Disabled Toilets

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JackT97

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  1. Incontinent
I am hoping to write about something that really annoys me. I'm incontinent and consider myself to be disabled and as such need access to disabled toilets to change but because I'm only 20 and obviously don't look disabled I am often given dirty looks or even confronted when I leave disabled toilets. I have a radar key (which you use to gain access to disabled toilets in the UK, I'm not sure if they are used elsewhere).

Anyway last week I was confronted when leaving a disabled toilet. I'm a university student and I was out with some friends, they all know I'm incontinent and have been incredibly understanding. Anyway I'd wet myself and therefore needed to change. As always my friends were understanding and just acted like nothing had happened and helped me to find a toilet as I wasn't at home. I got changed and put my wet nappy in the bin that was in the toilet as I left I was confronted by a man who was in a wheelchair who told me it was disgusting that someone who isn't disabled was using the disabled toilet. I couldn't help but argue back and said 'Have a look in the bin and then tell me I'm not disabled' knowing that my soaking wet adult nappy was at the top. He didn't apologise and I was tempted to wait outside for him but my friends persuaded me not to and led me away.
 
JackT97 said:
I am hoping to write about something that really annoys me. I'm incontinent and consider myself to be disabled and as such need access to disabled toilets to change but because I'm only 20 and obviously don't look disabled I am often given dirty looks or even confronted when I leave disabled toilets. I have a radar key (which you use to gain access to disabled toilets in the UK, I'm not sure if they are used elsewhere).

Anyway last week I was confronted when leaving a disabled toilet. I'm a university student and I was out with some friends, they all know I'm incontinent and have been incredibly understanding. Anyway I'd wet myself and therefore needed to change. As always my friends were understanding and just acted like nothing had happened and helped me to find a toilet as I wasn't at home. I got changed and put my wet nappy in the bin that was in the toilet as I left I was confronted by a man who was in a wheelchair who told me it was disgusting that someone who isn't disabled was using the disabled toilet. I couldn't help but argue back and said 'Have a look in the bin and then tell me I'm not disabled' knowing that my soaking wet adult nappy was at the top. He didn't apologise and I was tempted to wait outside for him but my friends persuaded me not to and led me away.

JackT97, really sorry to hear that. In several countries in Europe (DE, CH, etc...) we have a key that you can only get a medical certificate. I also asked the RADAR but I noticed that documentation is not mandatory. Anyway, it is clear that some disabilities are not visible and it is an officially rule that IC are considered as disabled and can use those. If another disable cannot accept or understand that, unfortunately it is his/her problem.


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Yep, I have also faced some abuse when exiting a disabled toilet. I too have a radar key and go in them to change. I just say, "yep thanks for that, just for your information not all disabilities are visible" and stand there for a few seconds to await their response. Like your experience, most will say nothing though.
 
I've had that too in the US. Most times I just try to ignore them, though I have found showing the top of my diaper can really make them embarrased. And after their confrontation, I get a little satisfaction from their embarrasement.
 
Maybe not waited for him, especially if you might have put your hands on him, but, being in a wheelchair myself, I know, one doesn't need a visible disability, to be disabled, and, most likely, so did the wheelchair user you bumped into.

Look him square in the eye, and say, "Incontinence is plenty disabling. Thank you, very much! You know not all disabilities are visible, and, I know you know it."

You reserve the right to mentally replace, "thank you," with, "f%$k you," though, but, saying it aloud, isn't advised.
 
Some people are just ass holes, and probably the best thing to do is to ignore them. The idiot should have known that if you had a key, you must have some sort of disability, but some people are stupid, which takes us to the "Do You Hate Stupid People" thread which has been running. So yes, I do hate stupid people like that guy. Well, maybe I just dislike them. Hate is a strong word.
 
That's what's nice, and also terrible about being in The States. We usually don't have Disabled restrooms, but rather "Family Restrooms". They will have what you would normally expect of a disabled restroom, but anyone can really use it. It's frustrating because a lot of people who are "Potty Shy" will use them to avoid regular stalls. It's almost impossible to get into the one at my work, all the employees treat it like their personal relaxation room.
 
