accepting yourself and binge/purge

I myself is still trying to get through the binge/purge cycle of being a DL although it is now much more mild compared to long time ago where i threw all my stuff away only for the feelings to come back and i ended up buying again. Nowadays i just keep the stuff without throwing them away for i know the feelings will surely return.

The part about accepting yourself is kinda confusing to me , for years i've been trying to fight the feelings , the urge to wear and i was wondering what is wrong with me , its so weird compared to other stuff that people do. Im still trying to accept myself but i have tried many many times when i fight the feelings and urges to wear a diaper , i feel like im suffering and the world is a very dark place , these feelings that come is relentless. I tried to put them off by distracting myself with other stuff but it always seem to find a way to me.:wallbash:

Recently i learn to accept myself or are still trying to , it became true and obvious to me that i feel happy for when i want to wear a diaper i will just wear it, i totally do not want to fight the feelings anymore and suddenly i feel kinda good about it. i also feel good about outlook in life , its just this weird.:dontgetit:

I was wondering if any others felt this way or have an explanation as to why something like this happens.

Many of us go through this cycle in our progression in diaper use. I for one when I was younger would constantly go through binge-and-purge cycles. This would manifest itself in mania like diaper buying and use followed by purging and self-loathing. It's a tough situation to be in and is not good for your mental well-being.

I realize it's tough to try and accept this part of you. People recommend that you should just accept yourself and be happy all the time when dealing with our lifestyle. In reality acceptance is only one part of it. The other half is realizing just because the lifestyle is taboo does not mean it's deviant. There is nothing inherently wrong with liking diapers. There is absolutely nothing weird about using a diaper it's just a more efficient form of underwear.

We feel guilty and beat ourselves up about our lifestyle because we are told its deviant. We beat ourself up because it is outside the norm, because it is considered strange by most. By accepting diapers and this lifestyle as a normal component of your life you can accept it as a part of who you are.

Life is short and in general a lot of people aren't happy. If you found something that makes you happy don't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy it, enjoy who you are.

I think what I need to work on is the fact of stop believing its wrong from my family. I believe that's that's why I am still nervous around people and I just got to wear diapers in public more. The only frustrated thing is i want more girls to be around which makes it not gay or odd.

I see the feelings and sense of calm and security I get are almost like a secret super power I have. A cool brain hack, if you will. If you could fly but you were the only one with that power, would you fly or clip your wings to be like everybody else? I'll refer back to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Don't dream it, be it! That might be a red light you're seeing, but that's for non ABDLs. You're in the lane with the green light. So go!

I've noticed, having liked diapers almost my entire life, that wearing over time helps in acceptance. When I was in high school and college, I thought I must have some sort of mental illness. My mom sending me to see a psychiatrist didn't help those feelings. Finding this site has helped a lot. Wearing diapers for enjoyment is certainly outside of the norm, but the sun still comes up the following morning. It's a small quirk that in most instances, causes no harm. The worst outcome is that one needs a shower or bath.

For me with the recent loss of my wife, regression has allowed my mind to dwell on something other than her death, something I've desperately needed to do. We all live with worry, anxiety and pressure, so if you can keep diaper wearing balanced with the things you have to do and be responsible for, it's a good form of mental escape. We all need that on occasion.

Hello sgdl88. I'm new here. I have felt this way. I was a DL before i even knew what a DL was. Since elementary school. I would simulate the feeling
of diapers or pads with whatever i could use, and got very quick and stealthy at keeping it hidden. A DL on the DL. Haha. For a while, i thought it
was damaging to my bladder, and i should fight the urge. I also have a strange way of orgasming, and i would often to that without diapers, and
afterward, i would have to pee frequently. I was able to do this before i knew what i was doing. It involves--basically--isometrics. Tightening all of
my muscles until i induce a vaginal spasm, i guess. I often engaged in diaper wearing and this at the same time, although these days, i don't need to
work my muscles as hard if i'm wearing. So quite often, my diapers are equated with what people would consider sexual feelings, but not always.

ANYWAY, yeah. I think i've gotten rid of most of my diaper stuff a time or two, thinking i was done with that, and it was weird and bad for me or
whatever. But the more time i spent online looking at things and discovered the term "diaper lover", the more i realized, this is a THING a lot of
people experience, and it gives me a strange, exhilarating kind of pleasure that most people don't get to experience, or they only get it from sex
with another person, or illegal drugs. Sometimes diaper wearing isn't exactly sexual for me--i just feel like wearing it.

Our particular interest is one that many people think is disgusting and perverted. Such people associate ABs, which i am not by the way, with
pedophilia. It's garbage reasoning, and i wish we could be more open so we could educate people. But i'm certainly not ready to be out with the
larger world, and i think that's the same for most DLs.

I wish we could teach people about us. So we can go about our life like the gays. Nobody does jokes or laughing when a gay guy talks or acts . but us we get the gross look . call the cops well enough. Ranting from me

It took me years of binge and purge cycles to accept myself as a diaper lover. However, it has been 2 years since I've told my wife about it and she hasn't been accepting at all. So yes, I accept myself, but because of my wife, I have to suppress my desires which is a terrible place to be.

