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I told my wife I like to wear diapers...please read.

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rocky56

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Forgive me for the long post, but it's my story and I need to share it.

So, this past Friday evening I told my wife the biggest secret I've ever kept. Never told anyone before, not even anyone online, or forum, etc. I never thought I would tell anyone, ever. But, I did.

I was nervous. But, I had a reason to tell her... Here is my story.

I've been married to my wife for 2 years now. We have a almost 8 months old son. We have been together for 4 years now. We are a happy couple, with a "average" sex life and we have had our ups and our downs, until a few months ago, I always trusted my wife, that changed in April. I found out she had been texting a guy for a year and a half. She changed his name in her phone, so I wouldn't think anything of it. She called him "Courtney" and she would text him several, several times a day. His real name was Teddy and Teddy lived about 600 miles north of us, they exchanged numbers a year and a half ago, after talking so long on a phone app (Dice with Buddies) and they "just became good friends." He knew she was a married woman, but he as well "saw her as just a friend.."

However, I looked through her phone one day in April and found pictures of him (dressed) and that this "Courtney" was really a guy, she had been lying to me about and how they would message each other literally sometimes a hundred times a day. He would sometimes ask sexual questions, ie: Have you ever tried anal? How many guys have you been with.. etc. She answered them. She also vented to him when we would argue and some of the text messages I read, were the worst things I ever read in my life. One time she wrote to him... "The biggest regret I have is marrying my husband." Those words still haunt me to this day.

My world came crashing down when I told her I knew who "Courtney" was and I wanted to know everything. We talked and cried for hours. She blocked him, and deleted him off every type of social media they were associated with. I was devastated, on the the verge at times to just call it quits. However, she talked me through everything and allowed me 100% use of her phone and anything I wanted. Passwords to Facebook, email, any social media, etc with access to check anything I want. She told me there were no more secrets and she would be 100% honest from then on out about everything and no more lies, or secrets. As hard as it was, I had no choice, but to believe her.

Long story short... I have had many hard days and hard times, but I have spoken with her and she has been there to answer anything I have asked. My trust for her was gone completely and would take awhile to get back... and it started to. Every now an then, I would dig deeper into past Facebook messages, posts, or emails from years ago, even before we were married. Well, on Wednesday, May 30th, my world came to a shatter. I found about a dozen emails from my wife in the sent trash folder dating from 2007-2012 emailing another girl about sex, going down on her, how much she loved her etc. It made me so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe it. I thought, this can't be her, I would have never imagined she was a lesbian. So I printed all the emails and saved them to my hard-drive. After she got home from work, I told her I wanted to know her biggest secret. She couldn't tell me. She didn't have any idea I already knew. So I told her I knew about "Audra" and she told me she was so embarrassed and ashamed and thought I would have never married her if she told me before we got married, or if she told me after I found out about the text messages form Teddy, she thought for sure I would divorce her.

I got a hotel that night. I was disgusted. I didn't want to see her. I needed to think straight. I couldn't believe she lied to me. She confessed, she was a closet lesbian with her best friend for almost 6 years. She lost her virginity to her and they did everything lesbians do, just in the closet. They lived with one another after graduation and it was a big family secret. Only her siblings, parents and grandparents knew. It wasn't on any social media, talked about with any friends and not PDA. She told me she wanted to tell me so many times before, but knew inside she couldn't. She didn't have the courage too, and she thought I wouldn't accept it and would leave her.

I told her, the LYING about not sharing this secret with me, hurt more than the fact that she was a lesbian (or bi-sexual) and it's something I should have known about BEFORE we got married. She told me she was ashamed and embarrassed that she was with her girlfriend for so long and she didn't want that lifestyle. She told me she realized she wanted kids, was also attracted to guys and wanted a family, something Audra couldn't give her. She also never wanted to be "out" and had feelings for guys too. She wanted to live a straight lifestyle, so she tried to cover up any skeletons she had in her closet and hide as much as she could, never thinking I would ever find out. She deleted pictures, posts, messages, emails, etc anything even close to something about her and Audra.

We are not going to counseling and talking about things more and more. On Friday, two days after I found out about her biggest secret and HUGE lie... I told her I had something to confess to her as well. It was nothing like how big and bad her secret was, or the fact she lied and hid it from me for 4 years about being a bi-sexual... but I told her. She laughed, in acceptance, like "That's it?" That is your secret!?

