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Thread: Regression, My Escapism

  1. #1

    Default Regression, My Escapism

    I disassociate and escape my real world problems by regressing and acting as a toddler, and I've been doing it since I was 4. This has led to slow progressions throughout life in regards to emotional development, and has paved the way for anxiety and it's best friend depression. It's like an addiction, but kept in check, an addiction with deep roots in early childhood neglect and abuse. If it gets out of hand the binge/purge will fire back up.

    It has been used as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiety, however the use of this coping mechanism only furthers its' strength. Every time I regress I give power to neural connections that have been used for over 20 years and travel further down the rabbit hole.

    Who needs sex when you have the purest form of self love? The adult self acknowledging, embracing, and indulging the inner child with physical items and highly emotional mental states of borderline euphoria. I didn't pop my cherry until I was 26, and let me tell ya, that opened many doors within my mind. Like dominoes falling the doors burst open one after another, and I was left dealing with these realizations without healthy coping skills. I distanced myself from my "little" side to deal with them, and I'm still dealing with them.

    So many ABDLs out there have stated that trying to get rid of this part of yourself will only lead to the binge/purge cycle. That's very true from my experience; Deny it's existence, get rid of everything that reminds you of it, watch as your unconscious lashes out with stress/anxiety, realize you made a huge mistake, and finally relapse.

    I've come to accept this part of myself, and in doing so I have been able to acknowledge the roots of my infanitalism. Of course like any curious dude, I want to pull the roots out, look at them further, and finally throw them in the compost bin to aid in the growth of new coping skills.

    Has anyone else gone through a slew of epiphanies, and how did you deal with this?
    Last edited by Rooky; 2 Weeks Ago at 18:16.

  2. #2

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    Beautifully stated, Rooky. I think this has been a journey for most of us. I grew up on the Jersey Shore during the '60s. At least that's when I became more aware of who I was becoming, ideas of who I thought I should be and trying to balance that with the alien desires to wear and use diapers. I started life growing up in poverty and slowly, my parents worked their way up to middle class. That journey exposed me to a lot of stupid and dangerous people. Some of them were my own cousins and some were my neighbors. The point I'm trying to make is that one constantly had to be tough because all we did was fight and bully each other.

    In high school, I lifted weights so I wouldn't be someone's bitch, but the desires to want diapers has always been there. It was confusing and in conflict with how I saw myself and who I thought I should be. That vision changed when I went to college. College for me was liberation. My high school girlfriend dropped me the first month we were in college and my next significant other was a guy. We still are close friends though after college I married and started my family.

    We are all products of our society, and in the beginning, we try to fit all our round bodes through the wooden holes that society dictates. Then we reach the age where we can finally assess ourselves, weigh and balance our emotions and desires, and sometimes, make radical turns sending us in entirely different directions.

    Once you can not only realize that but accept it, you can be free. I still sometimes think I must be crazy wanting to wear diapers and regress to a baby state, but it's harmless and hurts no one. It frees me from the grief of losing my wife as she died last October. Each one of us must choose our own path, and for some of us, that includes diapers.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Beautifully stated, Rooky. I think this has been a journey for most of us. I grew up on the Jersey Shore during the '60s. At least that's when I became more aware of who I was becoming, ideas of who I thought I should be and trying to balance that with the alien desires to wear and use diapers. I started life growing up in poverty and slowly, my parents worked their way up to middle class. That journey exposed me to a lot of stupid and dangerous people. Some of them were my own cousins and some were my neighbors. The point I'm trying to make is that one constantly had to be tough because all we did was fight and bully each other.

    In high school, I lifted weights so I wouldn't be someone's bitch, but the desires to want diapers has always been there. It was confusing and in conflict with how I saw myself and who I thought I should be. That vision changed when I went to college. College for me was liberation. My high school girlfriend dropped me the first month we were in college and my next significant other was a guy. We still are close friends though after college I married and started my family.

    We are all products of our society, and in the beginning, we try to fit all our round bodes through the wooden holes that society dictates. Then we reach the age where we can finally assess ourselves, weigh and balance our emotions and desires, and sometimes, make radical turns sending us in entirely different directions.

