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Thread: Hypocritical Thinking Amongst "Open-Minded" Twentysomethings

  1. #1

    Default Hypocritical Thinking Amongst "Open-Minded" Twentysomethings

    This is a weird topic and a bit of think piece, but I am wondering what others may think about this and if others have experienced this.

    So, being in University in the 2010's, there are a lot of people in my classes and amongst my peer group who would identify as members of the left; liberals, socialists and centrists, many even proudly proclaim themselves to be SJW's. They like to take the moral and social high-ground and they all come across as accepting and understanding.

    Politically, I am right down the middle with a bit of a socialist bent. I believe that there are benefits to both socially progressive and radical left-minded thinking and cautious minded, moderate conservative thinking. The only political figures/theorists/philosophers who I give any credence to are Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Frantz Fanon, Noam Chomsky, Paul Kagame, Simone De Beauvoir and Karl Marx, quite the assemblage, I know.

    Socially and morally, I like to think I'm an open minded person, I am an AB after all, it'd be quite hypocritical if I wasn't. I have family members who are gay, bi and trans and I even have a few non-binary, genderqueer friends as well. I think that everyone is entitled to basic human rights, courtesy, privileges and acceptance regardless of race, gender, religion, lifestyle and sexuality, including kinks. Many of my peers and University friends would say the same, but I have come to notice that there are limits to their so-called "progressive" thoughts and base acceptance.

    One evening, while working on a thesis project, I overheard a girl in my class talking about her sexual kinks and proclivities. While she was taking with some other girls in the class about relationships, she boldly announced that she has a preference for muscular men, that it's always been a fantasy of hers to get greased up and wrestle around with a He-Man, "just like play-fighting, like when you rolled around in the grass as a kid", she put it. Many of my peers thought she was joking, so they gave their usual uncomfortable laughter, this upset her greatly, as unique as her interests are, they are a part of who she is, just as AB is a part of who I am. Well, when she left the room, clearly embarrassed, I overheard my peers talking about how "weird" and "body shaming" her proclivities are, that "it's just strange and not in a good way", that it "reinforces negative gender stereotypes" and "could coalesce into rape", because I guess wrestlers are rapists and any form of body on body physical contact is rape now

    My peers then proceeded to rag on other kinks, from BDSM (not my bag, but whatever floats your boat) to basic fetishes like foot fetishes and of course, "those weirdos who wear diapers and act like babies", as they put it.

    I then said that I needed to go to the bathroom in order to save face, I don't know why, I should have just told my peers right then and there what I thought, but I digress, I left the room and saw this same girl teary eyed on the 2nd floor staircase. She said that her "social life was over" and that her friends would "think of her as the weird wrestling girl from here on out". I told her not to worry about what others think, that everyones a little strange, myself included (I didn't elaborate). She said that, "I always know how to make things betters" and that I, "Calm everyone down and make people feel better about themselves very easily". She returned to the room able to face everyone again and so far this conversation hasn't been brought up anymore amongst my peer group, however, I have still overheard them shaming kinks.

    What really ticks me off about this whole situation is that prior to their own hateful and close-minded tirades, these same people were talking about how it's basic human courtesy to acknowledge a non-binary individuals chosen pronouns and about how they wouldn't mind dating a transgendered person and how transgendered people should be found as attractive as cisgender men and women across all boards (I won't get into this issue, but I will say I have a few trans friends and they are all wonderful people, I find all of them to be incredibly attractive in terms of both personality and physical appearance, but I personally don't feel the drive to date or have sex with any of them, we're platonic friends and many of them are in relationships already).

    How can people who claim to be socially progressive and at the forefront of acceptance hold certain groups and beliefs on a pedestal and then proceed to lambaste other groups, namely, based on this conversation, people with unorthodox sexual interests or alternative lifestyles?

    Their train of thought is literally, "I believe people have the right to be identified as whatever they want to be, but if you throw on a diaper and act like a baby that's just too far. Grow up, you freak!". I certainly can't be the only one who finds this mentality perplexing and hypocritical.

    In the timeless words of Matt Stone and Trey Parker, "either it's all OK or none of it is", make of these words what you will, but I think a truly progressive and accepting person should embody this phrase to some extent, in their line of thinking and the way they present themselves.

