Quitting ABDL

See, if all we do is forgive, then all they learn is, they can still hold the knife. I'm not saying don't give them a shot at changing. Write them a letter, or call, and say your version of, "You were an abusive ass. I refuse to let you be anymore. I further refuse to justify what you did as right, to use another ADISCer as an example, because you were, "just trying to make me be normal. "

"I didn't know what else to do," isn't an excuse! You were an adult, and his parent! Finding out, before resorting to shaming him, was your job! Really? He's, "still not a big kid now"? He was IC from childhood, and your son, and now, he's here! You must be so proud.

"Change, or I'm out of contact with you, and anyone in the family who sides with you."

It's called de-family-of-origin-ing, or, defooing.

I was emancipated at 17. Now, in most cases, judges listen to kids that old, when it comes to with whom the want to live, but, in my case, we were afraid if we tried, Grammy Dearest would have me declared incompetent, so, we took it all the way to emancipation.

I only still live with Mom because I'm disabled, but, even now, every time she knows things about me, like I like even my cooked vegetables to have crunch to them, or, why I like a certain song, or food, or, when she cares to ask if dinner with some assembly required would be appreciated, or make me mad, or what Purim is, I almost cry. I told her how cool I think that is, and she said, "Duh, the mama."

When I got my paci, I told them, not because of some odd desire to have them participate, but because I pay part of the rent, and I'll be dipped I keep secrets in a house I help pay for. You're as sick as your secrets, not your private activities.

She said, "When your thing involves horsepower, and breaking teeth, then I'll worry. It's the new school kind; right? It won't ef up your teeth? Good."

Yooda said:

Drifter, While yes, you are correct that no reliable or laboratory repeatable cure is known to exist, there is the example of:

Cliff​

who was in fact able to leave diapers in a “cured” sense, but the beginning of his “cure” first apparently required his absolute acceptance of himself as an abdl for the majority of his life. This is probably the only known account of someone who was cured, as far as I know.

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People in the past have claimed to have been cured of homosexuality. I will remain skeptical. I don't believe sexual orientation is something that can be "cured" but, with enough will power, people can abstain from acting on heterosexual or homosexual desires. I believe ABDL desires are caused by the same process that causes sexual orientation and gender identity, and, because of that, they are a deep-seated part of our emotional make-up.

I do agree with Spaz that mistakes made in parenting can be contributing factors to causing ABDL. Whether or not we will ever be able to prove if they are primary factors in every case, I doubt that we will. Whether or not it is healthy to hold things against one's parents very far into adulthood, I think most would agree, probably not.

Yes parental mistakes can really mess with one’s mind, but personally I believe that the best way to "un-mess" one's mind is to learn how to forgive the difficult things along with the easy ones. If I had fathered kids when I was in my early 20s as my parents did, I can guarantee you I would've had some pretty messed up angry kids by now!

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By "parental mistakes can really mess with one’s mind" I assume you mean some kind of psychological problems. I have never seen even a hint of evidence supporting the notion that ABDL desires could have a psychological cause, and I've been looking for a long time. I understand the appeal of using pop-psychology to explain our behavior, and was able to come up with a more or less rock-solid psychological theory for my own circumstances, but that was before I discovered a much more likely cause for my desires - imprinting.

Spaz, some people believe that forgiveness means some sort of ignoring of mistakes. For myself it means dealing with mistakes in a practical way, while dealing with the person who made the mistake in a manner that is calm, still respectful, and yet still also honest. Such calmness and respect when one first recognizes some mistakes, is not always easy, but still I seek for it. It sounds to me like you dealt with your Grammy in a very practical way, which makes a lot of sense, obviously.

For me, once the practical stuff is properly taken care of, then if still needed, the inner work sometimes begins.

Drifter, yes I agree "imprinting" is likely a big part of it, but I've not yet read a single scientific proof that it definitely is, only anecdotes and theories. All we have are theories, but one thing we can all agree on, it does first appear to us as a thought form. In exactly which garden of the subconscious mind these thoughts first took root, and why, we don't yet know for sure. Cliff did not claim to even know why one day in his 60's he woke up and calmly said, "I don't think I need diapers anymore," and then simply stopped, for at least the five years I knew of him or knew him. I remember asking him if after he finally stopped he had any more struggles with recurring thoughts, and he said, "not at all."

