Coming Out, Any Tips?

Shadow456 · Jan 19, 2018

I'll just say it, I want tell a friend that I'm a DL and AB, but I don't know how.
The two of us have been friends since we were in primary school (so about 9 - 10 years). He's a really mellow guy, never seen him get visibly angry or upset.
I want to get this weight off my shoulders and tell someone, and if anyone I'd tell him.
Of course, I'm afraid of what he's gonna say, I'm afraid I'll say something wrong and turn him away.
I'm going to arrange to meet him in the next few months (we live at separate universities about an hour's train away from each other), he's gonna come and visit me and I don't want to have to hide all the nappies and stuff in my room.

I'm sure some of you reading will have had similar experiences, and I'd be grateful for any input you have.

dlboylife · Jan 19, 2018

if hes a true friend then telling him should not turn him away. in high school i told two friends and thats it. the friend that was a girl kind of was creeped out but was still accepting. my friend that is a guy was just "thats cool" and wasnt too interested but not weird about it either. the biggest thing i think is to not be sorry or apoligetic about it. just tell him about it and you like it. should be fun but maybe scary. haha.

Shadow456 · Jan 19, 2018

dlboylife said:
should be fun but maybe scary. haha.

Hopefully I'll be agreeing with you after...

Slomo · Jan 19, 2018

Make sure you fully research what abdl is first. It's amazing how many stories I see where someone just blurts out they are abdl and like to wear diapers. And that's it. Like somehow that isn't a sure disaster for the person you just told to misconstrue it all and come to some false conclusion of their own.

For what it may help, consider writing a letter to them. This will help you to make sure everything gets said. Just also make sure to be there when they read it. I guarantee even a letter won't address all of their questions. And again, leaving them with open questions is a sure way for a disaster.

Shadow456 · Jan 19, 2018

Slomo said:
Make sure you fully research what abdl is first. It's amazing how many stories I see where someone just blurts out they are abdl and like to wear diapers. And that's it. Like somehow that isn't a sure disaster for the person you just told to misconstrue it all and come to some false conclusion of their own.

For what it may help, consider writing a letter to them. This will help you to make sure everything gets said. Just also make sure to be there when they read it. I guarantee even a letter won't address all of their questions. And again, leaving them with open questions is a sure way for a disaster.

That's a good idea! writing down everything I want to say will help me organise my own thoughts better, thanks.

RompingBulbasaur · Jan 19, 2018

I'd definitely say to write out what you want to say even if you don't give your friend the letter. It'll help to be organized and see what you want to say on paper so that you don't miss something or include too many/few details. Also I haven't told anyone yet, but I'm in a similar situation with a close friend I want to tell. The way I was thinking of doing it is by not really mentioning what other people do/like, but focusing just on my personal interests. Using a broad term like "AB/DL" can be confusing and if your friend does any research, they may find some info that you don't identify with. Probably just saying that you don't want to hide this massive secret, then talking about how you like to relax by wearing a diaper and let go of your adult worries for a while should be enough. As long as they don't feel like you're forcing it on them or hurting anyone, then I'm sure they'd be accepting, esspecially since you've known them so long. Hope that helps and good luck!

Shadow456 · Jan 19, 2018

RompingBulbasaur said:
I'd definitely say to write out what you want to say even if you don't give your friend the letter. It'll help to be organized and see what you want to say on paper so that you don't miss something or include too many/few details. Also I haven't told anyone yet, but I'm in a similar situation with a close friend I want to tell. The way I was thinking of doing it is by not really mentioning what other people do/like, but focusing just on my personal interests. Using a broad term like "AB/DL" can be confusing and if your friend does any research, they may find some info that you don't identify with. Probably just saying that you don't want to hide this massive secret, then talking about how you like to relax by wearing a diaper and let go of your adult worries for a while should be enough. As long as they don't feel like you're forcing it on them or hurting anyone, then I'm sure they'd be accepting, esspecially since you've known them so long. Hope that helps and good luck!

