The next conversation....

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indigodl

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Sissy
A while ago I posted about the fact I've been DL for a LONG time (30+ years), but only recently plucked up the courage to actually BUY adult diapers. BOY do I love it, I just wishing I'd plucked up the courage earlier, I'm kicking myself for letting all those years go by :-( Over the few months I've also obviously bumped into the AB side, something I'd not seriously considered before, but started wondering what it would feel like.

I went ahead and bought an adult pacifier, what harm could it do? The first time using it was scary feeling like I was about to step down a rabbit hole, butI felt instantly relaxed. So I went a step further and bought a onesie, this is STUPID I thought... STOP! but again, I've worn it lots now (luckily I work from home by myself a couple of times a week) and every time it makes me feel safe and smile, I LOVE it.

All great right? Well not quite, now for the hard part. I've been married 20+ years and I'd never discussed this with her, it was a secret that was to remain locked away inside me and NOBODY was to ever find out. Yes I know this breaks all the rules about leaving it so long, but way back then there wasn't any internet, no way to know this was something other people felt, so I locked it away deep inside and had it under control, well until recently!

Quite a few months ago I decided I had to approach the subject with my wife, because she should know this part of me and because if I keep buying diapers she's eventually going to possibly see some of the transactions (although I've become a PRO at sneaking bits of money away without any trace!). A while ago I posted about how this went, but in a word TERRIBLE, I did EVERYTHING wrong, it was so deeply locked up that I just couldn't get the words out. On the second attempt a week later I was a LOT calmer and managed to get the word diapers out. The response was calm, but I think she was just pretending I hadn't said anything.

A couple of days later I bought the conversation up again with "that thing we were talking about a few days ago..", but it got shut down quite hard and the shame hit and I left it there. So here we are, MONTHS later, she kind of knows but has NO idea that I have a stash in the house and wear regularly and quite frankly I'm not brave enough to bring it up.

This status quo works, but I really WISH I didn't have to be so secret. It goes without saying that it needs to be hidden from everybody else such as kids and quite frankly I'm an absolute PRO and hiding things, (seriously I think I could be an international spy)!

Sometimes it feels like I'm living two completely different lives. I seem to have got quite good at compartmentalizing them, even to a point where the other day I KNEW a road had delays (because I'd been down it the day before to secretly buy diapers), but I still let her drive the car down there because I couldn't mention I knew about the problems. If something were to happen to me and she did eventually find and open the box, I have NO idea what she'd think.

Anyway, that's my story, it doesn't really have a point, other than I'm a coward. On the plus side, the months spent reading stuff on here have helped me process those years of shame to the point that I don't feel shame at myself for having these thoughts, so I guess that's progress!
 
OMG. You are so brave! [emoji1280]️ I came out to my family this year! I also have depression and anxiety. As far as a lover goes I may tell him. [emoji2]


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DEFINITELY NOT a coward. Not an easy thing to share. Good for you for trying to tell your wife and I hope she will embrace it in time.
 
May I suggest you write a letter to your wife, explaining pretty much the above. That letter would be the hot poker to break the ice, then you can openly talk, because it's already out there.
 
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. I always think about when I have a girlfriend and eventually wife she'll know this about me before we go far enough into the relationship. I never put much thought into how this must be for others who have been pressuring this side of themselves for years until finally they break through only to discover they've put them self in a position that doesn't allow them to be who they truly are.

Overcoming shame is definitely progress! You are brave to be able to even mention it to your wife. I think your best bet would be to help your wife understand where you are coming from and why it's so important to you. Tell her that you've spent 30 years suppressing this. Tell her that you haven't changed but that this was always apart of you and you don't want to be locked up in that box again you were for so many years. "I'm free now, don't lock me up again". Also know that you have to be honest, caring, and understanding of how she would react, what she might go through as well. She will need time to process this all so the quicker you have a deep, heartfelt and honest conversation, the quicker the acceptance will come.

People can accept a large number of things, if they're willing and if they've had enough time to normalize it within their life. For example when my family first saw my interest in "girly" things they laughed and questioned me but as they kept seeing the repetition of this. Now when I introduce a new "girly" thing they don't even flinch, question or laugh they know "it's just me".

Of course if she can't stand the sight of them or the thought of it, that may take a little more work and room for compromise (such as keeping them out of sight and wearing at certain times). But I still think communication is the key if you wish to see any success here and most importantly her understanding of why you want to wear it. If people can find a "rational" reason for doing something they tend to be more open to it.

I use the three C's. Comfort, Convenient and Childhood. Comfort being that it feels secure and soft like a pillow hugging your delicate areas. Convenient being it works for like going to the movies and not missing it if you need to leave to pee or for road trips. Then there is childhood which is an emotional connection I've had to them since I was in preschool. It's like for some people who never grow out of star wars, they loved it when they were a child and still do as an adult.

These are my logical reasons however I would say yours will be different or maybe similar. But I would recommend some reason other than "because I like them" to boost her reasons for acceptance.

I do hope it all works out for you and wish you the best.
 
I waited 11 years of marriage before finally getting the courage to tell my wife. She didn’t take it well and still wants nothing to do with it. It has been 2.5 years since I told her and she still acts like it doesn’t exist.
 
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