Again, I was prying this info out of him, as I myself found it hard to believe at first. When I posted this account, I kind of expected I might run into a little flack for it here, but I felt it would have also been dishonest of me not to post it here. Over the years I knew Cliff I was convinced by him, and apparently you aren't. That's OK. Personally I'm grateful that he let me know of his experience.

Mastew Yooda, I'm actually not advocating defooing, in most situations, but I do believe, if the children, themselves, could give their parents a consequence or 2 for being self-absorbed, emotionally sadistic pains in the ass, they'd not do it. There's one name associated with the concept of defooing more than any other. Doubt he wants his name associated with this forum, unless there's something he's not telling his listeners. :lol: but he's got a philosophy show. The last time he saw his mother, I think he said he didn't sleep for the longest time. He gave her a shot, but every time he was around her, he was different, couldn't relax, was on the lookout for what she might do, and he was grown then.

He he has a daughter. One day, she said she'd like to meet his mother. He had to explain, age appropriately, what she did to him, and that he couldn't let his mother hurt her, too. After he explained, his daughter understood.

Now, whenever a listener says, "But ____, she's your mother. You have to forgive her," "Yeah, she is. That's why she's not dead now," is his reply. Warning, he is a volunteerist, so, if that's not where you're aligned politically, don't listen, but he's worth checking out. Forgiveness, when deserved, is wonderful, but, when it's given to someone who hasn't apologized, it's permission to continue business as usual, because ain't but one person ever given undeserved forgiveness, and it gone well, depending upon one's beliefs.

Spaz, I checked out Stefan Molineaux. Wow is all I can say. Someone who is still mad as h*ll at his mom and in his 50's. I once felt the same way towards my parents. Instead I spent the next 5 years incommunicado, refusing to talk with both of them, until if or when they would stop trying to manipulate me. At the end, we got back in touch on my terms, not theirs. I didn't ask them to "apologize" but I did insist that they stop trying to manipulate me, and start treating me as an equal (or else). This was when I was in my 40's. Still if I'd had the mom Stefan had, who knows? I can only speak for myself.

So yes, I agree with Stefan that there can be a time of silence in a relationship, but I would ask, why not take it two steps further? Why not define for yourself, and for others, the terms of a healthy relationship, and then give others the opportunity to do it the "right way?" Why surrender the reins of your relationship to the mistakes of others, when you have the power to take ahold of the reins yourself, and to steer it into the direction of health instead of failure? Even if my parents hadn't agreed to speak with me on my own terms, at least I would have healed my own side of the relationship, and replaced my old anger with a certain type of forgiveness! I think that's the type of forgiveness I meant, not the nicey-nice Christian doormat thingie.

I think Gandhi called that type of forgiveness "Passive Resistance." He never lost his respect for the good part of the British while he consistently refused to go along with the bad. Using Passive Resistance, he and his countrymen were able to defeat the British Empire in India. Gandhi was a pacifist, but he was one who knew how to take the reins of his relationships and steer them towards health. Most impressively, he steered his relationship with the entire British Empire, and many benefitted by his understanding of Passive Resistance.

I could look for statistics & research or try to find logical fallacies in the OP's comment. But it would seem some people have tried that. Instead, I'd like to speak from my own experience and psychopathology on the subject. It is empirical, but maybe it could help future armchair shrinks with their field work. A fair warning to any reader before I continute: there may be descriptions which could be potentially upsetting in cases of depression, anxiety, and other such cases.


I've tried to permanently purge many times, and it lasted up to 2 years, one time. What I noticed is that as I abstained longer, other negative behaviors intensified; I'd become lazy, play video games for too long, dumb things like that.
The thing is, when I broke that long spell, because it was so novel again, I'd overindulge, and waste my time enjoying ABDL things. That would heighten my anxiety, make me feel like a ''freak'', loathe my self, all that nice stuff.

The social taboo thing doesn't help either. I'd honestly trade up for something less spiritual and more sexual, like feet, just because it's not as stigmatized anymore. (Maybe a bit of an extreme example, but I think you understand the geist of that sentiment).

