Familial Issues

Benzie · Dec 2, 2017

Slomo said:
What part of my message is even remotely funny? Did you not see where I said I was quite serious? Well, I am.

You taking advantage of you family like that IS very serious. And offensive to me too. You really should feel ashamed for it.

I feel like I explained myself pretty well here. I'm not taking advantage of my family.

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Slomo · Dec 2, 2017

Benzie said:
I feel like I explained myself pretty well here. I'm not taking advantage of my family.

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You already admitted you are living with your mom, rent free. And that you are NOT providing any supoort or help in return. Yeah, you are taking advantage of her.

Then there's you also admitting you actually STOLE her car and went for a long drive. It doesn't matter if you're on their insurance. It is not your car, and you took it without permission. You stole it. No question about that.

You also have a whole organization helping you to get/maintain a stable job AND give you free diapers to boot.

I was trying really hard in holding back from calling you any names before. But... [Removed] you seriously need to realize the world does not revolve around you. I can already see you have it WAY better than most anyone could hope for. And yet all you can do about it is feel bad for yourself as if you are somehow the one being manipulated.

Being abdl, or normally wouldn't say this to anyone here, but you need to GROW UP!

For the Admins; go ahead an issue me a warning for name calling. I own this one, and simply do not feel sorry for having said it. [Removed]

Benzie · Dec 2, 2017

Slomo said:
You already admitted you are living with your mom, rent free. And that you are NOT providing any supoort or help in return. Yeah, you are taking advantage of her.

Then there's you also admitting you actually STOLE her car and went for a long drive. It doesn't matter if you're on their insurance. It is not your car, and you took it without permission. You stole it. No question about that.

You also have a whole organization helping you to get/maintain a stable job AND give you free diapers to boot.

I was trying really hard in holding back from calling you any names before. But... You are a self entitle brat, and you seriously need to realize the world does not revolve around you. I can already see you have it WAY better than most anyone could hope for. And yet all you can do about it is feel bad for yourself as if you are somehow the one being manipulated.

Being abdl, or normally wouldn't say this to anyone here, but you need to GROW UP!

For the Admins; go ahead an issue me a warning for name calling. I own this one, and simply do not feel sorry for having said it. Hopefully my "tough love" will sink into this looser's mind so he can wake up and do some good with his life.

Like, did you not read the post I made about how up until I gave up my job at my FAMILY'S request, to help them, I was living on my own and pulling my own weight? Or, about how I do consistently help around the house, and even when there's nothing to do, I ask and badger constantly to make sure I'm not lazing about?

Yes, I took her car, the one I've been using personally for over a year and a half and have been paying for. I made a mistake. I don't think it was worth threatening to have me arrested for, not at all. And the ONLY reason she didn't want me to do that drive was because she was worried the car wouldn't make it. If I had just told her that morning, as we talked about it later, she would have given me another car to take.

I'm not offended by anything you've told me, but, maybe don't be so melodramatic, and read what I've put?

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Benzie said:
Like, did you not read the post I made about how up until I gave up my job at my FAMILY'S request, to help them, I was living on my own and pulling my own weight? Or, about how I do consistently help around the house, and even when there's nothing to do, I ask and badger constantly to make sure I'm not lazing about?

Yes, I took her car, the one I've been using personally for over a year and a half and have been paying for. I made a mistake. I don't think it was worth threatening to have me arrested for, not at all. And the ONLY reason she didn't want me to do that drive was because she was worried the car wouldn't make it. If I had just told her that morning, as we talked about it later, she would have given me another car to take.

I'm not offended by anything you've told me, but, maybe don't be so melodramatic, and read what I've put?

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I can't ready what you haven't typed out. No I didn't read about your family requesting you quit your job- because that statement isn't here. and again, you STOLE her car. Why wouldn't you think that isn't worth to be arrested over. Because you believe you are entitled to borrowing it whenever you want to, that's why.

I'm not being melodramatic in the least. I'm laying it out exactly as you yourself have already said. Like I said, it's time for you to start growing up. And no more excuse to try and justify your current actions, they are unjustifiable and any more deflecting is only going to get you into a deeper hole.

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
I can't ready what you haven't typed out. No I didn't read about your family requesting you quit your job- because that statement isn't here. and again, you STOLE her car. Why wouldn't you think that isn't worth to be arrested over. Because you believe you are entitled to borrowing it whenever you want to, that's why.

I'm not being melodramatic in the least. I'm laying it out exactly as you yourself have already said. Like I said, it's time for you to start growing up. And no more excuse to try and justify your current actions, they are unjustifiable and any more deflecting is only going to get you into a deeper hole.

Here, I'll post it again for you:

"So, to clarify:

I had a steady job, in fact, I had already moved out on my own with some co-workers and was doing fine. I had planned to get funding from my local community Center to take a CDL course at a nearby community college.

