Subtle Exhibition

I've brushed on this in other posts but never created my own to explain. I enjoy something I can only describe as "subtle exhibitionism."

I know conventional exhibitionism is generally frowned upon and only hurts the perception of our community.

While I don't condone the above activity, I do enjoy subtle acts like if someone were to notice a crinkly diaper or perhaps an exposed brief while bent over or under a bathroom stall.

This isn't an act that's evolved or progressed into full on exhibition and there's never been anything that will make it do so. Speaking strictly to the act of "subtle exhibition" do you view it as the same, different or just as bad?

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Exhibition is exibition. Forcefully involving others into your getting jollies off them knowing is just wrong. It doesn't matter if it's just a little or a lot that you're exposing yourself, you're still exposing yourself with the intent to involve bystanders.

Slomo said:

Exhibition is exibition. Forcefully involving others into your getting jollies off them knowing is just wrong. It doesn't matter if it's just a little or a lot that you're exposing yourself, you're still exposing yourself with the intent to involve bystanders.

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I sought an opinion and you gave it, thank you. Although as a matter of clarity, I think "exposing" is sort of a strong word for what I'm actually doing. I'm not...changing in the back of my car or pulling down my pants in public per se. I view it more as shameless wearing. If someone sees or hears, fine. I don't go out of my way to do it but it is an admitted "thrill" should it happen. The same is such for when I make a local purchase (another topic I recently posted about). Personally, I view it as none of the general public actually knows my situation or the lack thereof and find it normal. I suppose under the (loose) criteria I gave it is considered exhibitionism and that's why I was asking.

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The question is - Where is the limit? When wearing in public, people won't notice you're wearing if your diaper is thin so "that's ok"... But get a thick cloth diaper and it is more than noticeable, in that case it would be exhibitionism.

I guess the answer is on that same thrill you're talking about. If you are doing things to make it more noticeable because you want some people to find out - That's the red line. The opposite is to wear in public, but being afraid of people noticing and doing things so it's less notice-able (thinner diaper, lose jeans, underwear over it, etc.).

I understand that this is open to interpretation though, so that's just my opinion I don't think the case you described is something extremely wrong, but I would still put it under the "not ok".

intfusmil said:

I sought an opinion and you gave it, thank you. Although as a matter of clarity, I think "exposing" is sort of a strong word for what I'm actually doing. I'm not...changing in the back of my car or pulling down my pants in public per se. I view it more as shameless wearing. If someone sees or hears, fine. I don't go out of my way to do it but it is an admitted "thrill" should it happen. The same is such for when I make a local purchase (another topic I recently posted about). Personally, I view it as none of the general public actually knows my situation or the lack thereof and find it normal. I suppose under the (loose) criteria I gave it is considered exhibitionism and that's why I was asking.

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Ah, that's different then. Your clarification is not actually exhibitionism then, now is it.

And I'm of a similar mind, though I never get any thrill from any type of diaper exposure. I simply refuse to go out of my way to either hide or show my diapers. That's it.

If someone in the stall next to me hears me changing my diaper, then so what. If I'm at the beach, in only my diaper (being incontinent it's not like I have the option to choose to wear a speedo instead), then again so what if someone sees. I could care less about what others think so long as I'm not breaking any laws or otherwise dressing inappropriately in public (which I don't).

Vaan said:

The question is - Where is the limit? When wearing in public, people won't notice you're wearing if your diaper is thin so "that's ok"... But get a thick cloth diaper and it is more than noticeable, in that case it would be exhibitionism.

I guess the answer is on that same thrill you're talking about. If you are doing things to make it more noticeable because you want some people to find out - That's the red line. The opposite is to wear in public, but being afraid of people noticing and doing things so it's less notice-able (thinner diaper, lose jeans, underwear over it, etc.).

I understand that this is open to interpretation though, so that's just my opinion I don't think the case you described is something extremely wrong, but I would still put it under the "not ok".