It started when I was young. Very young. 5? I would steal my little cousin's diapers and try and wear them. It made me feel comfortable, secure. I hid them in my closet and would wear one now and then and made me feel so good. When I was a teenager, I thought about buying some at the store, but because I lived in such a small town, I never did because I was sure someone I knew would be there. So one day, when I was like 17 or 18, I went to a store and used a bathroom and there were some opened depends in the bathroom stall. I was so excited. I took one and tried it on. I instantly got an erection and I went back the very next day and took like 4-5 more from the bathroom stall. I wore them, masturbated in them and sometimes peed. It just felt comfortable. I've ordered a few packs online since then and hid them from her. Sometimes throwing my stash away because I was afraid I would get caught. I haven't worn a diaper in probably a year, well before my son was born. I've always been turned on by pictures of girls in diapers and wanted to have a sexual experience with a girl wearing a diaper. I told her, I was attracted to the fetish of wearing a diaper, and being with a girl, who would wear a diaper too at times, especially in the bedroom. Nothing more than the feeling I get of wearing one and the feeling I get if she tried one on. So I told her. She told me she could "never do that" but later that night, I believe I convinced to try, because it would please me. She told me I could order some diapers online and when they came in, she would try, for me. So I have some on order. I am really anxious to try one on her. I don't know if she will like it. But she told me, I could buy some and at least not have to hide them from her... and if I did, and she found them, at least she wouldn't be concerned and ask questions. I felt better getting it off my chest, even though it wasn't a huge secret to me that I was trying to keep in from never telling her-- I just never told anyone at all. I know I am not alone here and how big the ABDL community is. I told her to look it up sometime and that I am not the only one with this fetish (as hard as it sometimes can believe, even when you are the one with the fetish) because I know it sounds strange... I like to wear diapers as a grown man for sexual pleasure and comfort.

She accepts my "baggage" I am working on accepting hers and being 100% open and honest with one another. Hopefully it will make our relationship even stronger than it ever has been and because of all this, allowed me to tell her and maybe have some experiences with her that I always fantasized about. Who knows.. maybe she will enjoy it. I know a lot of girls like the way it feels for them too, but you have to just get past "it's a diaper."

Thank you for letting me share my story.
 
I hope things work out for you both. You sound like a good and decent man and she's made some mistakes. (we all have) Marriage can be hard sometimes and especially since it's not about just the two of you. Having kids is a difficult job filled with joy and sorrow but there's nothing more special in my opinion.
Good luck! Oh yeah, the diaper "thing" is no big deal in the big picture. Just be patient.
 
rocky56 said:
Forgive me for the long post, but it's my story and I need to share it.

So, this past Friday evening I told my wife the biggest secret I've ever kept. Never told anyone before, not even anyone online, or forum, etc. I never thought I would tell anyone, ever. But, I did.

I was nervous. But, I had a reason to tell her... Here is my story.

I've been married to my wife for 2 years now. We have a almost 8 months old son. We have been together for 4 years now. We are a happy couple, with a "average" sex life and we have had our ups and our downs, until a few months ago, I always trusted my wife, that changed in April. I found out she had been texting a guy for a year and a half. She changed his name in her phone, so I wouldn't think anything of it. She called him "Courtney" and she would text him several, several times a day. His real name was Teddy and Teddy lived about 600 miles north of us, they exchanged numbers a year and a half ago, after talking so long on a phone app (Dice with Buddies) and they "just became good friends." He knew she was a married woman, but he as well "saw her as just a friend.."

However, I looked through her phone one day in April and found pictures of him (dressed) and that this "Courtney" was really a guy, she had been lying to me about and how they would message each other literally sometimes a hundred times a day. He would sometimes ask sexual questions, ie: Have you ever tried anal? How many guys have you been with.. etc. She answered them. She also vented to him when we would argue and some of the text messages I read, were the worst things I ever read in my life. One time she wrote to him... "The biggest regret I have is marrying my husband." Those words still haunt me to this day.

My world came crashing down when I told her I knew who "Courtney" was and I wanted to know everything. We talked and cried for hours. She blocked him, and deleted him off every type of social media they were associated with. I was devastated, on the the verge at times to just call it quits. However, she talked me through everything and allowed me 100% use of her phone and anything I wanted. Passwords to Facebook, email, any social media, etc with access to check anything I want. She told me there were no more secrets and she would be 100% honest from then on out about everything and no more lies, or secrets. As hard as it was, I had no choice, but to believe her.

