How do you accept yourself

I've been interested in little stuff since.. forever? I've always just sort of assumed it was normal, I guess. I've always been happy to say I'm the youngest in my friend group or have people treat/talk to me like I'm a kid. I also just like the thought of "children's things". Like, seeing a toddler drinking out of a sippy cup and wanting to drink out of one, too (just as an example). But as I got older, I realized that not everyone acts like this and people were confused when I was talking about those feelings at 12 and so on. One day when I was 14, an ABDL Instagram account started following me and I showed it to my friends and was "disgusted", but in all honesty, I was more intrigued than anything because there /were/ other people out there that felt like I did. It's still a continuous joke to say "ABDL" in between some of my friends, even though it's 4 years later.
The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.

I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it, that'd be really cool...

also sorry this is kinda a book..

Ok its how your wired in side you can't hate ypur self for being who you are.
I tryed for years to stop this part of me.
So much wasted time hating my self why did no good .
The trick is find some one that can love you for you as you are.
Sound like your friend is a good start she caring nice treat her like gold.
God makes no junk .

If you like golf, or some other sport and others think it's a waste of time, why should you care?

I don't 'get' golf or most sports, but that does not make them 'wrong' in any way.

Should such things make sense to you, and do no harm to others, who cares what others think?

How are our interests harmful?

They are not and in many cases are better than other ways of coping with life that may cause actual harm to others and / or ourselves.

Keep it in banace and toss the guilt and shame.

Acceptance is difficult for many people. It's difficult because it's a process. It's a process because there are different levels of acceptance.

Examine your self hatred. I'm sure you can come up with logical reasons why you 'should' hate yourself over this. These are just your social instincts kicking in. Nothing wrong with them - they are part of our animal nature. They come into play when our self interest appears to conflict with our social interest. But here's the thing you need to accept at this point: No matter how justified self hatred may appear to be, it doesn't help you or society one bit.

You have a legitimate social problem, but don't fall into the trap of thinking that self hatred will give you the incentive to resolve this problem. Self hatred can only cloud your judgement and lead to endless cycles of guilt, blame, and depression. It may be what got you to this point but, now that you are here, I hope you can see that it is one of the first obstacles to overcome.

Accept the reality that self hatred is worse than useless, so when you catch yourself indulging in it put a stop to it right away. This will help clear your mind so you are better able to proceed with figuring out what to do.

I think you have to look at the big picture. Other then wanting to be a little or in my case wearing diapers, what kind of a human being are you? That to me is the real question.

brokenbiskit said:

I think you have to look at the big picture. Other then wanting to be a little or in my case wearing diapers, what kind of a human being are you? That to me is the real question.

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I agree totally. ABontheDL, you are harming no-one. Explore your feelings, don't bury them.

ABontheDL said:

I've been interested in little stuff since.. forever? I've always just sort of assumed it was normal, I guess. I've always been happy to say I'm the youngest in my friend group or have people treat/talk to me like I'm a kid. I also just like the thought of "children's things". Like, seeing a toddler drinking out of a sippy cup and wanting to drink out of one, too (just as an example). But as I got older, I realized that not everyone acts like this and people were confused when I was talking about those feelings at 12 and so on. One day when I was 14, an ABDL Instagram account started following me and I showed it to my friends and was "disgusted", but in all honesty, I was more intrigued than anything because there /were/ other people out there that felt like I did. It's still a continuous joke to say "ABDL" in between some of my friends, even though it's 4 years later.
The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.

I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it, that'd be really cool...

also sorry this is kinda a book..

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Hi ABontheDL

Like I said a bit more detailed answer for you.

I've read your post again along with what other people have said. But this bit of what you have posted is what's concerning me, only because I have been through this myself.

Trying to be a person that everybody else wanted me to be and ignoring who I was.

ABontheDL said:

The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.

I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it,

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Ok I know this is going to be easier said than done, kido but heating yourself is not going to be nice, you need to learn to Love Yourself for who you are, as you do need to live with yourself for a very long time,

So you have to be nice to yourself,

Don't worry learning who you are is a lifetime voyage, so none of us are really totally there and have it all together.

I Guess That's Why websites like this exist.

Now I think I need to put your mind at ease in regarding accepting yourself as a Little we are all individuals never own characteristics.

So being a Little is not about putting on a diaper and sucking on a pacifier, although you might think that by the way we go on about these subjects, it is more about what makes you comfortable,

So you mentioned about drinking From a bottle, and that could be a good place for you to start finding out what you like to do and what you don't like to do.

As you can get a bottle very cheaply and try it out.

But it is just that finding out what you like to do what makes you happy, some of the things in our culture means that we have to keep it private, I love sucking on my pacifier it helps me keep calm and help me concentrate. But it's not appropriate that I go shopping, sucking away on it, I wish it was but it's not.