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Yeah I agree there is a lot of grey area. Again, I'm not looking for vindication but I also don't go out of my way to be noticed. My diaper of choice is Tranquility ATN with a topliner booster. My clothing is loose and would be very hard to notice - except for the crinkly nature of the brand. That's not why I buy them, I buy them because they're easy to access and super absorbent. But the absorbency comes at the cost of swelling immensely. The original question borders fantasy more than exhibition but even that is a strong word to explain this. I use boxer briefs to suppress the noise but sometimes it works better than others. I've often wondered (like we all have) if anyone can tell. Not sure if the extra insight makes it better or worse in presenting my case. I appreciate the opinions no matter. In my case this has never evolved or made me want more to do anything extreme.

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I do believe it will help if everyone understands what exhibitionism even means.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=exhibitionism&amp=true

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/exhibitionism

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/exhibitionism

Basically it means to purposely act or do something, often exposing one's genetils) in such a way for the purpose of gaining attention or sexual gratification.

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Case in point. If I wear only a diaper to the beach just so I can get a thrill of being noticed, then that is exhibitionism.

If I wear only a diaper to the beah because I'm incontnent and can't just take it off whenever it's convenient, and I'm there to get a tan. That is not exhibitionism.

See the difference?

Slomo said:

I do believe it will help if everyone understands what exhibitionism even means.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=exhibitionism&amp=true

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/exhibitionism

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/exhibitionism

Basically it means to purposely act or do something, often exposing one's genetils) in such a way for the purpose of gaining attention or sexual gratification.

- - - Updated - - -

Case in point. If I wear only a diaper to the beach just so I can get a thrill of being noticed, then that is exhibitionism.

If I wear only a diaper to the beah because I'm incontnent and can't just take it off whenever it's convenient, and I'm there to get a tan. That is not exhibitionism.

See the difference?

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Yes it is very good to note the actual definitions. I feel like I fall outside of this but that's why I reached out for opinions because some may feel anyone outside of medical need is performing an act of exhibition - and I can understand that belief. Social, moral and ethical wrongdoings by opinion play into this as well.

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I would agree that with the "intent" to deliberately expose with reason to incite purposeful discovery of even the smallest amount of a diaper is exhibition. If it were a genuine accidental showing, and it does happen to us 24/7s (lean over to pick up something, or get up from a couch and your undershirt has come up) then it is not exhibition. I usually correct it, apologize, and if needed offer explanation. But hardly does any one really care or ask or even process what they just saw. Or they are to embarrassed to ask because they are embarrassed for you and don't want confrontation.

I personally don't like to "un-welcomingly" force someone into my world how ever the thoughts of being exposed, humiliated, or just free and open with it is exciting albeit just not a world or reality we live in. If the circumstances are different and the people I am around know that im IC and AB then yeah I rock out. But not without clear expectations.

JMHO

I’m one of those that is upset by the fact that ABDL is always classified as a kink or fetish when for me it’s usually not sexual. I simply never really grew out of diapers even though I’m not incontinent. For me it’s more closely aligned with being LGBT (something I was born with or developed as a baby in diapers) than a kink or fetish. So for me I shouldn’t have to flaunt it, but go out of my way to hide every diaper peek, etc. I know not everyone agrees, but also I think everyone’s view of their origins of ABDL is different too.

paddeddownthere said:

I’m one of those that is upset by the fact that ABDL is always classified as a kink or fetish when for me it’s usually not sexual. I simply never really grew out of diapers even though I’m not incontinent. For me it’s more closely aligned with being LGBT (something I was born with or developed as a baby in diapers) than a kink or fetish. So for me I shouldn’t have to flaunt it, but go out of my way to hide every diaper peek, etc. I know not everyone agrees, but also I think everyone’s view of their origins of ABDL is different too.

