the assistance, It is very helpful. My girlfriend and I had only recently became "official." We have only really known each other for a few weeks. I wasn't anticipating to tell her this early, I just wanted to get a generalized idea of what to do/say. I am an awkward person and I do get very nervous at times. We do have common interests and we are both really into each other. However, I do want to wait until I am confident in telling her. I would really need to prepare myself and practice in my head or whatever of what to say and how to say it in a way in which she would be understanding. As the time nears closer I may once again ask for assistance, I have never even mentioned this to anyone other than in this community.

Thanks once again for the help.
 
cd158 said:
Thank you for the assistance, It is very helpful. My girlfriend and I had only recently became "official." We have only really known each other for a few weeks. I wasn't anticipating to tell her this early, I just wanted to get a generalized idea of what to do/say. I am an awkward person and I do get very nervous at times. We do have common interests and we are both really into each other. However, I do want to wait until I am confident in telling her. I would really need to prepare myself and practice in my head or whatever of what to say and how to say it in a way in which she would be understanding. As the time nears closer I may once again ask for assistance, I have never even mentioned this to anyone other than in this community.

Thanks once again for the help.

No problem, glad I was helpful.

Just official now, your relationship is really young then. I'd advise that you take your time then, don't rush, wait things out and get to know each other more. If you want to prepare for when you eventually tell her, I see no problem in thinking about what you'd like to say and preparing something well in advance.

Whether you guys date for 3 months or 6 months or longer before you decide to tell, I'm sure it'll go over well as long as you guys get along and you know what to say. Until the time comes, have fun with dating for the time being :)
 
Good luck! I told my girlfriend and she will join me in on it every now and then. Giving up diapers would not be an easy thing to do. I thought I was gonna be capable of pulling that off but, it’s a part of you. It’s not easy, or maybe not even possible, to throw away an entire section of who you are. I hope she is caring and understanding of you. If she isn’t then maybe she isn’t as perfect for you as you think? Take it slow and good luck!
 
Poofybutt said:
No problem, glad I was helpful.

Just official now, your relationship is really young then. I'd advise that you take your time then, don't rush, wait things out and get to know each other more. If you want to prepare for when you eventually tell her, I see no problem in thinking about what you'd like to say and preparing something well in advance.

Whether you guys date for 3 months or 6 months or longer before you decide to tell, I'm sure it'll go over well as long as you guys get along and you know what to say. Until the time comes, have fun with dating for the time being :)

Thank you once again. Hopefully when the time comes she would be understanding. I'm not expecting much, But it would obviously take some time and a lot of awkward-ness, lol. When the Time comes I'll figure it out.
 
Poofybutt said:
No problem, glad I was helpful.

Just official now, your relationship is really young then. I'd advise that you take your time then, don't rush, wait things out and get to know each other more. If you want to prepare for when you eventually tell her, I see no problem in thinking about what you'd like to say and preparing something well in advance.

Whether you guys date for 3 months or 6 months or longer before you decide to tell, I'm sure it'll go over well as long as you guys get along and you know what to say. Until the time comes, have fun with dating for the time being :)

I completely agree with Poffybutt, I think it is way to soon to divulge this to her.

One thing I know for certain, you mentioned giving up this side of you...it wont go away. That is what I thought would happen when I got married. AB was always in the background for me, until 30 years later it became uncontrollable and came roaring back. Fortunately by that time we had been together for nearly 30 years, we knew each other inside and out and it worked out for us.

I don't recommend saying anything for a while, and don't delude yourself into thinking this side of you will just go away if you have enough willpower.
 
First, please dont kid yourself, you will never be able to give it up. Trust me I tried. I have been fascinated by diapers for as long as I can remember. I was first married when I was 28. I hid anc surpressed all of my ABDL and crossdressing for a long time. Long story shory, 7 years in and we were done. She said she could no longer live with my lifestyle. Yes, there were other factors, but she blamed my kink.

My current wife I met when I was 38. I told her everything about me before we got married. I figured if she could not accept me for who I was, that I was not going to go through that again. She has even told me that she is happy I told her because she did not want to try to love someone holding back a secret about something that is part of me.

My wife is great, I am very blessed. I am pretty much free to wear diapers and girly stuff anytime. I can be me! In fact, in our current conversations, we are discussing the possibility of looking into fufilling a fantasy of mine...going diapered 24/7 for a period of time!
 