Long story short... I have had many hard days and hard times, but I have spoken with her and she has been there to answer anything I have asked. My trust for her was gone completely and would take awhile to get back... and it started to. Every now an then, I would dig deeper into past Facebook messages, posts, or emails from years ago, even before we were married. Well, on Wednesday, May 30th, my world came to a shatter. I found about a dozen emails from my wife in the sent trash folder dating from 2007-2012 emailing another girl about sex, going down on her, how much she loved her etc. It made me so sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe it. I thought, this can't be her, I would have never imagined she was a lesbian. So I printed all the emails and saved them to my hard-drive. After she got home from work, I told her I wanted to know her biggest secret. She couldn't tell me. She didn't have any idea I already knew. So I told her I knew about "Audra" and she told me she was so embarrassed and ashamed and thought I would have never married her if she told me before we got married, or if she told me after I found out about the text messages form Teddy, she thought for sure I would divorce her.

I got a hotel that night. I was disgusted. I didn't want to see her. I needed to think straight. I couldn't believe she lied to me. She confessed, she was a closet lesbian with her best friend for almost 6 years. She lost her virginity to her and they did everything lesbians do, just in the closet. They lived with one another after graduation and it was a big family secret. Only her siblings, parents and grandparents knew. It wasn't on any social media, talked about with any friends and not PDA. She told me she wanted to tell me so many times before, but knew inside she couldn't. She didn't have the courage too, and she thought I wouldn't accept it and would leave her.

I told her, the LYING about not sharing this secret with me, hurt more than the fact that she was a lesbian (or bi-sexual) and it's something I should have known about BEFORE we got married. She told me she was ashamed and embarrassed that she was with her girlfriend for so long and she didn't want that lifestyle. She told me she realized she wanted kids, was also attracted to guys and wanted a family, something Audra couldn't give her. She also never wanted to be "out" and had feelings for guys too. She wanted to live a straight lifestyle, so she tried to cover up any skeletons she had in her closet and hide as much as she could, never thinking I would ever find out. She deleted pictures, posts, messages, emails, etc anything even close to something about her and Audra.

We are not going to counseling and talking about things more and more. On Friday, two days after I found out about her biggest secret and HUGE lie... I told her I had something to confess to her as well. It was nothing like how big and bad her secret was, or the fact she lied and hid it from me for 4 years about being a bi-sexual... but I told her. She laughed, in acceptance, like "That's it?" That is your secret!?

It started when I was young. Very young. 5? I would steal my little cousin's diapers and try and wear them. It made me feel comfortable, secure. I hid them in my closet and would wear one now and then and made me feel so good. When I was a teenager, I thought about buying some at the store, but because I lived in such a small town, I never did because I was sure someone I knew would be there. So one day, when I was like 17 or 18, I went to a store and used a bathroom and there were some opened depends in the bathroom stall. I was so excited. I took one and tried it on. I instantly got an erection and I went back the very next day and took like 4-5 more from the bathroom stall. I wore them, masturbated in them and sometimes peed. It just felt comfortable. I've ordered a few packs online since then and hid them from her. Sometimes throwing my stash away because I was afraid I would get caught. I haven't worn a diaper in probably a year, well before my son was born. I've always been turned on by pictures of girls in diapers and wanted to have a sexual experience with a girl wearing a diaper. I told her, I was attracted to the fetish of wearing a diaper, and being with a girl, who would wear a diaper too at times, especially in the bedroom. Nothing more than the feeling I get of wearing one and the feeling I get if she tried one on. So I told her. She told me she could "never do that" but later that night, I believe I convinced to try, because it would please me. She told me I could order some diapers online and when they came in, she would try, for me. So I have some on order. I am really anxious to try one on her. I don't know if she will like it. But she told me, I could buy some and at least not have to hide them from her... and if I did, and she found them, at least she wouldn't be concerned and ask questions. I felt better getting it off my chest, even though it wasn't a huge secret to me that I was trying to keep in from never telling her-- I just never told anyone at all. I know I am not alone here and how big the ABDL community is. I told her to look it up sometime and that I am not the only one with this fetish (as hard as it sometimes can believe, even when you are the one with the fetish) because I know it sounds strange... I like to wear diapers as a grown man for sexual pleasure and comfort.

She accepts my "baggage" I am working on accepting hers and being 100% open and honest with one another. Hopefully it will make our relationship even stronger than it ever has been and because of all this, allowed me to tell her and maybe have some experiences with her that I always fantasized about. Who knows.. maybe she will enjoy it. I know a lot of girls like the way it feels for them too, but you have to just get past "it's a diaper."

Thank you for letting me share my story.

Very sad tale my friend. Hope you are hanging in there and trying to focus on the positive of the situation that you are both now more open with each other than you have ever been. Small solace I am sure considering how heart breaking it must have been for you but chin up and chest out! You can make it through this!
 