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That is a very valid and arguable point and hopefully one day will make it onto its own thread. I think it is important to separate the difference between origin and perception. What your talking about is the perception of ABDL not the origin. The origin while not clearly understood isn't really a variable. It started somewhere. The perception is incredibly variable. The current modern day and past perception is the dreaded "P" word while others accept it as the refusal to grow up, and many other reasons. It is that way because of a lack of knowledge and understanding of what ABDL is. Now if you are speaking of an individuals personal origin into ABDL then that is a separate matter entirely in regards to perception.

LGBT issue have been around for many decades in a variety of flavors and have been widely explored much more than ABDL. And this is no way an offense towards people of the LGBT community. We shouldn't have to hide it. But we need to be human enough to know that pushing it on others who didn't ask to be part of your world doesn't make it right.

Dare I say it, but the way the LGBT front has made so much headway is to be noisy about it. And personally, they are succeeding. I'm not saying this works for every cause. The kid two weeks ago eating tide pods is now calling for gun control from a completely uneducated stand point and is calling for other students to stand in solidarity by not showing up to class. So it doesn't work in all situations. (And if that previous statement offended anyone, your smart, were dumb, have another tide pod, hope it tastes like irony)

Prime example. I've openly worn diapers and baby clothes to a nude beach. I'm not imposing anything on anyone because the expectations are clear and to be blunt, I'm dressed, you aren't. So they really aren't in a place to pass judgement at this point. If that makes some or any sense. BTW, the nude beaches I have gone to in AB wear have all been graciously accepting and it usually generates meaningful conversation. To do that out in closed public? We just aren't there yet in society.

babyblueblanket said:

That is a very valid and arguable point and hopefully one day will make it onto its own thread. I think it is important to separate the difference between origin and perception. What your talking about is the perception of ABDL not the origin. The origin while not clearly understood isn't really a variable. It started somewhere. The perception is incredibly variable. The current modern day and past perception is the dreaded "P" word while others accept it as the refusal to grow up, and many other reasons. It is that way because of a lack of knowledge and understanding of what ABDL is. Now if you are speaking of an individuals personal origin into ABDL then that is a separate matter entirely in regards to perception.

LGBT issue have been around for many decades in a variety of flavors and have been widely explored much more than ABDL. And this is no way an offense towards people of the LGBT community. We shouldn't have to hide it. But we need to be human enough to know that pushing it on others who didn't ask to be part of your world doesn't make it right.

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That’s my point exactly. It’s not the same as LGBT in terms of origins and struggles, but I’m simply trying to state that several of us have memories of wanting to wear diapers and even stealing them family or babysitters at an alarmingly young age. This is hardly a sexual thing at that age. For me it was five. Now during puberty I did have a sexual component to my diapers, and occasionally do today, but it is far from a completely sexual thing for me. I hardly have the drive nor think it’s appropriate to expose others unnessesarily to this, but if I’m out and you see a diaper bulge or a diaper peek, get over it. This is me.

paddeddownthere said:

That’s my point exactly. It’s not the same as LGBT in terms of origins and struggles, but I’m simply trying to state that several of us have memories of wanting to wear diapers and even stealing them family or babysitters at an alarmingly young age. This is hardly a sexual thing at that age. For me it was five. Now during puberty I did have a sexual component to my diapers, and occasionally do today, but it is far from a completely sexual thing for me. I hardly have the drive nor think it’s appropriate to expose others unnessesarily to this, but if I’m out and you see a diaper bulge or a diaper peek, get over it. This is me.

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You say "Get over it, this is me," but John Q. Public doesn't have a frame of reference for this. His mind is going to be going all kinds of places.

Even "subtle" exhibitionism is still exhibitionism, and you should examine your motives for wanting to engage other people. I don't even like to have part of my diaper peek under a stall, or the waist exposed when I'm walking. It's just not something I think people need to be involved with.

OmiOMy said:

You say "Get over it, this is me," but John Q. Public doesn't have a frame of reference for this. His mind is going to be going all kinds of places.