Before that, I took a year of college for Criminal Justice after I was discharged from the Navy, and stayed on campus the first semester. I moved back home because my mother asked me to, and after that year was done, I already had my job for a few months and was paying all of my personal bills, including half of the payment for my car each month. My mother took care of the other half, she offered.

Oh, and I also gave her $1800 out of the refund I got for moving off campus that semester to help her cover her bills.

I have nine dogs at our house, I take care of them daily, as well as doing the construction when my father is overseas. I've helped build two decks, multiple projects around the three houses we've lived in at this state, and I myself have put up probably 5 fences on my own.

That car? We've had that since I was 16, my mother has explicitly told me it's MY car, and wants me to take it when I leave. I did when I moved out, and still paid for it.

Am I perfect? No. I'm not. But I am an adult, I'm not a child, and I don't act like one."

I'm not acting entitled, I've been acting like an adult, and I also posted this just on the last page. If you're going to comment, please read what I respond to you with.

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Benzie said:
Here, I'll post it again for you:

"So, to clarify:

I had a steady job, in fact, I had already moved out on my own with some co-workers and was doing fine. I had planned to get funding from my local community Center to take a CDL course at a nearby community college.

Before that, I took a year of college for Criminal Justice after I was discharged from the Navy, and stayed on campus the first semester. I moved back home because my mother asked me to, and after that year was done, I already had my job for a few months and was paying all of my personal bills, including half of the payment for my car each month. My mother took care of the other half, she offered.

Oh, and I also gave her $1800 out of the refund I got for moving off campus that semester to help her cover her bills.

I have nine dogs at our house, I take care of them daily, as well as doing the construction when my father is overseas. I've helped build two decks, multiple projects around the three houses we've lived in at this state, and I myself have put up probably 5 fences on my own.

That car? We've had that since I was 16, my mother has explicitly told me it's MY car, and wants me to take it when I leave. I did when I moved out, and still paid for it.

Am I perfect? No. I'm not. But I am an adult, I'm not a child, and I don't act like one."

I'm not acting entitled, I've been acting like an adult, and I also posted this just on the last page. If you're going to comment, please read what I respond to you with.

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Yeah, you said you "had" a job, and were planning to move out. All that leaves us to know for sure it that you currently do not have a job, and have no current plans to move out. You didn't say anything about why you lost it or quit before. Except now you are trying to justify your current situation as being you family's fault. Is getting a new job their fault- NO, it is only yours.

Like I said, you attempting to deflect your own problems on to your family (or others) is only making your own situation worse. Quit digging yourself in further. Admit you are the cause of your own problems. Only then will you finally be able to address your problems honestly- and there in improve yourself.

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
Yeah, you said you "had" a job, and were planning to move out. All that leaves us to know for sure it that you currently do not have a job, and have no current plans to move out. You didn't say anything about why you lost it or quit before. Except now you are trying to justify your current situation as being you family's fault. Is getting a new job their fault- NO, it is only yours.

Like I said, you attempting to deflect your own problems on to your family (or others) is only making your own situation worse. Quit digging yourself in further. Admit you are the cause of your own problems. Only then will you finally be able to address your problems honestly- and there in improve yourself.

Read my damned posts!

I had a job and was ALREADY LIVING ON MY OWN.

I moved back home and quit my job BECAUSE my mother asked me to. She needed help, I gave her help.

Why do I not have a job? Because I'm at fucking Job Corps, I'm getting a CDL, after which I am guaranteed a job at Werner.

What are you missing? What is your major malfunction?

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Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
Yeah, you said you "had" a job, and were planning to move out. All that leaves us to know for sure it that you currently do not have a job, and have no current plans to move out. You didn't say anything about why you lost it or quit before. Except now you are trying to justify your current situation as being you family's fault. Is getting a new job their fault- NO, it is only yours.

Like I said, you attempting to deflect your own problems on to your family (or others) is only making your own situation worse. Quit digging yourself in further. Admit you are the cause of your own problems. Only then will you finally be able to address your problems honestly- and there in improve yourself.

And by the way, I did admit that I made mistakes. I admitted to what I did wrong. My issue lies in my mother's tendency to explode in my face without warning, and how manipulative it feels that she comes around minutes after with an apology.

Among other things that she's told me, she has:

1) Threatened to shoot me because she was convinced I was sneaking into her house at night after I was moved out.

2) Told me my entire life was a waste because I quit college, after successfully finishing my first year.

3) Kicked me out of the house because I finished off a bowl of strawberries without asking (I brought them to work for lunch, they had been sitting there for three days since we cut them).

4) Told me it was my fault that the Navy discharged me, refused to believe I had any kind of mental health problems, and was convinced I just wanted to quit.

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Benzie said:
Read my damned posts!

I had a job and was ALREADY LIVING ON MY OWN.

I moved back home and quit my job BECAUSE my mother asked me to. She needed help, I gave her help.

