What the hell am I doing?

A couple of nights ago, I woke in the middle of the night, realised I was wearing a diaper, and thought "What the hell am I doing?" I took it off and I haven't worn one since. I've been under really extreme stress in my life. I wonder if this is the start of a "purge" phase. I've discovered in the last week or so that I feel relaxed and somehow centred when I'm wearing a diaper, I don't want to lose that. Does anyone ever have similar feelings?

I am so much more at ease, more mellow and much more tolerant when I'm in a diaper. I'm happier whether I'm wet or dry, as long as the diaper is on me then I'm very much at peace with the world. I'm not quite 24/7 as I won't wear a diaper to all my gym workouts but I'm getting closer. I'm now diapered every day in work, every night at home and even this past summer when I'm on the motorcycle. I have accepted myself for who I am and what I do and I believe I'm better off because of that. For me, diapers are a big stress relief, I can literally feel the stress disappear when I put on a diaper.

Yeah, I did that a month or two ago. It can be scary, but the best thing to do is to not overreact I think. If you believe diapers are a good part of your life, definitely don't throw everything out and swear off them, that'll only cause more stress. It might be a good idea to take a bit of a break from them and then come back when you're maybe a bit less stressed.

How I wish I could go diaper free now if I did things would get messy err wet very quickly. How I hate bladder incontinence.

I used to beat myself up about wearing diapers quite frequently. I think the binge and purge cycles are very common for AB/DLs. Just remember you're not doing anything wrong. If it makes you happy and it's not hurting anyone do it. Life is too short to live otherwise.

I've been in diapers for the last two days but not today. I thought I needed to be an adult and get some things accomplished. I also knew I'd have heightened depression. I know I've been using diapers and baby clothes to not think about the loss of my wife but today I needed to be the other me. I did get some different things done around the house, but I also feel down.

I think the desires come and go. Some days they can be strong, some days weaker and on other days, not at all. Some people go months without wanting to wear diapers and then it hits hard, the strong desire returns. I'd just accept whatever mood you're currently in and go with it, knowing that things could abruptly change yet again.

It's normal to go through periods of diminished desire. Trust me the desire will return so don't get rid of all your stuff. There's nothing wrong with our desires. You're not hurting anyone.

I've found that wearing with some regularity, before the desire gets to great, is the healthiest approach. I don't experience those dramatic feelings of disgust any more.

If it's feasible, I think it makes sense to wear when you want to and stop when you don't. However, when you get that voice that asks "What the Hell am I doing?", the answer is: something that makes me feel good. It might be sexy, it could just be something that calms you or helps you regress. Regardless, wearing diapers can be a helpful tool. Don't become infected by negativity just because what you enjoy is odd.

A lot of us get a certain comfort from wearing diapers so you are in pretty good company there. Binges and purges are also pretty common things and you are certainly not alone there either.

Perhaps when you get the WTF feelings you could pack your diapers and other stuff and store it somewhere safe--even your closet, but put it in something like a box or trunk. That way you can get a cool off time and when you are ready it'll still be there.

Diapers alone are not cheap so it'll save you in the long run. When the need is strong, you'll still have everything and you won't have to go crazy trying to stock up. By having things stored where they can hopefully be out of sight, you can step away from it as long as you need before the need to wear returns--it is pretty much guaranteed to return. It's a matter of trying to mitigate the binge and purge cycle to more of a wear and store cycle until you can become more comfortable with this aspect of your life.

It's not an easy thing to live with this harmless need that is so looked down upon in society but perhaps our day will come too. I don't know if it'll happen in my lifetime.

You know, maybe I'm weird, but I've always enjoyed the sort of moments the OP mentions. It's fun to act little, and important to be an adult sometimes, but I find the strangeness when they come together to actually be it's own special sort of delight. It's hard to describe, but it's like, rather than having those two viewpoints coming together as a moment to freak out, think of it as a moment when your whole self sort of comes together. Like "yes, here I am, an adult lying around in a (probably wet) diaper! That's me, and it feels great!" I've often had this sort of thing happen when I'm doing an adult activity, like if I'm at home all diapered and I get a work email, and in my head I'm like "oh, I'm negotiating this contract in a diaper! The other side will never know. :laugh:"

So, my suggestion is, like others have said, to wear diapers if you want to and don't wear if you aren't enjoying it. But if you are enjoying wearing while also feeling that sort of "omg, what's happening?" type of absurdist feeling, try to think of it instead of different parts of you all coming together in something special instead of a moment to freak out.

I'm not sure why but I mostly like wearing a diaper at night. Although I'm not a bedwetter now, it seems to fill up the void for when I was.

Sounds like a purge to me. If you continue to deny wearing a diaper then the compulsion will eventually come back with a vengence, which we all know is a binge.

I go through phases of that yes. It has been a week since I uses a diaper/nappy. It is one of my favorite things in miserable life with schizophrenia. I kinda want to wear and wet today if I go somewhere.

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For me, wearing at night is total security. I have awaken to the pee dream before and several times a year I may wake being on the edge of having to go. Wake up with a few wet spots on your pajamas or bed sheets not only means a change in the middle of the night but the obvious question "and why do you not wear protection?" At one point in college I was wetting the bed nightly and had to revert back to a snap-on diaper and plastic underpants which was embarrassing (good thing my roommate understood and actually agreed it was better than wetting the sheets each night). But those first few nights being protected made me fall back to the time I was 8 years old and my best friend's mother put me back in to diapers / plastic underapnts when I had an accident on a sleepover. Her words then were understandable to me as now since it is better to wake up with a wet diaper than wet pjs and sheets. I rarely have any accidents today but I still wear for the security feeling.

I've been 24/7 straight since July if you count Real Fit for Men's pullups. I love those things for my "adult" time such as work and with family and friends. I don't wear regular underwear at all anymore because now it is risky. I'm not sure if it's age or because I've weakened my muscles but I really don't even mind or care anymore because it feels awesome!! For bed I either wear Traquility Over Night Pull on diapers, cloth diapers or a disposable and always with plastic pants because believe it or not, I have begun to wet in my sleep, waking up wet and not even remembering if I woke up and peed like I always did. I have also become dependent on my pullups as I have been spurting on my way to the toilet a lot, sometimes a long spurt too but the Real Fit really absorbs it well.

DiaperedRider said:

I've been 24/7 straight since July if you count Real Fit for Men's pullups. I love those things for my "adult" time such as work and with family and friends. I don't wear regular underwear at all anymore because now it is risky. I'm not sure if it's age or because I've weakened my muscles but I really don't even mind or care anymore because it feels awesome!! For bed I either wear Traquility Over Night Pull on diapers, cloth diapers or a disposable and always with plastic pants because believe it or not, I have begun to wet in my sleep, waking up wet and not even remembering if I woke up and peed like I always did. I have also become dependent on my pullups as I have been spurting on my way to the toilet a lot, sometimes a long spurt too but the Real Fit really absorbs it well.

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Such as?

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