Even "subtle" exhibitionism is still exhibitionism, and you should examine your motives for wanting to engage other people. I don't even like to have part of my diaper peek under a stall, or the waist exposed when I'm walking. It's just not something I think people need to be involved with.

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Well as I stated, I have no desire nor do I think it’s appropriate to be out in full baby gear or a diaper in public. All that will do is make it awkward for one or both parties and invite a negative response from the public. But I simply stated that if I bend over and my diaper accidentally shows, whatever. This is up for debate, but ABDL is not a kink, fetish or sexual to me. It’s just who I am.

paddeddownthere said:

I’m one of those that is upset by the fact that ABDL is always classified as a kink or fetish when for me it’s usually not sexual. I simply never really grew out of diapers even though I’m not incontinent. For me it’s more closely aligned with being LGBT (something I was born with or developed as a baby in diapers) than a kink or fetish. So for me I shouldn’t have to flaunt it, but go out of my way to hide every diaper peek, etc. I know not everyone agrees, but also I think everyone’s view of their origins of ABDL is different too.

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ABDL is not, and will never be like LGBTQ+. You will never have to fight for your rights to get married to the people you love, to kiss your partner in public, etc... Believe it or not, kinks are a protected class in more states in the US than gay and lesbian folk. For example, in Arizona, you can not be evicted because you are into kinky sex wearing a diaper, nor can you be denied an apartment application. Hell, you can be an actual freaking pedophile, and be approved an application... however if you are gay or lesbian, you can be evicted or turned down on that fact alone.

Here is the reason why. No one gives a shit about your kinks. The only rule with kinks and fetishes is that you keep them to yourself and your partner. You live up to that social agreement, and no one will care. Us gay folk do not have that luxury. It is entirely appropriate to hold hands with your loved on in public, giving them appropriate kisses (not talking full on make out sessions here) etc... however, gay men and women have to fight, and are still fighting to be able to do that without the world freaking out, and in some cases literally trying to murder us.

And even if it is not sexual (It is not sexual for me.) it is object fetishism. IE an activity in which pleasure (does not have to be sexual) is derived from an object and its use that deviates from mainstream uses. I can see you arguing you don't have a fetish or a kink if you were not on this site. You'd wear for a practical reason, or not at all. Here, we have people who wear for practical reasons, but have learned to derive pleasure from it, and others who wear because they just freaking want to (Like me) who have no reason to be in a diaper all the time. I am a fetish girl, and I am not ashamed of that.

And I see nothing wrong with keeping it to myself. I don't go out and parade my diaper (I do attend Gay Pride parades because they help normalize the idea of gay people... even if some marchers do take it too far sometimes. I should tell you, the first DL I ever met other than myself, and my girlfriend at the time, was at a Gay Pride Parade. He was marching in his diaper. No one complained because he kept himself in and around the other fetish parts of the march (Which were clearly marked, with a buffer zone so people could choose to avoid it if they wished).

OmiOMy said:

You say "Get over it, this is me," but John Q. Public doesn't have a frame of reference for this. His mind is going to be going all kinds of places.

Even "subtle" exhibitionism is still exhibitionism, and you should examine your motives for wanting to engage other people. I don't even like to have part of my diaper peek under a stall, or the waist exposed when I'm walking. It's just not something I think people need to be involved with.

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This this this this and this. People, get freaking consent before ever intentionally involving others. There is a difference between wearing a diaper, and wearing a diaper in "public."

(The "you" below is just a pronoun being used to signify a person, it is referencing no one specifically.)

When you wear a diaper, you are wearing it because you need it, or you don't, but you are treating it like a normal piece of clothing... IE paying it no more mind than you would panties, pants, shirts, etc...

When you wear in "public," you are doing it to be 'naughty.' or to get that thrill that you might be caught. This is not ok in my book, as you are using other people for your own gratification, rather it be adrenaline, or sexual. People deserve more respect than to be used in a persons fetish game.

