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Thread: Getting a Second Opinion / Diaper Embarrassment

  1. #41


    I'm so sorry to hear this iam32bit, this news is hard to take. No-one likes to hear that they have no choice but to wear diapers 24/7. People may fantasise it, but when faced with the actual situation, it sucks. Badly.

    Adjusting to diapers takes time. It forces us to reconsider everything we were taught about growing up. Having walked down this path myself not so long ago, I know myself how bad it is. Right now the path ahead of you may seem impossible at times. You may have no idea where it goes. But there is a way forward. This is not the end.

    It's not easy. But it gets easier.

    Like you, I have a number of other health issues, one of which we later found to be the cause of my incon, but because my condition wasn't typical, it took me ten years to find out what was going on. And in my case, they can't do anything to fix me so I need to stay padded.

    Although I've been wearing diapers 24/7, since 2011, it took me five years to stop blaming myself for what happened. It then took me another 18 months to finally feel comfortable and relaxed about wearing and using my diapers without feeling guilty

    It's not easy. But it gets easier.

    Having to wear diapers but not knowing what was going on with my bladder (and nor did any doctors or urologists), took a toll on my mental health, to the point where I had to get help and receive in-depth Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It took months and it was hard work, and when I realised how much I was blaming myself, I didn't think I'd ever be able to change my way of thinking, as I had been doing it that way for so long. Thankfully, I've found a better way, which means I'm much kinder to myself than I used to be.

    From your previous posts, I realise that because of certain experiences you've faced in the past, you may be feeling embarrassed and ashamed about your incontinence. These are feelings that we all face. What you're feeling right now is normal. While it may be more severe in your case, these feelings of helplessness, shame, guilt and failure are something that anyone who has become incontinent will face.

    I strongly suggest that you should get some counselling to help you adjust to this new situation. While it may feel embarrasing, it's important that you get help from someone who understands, and gives you a more balanced view. It will also help you open up and become more relaxed about talking about your incontinence. When I first started wearing I couldn't even say the word diaper. Now I'm able to say anything about my condition to anyone and I don't even care if my diaper shows a bit by accident. I just pull my jeans up and carry on.

    It's not easy, but it gets easier.

    It also sounds like some counselling would help you face some of these issues in your past. Sometimes, you have to face your fears head-on, and prove that you are stronger. I don't know if you're into science fiction, but the Litany Against Fear from Dune really helped me face my fears, rather than hide from them.

    "I must not fear

    Fear is the mind-killer
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

    I will face my fear
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

    And when it has gone past
    I will turn the Inner Eye to see its path

    When the Fear has gone, there will be Nothing

    Only I will Remain."

    Please message me if you'd like to talk further. I've added you as a friend on here.

    Breathe Deep, Seek Peace

  2. #42


    I am not sure if my advice can be really helpful, but here are my thoughts.

    As it is hard for you to accept diapers, that you fear that people notice them under your dress, and that it's not easy to bring a spare at work, and so on... I wondered if you could choose the most absorbent pads instead of your diapers. They could be an intermediate solution between "having stop all activity and rush to the bathroom all the time" and wearing a diaper you hardly accept.

    They would be very discreet, you could easily change them at work, go to the bathroom easily when you can make it, and still wear normal underwear above them that would make you feel you don't wear diapers, but rather a protection. They would not save you all the trips to the bathroom, but at least a few ones. And getting changed would be much faster (but more regular).

    Is there anything that would prevent you from trying them?

  3. #43


    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by iam32bit View Post
    Had a bunch of tests done, Kidneys are good, don't have diabetes, sodium levels are good, liver is good. Nothing came up bad in blood tests. I have microscopic hematuria and have to go to the Urologist. I asked to try some other medication since the Oxybutnin was causing suicidal thoughts. I am much better mood wise since ceasing them. My first Urologist is mid June, doctor won't let me trial anything else until I go to my appointment. I asked her what should I do in the meantime. She said Scheduled Voiding and Diapers if I need them.

    I am really feeling trapped. I just want to have a normal bladder and not have to think about it all damn day. I have to order more diapers and feel so defeated.