    Once you can not only realize that but accept it, you can be free. I still sometimes think I must be crazy wanting to wear diapers and regress to a baby state, but it's harmless and hurts no one. It frees me from the grief of losing my wife as she died last October. Each one of us must choose our own path, and for some of us, that includes diapers.
    For me it feels as if going into a regressive state of mind impairs my ability to make positive change. Not only that but the thoughts of wearing and regressing can become rather intrusive sometimes. There are so many facets of infanitalism; OCD, addiction, low-tone psychosis, coping mechanism. I haven't any certainty when it comes to labeling it.

    Honestly, it would be nice to have an "out" to this. It breeds in isolation and causes me to isolate myself only furthering myself down the rabbit hole, no bueno my dude.

  4. #4

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    Hey there, while I certainly agree that each successive regression draws us deeper into the rabbit hole of ABDL, as you put it, I really believe that this is just increasing our capacity to derive the healthiest outcomes we can from the experience.

    The more we grapple with this undeniably indelible characteristic of ours, the more we begin to appreciate itís important place in our identity, and our need to nurture it appropriately.

    Denial as you rightly suggest only leads to imbalance and ultimately distructive behaviours. Embrace it, find balance and learn to love the beautiful and unique individual that you are. This is where youíll discover the greatest harmony in your life. Sounds easy, yeah...well unfortunately, easy it ainít... but itís still a goal worth aiming for.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Denial as you rightly suggest only leads to imbalance and ultimately distructive behaviours. Embrace it, find balance and learn to love the beautiful and unique individual that you are. This is where you’ll discover the greatest harmony in your life. Sounds easy, yeah...well unfortunately, easy it ain’t... but it’s still a goal worth aiming for.
    I don't want to embrace the inner child through something that arose from neglect and abuse, when I snap back I'm reminded of all the shit that caused this. I want to embrace who I am, just not through regression and diapers. I will never be rid of the inner child at the core of my psyche, and I wouldn't want that.

  6. #6

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    I think balance is very important in order to find acceptance. Monday was my diaper/regression day, but then I didn't participate until Friday night, only then wearing a diaper throughout the night. I didn't wear nor regress today because there were adult things I either wanted to do or had to do. For me, I'll wear diapers when I feel like I want or need to, and not wear when I don't have the desire. This week has been mostly a week of depression for me. There are a million Mother's Day commercials on TV and they remind me of my wife. My daughter has phoned me every day of the week including today as she feels the same way, having lost her mother.

    There's a time and place for diapers and a time for abstaining. If you can embrace and live with that, when the urges hit, it will all make more sense. I feel comfortable accepting that for me, some days will be diaper days and some won't.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rooky View Post
    I don't want to embrace the inner child through something that arose from neglect and abuse, when I snap back I'm reminded of all the shit that caused this. I want to embrace who I am, just not through regression and diapers. I will never be rid of the inner child at the core of my psyche, and I wouldn't want that.
    Sure, of course only you can rightly judge whatís appropriate for you. But if this is a truly ingrained trait, youíre unlikely to be rid of it.

    What you identify as the root cause may have given rise to this coping mechanism but itís still this mechanism where youíre likely to retreat to at any really anxious time, and what Iím saying is thatís ok.

    Maybe if you find the courage to work through this with your therapist then you might break the awful association that you have with it.

    From what I understand, you have some chance to deal with the past trauma and find a way to come to terms with that, less chance of altering your personality which it seems is partly ABDL.

    Perhaps you can learn to associate your little side with new positive ways of taking back what was stolen from you.

    Iím seriously no expert but if you can find a way to be empowered through regression, it could become a healing process.

    Perspective and balance are key, we almost always eventually trip over that lump in the carpet where weíve swept things weíd rather not deal with.

    I really do hope you find the path youíre seeking.

  8. #8

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    I have to agree with dogboy's comment that your assessment of the psychological and emotional train-wreck you, and many ABDLs, face was "beautifully stated". What a tangled mess of pleasure, guilt, depression, anxiety, shame, blame, balance, uncertainty, fear, anger, denial, escape, rejection, comfort, and enjoyment we are trying to sort out! Gee, how hard could that be?

    It took me 30 years before I discovered a rational explanation for my strange desires, but even that wasn't enough to completely erase the psychological struggles. What it did give me, though, was a different perspective on the 'problem'. I could be wrong about these things but I would like to share a couple of opinions on what you have said.