It is pretty simple in my book. If you don't need them, and you get any kind of pleasure from people "accidentally" finding out you are in them... you probably shouldn't wear outside your house, or a munch, or other activity for you can gain consent, or consent is implied (Like Capcon, etc...)

I got out of bed to answer the door yesterday forgeting i only had on my T-shirt and diaper when i realised i cut the convo short and shut the door........i got no thrill from it! lol

If you're seeking a thrill of some measure by exposing yourself to others, I think that's exhibitionism. However, I think a lot of the exhibitionism that ABDLs engage in is either so small as to be insignificant or at worst rude. I think if you want to be a decent person in society, it's worth examining your reasons for doing the things you do. If you're showing a bit of peekage on occasion and it livens up your day that someone might see, I don't think it's really worth worrying over. However, if you feel like you're compelled to do so and you can't get gratification without doing it, it's a matter of concern even if the display is small.

Let's make this a bit more neutral than diapers and say it's an underwear kink (the regular kind, not diapers). If I see some underwear peekage from someone who has a kink and they get to enjoy being seen, I don't see how I am harmed by this. Now if they engage me and ask if I can see their underwear and what do I think about it or want me to touch, etc., that's creepy and I can't support it (unless we're friends). Maybe it's just me living in a city but I see weird stuff from time to time and as long as I can just avert my gaze and move along, I don't worry about it.

Personally, I think that extends well beyond what the OP is asking, up to and including someone in the street in full baby gear (say bondage gear if you want something that's not AB-centric). It's all kind of weird and it's probably a bad idea since it might get an extreme reaction from someone less tolerant but I don't think I'm particularly harmed by someone doing it. I don't think someone just being weird out in the world is necessarily involving me in their kink. To involve me requires some measure of engagement, like talking to me about it, touching me, smelling so strong that I can't avoid it, etc.

I think as a community we're way too concerned about what other ABDLs are doing and should stick to our own knitting. You asked, so this particular situation is fair game but we're very quick to judge that someone is damaging the good name of ABDL to the general public when I think most of our odd behavior, if it is noticed at all, will be ascribed to the individual rather than some almost unknown group.

I sometimes love to drive with pacifier in my mouth and look at passing cars and see if they notice. It's not often as most passengers are wrapped up in their phones and stuff and never notice


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Kinsy said:

ABDL is not, and will never be like LGBTQ+. You will never have to fight for your rights to get married to the people you love, to kiss your partner in public, etc... Believe it or not, kinks are a protected class in more states in the US than gay and lesbian folk. For example, in Arizona, you can not be evicted because you are into kinky sex wearing a diaper, nor can you be denied an apartment application. Hell, you can be an actual freaking pedophile, and be approved an application... however if you are gay or lesbian, you can be evicted or turned down on that fact alone.

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If you read my previous post in this thread I clearly spelled out that I’m not comparing it on struggles etc.. but what I am comparing it to is personal, because I am LGBT. And for me it’s similar in that I was born this way or developed it as a baby in diapers bc I vividly remember wanting diapers as a tiny child. I stole them from my babysitter at 5 of 6. And to me ABDL is almost never sexual. The ABDL world is different. We all chose different activities to indulge, and it means something different for each of us. It’s not a one size fits all.

Well I'm a bold faced exhibitionist by one of the definitions. As a performing musician, I do get a thrill out of performing, either on organ, piano or keyboard, but there is no sexual gratification involved. I just love the applause and doing something that few others can do.

Showing diapers is certainly something altogether different. I think for those who receive some sort of sexual stimulation from wearing diapers, wanting to be "discovered" can be part of the experience. Since diapers are sexually gratifying to me, the idea of being seen in public is there in my mind. It's not something I do because I also have to live in my community and I'm still working. There are consequences for offending the sensibilities of others. Most of us are careful about how much we show for this very reason. There are always those few who dress as a baby, diapers and baby clothes and go out into public. They also are shunned by most of society.