    Sorry if my writing is so random, I have been sick the past few days and haven't been sleeping well.
    Be positive. It doesn't mean you have any kidney or bladder issue. Adults with bowel issues such as incontinence often use adult diapers, also known as briefs, for overnight protection.Wearing diapers has nothing to do with the age. In fact, if someone is affected by incontinence problem, this is the ideal way to deal with it. And, if you think, this issue only affects children at younger age- then, think again! As, there are many reasons that adults wear diapers, one must not feel shy to opt for it.there are millions of people in this world who wear diaper with confidence. Go ahead and book your diapers in bulk to make you feel comfortable .

  4. #44


    I can understand the self consciousness of having to wear a diaper as protection from incontinence issues. I have been dealing with increasingly embarrassing leaks. I tried pads in my underwear and although they work for a short time, they fail and leaking occurs. I have resolved that I need to wear a diaper now, Today I had to wear a diaper to church for the first time, by the time I got home, I had to change it. It did keep me from leaking. Last night I wore my usual diaper to bed and awoke this morning that my diaper had leaked in the bed. I suppose that I will have to adjust to diaper wearing as the norm for me. I wear dresses and skirts, and find that if the skirt is flared or loose the diaper doesn't show, and makes diaper changes easier than pants
    Good luck

  5. #45


    Quote Originally Posted by iam32bit View Post
    I am guessing the general census is that diapers would be my best treatment option? If my doctor recommends medications should I insist on continuing diapers as my management method?

    I am worried about potential side effects. Diapers really donít have one I guess.

    What about the surgeries, that report said that 80% of people had better results.

    Thanks guys and gals for helping me!
    Depending on the recommendations you should listen to what they may have to say, if they are however pushing for surgery you should definetly way the pros and cons, if its a medication you can give it a try and see if it works for you or how bad the side effects are. Everyone is different so what might not work for others here may work for you.

  6. #46


    I had my initial Urology appointment today. It was hell. The doctor seemed shocked that I was wearing diapers to manage my Urinary Urgency. They ran three tests, one was a urine test, then a bladder ultrasound and then the Cystoscopy into my bladder. The Urine test came back with still having blood in it (a whole month after my last test). The bladder ultrasound came back good with less than a teaspoons worth of urine retained after voiding. The Cystoscopy was extremely uncomfortable, not only the preparations of having someone touching my genitals, but the pain that scope caused while moving around in my bladder was intense. My bladder was normal with no signs of tumors or stones. I am going to have to get a kidney ultrasound in the next week.

    Since I am a victim of sexual abuse as a child, the Cystoscopy triggered me and caused me to have a dissociation episode. I completely closed up and wanted to envision myself home and safe. After my nurse noticed me acting different than before the Cystoscopy, she asked me what was wrong and was alerted by the fact that I wasn't responding. She informed my doctor who called emergency mental health services to talk to me. The whole situation was horrible.

    All I got from this visit was the same "Your medication is the cause of your Urinary Urge issue". I am being prescribed Sanctura since Oxybutynin didn't work.

    I really hate my bladder, I hate my life and wish I would just drop dead. My urinary issues are just the tip of the iceberg of all my other problems in life. I deal with infertility, body image issues, emotional abuse from parents, anxiety and depression and much more. While writing this, I am still shaken up from the Cystoscopy.

  7. #47


    I got similar write-offs from urologists who weren't able to see my underlying and tru problems. From the ones who would not listen to me, and believed pills were the problem/solution. That is total bsx and they are quacks.

    Get a second opinion!

  8. #48


    Quote Originally Posted by iam32bit View Post
    While writing this, I am still shaken up from the Cystoscopy.
    I was shaken up after similar tests, and I'm one of the least-shakable people I know, lol. I just wanted to go somewhere comfortable and safe afterward, I can't imagine how much worse it would be with a history like that. Often you find medical professionals, with nothing other than good intentions, who tend to push too hard for a quick fix without looking at total wellness overall.

    Hopefully you feel better soon, and can find peace with your conditions as well as happiness in your life.

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