Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. If one wants children to turn out good, one has to identify his or her own bad, and consciously replace it with something better. That conscious replacement with better, for me, I wouldn't feel right if it only started taking place after they were already here. That's why I call it research. See? What happens, if one hasn't consciously replaced his or her bad, with better, is flaky, soft, angry, dare I say, Tide Pod eating, "Walmart hellions," and, um, no!
Let's take negative punishment, punishment where a desirable, "something," is subtracted. Let's take the one where the desired, "something," is the ability to move from a certain spot, without getting placed right back into it. What ages was this, "time out," intended for?
1 and a half, to 2, depending on brain development, until about the 5th birthday. What's the proper way to do a time out? There're steps involved here. Do it wrong, and it won't work. Do it too long, and it won't work.
I'm fully aware, that if I'm gonna opt out of punishment, I damn well better be good at reinforcement. I will be. I have to be. How much you wanna bet they call me The Reinforcer? They don't get to be made, by a good, virtuous, father and I, mind you, (See? My future kids even get to pick who I boink.), until I have something better I'm willing to take a chance on. I know it's a shaky way to respond to the suspision of ABDL, too, but it's honest, so, it's better than the standard response. It's worth it.
I'm the biological child of a drug addicted mother, and a father with a hellacious temper, who, is quite possibly nuts. I'm pretty sure I was neglected, in my very formative years. I still have a very strong, lower-brain-based, reaction of disappearing inside myself, when voices are raised.
New research suggests, addiction is neither a disease, nor a choice, but failure to bond securely, and fully individuate. I can see it. What well attached parents let my 12-year-old, future mom, have, even accidental, access to hard drugs!? What the F$%*; she was 12 when she started doing that crap!
My children don't need being spanked to lower their IQs, because cerebral palsy is brain damage, and guess what. My children, perhaps more than most, need to know how to think for themselves. In order to do that, they must grow up in enough peace, that they know they won't get, figuratively, slaughtered for simply (gasp) disagreeing with us.
Mine won't be swaddled, so they can practice using the mirror neurons necessary for empathy, they'll be breastfed, if at all possible, until they're ready to stop, and, anyone who doesn't like it, can lick my left front wheelchair tire, they'll co-sleep, safely, until someone involved is unhappy with the arrangement, and they'll get their needs met, until they're capable of meeting their own. Being neglected, i.e. not having one's needs met, feels like being left alone to die! No! Not again, not mine!