And so it will be with you, there are going to be something that you really enjoy doing but it is just not appropriate to do it in front of certain people,

As you were mentioned your friends aren't not that accepting of ABDL, and treat it as some kind of joke.

And this is probably why you kind of want to "get rid of it" because you're your social of Friends.

However you did mention that you had a friend that is ok talking about your triggers. Hopefully they would be ok with you talking about allowing yourself to be yourself, even if it does come across as childlike.

What your Trigger's are and how to handle them.

Some of us actually need triggers to get into little space, and some of us actually don't really need trigger's to get into little space,

I am guessing you are someone that doesn't actually need triggers as it just seems to be part of your childlike character, and you find it more hard to pretend to be a grown up and do adulting.

But I guess it does get easier true time, telling yourself that it's not play time now. But when you get home after work, college, then you can relax playing with whatever game or toys you are in to.

And this is what we call little space, having time for yourself to play.

I have written about Little space and triggers a while back.

Here is a link for it for you. www.adisc.org/forum/showthread.php/109337-What-gets-you-into-Little-Space

Only other thing I would encourage you to do if you are able because to find out about ageplay events.

As they help a lot I would recommend teddy con to you as you are in the USA.
But I'm sure that New York City will have something going on.

I hope this really helps you and others. In accepted our ourselves, and being normal is boring anyway.

Siysiy

The self-hatred you're facing as an ABDL is not healthy, and it's not doing you any favors. Your ABDL desires can not be eradicated. You can not pray them away. They are embedded in you, and you essentially have two choices. #1. You can try to get rid of these desires, fail, and be miserable about it. #2. You can accept your ABDL desires, live with them, and continue to live your life.

I know "Just accept yourself and your ABDL desires" is so much easier said than done, as these types of feelings of guilt and shame are common in many ABDLs. I know I felt the same way before for many years, plus I still have a little bit of shame for non-ABDL reasons, so I'd be a hypocrite to just say "Stop feeling shame!". My ABDL shame didn't start to fade away until I was your age. For me, the shame was the strongest when I felt like I was alone, and the only exposure I had to ABDL was people being squicked out by it, people on shows like Jerry Springer, and people hating ABDL. For me, the ABDL shame and self acceptance began happening when I got involved in ABDL communities online, and for me, when I met other ABDLs in person, that killed the last little nugget of ABDL shame I had for good. I know that meeting other ABDLs can be challenging depending on where your from, but from what I've read, you do at least have one friend who knows and accepts. Treasure and value her. This may not work for every ABDL as others will claim that they didn't need that, and this may not be enough for some, but this is the best advice I can give on how to get rid of ABDL shame.

Learn to accept yourself, and ditch those "friends" who can't accept you too.

GDNTSKID said:

Self-acceptance of infantilism or "ABDL" is difficult and can sometimes be a long process. I can't speak for everyone here, but I think it is something everyone struggles with (shame) who is into regression or likes regressing. I'm guessing you're young, because this is when people struggle with it the most. Through time, people become aware that it is a part of them and learn to embrace it rather than discourage it. Self-acceptance of your desires is different for everyone and it may take more time for some than others. Oftentimes, one goes-through several binge-purge cycles that often leave you feeling defeated or worse. Denial of something that gives you pleasure and comfort can have negative effects on your mental health and psyche. Over time, you will learn that it is a part of you. This is generally wired within us, and it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to permanently get rid of these desires. You may be able to temporarily stifle these wants or desires, but over time, you will get strong feelings to partake in "regressing" behavior.

Don't be down on yourself. There is nothing wrong with "ABDL" or infantilism. It is not illegal, and is a great coping mechanism that provides great comfort and pleasure. Why would you want to deny yourself of that? You aren't hurting anyone by engaging in these behaviors. It is a part of you and something that makes you unique, regardless of how you regress or frequency of regression. Smile and embrace the fact that it is a part of you. Don't take yourself too seriously. You may want to talk to a therapist or someone you can trust in case you feel depressed or self-loathing feelings. The key in all of this is balance. You can still be a successful adult while indulging in your "little" side from time to time.

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Im a DL and i totally agree , it is a very very long process of acceptance for me , i've been struggling for years to accept the way i am till recently . I have also been through the binge/purge cycle , it is somewhat agonizing but when i come to accept myself the binge/purge kinda stops as i do not just throw everything away , i feel much much happier . One thing i know for sure is to not suppress these feelings as i did because for me the feelings came back stronger than ever and its just suffering. Nowadays i tell myself the same thing its not illegal, its not hurting anyone and for sure it makes me happy.

The road to self-acceptance can be long and hard fought, but it doesn't have to be. I think I'm one of the lucky ones because while I have struggled with accepting this side of myself at times, I haven't been through the constant psychological back and forths, the countless binging and purging or the overwhelming amount of shame and self-doubt that many other AB's have suffered from on this path.