    I am absolutely open to trying anything once, I have stumbled upon fetishes and lifestyles that I just don't get, but I am never offended by them and I truly do believe that people should be able to identify as whatever gender they want to. That being said, I also think people with emotional and sexual interests that go against the grain, should also be embraced. "It's all OK, or none of it is" is not saying that I condone destructive and hurtful aspects of society, there is being "open-minded" and then there is being open-minded while maintaining a level of objectivity, logic and rational thought. An open-minded, objective, logical and rational person should know that there is no place for racism and sexism in the modern world, that destructive behaviours like drug abuse, alcoholism and self-harm should not be embraced nor lauded and that all forms of rape, murder, adult sexual abuse, child sexual abuse, war and genocide are detrimental to the well-being of the individual and mankind. An open-minded, objective, logical and rational person should also know that if somebody wants to wear a fur-suit and be an animal in their private time or if two people who love and care for one another want to enter into a a sexual fantasy predicated on control, dominance and subservience, then that is well within their right to do so and it is perfectly fine, these people are not forcing this side of themselves upon others and they are certainly not hurting themselves or others by engaging in such behaviours/activities.

    Furthermore, I often look at alternative lifestyles and practices, fetishes and kinks in a similar vein as being non-binary, gender neutral, gay, straight, bi or trans, these are all aspects of who we are as people, sexually, psychologically and otherwise, we cannot remove these aspects of ourselves from our being and trying to suppress them is truly harmful. We should accept and embrace who we are whether we are gay, straight, non-binary or trans, whether we like wrestling with muscular men or wearing diapers and acting like a baby.

    I'm just upset that my peers, who talk a good game about being socially progressive, morally upright and open-minded proceed to stumble backwards and kink/lifestyle shame others. In their own unique way, they are not only hypocrites, but reverse racists and sexists as well (this is maybe a topic for another time). Their words and attitudes really makes it difficult for me to treat their open-minded stances as legitimate because if you can accept a trans person then why not an ABDL or a Furry or a Submissive or someone who just really likes to wrestle. If you are going to shout from the rooftops that you are an SJW, that you want to change the world for the better, that people should be who they want to be and then in the same breath, you proceed to uncomfortably laugh at someones fetish or undermine someones unique way of living behind their back, then all of your previously shared "progressive" sentiment just seems like a bunch of self-righteous posturing.

    This situation also hurts because I like some of my peers immensely, I hang out with them, I consider some of them to be my friends, I even contemplated dating some of them, I want to tell some of them about this side of myself, but then, I remember, they are not as open-minded as they proclaim to be and if they can tear apart a girl who wants to wrestle around with well-oiled, muscular men, what would they do to a straight, demisexual male who wants to regress, wear diapers and act like a baby. I'll still hang around them and like them as people, but I'll keep my thoughts and my baby side to myself unless they have some sort of change of heart.

    Has anyone else observed this? I certainly can't be the only one.

    I just wish people would embrace others unconditionally, I know this is a slippery slope because then, where do you draw the line, but to be frank, as long as you are not hurting yourself or others and as long as you are not forcing aspects of your life onto others then, however you want to live your life should be accepted. Last I checked, diapering up and acting like a baby never killed anyone and it certainly hasn't plunged the world into chaos, so why the apprehension towards kinks, lifestyles and attitudes that deviate from the cookie-cutter norm of society, even amongst so-called progressive and open minded people?
    Last edited by Poofybutt; 1 Week Ago at 05:34.

  2. #2

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    A lot of people don't understand the true concept of being open minded, and find it easier to buy into the concept that as long as they tow the line of what the party says, they will be able to claim that they too are "open minded", despite the fact they still look down upon things they don't understand. It's easy to point fingers at people who are outside of your circle, it's much harder to accept people unconditionally.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by PlotTwist View Post
    A lot of people don't understand the true concept of being open minded, and find it easier to buy into the concept that as long as they tow the line of what the party says, they will be able to claim that they too are "open minded", despite the fact they still look down upon things they don't understand. It's easy to point fingers at people who are outside of your circle, it's much harder to accept people unconditionally.
    Good point, PlotTwist!

