Getting a Second Opinion / Diaper Embarrassment

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iam32bit

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For the past few years I have been dealing with OAB / UI. Some days are worse than others, with more than 20 trips to the bathroom being a bad day. I went to a doctor who mentioned that I am on a high dose diuretic and that was the cause of my bladder issues. He said "Either you stop your medication, or start wearing diapers".

I have been wearing diapers off and on in an effort to manage my bladder issues. While diapers do help, I have been battling feelings of embarrassment and also feeling like I am doing something wrong. I have posted in the past on this forum, you guys have been trying to help me to accept my need for diapers.

I think I finally understand why I am so against wearing them. Back when I was little, I was forced into a diaper by my baby sitter. I remember telling her "I am not supposed to wear these" I had just been potty trained but my baby sitter still thought I needed them. I think this trauma is why I am at war with wearing diapers.

Also being a 28 year old female doesn't help. I can't wear my skirts without fear of people seeing my diapers. I hate jeans, I hate pants. I am more of a dress / skirt kind of girl. Having to wear diapers to mange my IC forces me to change my wardrobe.

In my day to day, when I don't wear diapers, I wished I did since I have to run to the bathroom at the most inconvenient times. When I am on a call with someone I have to excuse myself and put them on hold. When I am in a meeting I have to miss important details to run to the bathroom. When I am commuting to and from work, I have to do my best to hold it as there are no bathrooms for a good 1 and a half hours. In the middle of the night I wake up a few times to run to the bathroom.

I really try my best to live day to day without the help of diapers. While they do work very well reducing my trips to 3 or 4 times a day. I am not sure I will ever accept them in my life. I kinda wish I was a DL as it would probably make my life easier.

I have a new doctor with a new practice. I never told them about my bladder issues as they have a system that shares my conditions with everyone. If I were to go to the hospital they would see that I have IC and would most likely put me in a diaper. Going back to the trauma, the idea of having someone change me freaks me out. It also doesn't help that I have been in the hospital 3 times this year for other issues.

Last week I finally told my doctor about my IC and mentioned how diapers do help managing my condition however I wanted to explore other options and see if there is another way I don't have to wear them. I have a bunch of tests coming up and hope things work out.

If anyone is interested, I wear North Shore Supreme (Plastic Backed). I love how comfortable they are, but hate how I can hear the plastic crinkling. I tried the cloth ones and hated how they would feel damp on the outside. They also tended to leak and not contain the smell.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.
 
I'm not sure why skirts present a problem, if anything dresses and skirts are the best thing to hide a diaper, as any bulge won't show at all as long as it's not tightly fitted. We men wish we had that option in public!

If you're worried about someone seeing up your skirt, wear regular underwear over your nappy. If someone gets a momentary glimpse, they will at most think it's just a large pad.
 
It can be hard getting used to having to wear but it is more embarrassing to wet yourself without protection.

People are not all that observant to begin with and will not likely notice you are padded. I wear a plastic-backed diaper and nobody has noticed or mentioned me crinkling.

When people are scared of being caught or noticed, they tend to become hyper aware of every little thing that they just know will give them away. While those around them are clueless. Worrying too much about it and having that show is more noticeable than the actual diaper.

The trauma of what happened--it sounds like there is more to the story that is uncomfortable to discuss--is a problem that you may try to discuss with a therapist.

I think that as long as you can safely diaper yourself, the hospital should allow you to do so. The nurses would likely be happier to let you do it yourself if you can.
 
Hmm. My advice is to see a psychologist and talk about this with a professional who can address all the details of your problems and help you work through them over time. I'll do what I can to help here, but I think that will be most effective in your situation.

My read of that situation is that you're balancing competing feelings between, on one hand, the fact that diapers would actually make your quality of life better in several different and fairly significant ways and, on the other hand, the feelings of embarrassment and frustration that you feel from wearing diapers. You also seem pretty conscious of all this, given that you're thinking back to childhood trauma, considering various specific life situations where this is an issue, and thinking about specific aspects of your emotions that bother you.

So, I'm going to offer that rarest of pieces of advice that, if I'm understanding you right, might actually be the right thing here: GET OVER IT! :smile1:
Now, I know that's hard and I that you've got lots of worries and emotional challenges here and it's not so easy to just do a thing that makes you uncomfortable, hence my advice to start that a psychologist should help.

