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Thread: Denial to Acceptance

  1. #1

    Default Denial to Acceptance

    Hi all!

    I've been a diaper lover for forty years. I can even pinpoint the moment it began: when I was 3 & 1/2 years old (1977), while at Grandma's house with my newborn brother, I pooped my pants. As I had no spare pants available, she put me in a cloth diaper as I struggled and cried in protest.

    It's my earliest memory and one of my most vivid, with images and dialog seared into my brain, and I'm certain it made me who I am today. I'll post a proper write-up of the story later if anyone's interested.

    Within a year or two I was sneaking cloth diapers and plastic pants from the changing table and wearing them in bed. Yes, I was caught - five-year-olds aren't very good at stealth.

    In the 1990s I discovered there were other people into diapers, when I saw the newsgroup (an old-style forum) alt.sex.fetish.diapers appear on my university's list one day. It opened up a whole new world for me - there were other people who wanted to wear diapers! I read everything I could, and bought adult diapers for the first time at my local drugstores.

    Eventually, I began living on my own, without roommates, and could get some better quality products from online incontinence vendors. I avidly read everything on the newsgroup and the (now vanished) Diaper Pail Friends site.

    But I was still ashamed, and afraid of being found out. I purged, multiple times - as most of us have done - sneaking everything out in black hefty bags to the dumpsters in the dark of night.

    I've been fighting my DL identity for years - but have finally decided to accept and embrace it.

    What changed? I've recently moved to a new city where I have no close friends, which means a level of privacy beyond anything I've had before. And for the past year I've been miserable, as my country has elected fools and monsters to lead it; I now dread the future. I want to enjoy life while I still can.

    Diapers give me peace. It's not even a sex thing most of the time; it just makes me comfortable. Diapers bring me back to age 3 1/2, when I remember being changed into a diaper after having been in "big boy pants" for almost a year, and the years that followed, as I innocently borrowed items from my brother's changing table.

    This year I've started visiting ABDL sites again after a years-long hiatus. I've also made some purchases, and I've been sleeping in diapers again, something I had not done for many shame-filled years.

    I've made a promise to myself: no more denial, no more shame, no more purges. This is who I am, and I like myself.

  2. #2

    Default

    Welcome to the site SeattleBrian! That was a very good intro. We all fight shame from time to time but in the end, we can't deny our desire. Most of us here have gone through what you have so we understand completely. In a strange twist of events I went from a DL to having it become necessary due to incontinence (ic). I sleep in diapers nightly.

    But enough about me. We are a loosely fit community and like making friends. The more we know about each other the quicker we make friends. What do you like to do in your spare time (besides diapers)? I watch a lot of tv and read books. Oh, and I'm here a lot, too.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thanks Scaramouche! Like many people in the Northwest, I like hiking and camping. I was never really an "outdoor person" until I moved here, but it's becoming increasingly important. I hope to get in shape in the next few years so I can do some mountain climbing.

    And I do watch far too much TV. Lifelong Star Trek fan... currently loving "The Orville", as silly as it is.

  4. #4

    Default

    Welcome! We like you too. When I was preschool age my sister had thicker training pants and most were terry cloth but one was Gerber diaper type material. That one was the biggest and strongest and managed to stay in the drawer way beyond when it was needed. One day I ended up wearing it to church and the warmth and excitement I was able to experience at such a young age has kept me loving diapers for many years. However, I never had any purge cycles. I have only really been wearing diapers for 3 years. As soon as I found ADISC I went 24/7 and haven't really thought of going any other way. I stay dry most days but nights can be wet enough that I'm always going to need diapers for bed. Sometimes I wet myself in the daytime but I think that has been less since I wear because instead of running to the bathroom every few minutes I have taught myself by drinking more and holding it more to be stronger at holding and I haven't leaked when I sneezed for several months. I know what you mean about sticking to your decision and not feeling any shame about it. I am so glad I got into diapers and I'll never second guess that.

    Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk

  5. #5

    Default

    Ha ha! I watched one episode of "The Orville" and that was all. "Gotham" is probably my favorite. There are a lot of Star Trek and Star Wars (me) fans here.

    Where did you move to Washington from?

  6. #6

    Default

    Welcome to the club. Your story sounds so similar to many of ours. Like you, I've struggled for years with this thing about me and dealt with fears and awkwardness for far too long and have had enough of all that.
    I was going to continue but you said pretty much verbatim what I would have said as well. Also I'm a fellow Washingtonian although I'm on the east side of the state.

  7. #7

    Default

    Thanks for the warm welcomes, all! I'm originally from the Chicago area and lived there most of my life.

    I think I am finally past the "purge" thing. I've decided that I'm going to try to be more active in the community, participating in forums (something I had last done more than ten years ago!) so I've got a support network to keep me grounded.

  8. #8

    Default

    We're here for ya.

    Chicago to Seattle? I guess that is a big change. Lots more open space in Washington.

  9. #9

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by SeattleBrian View Post
    It's awesome seeing mountains every day!
    Is there snow on the peaks yet? I live in another western state and there hasn't been much snow on our mountains yet.

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