Having another partner that’s not fully into the lifestyle is always tough. I deal with that aspect of it. As far as the rest, that’s very difficult. Marriage is tough enough without even emotional affairs. If I read correctly, the other situation was before you guys even met? Even though it may have occurred before you met I know it can be hard to deal with. I guess you could look at it though it was before you met. She didn’t cheat on you with the girl. I hope I’m understanding that correctly if not I apologize. I did read the huge positive though, she didnt freak out when you told her. That’s great! Anyhow, I hope things keep getting better.
 
Life and Sex are complicated, and our bodies and urges don't care what we or society would like us to be.... I made a choice when I married my wife to shelve and suppress my bisexual side (so, I'm not attracted to men, but fantasize about being tied up and used by them...yeah, not something you bring up when your dating someone...'hey, before we get too serious, I want you to know I will struggle with some urges the rest of my life, these include...' ) I've been married now 20+ years and the reward is a family with three wonderful kids I love... but I do still think back to my choice, although I would never change it!
 
Thanks everyone.

These past three and a half weeks have been rough, to say the least. Good days and bad days. I have a hard time to "accept" her past because she cannot explain it to me. She just tells me she is not gay anymore and has zero interest in being or attraction to any girls. Because I am a straight male and always have been, I have a hard to to grasp and understand that. I don't know how someone can change from gay to straight without even being considered a "bisexual." But that's what she tells me.

She has been honest with me, as far as I know for the past few weeks. We also tried diapers in bed one night. As much as I thought it would turn me on (it did) but I was expecting more. She wasn't too turned on by it, which I think led me to be a little turned off, even though she put one on for me. I know she would do it again if I asked her too, but she didn't enjoy it.

I have not worn openly around her- and frankly I would probably feel uncomfortable if I did. Or judged? But then, just when I think that, I think... well my wife was gay for 6 years before we met, never told me... andI can only imagine how much she must feel judged by that.

We are working on this. Any help/advice is always welcome. Thanks for your replies. I enjoy reading them.
 
You wrote "we are not going to counseling," is that a typo and should read "now going to counseling?" I think that long-term marital therapy would be incredibly helpful if you can make it happen. I've been going with my wife.

Re: the wife's disinterest, welcome to the club :( Are you saying that she wore a diaper too, or that she diapered you? Either way, that's cool that she was game at least to try it. I did have some success in being vulnerable with my wife. She had told me that she totally accepts me using them, but that she doesn't want to be around me when I do. I told her how I feel very alone in this, and that I don't think what she's doing is "accepting" but "tolerating." I used the analogy of a cross-dresser or homosexual, who is told they can be the way they are, but they need to keep it in the closet. That seemed to work, and she immediately took a noticeable step towards accepting it (me?) more. It obviously isn't a requirement of our spouses to be accepting, but it's certainly a way we can show each other love.
 
teddytugger said:
You wrote "we are not going to counseling," is that a typo and should read "now going to counseling?" I think that long-term marital therapy would be incredibly helpful if you can make it happen. I've been going with my wife.

Re: the wife's disinterest, welcome to the club :( Are you saying that she wore a diaper too, or that she diapered you? Either way, that's cool that she was game at least to try it. I did have some success in being vulnerable with my wife. She had told me that she totally accepts me using them, but that she doesn't want to be around me when I do. I told her how I feel very alone in this, and that I don't think what she's doing is "accepting" but "tolerating." I used the analogy of a cross-dresser or homosexual, who is told they can be the way they are, but they need to keep it in the closet. That seemed to work, and she immediately took a noticeable step towards accepting it (me?) more. It obviously isn't a requirement of our spouses to be accepting, but it's certainly a way we can show each other love.

Yes. Typo. We are.
She put a diaper on for me, in the bedroom. Then, I put one on as well. She wasn't into it... but she did it for me.
Are you going to counseling-- just because of your interest in Diapers? Judging by the vast community, there are thousands of Diaper lovers... and although it's not "normal" I don't really think it should be a counseling discussion (main purpose anyway)
 
Oh sorry for not being clearer. No, been going to individual (and separately couples) counseling for several years, totally unrelated to my new diaper hobby :) I actually won't bring it up with our marital counselor ironically, because we've oddly never discussed sex with him and it seems really awkward. I hinted at my general interest in unusual/kinky bedroom stuff and my wife's vanilla-ness, and how that felt bad that it's a struggle, and pretty much left it at that. Although that's certainly a weakness in his therapy, not discussing sexuality, he is a fantastic relationship therapist. I totally agree that there's no reason to go to therapy for diapering, but I'd at at some point I'd bring up something like what I said or just talk about it outright if you're comfortable.