Why do I not have a job? Because I'm at fucking Job Corps, I'm getting a CDL, after which I am guaranteed a job at Werner.

What are you missing? What is your major malfunction?

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The key word being HAD. As in no longer do. And wait, you said you quit because of your mom. So what is it, you quit because of JobCorps, or for your family?

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
The key word being HAD. As in no longer do. And wait, you said you quit because of your mom. So what is it, you quit because of JobCorps, or for your family?

I quit because of my family. My grandfather, as horrible of a person as he is, was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. In his state of mind, he purchased a brand new truck and had no way to pay for it. My mother was generous enough to not only offer to take over the payments for this $70k truck, so she could own it, but she offered to drive it and my grandfather from Oregon to Maine after flying out there, so he could stay with us and get better treatment at a local care center.

In the end, he took money from us and caused my mother some more emotional pain, and he left when it was convenient. It turned out he didn't have colon cancer.

So, my mother needed help, and despite the fact that I had been living on my own and had a fight two months before, I dropped everything to help her, even though we all got hurt in the process.

Had I not, I would have kept my job and saved up money, as well as attempted to get funding, to take a much shorter CDL course this year at my local community college. I did Job Corps because it was my only option after all that.

Also, I put out some applications for another job and got two interviews set up, but I turned them down because my mother insisted I should go do Job Corps and not worry about supporting her.

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Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
The key word being HAD. As in no longer do. And wait, you said you quit because of your mom. So what is it, you quit because of JobCorps, or for your family?

And, mind you, I didn't have any ability to leave on good terms with my employer. The way everything happened, I had to quit THAT day.

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Ah, now that sounds a LOT better, and more realistic, than saying you're unemployed, living with your mom, and hate how she complains you don't help out around the house.

Let me ask about you stealing that car though. Do you AND your mom truly understand or believe it is YOUR car right now? Or does you mom believe it will become you car when you leave and that it is currently still hers (as you have already suggested)?

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
Ah, now that sounds a LOT better, and more realistic, than saying you're unemployed, living with your mom, and hate how she complains you don't help out around the house.

Let me ask about you stealing that car though. Do you AND your mom truly understand or believe it is YOUR car right now? Or does you mom believe it will become you car when you leave and that it is currently still hers (as you have already suggested)?

That's the thing about it, in most situations, it's my car. I was paying for half of it each month, and could've been paying it in full. She's told me from day one, that's my car, she just wants me to take care of it. The only time she tells me otherwise is when she's upset at me and holds it over my head, I.E. threatening to take it away, when there's been no issue and contradictions for that the previous month.

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Benzie said:
That's the thing about it, in most situations, it's my car. I was paying for half of it each month, and could've been paying it in full. She's told me from day one, that's my car, she just wants me to take care of it. The only time she tells me otherwise is when she's upset at me and holds it over my head, I.E. threatening to take it away, when there's been no issue and contradictions for that the previous month.

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And just to be even more clear. Who holds the title?

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
And just to be even more clear. Who holds the title?

My mother does. I never disputed that, and I also never claimed that I didn't make a mistake by taking the car without talking to hee (I should note, I was supposed to take the car that morning, just not that far down).

My issue is threatening to have me arrested. Had that happened, I would have had nothing anymore, I banked my leaving college and saving up for a CDL, and I would've lost all that opportunity if she did that. And, she knew that. This was just one of multiple things over the years that she's used to terrify me when not necessary. In fact, she's admitted to me that she does this, and that she is already too old to change her ways, so tough shit.

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Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Benzie said:
My mother does. I never disputed that, and I also never claimed that I didn't make a mistake by taking the car without talking to hee (I should note, I was supposed to take the car that morning, just not that far down).

My issue is threatening to have me arrested. Had that happened, I would have had nothing anymore, I banked my leaving college and saving up for a CDL, and I would've lost all that opportunity if she did that. And, she knew that. This was just one of multiple things over the years that she's used to terrify me when not necessary. In fact, she's admitted to me that she does this, and that she is already too old to change her ways, so tough shit.

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Ok, then clearly the car does not belong to you. You STOLE it. Plain and simple (or complicated, doesn't matter). As such, her threatening to report you to the police, and possibly be arrested, was within her rights. May I suggest, and transfer of ownership is in line. (maybe when she isn't making treats against you).

Benzie · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
Ok, then clearly the car does not belong to you. You STOLE it. Plain and simple (or complicated, doesn't matter). As such, her threatening to report you to the police, and possibly be arrested, was within her rights. May I suggest, and transfer of ownership is in line. (maybe when she isn't making treats against you).

That'll come with time, but honestly I'm not worried about it. I won't have much initial need for a car when I'm driving OTR with a sleeper cab in my tractor-trailer.

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Slomo · Dec 4, 2017

I just came across a podcast I believe is extremely relavent to your situation. You may want to give it a listen.

http://freakonomics.com/podcast/why-is-my-life-so-hard/