When I became incontinent the continence nurse I see told me to get a radar key as I was entitled to use the disabled toilet. Coming out one day not long after starting to use them a lady gave me a cold hard stare. I just smiled sweetly at her and said I am incontinent and was hanging my nappy. She didn't know what to say or do.
 
If it makes you feel any better, I use a wheelchair as well as being bladder incontinent and I still get dirty looks when coming out of a disabled toilet - usually by parents with babies (as the two toilets are often combined) who are offended that I take so long in the loo. I get more awkward stares than the whole Twilight Saga!

I've simply learnt endure it, smile and occasionally move much slower than normal.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
 
Thanks for these messages, I'm so used to it now as I've been incontinent my entire life. It's just so embarrassing when it happens in public and it makes me feel so vunrable as I worry about it being obvious to everyone around me that I'm wearing a wet nappy. I was with 2 friends at the time who as I mentioned are very understanding. However it makes me worry that other people can see me when we're walking down the street and one of them says to me 'Jack, you need the toilet don't you' while I'm still in the process of wetting my nappy.
 
JackT97 said:
Thanks for these messages, I'm so used to it now as I've been incontinent my entire life. It's just so embarrassing when it happens in public and it makes me feel so vunrable as I worry about it being obvious to everyone around me that I'm wearing a wet nappy. I was with 2 friends at the time who as I mentioned are very understanding. However it makes me worry that other people can see me when we're walking down the street and one of them says to me 'Jack, you need the toilet don't you' while I'm still in the process of wetting my nappy.

They don't see your diaper, it's either how you're standing/walking, or the look on you your face that they notice. If you're worried about it, ask them how they can tell, and next time try to not be so revealing.
 
Slomo said:
They don't see your diaper, it's either how you're standing/walking, or the look on you your face that they notice. If you're worried about it, ask them how they can tell, and next time try to not be so revealing.

They just said it was because I looked awkward. I think I walk funny when I'm wearing a nappy anyway because you have to walk with your legs further apart so your sort of waddling, this looks worse when your nappy is wet. When this incident happened I couldn't a toilet for about 20 minutes so if was terrible. Whenever I wet in public I'm always terrified that people around me can tell I'm wearing a nappy even if it isn't wet.
 
JackT97 said:
They just said it was because I looked awkward. I think I walk funny when I'm wearing a nappy anyway because you have to walk with your legs further apart so your sort of waddling, this looks worse when your nappy is wet. When this incident happened I couldn't a toilet for about 20 minutes so if was terrible. Whenever I wet in public I'm always terrified that people around me can tell I'm wearing a nappy even if it isn't wet.

Diapers don't force you to waddle. Not being used to the padding, and overcompensating for it, is what makes you waddle. The same with your fear of being found out. You are overcompensating by looking awkward when really you don't want it to show at all.

From what I can tell, you and Makena are the same in this regard. It will just take practice and getting used to being diapered. The more you can trust your diaper to not leak, and more often you wear them while out, the less and less others will be able to tell.
 
I've been wearing nappies my whole life so I'm more than used to it. Obviously I'm still worried that people can see that I'm wearing a nappy in public as it's not normal for someone my age to need them.

Maybe it's just my friends as they know me well enough to be able to tell when I need to change.
 
JackT97, I need you to grasp what I'm saying, from the next sentence on, at the heart level. Okay? You didn't fail. It's the way most people are trained, that is bad. From 2 on, "Big people don't need nappies."

Sometimes, they even yell it, after telling the babies for 2 years that nappies were toilets!

I got that message, loud, very loud, and clear. My kidney values probably suck, because, if I'm a tad underhydrated, I can make it to the toilet. The people in the media have parents who told them that, and their parents have parents, and their parents have parents, and they all got told that. Now, truth be known, there are times in everyone's life, post toilet training, where he or she should just wear, or go ahead and just have an accident, diapered or not, because, holding it too long, stretches out, and weakens those muscles, or overstimulates those nerves, and causes urgency issues.

Here's the message my children, if I have them, and, I hope, you, will get. People who need nappies, need nappies. Even without one, better laundry, than muscle damage. You mean more than the cost of a nappy, a towel used to clean up an accident, or, laundry detergent. It's not failing, to recognize, "Hey, I'm worried I'm doing my body damage, holding it so long, I'm going to stop."