Thank you for your input. Yeah, I'll try to keep it as simple as I can, no need to throw around terms like AB and DL when that's more likely to make him understand less.

Poofybutt · Jan 19, 2018

My friends were some of the first people I told. In my experience, it goes over best if it comes up in natural conversation. One of my more recent friends was talking about kinks and alternate lifestyles when we were hanging out one evening and that provided a good in for revealing this side of myself. She took it incredibly well.

The other friends, I just straight up told them. My best advice in a situation like this is to know what you want to say beforehand and don't make introducing the topic awkward, try to avoid the whole after-school special or intervention set up where you sit them down and say, "there's something I need to tell you", that can be off-putting and it gets their minds running to all sorts of places. Most importantly be honest, try to tell them as eloquently and thoughtfully as possible what this means for you. If you explain it rationally, without going into too much detail they'll be fine with it.

Also, it might be helpful to clarify that this is something personal for you, don't try to make them a part of this, I know you most likely won't (most of us don't), but a regular joe's mind will go there sometimes. After I told one of my friends, he was like, "we've been friends for forever, so this doesn't change anything, just don't be wearing a diaper around me OK". I laughed it off and explained afterwards that I didn't really want him to see me like that, I just wanted him to understand and he did.

Finally, it really helps if you have a good rapport with the person, if you've been friends for years, through thick and thin. If this friend is someone like that, then there really is no reason for them to respond poorly and they most likely won't.

All the best in telling your friend

Shadow456 · Jan 19, 2018

Poofybutt said:
My friends were some of the first people I told. In my experience, it goes over best if it comes up in natural conversation. One of my more recent friends was talking about kinks and alternate lifestyles when we were hanging out one evening and that provided a good in for revealing this side of myself. She took it incredibly well.

The other friends, I just straight up told them. My best advice in a situation like this is to know what you want to say beforehand and don't make introducing the topic awkward, try to avoid the whole after-school special or intervention set up where you sit them down and say, "there's something I need to tell you", that can be off-putting and it gets their minds running to all sorts of places. Most importantly be honest, try to tell them as eloquently and thoughtfully as possible what this means for you. If you explain it rationally, without going into too much detail they'll be fine with it.

Also, it might be helpful to clarify that this is something personal for you, don't try to make them a part of this, I know you most likely won't (most of us don't), but a regular joe's mind will go there sometimes. After I told one of my friends, he was like, "we've been friends for forever, so this doesn't change anything, just don't be wearing a diaper around me OK". I laughed it off and explained afterwards that I didn't really want him to see me like that, I just wanted him to understand and he did.

Finally, it really helps if you have a good rapport with the person, if you've been friends for years, through thick and thin. If this friend is someone like that, then there really is no reason for them to respond poorly and they most likely won't.

All the best in telling your friend

Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely take all that into account when thinking of what to say.

Poofybutt · Jan 19, 2018

You're very welcome. Best of luck to you

ThePenguinLover · Jan 25, 2018

Shadow456 said:
I'll just say it, I want tell a friend that I'm a DL and AB, but I don't know how.
The two of us have been friends since we were in primary school (so about 9 - 10 years). He's a really mellow guy, never seen him get visibly angry or upset.
I want to get this weight off my shoulders and tell someone, and if anyone I'd tell him.
Of course, I'm afraid of what he's gonna say, I'm afraid I'll say something wrong and turn him away.
I'm going to arrange to meet him in the next few months (we live at separate universities about an hour's train away from each other), he's gonna come and visit me and I don't want to have to hide all the nappies and stuff in my room.

I'm sure some of you reading will have had similar experiences, and I'd be grateful for any input you have.

I came out to a friend. They were super accepting and literally said "Seriously? That's what you couldn't tell me all these years?" So being an AB/DL isn't a huge deal. But I was lucky. I have very good friends.

Just... Keep it short and straight to the point. Don't dance around it. "So, I enjoy wearing diapers..." that's exactly what I did. I can't say if it will work for you, but just an idea...

I wish you the best of luck!