But thinking in ifs and the world of ideas doesn't help us in this case. At the end of it, we're all shackled up to it. That's how the brain works, when it get molded one way it keeps that formed. I can believe some people can be free of it, but these are fringe cases and very often, sound similar to ex-gay stories, who seem to bask in a self-flagellating attitude. Oh, how a wreck like them got saved! - I don't buy it.

After all these troubling thoughts and negativity spirals, do you know what I found best? Engaging in ABDL at my discretion and ability, and having the things needed to ''play'' when I wanted and could. Coming to a timid acceptance of myself (I still consider it a flaw), my feelings of worth and ability to function vastly improved. My work and social life is better (though it doesn't mix with ABDL at all), and I'm making a stable income. No, of course this is not ALL associated with accepting myself in this field, but there's a significant portion of it. You have to acknowledge each and every shadow in you before you can progress.

Anyways, that's my two cents. If you feel better quitting, you do you. But you ought to respect other people's attempts at self-determination. Not storm into their community just to post one incendiary, trollish post. I don't want to seem harsh or go ad hominem, but I do doubt the sincerity of your intentions. I hope it's not like that. (@the OP)

Yooda said:

Drifter, yes I agree "imprinting" is likely a big part of it, but I've not yet read a single scientific proof that it definitely is, only anecdotes and theories. All we have are theories, but one thing we can all agree on, it does first appear to us as a thought form. In exactly which garden of the subconscious mind these thoughts first took root, and why, we don't yet know for sure.

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Imprinting is a lot like gravity in the sense that we know it exists even though we can't fully explain how it works. You will not find "a single scientific proof" of what gravity "definitely is" but we know a lot about how it affects us here on earth because of the observations we've made. Imprinting, itself, is not a theory. It is an observable phenomenon.

Looking for proof that imprinting is responsible for ABDL desires is looking at it backwards. ABDL desires, in and of themselves, are pretty convincing evidence that humans are subject to imprinting in much the same way other animals are.

Cliff did not claim to even know why one day in his 60's he woke up and calmly said, "I don't think I need diapers anymore," and then simply stopped, for at least the five years I knew of him or knew him. I remember asking him if after he finally stopped he had any more struggles with recurring thoughts, and he said, "not at all."

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Not long ago I had an experience similar to Cliff's. Maybe it's an age thing. But it doesn't change the 60+ years he felt a 'need' to wear diapers. We should stop wasting time trying to invent some hypothetical, psychological cause for having these desires and accept them as almost certainly being imprinted characteristics. We can then shift our focus to addressing the psychological and social problems they cause.

quitingabdl said:

This has stopped me having relationships and even stopped me exploring sexually full stop.

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How? You just need to find someone who accepts it. I'm married. How do diapers stop you from exploring sexually? I don't need a diaper on to have sex but I have found I need to be put in one or have one taken off me for the sex to be enjoyable or otherwise it's boring.

quitingabdl said:

One thing Ive noticed that does enable these feelings more, is being alone, not socializing and interacting with other humans.

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What? Whoa whoa whoa, me wearing diapers has not stopped me from going to any groups or munches and if I am isolated, it's because I don't have any friends and don't know how to make any and connect but not because of the diapers. But they have not stopped me from attending any of my acting classes.

quitingabdl said:

Ive read so much of partners asking for advice etc.. and soon as they show the slightest ounce of understanding or acceptance they go overboard and want to go full on acting like a baby, doing the baby things.
Why should anyone accept that. And why should it be encouraged???

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I have seen ABDLs frown upon other ABDLs about their selfish behavior and trying to force it on others and doing it 24/7 and not wanting to work and be an adult. Some are against 24/7 diaper wearers and some are not. I'm a 24/7 wearer and I still live a normal life.

quitingabdl said:

Having spoke to people online, or been on forums another thing that strikes me, some people discover it very late, and get into it.
WHY?
Why the hell would you decide to get into this?

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Why did you get into it? What made you decide also before trying to quit?

quitingabdl said:

Ive noticed fads and trends.
This whole, what age are you etc..
Thats a load of crap. I hate the side of all this that has become a trend.

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I do not believe in trans age and I find the whole thing silly. Just because someone likes childish and immature things and wishes they could be younger doesn't make them transage. I once made a blog post about what if this was treated like trandsgender and wrote how all the adults who identify as children would lose all their adult rights and their driving privileges and their gun permits and voting, they would have to go to school now and be told what to do and how to live their life, after all they identify as a child so they are treated as such.