When I turned 14, I found out about AB, wanting to be diapered and return to babyhood was something I was fascinated by for years before that. When I found out that there were others like me, I felt a little bit more normal and I began indulging this side of myself. In my mind, practice was the best way to accept this, I knew that continuing to repress and fixate would not be healthy in the long run. I bought diapers whenever I could, baby toys, pacifiers, bottles and I would happily regress. I only ever purged once after a bad experience wherein a lousy Depend sprung a leak, I switched over to Tena products from that point on and never had a problem.

I had a bad experience when my mother found my baby stuff after remodelling my room without my knowledge. While her reaction was less than stellar and she proceeded to tell other family members about this interest in the hopes that they would shame me, I tried not to let it bother me at all. My mother never knew the full story, I found this normal, she didn't, her opinion came from a place of ignorance, so her opinion on this interest no longer mattered to me and while some of my family members teased and tormented me, I dished it back as well as I could take it and eventually they all just forgot.

When I turned 20 and I found my first place on my own that was when I really began to indulge regularly, I bought AB diapers, AB clothes and other baby paraphernalia and I had a blast. Being able to indulge regularly and out in the open in the privacy of my own apartment worked wonders, it gave me a lot more comfort and satisfaction being an AB.

Currently, I'm finishing up University, I diaper up and regress whenever I can, I have friends who understand this side of me and I just recently connected with a Mommy as well. Overtime, my opinion on ABDL went from this being a bizarre eccentricity that could be ignored or downplayed to this being a core part of who I am as a person, I cannot change this, it will not go away nor would I want it to, being a baby has made me a more open, understanding, peaceful and tolerant person. I am a forever baby and I am also an adult, they are two sides of the same coin. I enjoy my baby-time because it de-stresses me, it makes me feel like a million bucks, it helps me to relax and it helps me to face the adult world with a sense of equilibrium and calm. As others have said, if it makes you happy and it doesn't negatively impact your everyday adult life or adversely effect those around you, then there really is no reason to be ashamed, when you can get that into your head, through deep thought and regular practice, accepting being an ABDL becomes a piece of cake :smile:

ABontheDL said:

I've been interested in little stuff since.. forever? I've always just sort of assumed it was normal, I guess. I've always been happy to say I'm the youngest in my friend group or have people treat/talk to me like I'm a kid. I also just like the thought of "children's things". Like, seeing a toddler drinking out of a sippy cup and wanting to drink out of one, too (just as an example). But as I got older, I realized that not everyone acts like this and people were confused when I was talking about those feelings at 12 and so on. One day when I was 14, an ABDL Instagram account started following me and I showed it to my friends and was "disgusted", but in all honesty, I was more intrigued than anything because there /were/ other people out there that felt like I did. It's still a continuous joke to say "ABDL" in between some of my friends, even though it's 4 years later.
The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.

I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it, that'd be really cool...

also sorry this is kinda a book..

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Hey there ABontheDL (love the name),

Listen to everyone on this thread who's told you that you are okay and it will be all right. Because we've all been there.

You're young and you've got time on your side. Don't waste your time hating something about you that is probably as ingrained as your eye color. I don't know of a single one of us that actively chose this part of ourselves. I certainly didn't wake up one day and think, "You know what? I'm going to like diapers and baby stuff because why not?" I hated myself for that, too, and you'll read a lot of similar stories here on ADISC. I know it's easier said than done to accept this as part of who you are ... believe me, it took me decades to finally come to peace with this part of myself. I don't know you but from your posts it sounds like you want to be nurtured and have a nurturing relationship with someone that involves ABDL. If so, think about that going into future relationships ... ask yourself, is this person a nurturer? Can I be myself and be vulnerable around them? But always also ask what needs you can meet for your partner -- it can't be a one way street.

There are no tips to get rid of ABDL because you simply can't. You don't deprogram this stuff. You can't deny it because it will come back over and over again in cycles. Don't beat yourself up over this. Don't do what I did - try to repress this part of myself and look at myself with disgust. Life is too short to do that to yourself and truthfully, in the scheme of things, no one cares what you do in private or with a consenting partner if you're not hurting anyone (and you're not hurting anyone). If ABDL brings you happiness, embrace it because life will throw you plenty of non-happy things over time. Whatever happens to make one ABDL, know this -- your brain and body are telling you this is what feels good. When you go against what your brain and body want you just end up miserable.

Lastly, there's no reason to share this part of yourself with anyone else except those you deem safe and who will honor you as a whole person. No one else deserves to know or should know about this private part of who you are. It's a special side to you -- share it only with those deserving enough to be let into your inner circle.

I wish I had a magic wand and could make everything all right. But the only truth I know is that the healthiest thing you can do is come to peace with ABDL on your own terms.

Take care and be well.