Quiet Solitary Play...

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caitianx

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As always I engage in quiet solitary play with my baby toys or my toy cars and trucks or my NERF toy guns.
I admit to loneliness.
There are only so many ways I can quietly play alone by myself with my children's toys.
Anyway, I am quietly playing with some of my little toy cars and trucks this evening.



 
Do whatever you need to do. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and currently have no real world friends except for my wife. I'm afraid of going mental and losing a perfectly good friendship so I'm shy about forging new friendships. I feel it isn't fair of me to subject others to my B.S. if you know what I mean. Little time is a great decompressor so I say go for it and relax away your stress!
 
Since my wife died, I've spent a lot of alone time in my house. I'm lucky in that I have family and friends who invite me out, but even with that, most of my time is home alone with the dog. I try to stay busy with projects, which sometimes help. I've experienced a lot of depression however, and there have been days where I didn't want to do anything. Being all by one's self is tough. My daughter and her family are coming to my house on Saturday and they'll be here for almost two weeks, I think. They'll travel to see my son-in-law's family which they should. I will enjoy every minute I have with them, so I've been working to get the house ready and clean for their arrival, and that has helped.
 
Between quietly playing with my toys, I have been performing house chores, and tinkering with electronics.
I am slowly bread-boarding a "retro computing" 4-Bit Asynchronous ALU (Arithmetic & Logic Unit).
I am also putting together the chassis of my small Arduino Microcontroller-based rover robot.
Playing quietly with my own small collection of toys keeps me from emotionally crashing.



 
Tommycombs said:
Do whatever you need to do. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and currently have no real world friends except for my wife. I'm afraid of going mental and losing a perfectly good friendship so I'm shy about forging new friendships. I feel it isn't fair of me to subject others to my B.S. if you know what I mean. Little time is a great decompressor so I say go for it and relax away your stress!
Dont sweat it ,everyone and mean everyone has there mental moments, with or without a formal diagnostic label , we all have our moments when we feel mental inside even if not observed by anyone in real life , just as sometimes it is easy to have an embarrasing melt down moment that everybody around see's , and mental illness or health is experiencing a freak show level of awareness due to the display of don the con complete instability ,so don't hide yourself away with your wife , I had a brain injury I am not the same as I used to be,but life goes on ,give people a chance to enjoy your company , because ultimately the loss is there's if they don't like you , different strokes for different folks isn't a crime yet !and is not a judgement of a person's self worth or there intrinsic value as human being .

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If you're like me (crazy) you are probably getting to the point where you realize that playing with nerf guns and 4 bit asynchronous ALU's does have some mental benefit as a distraction from boredom and depression, which is a good thing, but you may be wondering what else it might be distracting you from. Sorry, no answers for that. I, too, am killing time alone, playing with toys but wondering if that isn't just a diversion so I can avoid confronting some deeper, scary mystery. I wonder if there is something else I should be doing but either don't know what, or am too lazy or scared to confront it.

Anyway, the point is - you may be alone in your room but you are not alone in your thoughts. We all feel your struggle. Don't give up.
 
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