I really do think that wearing diapers sounds like the correct solution to your medical problem though. You talk about how not having to run to the bathroom would allow to do a better job on phone calls and learn important information at work. That's the kind of thing that's important to your professional career and personal relationships over time. On the other hand, I'm quite certain that the fears you lay out are exaggerated. Wearing diapers for a medical problem is, honestly, not something you should be embarrassed about. When they work, they're a very effective and hygienic solution to a problem that is relatively inexpensive and comes with almost no side effects barring the need for a bit of added skincare. That's often significantly better than taking assorted medical chemicals or any sort of invasive procedure. So, even if friends or coworkers were to find out, anyone worth their salt as a person should be sympathetic and appreciative that you're doing what's necessary to take care of a medical problem and do better work.

As far as keeping the secret, as noted by ChocChip, skirts are better than pants for hiding diapers because there's almost no visible sign. Wear underwear of any sort over them and nobody will know (and they shouldn't be looking up your skirt anyway, geez). Nobody will hear the crinkle at your workplace either, ambient noise prevents that and there are a million things from candy wrappers to loose paper that crinkle at a workplace, so nobody will think it's diapers even if they hear it. And again, if you're confident, nobody will care whether you keep the secret or not.

Lastly, I'm sure your doctor will have some suggestions and options to work with you. Maybe he'll have a good one and you should definitely consider all your options given that you don't like diapers. But think carefully about the risks of side effects of all your options. My read is very much that you have a real problem (and for that, I'm very sorry, that's rough); that diapers are an exceptionally good solution to that problem that will make your daily life more comfortable, reduce your stress, and improve your career; and that you're self aware and thoughtful enough to be in a position to work through the bad feelings you have associated with diapers and overcome the trauma that you are remembering from your childhood.

Good luck!
 
Also being a 28 year old female doesn't help. I can't wear my skirts without fear of people seeing my diapers. I hate jeans, I hate pants. I am more of a dress / skirt kind of girl. Having to wear diapers to mange my IC forces me to change my wardrobe.

im a 46 year old female and i wear skirts AL the time as well as whatever else i whant to wear, al you pretty much need to do is put some ord (prefably NOT tanga if you know what i mean but somewhat more cover so to say ) panties over youre protection dear, the noise is there yes BUT it has been my experince that NOONE notice i (and i also wear plastick pants over the ord protection ) also if you wear ord panties over it also dampers sed noice even more.you should have NO need to change youre wardrobe or what you wear just because you wear diapers dear, be YOU hon with the nappies or without it DONT matter

I can understand youre feeling of having to mayby wear diapers again dear (probaly feel its an embarecment and its like going back to toddler status were you have to wear nappies al over again what next pacifier, Baby clothes ? HOWEVER you shouldent feel that way becase this is compleatly diferent IF you now have the medical need to wear this protection its because of sed MEDICAL reason and speeking for my self i HATE having to wear & al the rest that comes with this ) 24 / 7 and having to put my meager income towards this now as well , BUT i rather wear this and al the rest of the things nedded then risking to have an accidents being tied down in life to 1 min to the closesest " ladies room ". You must try to le go of the guilt , shame in al this dear its curently this or risk even more embaresment without. and if anyone have a problem with this matter then its there problems NOT youres you have no choice at the moment if you whant to be able to live youre life as you whant to

Now reg you whant to try other ways i say thats fine dear BUT before you actually accept and start (im talking mainly about medicines should also check for ( suces rate are this specifik method proven to actually work (sadly most medicine of today have poor sucess rate as have also pretty mush every other way dealing with this OTHER then surgery and even that isent 100 % sucess rate, any and what possible sideefects (NOT saying it DONT work but the sucess rait is pretty poorly for most of the meds and methods other then surgery BUT it of course also are some sucess with them as well)
 
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When you first start to wear diapers 24/7 the worry about some one seeing or realizing you are wearing a diaper the strongest however as time gos by you will realize diapers are not as noticeable as we think. Wet clothes are way more noticeable then a diaper bulge or in your case the possibility of some one seeing it under your skirt.
After 3 plus years of wearing only a couple of people have noticed on thier own due to me having to bring a back pack with me to the bathroom all the time both were understanding when i explained. When you find a diaper that you can trust like Betterdry or dry 24/7’s and have warn and changed in public or at the office you will stop worrying about what may happen if some one notices your diaper and appreciate the security you feel while wearing a premium diaper that your cloths will stay dry if you do not make the bathroom and you will also be more productive at work since you will not have to rush to the bathroom if you are in the middle of a meeting on on an important call.
 