We binge/purge because of a mental conflict. We know diapers feel great to us, and help us relax too. Except we also know general society has told us that diapers are horrible disgusting things, that only babies should wear.

This creats that mental conflict, and so we swing from them feeling great, to believing they are horrible. Only when we are able to truly internalize and fully understand there is nothing wrong with liking diapers are we able to finally accept that diapers are a part of who we are, and they are here to stay.

Slomo said:

We binge/purge because of a mental conflict. We know diapers feel great to us, and help us relax too. Except we also know general society has told us that diapers are horrible disgusting things, that only babies should wear.

This creats that mental conflict, and so we swing from them feeling great, to believing they are horrible. Only when we are able to truly internalize and fully understand there is nothing wrong with liking diapers are we able to finally accept that diapers are a part of who we are, and they are here to stay.

Click to expand...

And when you achieve acceptance, it frees the heart and soul. It's like a huge burden is lifted and you aren't suffocating anymore.

There is a second part of acceptance and that is learning that its not wrong to wear diapers around other people. The people here have told me you have to do it. Face your fear and it will take time of doing it over and over. I have notice y wrong feeling come from my family telling me and catching me wearing diapers. So I still got more work to do.

I'd say acceptance and privacy aren't mutually exclusive. There's no need for others to be involved in any way for acceptance of yourself to be achieved. No need for anyone to know this about me, like there's no need for me to know about someone else's inclination towards mahogany coffee tables.

So bottom line is only you say its okay. Then you will feel like the same feeling or thinking as if you are wearing normal underwear . am I understanding snowtrees?

makena43 said:

So bottom line is only you say its okay. Then you will feel like the same feeling or thinking as if you are wearing normal underwear . am I understanding snowtrees?

Click to expand...

Not answering for SnowTrees but I know I wouldn't want them to feel like normal underwear. Why bother wearing at all in that case? I know very well they're odd and different and that's okay. That's even part of the point, so why should it trouble me?

Others may want something different out of their diaper wearing but I think the difference is important.

I encourage those having difficulty accepting there diaper desires to think of it simply as another underwear choice. It's much more than that for many of us, but to overcome the stigma, it can be a helpful mindset. The way I look at it is that there are many companies that make products intended for ABDLs. I AM an ABDL so I use the products that are meant for me. It's fun, it's relaxing, and heck, it's weird in the most awesome way there is! Embrace the weirdness, man! It makes us unique!

But the only way to accept it in my case. Is to wear in public alot until one day. Its not a problem or i am not nervous or another feelinf. Just thinking about work and people.

Purging

Hey guys,
The last time I purged was in 2010. It was very odd. I buried about 20 diapers in snow mounds. Stopped buying. About a week later I found myself on ABUNIVERSE.COM making a massive purchase. Well over $150.00. That is a lot of money. Three months later, I was about to throw my stash out again. I heard whisper from the heavens, "Keep them all. The desire will only return". I haven't looked back since. I know part of my shame was finding out that we are labeled "infantilists" and mentally ill under the DSM-V (psychiatrists list of mental illnesses). That, plus shame from everyone who has ever found my stash made me purge. Now that I have my own room 9 months of the year, it's easier. I want to wear to work but something in me says, " I am doing something bad and disgusting. I can't wear to work."

I wish the love and complete acceptance will return. It's just really private. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone. At least we have each other. :grouphug:

I always thought that I accepted myself, but I kept it private from everyone. I was a closet member on fetlife and would just lurk on that site, looking at other peoples pics and occasionally come across photo's of people in groups having fun enjoying age play or just wearing with other like minded people. I would always feel a little self pity on why I couldn't be lucky enough and make friends with people like that,. These type of people looked like normal vanilla people, everyday joe's so to speak.
Well I went to a few munches, met a few people who then introduced me to others and away we all went, after becoming real life friends with people and meeting them, I truly felt the acceptance or balance that I needed. Now life isn't as hard because I'm not in the so called DL or age play closet, If I do something interesting, or something funny happens I'll send a pic message and get a reply back, if I'm bored I'll make a couple calls and get a group of us together and we will do something. Having the ability to bond with real life people has made me accept myself in more ways then one and its one of the best things that has ever happened.

Tommycombs said:

If you could fly but you were the only one with that power, would you fly or clip your wings to be like everybody else? I'll refer back to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Don't dream it, be it! That might be a red light you're seeing, but that's for non ABDLs. You're in the lane with the green light. So go!

Click to expand...

That is a awesome way to put it :smile1: I will try to keep this in mind whenever i am feeling bad about wearing diapers. It would be a nice if wearing diapers is a socially accepted thing though. I also kinda agree that what makes us feel bad about wearing is social, i find that its because we are made to think that wearing diapers is wrong but somehow it feels right for me , if only people accept wearing diapers as something normal.

makena43 said:

But the only way to accept it in my case. Is to wear in public alot until one day. Its not a problem or i am not nervous or another feelinf. Just thinking about work and people.

Click to expand...

When you say wear diapers in public, You don't mean show your diapers when you're out in public?