And now, I'll go get some water. I'm starting to think I'm worth more, too.
 
Last edited:
JackT97 said:
I am hoping to write about something that really annoys me. I'm incontinent and consider myself to be disabled and as such need access to disabled toilets to change but because I'm only 20 and obviously don't look disabled I am often given dirty looks or even confronted when I leave disabled toilets. I have a radar key (which you use to gain access to disabled toilets in the UK, I'm not sure if they are used elsewhere).

Anyway last week I was confronted when leaving a disabled toilet. I'm a university student and I was out with some friends, they all know I'm incontinent and have been incredibly understanding. Anyway I'd wet myself and therefore needed to change. As always my friends were understanding and just acted like nothing had happened and helped me to find a toilet as I wasn't at home. I got changed and put my wet nappy in the bin that was in the toilet as I left I was confronted by a man who was in a wheelchair who told me it was disgusting that someone who isn't disabled was using the disabled toilet. I couldn't help but argue back and said 'Have a look in the bin and then tell me I'm not disabled' knowing that my soaking wet adult nappy was at the top. He didn't apologise and I was tempted to wait outside for him but my friends persuaded me not to and led me away.

Sadly, this seems to be something we have to deal with once in a while as IC but mobile people. In Germany there is a similar system of restrooms that can only be accessed by a special security key. This system is for all who have madical issues that involve the use of toilets. You need to send over a medical certificate and a small fee for the key - so you can only get this key if you really need it.

In the overwhelming number(almost all) of cases - noone bats an eyelash. But once in a while you get looked at. I usually do not care and move on just normally not looking back. However there has been 2 times or so that someone said something when I left. One time I just said: "Not all forms of disability require sitting in a wheelchair." He got the messaged and that was it. The other time, also being confronted by a guy in a wheechair, he did not let loose. "Anyone can claim that!", he said. Showing him my key also had no effect. So I decided to turn tables and claimed he is faking being impaired as anyone can sit in a wheelchair and alike. He started fumbling in his bag and showing me his handicapped ID - so did I with my medical certificate. An awkward moment of silence followed. Must have been quite the picture, two random dudes holding documents in the other ones face. I broke the silence and said: "You satisfied now that everyone is looking at us two idiots?" After a bit more silence he said he was sorry and that he overreacted(maybe he had a bad day, who knows). I also apologized and we went our ways. And guess what - I would do it again just like that. Sure it was an unpleasant situation, but I will not back down and be discriminated. Regardless of who it is and what problems this person has.

But let´s be fair - these situations are super rare. The vast majority does not care at all. But it´s part of what we have to deal with as society will not change fast, so a bit of endurance is required.

Chin-up!
 
I’m lucky. I carry the supplies that I need to change my disposable diaper in my brier case; and I’m ambulatory, mobile and dexterous enough to be able to take off my wet diaper, clean myself off with baby wipes and apply a dry diaper in an ordinary washroom stall. In my case, I have no need to use a handicapped bathroom stall.
 
Inconinmiss said:
I’m lucky. I carry the supplies that I need to change my disposable diaper in my brier case; and I’m ambulatory, mobile and dexterous enough to be able to take off my wet diaper, clean myself off with baby wipes and apply a dry diaper in an ordinary washroom stall. In my case, I have no need to use a handicapped bathroom stall.

I have to use a handicapped stall when it involves me having to remove my pants/trousers and shoes to change. XD There's just not enough room in most of the regular ones to get everything off and then on again. :p That being said, I do try to avoid using it for very long.
 
Inconinmiss said:
I’m lucky. I carry the supplies that I need to change my disposable diaper in my brier case; and I’m ambulatory, mobile and dexterous enough to be able to take off my wet diaper, clean myself off with baby wipes and apply a dry diaper in an ordinary washroom stall. In my case, I have no need to use a handicapped bathroom stall.

Well I can also use a normal bathroom stall and do so if I have to. But public toilets often let you doubt that some people truly have been potty trained. Also in many men's bathrooms stalls there is no trash can for hygienic waste like it is usual in women's bathrooms. Also sometimes there is nothing to hang/lay your bag.

That's why I use the special toilets if possible. It is less of a hassle, and that's why they exist.
 
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