Drynites96 said:
XD
Well I've already talked with her about it twice. Tbh I find it very hard to talk about this stuff. I started to cry both times ^^ At the first talk I told her that it's nothing harmful and explained the DL thing a bit to her. In the 2nd, she asked me how I got the idea to try diapers and tbh I couldn't answer...
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Yeah, my posting in the other thread only covered why people feel shame when wearing diapers. What makes you like them comes from e slightly different source (but both things are somewhat interconnected). Here comes another wall of text. :biggrin:
1. What is fetishism?
The first step is to understand what fetishism is and what not.
Per neutral definiton, fetishism is the attribution of inherent value or powers to an object. Usually there are 2 types in wich fetishism is split - one is a sexual, one has nothing to do with sex at all. The latter mostly refers to objects that posess supernatural powers/sacred objects(talismans, idols, lucky charms, etc.)
More genrally you project immaterial things like beliefs/emmotions/memories onto an object and thereby the object becomes something close and very special for you. Just by looking at or holding the object, what you projected is brought up and refreshed or even deepend in you.
I think you realise by now that we are talking about stuff that have (insanely) powerful impact on the human psyche. Just think about what people have done to recover religious relics when they where stolen or insulted(Mohammed is a good, actual example).
2. Now, what the heck has that to do with diapers?
As you may have already guessed we are back in early childhood here. Specifically the act of changing diapers. From the day you where born you where put in them.
For a parent it is a necessary, mechanical and sometimes quite unpleasant thing to do. But since parents love their children they do not mind, as the well beeing of the young have a higher priority.
For the baby however the thing is completely different. The changing is a highly positive social interaction. A baby can´t do much at the start apart from cry, sleep, drink and mess. The range of activities is fairly limited. But in that early stages of life what happens around the baby is noticed and processed with hyperspeed by the young mind(and psyche). Even if it cannot articulate itself, the infant is aware of what happens to him and what you do with him has a deep impact.
With this background let´s get back to the act of changing diapers. There is a lot of highly positive feelings associated with this seemingly dirty process. The baby does not feel well because of a full diaper and cries, the parent responds to this, takes it into his arms saying calming things(receiving of attention). When put on the changing table there is mostly some sort of toy the baby gets to play with. It get´s cleaned gently and put in fresh wearbles again. During this process the parents speaks to the baby, touches it, plays with it a little(even if it is just shaking a rattle). When the process is finished the parent also seems happy, says something with a positive voice(even simple things as "Now your fine again") and smiles often there is a kiss on the forehead involved.
That is a firework of impressions and sensations! It is a close and personal, positive interaction with the parents.
- visual (facial expressions of the parent, toys, pretty moch everything that happens)
- arcustical (all the sounds are exciting, voice of the parent)
- olfactory (nice smell of the powder, cream, oil)
- sensoric (all the touching, playing with a toy)
All this love and care that is involved in this is deeply positive in the perception of the young mind. And this continues for years.
Now what for the fetish? Even in this early stage the mind is capable(or even more affine to it) to project and associate this act of care with an object. This happens in the subconsciousness it is not an willingly excersised act. But it must not happen at all.
You have had a special plushie or toy as a kid, maybe even have it still somewhere(even if it is in some box on the attic of your parents home)? Or just think about how cloth diapers become a security blanked(things get super obvious)? Rings this any bells? I think it dawned already upon you.
You projected all this positive from the act of changing onto the diaper itself. This is your idol. That is why it has this positive, calming effect - it litterally takes you back to the age of no problems. It is a good thing if you look from this perspective.
3. Conclusion
Like I mentioned - some childs do not form a fetish. But many do - just think about all that favourite toys, pacifiers, or maybe skincare brands that use just because they always did. The fetish can be stronger or weaker. That´s why this is never an issue for many. But in some cases that just sticks.
Ever knew someone(or experienced it yourself) that found out their parents had sold some toys or the favourite plushie and was shocked? The aware self might have forgotten the idol - but not your subconsciousness, it still matters!
It is also speculated that certain events might proc the resurfacing of the desire for the fetish(negative feelings, circumstances, loss and all the grim stuff). But for some the fetish accompanies through their whole childhood and life without any negative background/reason.
The disposable diaper is a bit special because it is some sort of undying fetish(idol). It is a fetish that is constantly reborn by it´s one-way-use nature, contrary to a toy or plushie that can "die". Therefore it is always present(and you know that).
Of course it can happen that this fetish also get´s sexualized during puberty. But by default it has no sexual connotation. This process is something entierly different.
So you see - a fetish is in fact a very common thing of human nature. Nothing evil, negative or pervert. It is a powerful feature of our psyche.
Some might go so far to say it symbolizes the loving bond between parents and child.
Now you know why you like wearing(and maybe also wetting/messing) diapers. It is the love and care of the golden days of early childhood that they symbolize for you.
Contemplate about this. Do your own research. Stuff like this needs time to sink in and talk about it with your mother if you feel you understood it by youself. I´m positive that she can understand, but keep in mind that she also might need some time.
Cheers