    I too sometimes feel that my peers are just latching onto buzz words and contemporary view points to feel like they're part of something bigger than themselves or part of the "solution", if you will. I don't doubt my peers have good intentions when they espouse these "open-minded ideals", but they certainly aren't truly open minded if they can accept one thing and then turn around and frown upon benign, innocent, personal and emotionally uplifting behaviours and lifestyles like wanting to wrestle with your partner or being an ABDL simply because they don't fully understand it, that would be like having a crossdresser frowning upon the ABDL or Furry community, even though the practices share some similarities and the lifestyles can even overlap, this way of thinking is just very hypocritical.
    Last edited by Poofybutt; 1 Week Ago at 03:11.

  4. #4

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    Actually, I have to agree with those other 20 somethings. It IS progressive to denounce those old sterotypes. Realistically speaking, he-man types are neither realistic- nor healthy.

    I can also say tyat the older we get, the more set in our ways we become. What WE see as middle-of-the-road, or even progressive, will to younger generations seem old, archaic, and even racist.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    Actually, I have to agree with those other 20 somethings. It IS progressive to denounce those old sterotypes. Realistically speaking, he-man types are neither realistic- nor healthy.

    I can also say tyat the older we get, the more set in our ways we become. What WE see as middle-of-the-road, or even progressive, will to younger generations seem old, archaic, and even racist.
    Interesting points,

    I agree with you, gender stereotypes should be debunked, I think this should be a given considering todays hyper-politicized age. I certainly am no He-Man, nor do I aspire to be one and I know many other men who aren't as well. I think if you give people benefit of the doubt, they know that not all men are violent, arrogant, neanderthals, just like not all women are ditzy blondes or doting housewives, that being said, not all He-Man types are violent abusers or troglodytic meatheads either. Finally, the He-Man thing was this girls preference, she likes muscular men, just like I have a preference for red-heads. There is nothing wrong with having personal preferences, you shouldn't be ridiculed or persecuted for having them, the only problem that can arise from preferences is if they narrow your dating pool or close you off to others.

    I really agree with your last point though, sometimes we can become too entrenched in how things are, so much so, that we fail to discern what is progressive and what is not and what was problematic vs. what still is and needs changing.

    I think the problem with my peers is that, they talk about being open-minded and progressive, but they're fickle in their open-mindedness, they can accept some things and not others and I think that is hypocritical and wrong. I'm not saying that everything should be accepted, that's stupid, there are ways of thinking and practices that are inherently wrong and should never be accepted i.e. sexism, racism, elitism, rape, murder, but certainly aspects of our personal individuality that pose no significant harm to ourselves and others should be more broadly accepted by ourselves and others.
    Last edited by Poofybutt; 1 Week Ago at 04:00.

  6. #6

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    If these people were willing enough to talk about their kinks on public, they should have no problem with understanding the other ones. If anything, I'm kind of thankful for my situation as it makes people with unique mindsets alike, as far as sexual preferences, seem far more relatable to me.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by TommyMekasan View Post
    If these people were willing enough to talk about their kinks on public, they should have no problem with understanding the other ones. If anything, I'm kind of thankful for my situation as it makes people with unique mindsets alike, as far as sexual preferences, seem far more relatable to me.
    Hey TommyMekasan,

    I'm right there with you. As I said, I think I am accepting of a majority of kinks and alternative lifestyles that exist, there are some that I don't entirely understand, but I am certainly not going to judge anyone for having a kink or a lifestyle that is a little out of the ordinary, especially if it makes them happy and if they are not causing harm to themselves or others. Also, it goes without saying, but as an AB, I'm a bit out of the ordinary myself.

    I think you are right, one of the reasons why I am open-minded is because of my unique situation as an AB, I know what it's like to be judged based on my interests and parts of who I am, I have judged myself and others have passed judgement on me, so I know first hand that it just isn't right to judge or ridicule others because of who they are and what their interests are, it is best to accept others and treat them with love, dignity and respect. Live and let live.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    Actually, I have to agree with those other 20 somethings. It IS progressive to denounce those old sterotypes. Realistically speaking, he-man types are neither realistic- nor healthy.
    Really? I hope this was sarcasm!

  9. #9

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    I think the hypocrisy is there because it isn't easy accepting people who's fundamental, core values are much different from your own; and people who label themselves "open minded" are rarely different than anyone else in that regard. The idea of "maintaining a level of objectivity, logic and rational thought" is entirely subjective.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Really? I hope this was sarcasm!
    You should know by now that I ALWAYS say what I mean. There is no reading in between the lines, saying something with the intent it be a joke/fake, and certainly no sarcasm.

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