There's the argument if its not harming anyone, well from what i know and have read it almost always seems to be harming the person into it.
More males than females maybe, as the DDLG dynamic isn't that un-natural to an extent.

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How do people get harmed? The ones who try to manipulate others to change them and take care of them by faking a disability or the ones who invade the IC and bedwetting forums with their fantasies deceiving other members there? There are bad apples in every community, priests have had sex with children, a furry has fucked an animal, or someone into BDSM actually abusing their partner. 50 Shades of Gray was a poor representation on BDSM.

quitingabdl said:

Anyway, from someone who has been into ABDL, but never fully embraced it, thank god. I think it is seriously unhealthy and if you can stop. STOP. Life is amazing, there is so much to see and do, There are amazing people to meet, amazing experiences to be had. Don't let this hold you back.

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It doesn't hold me back because I still have a job, I still got married and have kids and they are potty trained. I can still ditch the diapers if I want to for certain occasions if I don't want someone knowing because there would be a chance where I would have to take off my clothes.

quitingabdl said:

...
Someone posted about quitting, and questioning if he should.
I agreed with what he posted.

I think everyone encourages other people to embrace it to make them selves feel better and more accepted. Its wrong.
I don't think it is healthy at all to embrace ABDL.
Ive gone through the usual cycle it seems most have, embracing then guilt and throwing things away etc..

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People don't encourage other ABDLs to accept their ABDLness because they're being politically correct or something, they do it because they have experience with the binge purge cycle and they know that there's no getting rid of this.

If you accept being ABDL, you'll feel less guilt, you won't binge and you won't purge. Accepting ABDL doesn't mean living the diaper life 24/7, it means you accept that this is a part of who you are, and it can be a way to have fun, relieve stress, and if you're lucky, a bond you share with a partner.

There's nothing bad about any of those things, is there?

quitingabdl said:

This has stopped me having relationships and even stopped me exploring sexually full stop.
Like so many I had searched for someone into the same things, and want me to do it, and the only experience Ive had turned out to be absolutely vile.
This was though fetlife which I highly recommend keeping away from.

One thing Ive noticed that does enable these feelings more, is being alone, not socializing and interacting with other humans.
Such an important part of life.
Lately when Ive had the feeling of ABDL, and urges, Ive watched some of the youtube videos of others, not the fake sexy ones, but the real ones, the ones that quite frankly are embarrassing. They work and im soon reminded of how silly it all is.

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Well there's your problem. Don't be alone and not socialize with other humans. Don't blame ABDL for this, that's something you can do once and a while in the privacy of your bedroom. There's absolutely no reason to let it stop you from living a normal life.

quitingabdl said:

Ive read so much of partners asking for advice etc.. and soon as they show the slightest ounce of understanding or acceptance they go overboard and want to go full on acting like a baby, doing the baby things.
Why should anyone accept that. And why should it be encouraged???

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Well, if ABDLs count as "anyone", then I've already explained the reasons, and why even partners of ABDLs might want to accept it. Of course, if the partners aren't comfortable with it, that's fine.

And why do you ask if it should be encouraged? This isn't something that they though of on a whim, or that came to them by propaganda on a television advertisement, this is something that they've wanted to do since they've been 3-15 years old. Encouragement or discouragement will make an ABDL happy or sad, but won't change what makes them happy.

quitingabdl said:

Having spoke to people online, or been on forums another thing that strikes me, some people discover it very late, and get into it.
WHY?
Why the hell would you decide to get into this?

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I totally agree with you there. This has been something that's been with me since I was 5 years old, and I definitely didn't choose it in any way. I think I understand people who become ABDLs at a later age, such as in their teens, due to circumstances they also didn't control or even understand, because even though the ages and exact causes and effects change, it seems to be essentially the same thing that happened to me.

I don't understand people who decide to pick it up as a way to spice up sex or something at all. But I think it's OK that people are different, even if I don't understand them. Why wouldn't it be?

quitingabdl said:

Ive noticed fads and trends.
This whole, what age are you etc..
Thats a load of crap. I hate the side of all this that has become a trend.