If she truly loves you, and she is truly a prefect match for you, she'll accept it. She may not want to change you or take part in it, but she'll accept it. I still have to come out to my best friend about me wearing diapers, but I imagine that she'll accept it. I had to reveal another secret to her before, and she accepted it with no questions asked. If she can't accept it, than it just wasn't meant to be. Diapers aren't just a kink or a fetish, they're a lifestyle, so if your lifestyle can't be accepted, then you need to find someone who will accept you. Not to be nosey, but if you want me to butter her up for you (I'll befriend her, come out to her, get her open to the lifestyle, and send her back to you), I'll gladly do so.
 
tithonian said:
i would also suggest keeping it light. It doesn't need to be a sit down staring face to face with no distractions kind of conversation. Casually talk about kinks in general and when you feel comfortable you launch into the "what's your biggest secret fetish?" you might even consider asking about squicks in advance. For some people diapers are a huge squick because of all the pop culture associations. I would also say that even if it is a squick, that doesn't need to be the wall up and abort part of the conversation. You can stick up for your fetish. Not in a "you're wrong it's beautiful you idiot" kind of way. More in a, "is it the fetish itself or the stigmas surrounding it?" i only mention this because it's good to have a contingency plan. You don't want to hear "no diapers!" and freeze. Confidence is key. When the time comes, and be patient with that, good luck!

"squick"?
 
littlemoosey said:
"squick"?

It's a slang term meaning that it grosses someone out. I wouldn't expect someone to just come up with diapers out of the blue as something they're totally opposed to. I don't think this even registers on most people's' radar as a "thing."

If you're going to go this route, I think you're going to need to find (or make) some kind of a kink quiz that has diapers as one of the options, where "no way, gross as hell" is one extreme, and "I'm already loving it" on the other end.
 
Thanx for the update, a new word for my 58 year old vocabulary.
 
littlemoosey said:
Thanx for the update, a new word for my 58 year old vocabulary.

New to me in the past few weeks as well!
 
Girlfriend

So I recently posted about thinking of telling my girlfriend. We haven't been dating long, but i'm thinking I should tell her soon. We somehow got into a conversation about having kids eventually and changing diapers. I told her that I haven't changed a diaper in a long time. I have actually never changed another person's diaper, only my own. I understand I should probably wait some time before telling her that I enjoy wearing diapers.
 
This post is fairly similar to your recent one, I think you could have updated your last post with this information. No worries though.

You know my opinion on the matter, that 3-6 month mark is usually the sweet spot, not too early in the relationship, not too late. If you are feeling more confident about telling her and you feel that she is truly the one, then maybe you can bring yourself to tell her at this point in the relationship, however, that is entirely up to you. If you do tell her this early on, at least practice and plan out what you want to say beforehand and give her the time and space necessary to ask her questions as well.

Still, that's a pretty routine conversation you guys just had. I had conversations like those every now and then with my first girlfriends and they didn't make me want to tell them any sooner. Also, going from talk of having kids to revealing that you're an AB is quite the leap, that might catch her off guard.

I'd say it's best to wait for the right moment and to feel these things out a bit more. At the end of the day though, deciding when to tell is entirely up to you. In any event, I wish you luck. Telling a partner can be difficult, but I would say it's always for the best. Here's hoping that when you do get around to telling, she is sympathetic and understanding :)
 
Poofybutt said:
This post is fairly similar to your recent one, I think you could have updated your last post with this information. No worries though.

You know my opinion on the matter, that 3-6 month mark is usually the sweet spot, not too early in the relationship, not too late. If you are feeling more confident about telling her and you feel that she is truly the one, then maybe you can bring yourself to tell her at this point in the relationship, however, that is entirely up to you. If you do tell her this early on, at least practice and plan out what you want to say beforehand and give her the time and space necessary to ask her questions as well.

Still, that's a pretty routine conversation you guys just had. I had conversations like those every now and then with my first girlfriends and they didn't make me want to tell them any sooner. Also, going from talk of having kids to revealing that you're an AB is quite the leap, that might catch her off guard.

I'd say it's best to wait for the right moment and to feel these things out a bit more. At the end of the day though, deciding when to tell is entirely up to you. In any event, I wish you luck. Telling a partner can be difficult, but I would say it's always for the best. Here's hoping that when you do get around to telling, she is sympathetic and understanding :)

Thanks again. I just now realized I could've updated my other post. Oops. It's all good though.
 
Over the years I've spilled my beans to a few girlfriends, like mentioned, I did wait atleast 2 months before I said anything and with the 3 of them I did not have any issues, they all pretty much said the same thing "they love me just the way I am" now that wasn't an open door to a caregiver type relationship, it was just me being honest, and yes we all broke up over different things. I just met a new woman that came across me on fetlife, obviously she already knows what im into, and so far we couldn't be happier with messaging (she's a total diaper enabler) we do have plans on meeting up this weekend since she's only an hour away.
 
I really don't think that you should mix those 2 conversations; your diaper needs, and her wanting to have children. They are completely separate issues. I think that if you are going to do it, you should first confirm that she is even comfortable with your little side and then give that some real time. If she is not comfortable with the little side of you, the other conversation is a moot point anyways.
 
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