Some exercises for confidence building:

1) Next time you're in the office, just sit back, close your eyes, and listen to ththe background noises. Would anyone be able to discern some crinkle amongst all that noise?

2) Go to a cafe and sit at a table at the entrance. Watch people going about their business. Are they looking for someone wearing a nappy, or are they oblivious to what others are wearing?

3) whilst walking to lunch, people watch for the fashion show. How many dresses, skirts, pants, tops, could hide a nappy? What would be more risky options to steer clear of?
 
General society does seem to have placed a general hated on adults using diapers. However, it is slowly getting better and more accepted. The reason? Just think of how many adult diapers and pullups are sold by soooo many stores, and by the millions. LOTS of adults use them, it's WAY more common than you might think.

With that in mind, you are already unknowingly running into/past all kinds of people who are diapered. And yet, how many have you actually noticed were? None right? That's because people (including you) just don't notice.

And trust me on this, most DL's have a harder time accepting a physical need for diapers more than everyone else. This is because we also have to fight an initial guilt of liking diapers while coming to terms with wondering if we truly need them. In a way, you've already got it easier than us so try to not beat yourself up over it.
 
You're the best one to decide how to manage your situation but if your OAB/IC do not involve a full emptying of the bladder, you might consider pull-ups, either the lighter duty variety such as Always Discreet or Depend Silhouette, or the heavier duty like Abri/Abena. Either way, if your skirt were to blow up in the wind briefly, it would appear you were wearing underwear.

Also, as a male, I echo the statements of others that it would be a lot easier to change while wearing a skirt/dress as opposed to having to take pants entirely off when using a public restroom. If you live in a cooler climate, you could always wear opaque tights if modesty remains an issue.
 
I was wearing diapers 24/7 for a month because of frequent embarrassing leaks while wearing only a pad in my underwear. The diaper worked well, and I was comfortable wearing them. We are planning a vacation for a week, and wanted to see if I could control my bladder by limiting drinking only small amounts more frequently during the day. I thought I was controlling it but my visits to the bathroom increased dramatically. I went to the bathroom more than 10 times during the day but only peeing a small amount. Since wearing a diaper for long periods of time, my bladder likely shrank, making the bathroom visits more frequent. I tried holding it but began leaking and wetting incidents, I cannot hold urine flow for too long before leaking. I have given up, and am now back in a diaper 24/7.
 
iam32bit said:
For the past few years I have been dealing with OAB / UI. Some days are worse than others, with more than 20 trips to the bathroom being a bad day. I went to a doctor who mentioned that I am on a high dose diuretic and that was the cause of my bladder issues. He said "Either you stop your medication, or start wearing diapers".

I have been wearing diapers off and on in an effort to manage my bladder issues. While diapers do help, I have been battling feelings of embarrassment and also feeling like I am doing something wrong. I have posted in the past on this forum, you guys have been trying to help me to accept my need for diapers.

I think I finally understand why I am so against wearing them. Back when I was little, I was forced into a diaper by my baby sitter. I remember telling her "I am not supposed to wear these" I had just been potty trained but my baby sitter still thought I needed them. I think this trauma is why I am at war with wearing diapers.

Also being a 28 year old female doesn't help. I can't wear my skirts without fear of people seeing my diapers. I hate jeans, I hate pants. I am more of a dress / skirt kind of girl. Having to wear diapers to mange my IC forces me to change my wardrobe.

In my day to day, when I don't wear diapers, I wished I did since I have to run to the bathroom at the most inconvenient times. When I am on a call with someone I have to excuse myself and put them on hold. When I am in a meeting I have to miss important details to run to the bathroom. When I am commuting to and from work, I have to do my best to hold it as there are no bathrooms for a good 1 and a half hours. In the middle of the night I wake up a few times to run to the bathroom.