I brought up diapers with my individual therapist because I just wanted some extra acceptance and support. My interest in diapering I'm certain stems from the trauma I apparently experienced starting from the time I was born. I think doing introspection and therapy going back to infancy reminded me about my interest in being diapered when I was 4 or 5 and then later again when I was a preteen. Started digging into what was available for adult sizes a few weeks ago and am loving it.

rocky56 said:
Yes. Typo. We are.
She put a diaper on for me, in the bedroom. Then, I put one on as well. She wasn't into it... but she did it for me.
Are you going to counseling-- just because of your interest in Diapers? Judging by the vast community, there are thousands of Diaper lovers... and although it's not "normal" I don't really think it should be a counseling discussion (main purpose anyway)
 
I lost my father in a car accident when I was a year and a half old. Then, my mother remarried when I was five. He was abusive. Broke my arm when I was nine. I never really put into perspective as to why I enjoy wearing a diaper (and I don't even get to do it very often) but I just feel comfortable and pleasurable. But, I may think it may date back to my childhood. What have you enjoyed wearing/recommend?
 
Yea, I kind of came at it from the opposite angle :) I'm trying to get in touch with infancy, and getting myself diapers felt like an obvious step to take given my young wishes for them. I'd say by far my favorite are the Rearz Safari; remember I've only been doing this for a month so my experience is limited. I don't care at all for the NorthShore Supreme or Crinklz which I also tried. Because I'm an environmentalist, as soon as I realized how much I'm enjoying wearing them and how much garbage I'm piling up, I bought a prefold cloth diaper (to use with pins) as well as one that has velcro. Unless my wife becomes more accepting and is willing to diaper me, I think I may go with the velcro ones. The cloth don't feel nearly as good as disposables, especially when wet, but they do have their own appeal. What have you been using?

rocky56 said:
I lost my father in a car accident when I was a year and a half old. Then, my mother remarried when I was five. He was abusive. Broke my arm when I was nine. I never really put into perspective as to why I enjoy wearing a diaper (and I don't even get to do it very often) but I just feel comfortable and pleasurable. But, I may think it may date back to my childhood. What have you enjoyed wearing/recommend?
 
So have you tried diapering yourself and then putting on a dress to see if that makes her happy/turned on?
 
No... I am just DL. Not into AB, or anything else, other than I like the feeling of wearing a diaper.
 
Move ahead a few weeks...
I can't help but to thank everyone for their advice and help.
I've read all your responses. A few, twice.

Judge me... but I still love my wife. Unconditionally. We have a son together. My son is my world. My wife, is still my very best friend. With a flick of my fingers... I can't change that.
I am NOT perfect either. Yes, my ego can get in the way of my thoughts, anger and fear. I am human. I do appreciate even the negative responses, saying I am pretty much a jerk because of my big ego.

We started counseling last night. We will be going weekly for an hour/week.
Also, I ordered the book: No More Mr. Nice Guy! I thank you both who suggested it. I will read it and work on it. I am the type of person who GIVES, GIVES, GIVES.
Gifts are my love language. So... I constantly show my love by buying gifts for people I care about. I don't get it in return.

We are working through this. It is a struggle. Some good days.. some AWFUL, depressing days. My wife did and said some EXTREMELY hurtful things, that I could never do to her.
Truth is, I love her more than she loves me. Or else... she wouldn't have done and said those things and had kept those secrets from me, But I love her enough to work on it. Work on us, and hopefully come out a stronger couple because of it. Right now... that's all I can do. Is hope.

My wife does accept me wanting to wear diapers because of the sexual feeling it gives me. I would have never thought in a million years I would hear that... she doesn't understand it. But she accepts it.

I can only do the same, and accept her past and mistakes as well if she is willing to accept my baggage.
 
Lots of peeps are great at listening and offering advice here but I just wanted to say welcome, you can have a community hug (you know if you want) and hope it all goes beautifully for you.
 
Thank you!! :)
 
Hi! Sorry to hear about your troubles! I am glad you were able to open up and tell her. That is great and I hope it strengthens your relationship. I sent you a PM about it. Good luck with everything!
 
Hey Mike!! I tried replying in PM, but it wouldn't let me message you back since I am still a "new user"
If you want to PM me your email I can reply! Would love to talk to more!
 
rocky56 said:
Hey Mike!! I tried replying in PM, but it wouldn't let me message you back since I am still a "new user"
If you want to PM me your email I can reply! Would love to talk to more!

I can definitely do that. No problem.
 
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