    First, you are obviously struggling to cope with your coping mechanism. This sounds funny, and it is in a way, but it's also true. You are rational and fully aware that over-reliance on any coping mechanism leads to problems in life. Some people cope with being stressed out by eating two bowls of ice cream, while others cope by laying on a bed in a wet diaper. The only real difference between the two is that one is socially acceptable while the other isn't. Engaging in 'unacceptable' behavior can lead to guilt. Either one of the coping methods can be problematic if done so often it interferes with responsibilities, but the diaper one can also become problematic just by being discovered by someone else. This leads to anxiety. Some level of anxiety about this will probably always be present, but the guilt can be overcome in time with better understanding.

    Second, I don't buy into the theory that childhood abuse causes a lifelong attraction to regression and/or diapers. Problems caused by psychological trauma generally respond to psychological treatment, often with reasonable success. ABDL desires go deeper than that. The reason I mention this is because you say that after regression, "when I snap back I'm reminded of all the shit that caused this". It's entirely possible (I would say "likely") that there is no direct connection between abuse and AB desires as far as the abuse being what "caused" these desires. By making that association it becomes too easy to believe that infantilism is a mental defect caused by something terrible. This "shit" only adds to the negative feelings you have about your desires, and it may not be true at all. Most likely your desires are a gift from mother nature, and she has a weird sense of humor. Variation is necessary for evolution, and we were the test subjects for infantilism. As I see it, your enjoyment of being an AB came first, which is why it worked as a coping mechanism.

    Be sure to remember to thank Mother Nature on this special day!

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    First, you are obviously struggling to cope with your coping mechanism. This sounds funny, and it is in a way, but it's also true. You are rational and fully aware that over-reliance on any coping mechanism leads to problems in life. Some people cope with being stressed out by eating two bowls of ice cream, while others cope by laying on a bed in a wet diaper. The only real difference between the two is that one is socially acceptable while the other isn't. Engaging in 'unacceptable' behavior can lead to guilt. Either one of the coping methods can be problematic if done so often it interferes with responsibilities, but the diaper one can also become problematic just by being discovered by someone else. This leads to anxiety. Some level of anxiety about this will probably always be present, but the guilt can be overcome in time with better understanding.
    To cope with a cope, eh? I like that explanation. There are so many ways to look at this, and I don't think I can definitively state what it *is*. All I have are my experiences and the advice/stories of others.



    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    Second, I don't buy into the theory that childhood abuse causes a lifelong attraction to regression and/or diapers. Problems caused by psychological trauma generally respond to psychological treatment, often with reasonable success. ABDL desires go deeper than that. The reason I mention this is because you say that after regression, "when I snap back I'm reminded of all the shit that caused this". It's entirely possible (I would say "likely") that there is no direct connection between abuse and AB desires as far as the abuse being what "caused" these desires. By making that association it becomes too easy to believe that infantilism is a mental defect caused by something terrible. This "shit" only adds to the negative feelings you have about your desires, and it may not be true at all. Most likely your desires are a gift from mother nature, and she has a weird sense of humor. Variation is necessary for evolution, and we were the test subjects for infantilism. As I see it, your enjoyment of being an AB came first, which is why it worked as a coping mechanism.

    Be sure to remember to thank Mother Nature on this special day!
    Honestly, it wasn't a singular event. They're all intertwined, almost like the dominoes had to fall in a certain order at specific times in order to create this. When I decided to try dips when I was 4, many senses were stimulated, and it filled the gap that was left by the abuse I endured, and made me feel good about myself(Sounds like an addicts mind. I still get this feeling to this day). To state that it is a direct relation to my abuse would be wrong, but I can not deny that my abuse and neglect played a substantial role in solidifying this part of me. The over use of regressing can cause mental deficits, like I stated before I have been using it as my main coping mechanism for many years, and because of this I haven't built any others(that are healthy). It can feel like an addiction at some times, isolating to indulge, rationalizing the constant use.
    Without proper care infanitalism can bring about a slew of mental issues.

    How many infanitalists can honestly take the ACE test and score a zero? Abuse and neglect comes in many forms, and coming to terms with it has helped me to view things from different perspectives and start healing.

  10. #10

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    My infantalism really lines up with the description of an addiction. I'm getting high off my own brain when I wear and regress, no drugs needed.

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