So my boyfriend wants to be a little... advice

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BubbaBoy95

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Hi all, originally joined here for incontinence advice because of his bladder issues.
Roll forward four months of full time wear and he’s got a onesie (well one for work and a cool one for sleep) and a dummy (pacifier).

He loves feeling little when I change him, or if I look after him before he goes to sleep, but we never do anything outside of bedtime...
He wants to try a whole day of being little, but I have no idea what to suggest or arrange?

He swings from being incredibly open about it to being embarrassed (I think it’s awesome/brave that he’s happy opening up when it’s a niche thing and there was a chance I could’ve hated the idea), so what I’m guess I’m asking is two different questions;

1) What does a day of being little entail for you?

And

2) If your partner wasn’t/isn’t 100% into abdl, how does it affect your relationship?

There have been a few nights I’ve asked him to not use dummy or ask me to change him because I don’t want to do it 100% of the time... but it’s made me feel awful for not being wholly supportive of him.
He doesn’t want to do it 100% of the time, and he knows I’m posting about it on here.

Thanks in advance! x

- - - Updated - - -

Wow! Sorry it’s so long folks!
 
I wish I knew a way to stop you from feeling "awful for not being wholly supportive of him". You are being very supportive, and that is a good place to be because being "wholly supportive" is not a realistic option. Also, being supportive does not mean always engaging in activities you find unpleasant or too repetitive. You can be supportive and still discuss limits.

I'm guessing he feels some guilt over dragging you into his weird world. This is a very complex issue and open, unashamed discussion is important.
 
Yes you are being very kind to him. Don't feel bad about not being totally into it. Very few are, and it's not wrong.
First ask him how old he is when in childhood mode. Use this as a step to how to treat him. A very effective way to do a whole day is to pick out a day when both of you are available all day. For many this is a weekend day. Start the night before like you often do, then just continue it in the morning. You are totally in charge. You can tell him when to get up, get changed, eat, play, watch cartoons, nap. Somewhere in the mix, give him a bath. If you run out of things to do, a second bath is good too. Keeps him fresh and clean, and uses up a lot of time.
A particular challenge would be a child's puzzle, but doing it blindfolded. It puts him in the same unable category as the child he is acting out.
You don't have to do more than you can handle. If you try too hard, you could wear yourself out and do harm to your adult relationship.
Good luck.
 
Don't be surprised if he can't quite give you a good answer on his age when in that mode. It's rather a floaty state of being. It can depend on who's around, what's around, how much sleep I've had, or rather or not I'm sick. What I mean by what's around is, if I'm going into an Olive Garden, that's different than a Baskin Robins.

Go into it slowly. 2 things that can do it for some people. Try holding his dosing cup when he takes liquid medicines, and ordering for him on the night he gets to be Little, if you grab a bite. Ask him what he wants beforehand, though. He's still him.
 
SpAzpieSweeTot said:
It's rather a floaty state of being.

I think you nailed it.
 
Thank you all for your super helpful replies!
Drifter, it was very helpful to read your post when i was feeling guilty over it.
We discussed it one evening this week in depth, SpAzpie, you were right he didn’t know how old he is so I took the lead on everything.

Bluegrey; we started off with me giving him a bath just because that usually relaxes you anyway!
So we did bath, new nappy & onesie, milk, cartoons, Game app on the tablet and then a story. He was very fussy about having a nap but I successfully got him to sleep for 20 minutes.

We had a bit of a a break after for a discussion and some adult time but after that he had another milk feed & then he fell asleep.

It was really interesting talking to him during because it helped me to work out how old he is.
Completely nailed it with the ‘floaty’ comment! He was relaxed and l liked being in complete control.

Can’t thank you all enough for helping through this! We’re going to do it again over the weekend for a few hours, I’m def not at the whole day stage yet!
 

What does a day of being little entail for you?

With a caregiver for me it is Prearranged agreement of being treated like a tootler.

My caregiver takes on a role of the parent finger, letting me feel safe to go into Little Space.

Each person is different, so you are both going to need to talk about how long and what activates you would like to do.

Are you going to stay inside your house and go out in public?

Are you going to feed him, if so what foods, and drinks?

What games?

Childrens TV

Being put down for a nap

Giving a bath

Bed time stories

Remember you are taking on the role of the big. Which has its own delights and he is willing to let you have control and enter the head space of being a child.

2) If your partner wasn’t/isn’t 100% into abdl, how does it affect your relationship?

Again, it something that you are both need to work out. Your partner is not going to want to be in Little space all the time.

It being pre-planned gives you both structure to work from.

Remember to have a safe word that will bring it all to an end. But if this is done right it can be a very loving act between a Couple.

Really hope it goes will.

I would be glad to go into more details as well but I have posted this before.

Siysiy



 
So I am both IC and an AB. The inconinence came first and I realized after a couple years that I have been an ab all my life. I started to indulge in it here and there and find out what I liked. My BF is my daddy and we have been together for four years. So having a litte day can be very taxing on the big. We tried it for about 48 hours of me being in total little head space. Generally it is to much to expect someone to be big for that long. My daddy is always my big but not usually to that extent. So for us having a little day is not something that is me regressed 100% of the day. I kinda go in and out of it. On those days daddy does do all my changes and such but he still does his own thing and so do I. Don't get upset that you are not into 100% of the time because in all honesty that is so unrealistic for him to expect you to take care of all of that 24/7. He is still an adult and still has adult responsabilities. Even on little days I have to do the usual cleaning cooking and all that jazz. Sit down and have a talk with him about what his expectations are and what you are willing to do. You deserve care and love as well so do not let this take over your relationship. Littles tend to jump in full force when they are given the chance. Balance between the two is very important. So make sure you stand up for what you need and are able to do.
 
So MsCee, looks like you have found a reasonable balance between two worlds. Congrats on that. Being able to stop and talk it out sure can help in the understanding. Maybe some blocks and toy cars. Some couples plan a trip to the toy store so he can help pick out some stuff that would suit him well while he is regressed.
 
MsCee. Relationships are two ways street. Even though he may longer in his time. I would also recommend some adult time or a date. A way for you to unwind also.

Here is something for both of you.
This comes from a book called the “Five love languages”. Try it in both ways in your relationships as little and adult.

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

You will find that there will be one of the five on the list above will be a major part of his and will have 2 of the list to be minor part. As a little “Act of service” is a major part for him. You and him should read the book together. The relationship between you to grow stronger than ever.

I wish you both well in your journey.
 
Hey, speaking of books, there is one called "There's a Baby in my Bed", or the second edition, "There's Still a Baby in my Bed". This helps a partner to come to an understanding of an AB and learn ways to treat and balance. Although I don't have that kind of relationship, I found the book very helpful in understanding myself.
 
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