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I think you're taking that too seriously. It's just for fun. I don't have any doubts some people take it too far. The simple solution is, don't take it too far.

quitingabdl said:

There's the argument if its not harming anyone, well from what i know and have read it almost always seems to be harming the person into it.
More males than females maybe, as the DDLG dynamic isn't that un-natural to an extent.

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It seems like you buy into some incorrect and harmful ideas about what it means to be a man or woman. That's what's really "harming the person into it." - in this case, you.

quitingabdl said:

I know this will either get closed, or the replies will be, I know nothing, ABDL is great, leave us alone, bla bla bla....
Maybe im wrong and you can have a serious discussion and debate without a thread being closed on here, but I saw someone had posted wanting to quit and the thread was closed.

Anyway, from someone who has been into ABDL, but never fully embraced it, thank god. I think it is seriously unhealthy and if you can stop. STOP. Life is amazing, there is so much to see and do, There are amazing people to meet, amazing experiences to be had. Don't let this hold you back.

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Yeah, no. You know this will get closed? It's not breaking any rules to my knowledge. Besides, so what if it's closed. You can still see the topic and read it and any replies. That's what serious discussion and debate mean. It doesn't mean the topic will be open for comment forever, and closing a thread isn't any kind of censorship. Your attitude here stinks. It smells like a dumb conspiracy theory mixed with trolling. Have you done this before? Did you create the thread that you saw closed?

... And "Leave us alone"? You said you're one of us. Did you lie about that in order to make a case against something you don't even understand?

In the end you're right about one thing. Don't let ABDL hold you back. That means accepting it as part of who you are, so that you can engage in it in a healthy way. What that means is partly up to you, and acceptance won't automatically prevent you from taking things too far. But it will help.

Obviously, people are free to spend their time how they like but I would suggest that rather than a point by point refutation of a long post from an OP who hasn't been back in a week or engaged at all in the thread beyond the initial shot across the bow, it's better to spend our energy elsewhere.

Drifter said:

Cliff's (experience)..... doesn't change the 60+ years he felt a 'need' to wear diapers. We should stop wasting time trying to invent some hypothetical, psychological cause for having these desires and accept them as almost certainly being imprinted characteristics. We can then shift our focus to addressing the psychological and social problems they cause.

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Yes, I agree entirely. Cliff's experience still upholds the common wisdom that ABDL's do best to first accept themselves (within reason) as they are. Still to this day, there is no known case of a confirmed ABDL ever overcoming his or her ABDL tendencies by "sheer force of will power."

If you are in the same boat as Cliff, then you would perhaps be the second case confirming the need to first "fully accept oneself" as one is. Cliff did explain to me some rather unusual circumstances from his childhood regarding diapers, but he made no mention to me of any perceived need to either blame, or to reconcile with his mother about his unusual upbringing. He seemed to simply accept what was as "what was."

Whatever causes this "imprinting," by the time we reach adulthood, it's water that went "under the bridge" 20 years or so ago, and "dwelling on it" overly long can easily become counterproductive to improving one's circumstances today. So thanks for that clarification Drifter.

Yooda said:

Whatever causes this "imprinting," by the time we reach adulthood, it's water that went "under the bridge" 20 years or so ago, and "dwelling on it" overly long can easily become counterproductive to improving one's circumstances today. So thanks for that clarification Drifter.

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Timing is a factor in imprinting as it appears to be triggered more by our 'biological clock' than being directly "caused" by anything in our environment.

The reason I think this is important is because of society's suspicions about unusual behavior like ours. It as viewed first as a potentially dangerous mental defect that causes deranged desires and, second, as a serious character flaw when people give in to these 'evil' desires. People generally see it as unnatural in much the same way they see homosexuality as unnatural because they see no natural, aka: evolutionary, explanation for it. Once it is understood that imprinting is a natural process that everyone goes through it is easier to understand it's place in human and animal evolution.

This doesn't mean people will automatically embrace ABDL behavior when they understand imprinting; after all, many of their emotional responses are also due to imprinting and tend to be pretty strong. But the hope is they would more readily accept it as a harmless variation of a natural process, and that it doesn't interfere with job performance or social obligations any more than the more usual desires do.

A vice is anything that you can't gain control of and messes up your life.. be it drugs, alcohol relationships... heck even diapers... only you can know a personal vice though and if you need to cut it out like a cancer.