I really try my best to live day to day without the help of diapers. While they do work very well reducing my trips to 3 or 4 times a day. I am not sure I will ever accept them in my life. I kinda wish I was a DL as it would probably make my life easier.

I have a new doctor with a new practice. I never told them about my bladder issues as they have a system that shares my conditions with everyone. If I were to go to the hospital they would see that I have IC and would most likely put me in a diaper. Going back to the trauma, the idea of having someone change me freaks me out. It also doesn't help that I have been in the hospital 3 times this year for other issues.

Last week I finally told my doctor about my IC and mentioned how diapers do help managing my condition however I wanted to explore other options and see if there is another way I don't have to wear them. I have a bunch of tests coming up and hope things work out.

If anyone is interested, I wear North Shore Supreme (Plastic Backed). I love how comfortable they are, but hate how I can hear the plastic crinkling. I tried the cloth ones and hated how they would feel damp on the outside. They also tended to leak and not contain the smell.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.
Would panties, or the right pantyhose, over top, or shorts, or Capri tights, under your skirts help? I hurt for you. My fear is, your doctor will refer you to a urologist, and urologists are surgeons. The surgeries and meds don't always work, and have side effects. Don't let the IC win. Keep your skirts and dresses. Don't let the trauma win, either. Cloth -- the washable stuff-- may feel more like something you're, "supposed to be wearing," which, I totally understand, having my own childhood trauma.
 
SpAzpieSweeTot said:
Would panties, or the right pantyhose, over top, or shorts, or Capri tights, under your skirts help? I hurt for you. My fear is, your doctor will refer you to a urologist, and urologists are surgeons. The surgeries and meds don't always work, and have side effects. Don't let the IC win. Keep your skirts and dresses. Don't let the trauma win, either. Cloth -- the washable stuff-- may feel more like something you're, "supposed to be wearing," which, I totally understand, having my own childhood trauma.

Are the alternatives to diapers really that bad?
 
iam32bit said:
Are the alternatives to diapers really that bad?
Most of the alternatives (medications, surgeries) carry side effects that can be more of an impact than the original symptom they set out to help. Worse still, when they do work, they frequently only work partially. So instead of wetting yourself every hour (or so), you only wet yourself every 6 hours. The problem here is, you still need diapers! Some of the surgeries can leave you worse off than you started with permanent problems.

- - - Updated - - -

Although that’s not to say they never work, they just don’t have that great of a track record...
 
Missy1 said:
Heres the facts of mien as well as other statements reg the alternative to diapers dear https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170404124636.htm

Missy1, thanks for sharing. I took they OAB medication and it was doing nothing positive but had strong side effects (vision, deazy, etc...). The Urologist didn’t even suggested Botox or a surgery and was happy to prescribe diapers! Thus is a lead problem what the side effects would have brought me.


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I'm also another case where drugs did little to nothing, yet many of them came with bad side effects. Kegel exercises and timed wetting helped about as much too, that is to say not much.

So unfortunately yeah, diapers are way more effective.
 
Slomo said:
I'm also another case where drugs did little to nothing, yet many of them came with bad side effects. Kegel exercises and timed wetting helped about as much too, that is to say not much.

So unfortunately yeah, diapers are way more effective.

Wow! That exactly my situation!


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joelvc said:
Missy1, thanks for sharing. I took they OAB medication and it was doing nothing positive but had strong side effects (vision, deazy, etc...). The Urologist didn’t even suggested Botox or a surgery and was happy to prescribe diapers! Thus is a lead problem what the side effects would have brought me.


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I am guessing the general census is that diapers would be my best treatment option? If my doctor recommends medications should I insist on continuing diapers as my management method?

I am worried about potential side effects. Diapers really don’t have one I guess.

What about the surgeries, that report said that 80% of people had better results.

Thanks guys and gals for helping me!
 
I'd be diligently skeptical of surgical procedures. I've talked to some who faced additional issues after surgery and I'd doubt the 80% success rate overall.
 
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I would have to say stick with diapers & NO meds , EVERY surgical procedur is a potential risk. I agree with you there Andrew for some YES it has worked but for others things havent or goten worse in my opinion its NOT worth the risk
 
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