If there’s “a better way” I’d like to know it. I grew up Independent, Fundamental Baptist & had a grandfather who was a known child molester. He would wear diapers & defecate in them in public to illicit a reaction from people. He was NOT ABDL & did it as psychological control thing. As you can imagine, I was and still am terrified that my family will find out that I am a DL because I know what they will automatically think about me based on their anecdotal feelings based on the only person they know who wore and used diapers when he was not incontinent.

As a teenager I spent hours crying & praying that God would take this away from me. I wanted nothing more than to serve God and was convinced that this “sin in my life” prevented me from being close to God. I thought that once I found love & married that my desire for my wife & my sexual relationship with her would keep me from this desire and it almost did. For the 1st five years of my marriage I was more of less diaper free thanks in large part to baby diapers no longer being plastic backed & being completely unaware that adult diapers still were. Eventually I ended up in a church that consisted mainly of retirement aged adults & almost no young families. That meant that there were stockpiles of 90’s era diapers in the church nursery that never got used & just like that, it all came back. Once that supply dried up I thought I had licked it again but it returned just like always & I found myself on eBay buying vintage Luvs & hiding them from my wife. After 5 years of marriage my wife became pregnant and I discovered Bambino diaper company. Before that I had no idea that adult diapers were still plastic backed or that other people just like me existed. I started buying, wearing & hiding adult diapers from my wife. I also discovered ADISC around the same time and began to realize that I was not alone in my feelings. Once I discovered this I was much more well equipped to start understanding myself and what I thought all these years, that I alone was cursed to deal with. I knew that hiding it from my wife was wrong & now that we had a child on the way, I knew that if she discovered my diapers she would not understand. My greatest fear is one that many ABDLs worry about, the fear that people with falsely believe you to be a child molester. I decided the right thing to do was to come clean & confess everything to her. I explained it all to her with the help of the ADISC forums and other online resources and I believe that if not for her expecting our 1st child, she would have ended our marriage right then & there. She was more afraid to raise our baby alone & that is what kept her from walking out. Even so it almost ended my marriage and there have been times when she has expressed to me that if I had told her about my desire for diapers before she married me that we would have chosen not to marry me.

I say all of this to say that you can understand that I have wanted more than anything, to rid myself of being DL. I tried diligently to use prayer & a desire to love & serve God, & to love my wife & family as a means to rid myself of this. I truly believe that I desired to quit this more than I desired to do it but even that hasn’t helped. Not even believing that this was drawing me away from God and hindering my ability to serve God worked to allow me to overcome it.

I believe that if not for ADISC & a better understanding of what ABDL is, that I would have struggled with this until I eventually ended my life. I don’t believe that in my case, that there is some sort of method or magic formula that would allow me to give it up. I don’t believe that for me it is something that I can just will away. I think it’s a part of me &’that accepting it has allowed me to live a more happy & fulfilled life.

Sometimes, like the OP, I feel like the biggest hypocrite ever, I come on here or I look up diaper reviews & I think about how ridiculous this whole ABDL thing is. I think about how cool it might be to go to an ABDL meet up & then I think about how weird it would be to be around perfect strangers who are all wearing diapers & dressed like babies. I’m ashamed of it & I’m ashamed of being associated with it. If I can accept myself, why can’t I accept others just like me?

Eventually I ended up leaving the church as I came to realize that it was unhealthy for me to be in a place where I was taught that things like this were wrong or that I was hurting myself and my relationship with God & my wife. She eventually came around & things have been much better for us. Sometimes I think she understands more than I do that this is a part of me, something that I can’t help.

In the end I am in a much better place than I was when I was stealing diapers from church or lying to my wife & believing that I’d never be good enough to serve God. If anyone finds some magic method or some miracle treatment that could end my desire for diapers, please let me know because I would be happy to leave it all behind. But until then, I will continue to do my best to accept myself for who I am & try not to be judgmental towards others in the community who have probably experienced the same things that I have. I will continue to worry that my kids will eventually figure it out or discover my diapers. I will worry about what they might think when I die & they clean out my house and find all my diapers. Maybe I should write this all down in a letter in the hopes that they will understand the tremendous struggle that being ABDL is for some of us.


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