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Thread: A Terrible Visit To The Doctor

  1. #1

    Default A Terrible Visit To The Doctor

    A while ago I mentioned that I was having some incontinence issues and that I would be asking my doctor about them. It took her a while but eventually she got around to referring me to a urologist.
    I had my first visit with him yesterday.
    It was dreadful.
    The visit itself was unremarkable. I had to fill out several pages of paperwork and then sat in a dimly lit waiting room with walls painted in dark colors in strange hues for an hour or two. When they finally called me back they had me give a urine sample and then wait in what seemed to be a typical doctor's office. It was also painted in odd colors and there were nicks, scrapes and smudges on the walls. Honestly, the entire section of the building seemed kind of old and out dated, like when the interior designers redid the other sections they just ignored this one. The nurse came in and used a machine that was apparently supposed to determine if my bladder was emptying right or not. She was at least genuinely polite. Then I waited for the doctor.
    When he got there is when the problem starts. He talked to me like I was some sort of child and he wore this stupid smile that grated on my last nerves. With the tone of his voice I could not even tell if he was taking me seriously or not. He asked me what the problem was and i explained the best that I could but I think he might have misunderstood me, though I was given no room to attempt to correct his assumptions and explain more thoroughly. I had expected him to at least order some tests or something to confirm what it was that was wrong, but no. He said there was no need for tests of any kind and instead diagnosed bladder spasms and prescribed me some medication to take, asking me which pharmacy to use. He only even bothered asking if I drank things with caffeine in them after his diagnosis while he was writing out some paperwork. He also made the assumption that I smoke because he noticed the tip of a cylindrical object in my coat pocket and thought it was an electronic cigarette so I had to point out and show him that it was just make up and I don't smoke.
    It seemed like he was just drawing conclusions based on his own thoughts and assumptions rather than what I was telling him. It also seemed like he wanted to hurry up the appointment and get me out of his office as quickly as possible. I'm wondering if it was because I was the youngest person there.
    On my way out the nurse told me where he had written down to send the prescription and I had to correct her because he had apparently written down the wrong pharmacy, not the one I had told him.
    I am not sure if it is rational or not, but I hate this man. He pisses me off. I am going to request my doctor send me to somebody else.

    Who else has had a similar or just a bad experience with a urologist?

  2. #2


    You're going to get a lot of horror stories about urologists on here. I had one I went to for serious debilitating testicular pain. First visit, I go in and describe the issue to him. He had me disrobe and sees my diaper and ignores the fact I've been dealing with incontinence issues all my life. Now, his focus has shifted to 'getting out of those' and he starts pushing for continence diaries, urodynamic testing, etc. so that he can fix me. I try and point him back to the fact that I am having testicular pain that's so bad I can barely walk.

    His response? "The pain is insignificant." You know what? Let me kick you non-stop in the balls for a few hours and we'll see how insignificant you consider the pain.

    Yeah, I never went back to him. Sometimes it seems like when they are talking to new doctors about specialties they do personality testing and those who have no personality or empathy are guided into urology.

  3. #3


    The first urologist I had was similar. Stupid smile, and told me, "You're too young for diapers". Then the jerk face tried to do a cystoscopy on me without anesthesia of any kind. Well to say I jumped off the table screaming in pain was an understatement. I soon moved on to a better urologist. 5 to be exact. Most of the others were good, but one female urologist made me go through 3 unnecessary botox injections to my external sphincter. The last urologist was the best, as he figured out my obstruction was the internal sphincter, and after they cut it I had great relief.

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusP View Post
    Stupid smile, and told me, "You're too young for diapers".
    First it's ''too old for diapers,'' then it's ''too young for diapers''...

  5. #5


    Don't hate me but I have had three urologists in my life. All have been good, all have done surgeries on me. My current one is kind of aloof but given my condition, he is caring.

    I would see another doctor. I have been to "assembly line" doctors who line patients up out the door to see how many they can see a day. No quality time and they don't listen very well.

    Good luck and please keep us posted.

    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaWolfNagihiko View Post
    First it's ''too old for diapers,'' then it's ''too young for diapers''...

  6. #6


    Iíve seen urologists several times, once for bedwetting and the other times for testicular pain, suspected tumor, and then a varicocele. Iíve not yet had one who wasnít a jerk. Perhaps certain temperaments are drawn to that specialty or perhaps that field has adverse side effects on doctorsí bedside manner. I donít know.

    But by and large, the ones Iíve see have been short, dismissive, and even accusatory or annoyed that I was even in their office (I felt as though I was expected to prove I had an issue worth even being present in his office - like I was on trial or something). Strange and profoundly unhelpful.

    Because Iím no longer suffering from incontinence issues during the day - only rare occasions or when Iím drugged up, I donít anticipate seeing any urologists while diapered in the future. But I canít say Iím looking forward to it!

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  7. #7


    I personally have a hard time going to any male doctors, regardless of the specialty for a multiple reasons. That doesn't mean there have not been some b$tch female doctors I've encountered, but at least I feel there is more possibility for a better bedside manner. I've noticed the vast majority of urologists are male. Do you think this could be the reason why most don't seem to care and are abrasive?

  8. #8


    I went through three urologists before I found one that took me seriously. What the OP described is, unfortunately enough, the typical arrogance of the medical profession. When you only have a few minutes per patient, and you're under pressure to provide a diagnosis and then move on to the next patient, the patients all suffer. I just refused to spend any more time with the first two I visited; they obviously had no time management skills, no real desire to listen (probably because they were such poor time managers ... I waited more than an hour to see the first one, and I was his first after-lunch appointment) and no warmth or 'bedside manner' at all. I got lucky with the third doctor I saw, but I was prepared to go through a dozen more if this guy had demonstrated the same sort of behavior.

    What we laypeople don't understand is that medical schools teach students nothing about how to run an office. Students aren't graded on whether they exhibit traits we'd expect from other human beings. So, in some respects, the fault doesn't lie with the doctor. But I remind myself that physicians are tradespeople, and if I'm patient, I'll eventually find one who can do the work I want done in a manner I find appropriate. At the end of the day, the patient is still in charge.

  9. #9


    Sound like you got a "not good doctor".

    I lucked out and had a very good one that retired shortly after I saw him.

    All of my test came back "normal", and he said that is more serious then having them come back positive.

    He did do a prostate exam. It was THE WORSE ONE I have ever had. By the time he stopped I was ready to give him my credit card and pin number just to make it stop.

    Low and behold he worked a sample out that he looked at and came back with it was the sneakiest, nastiest bug and got it cleaned up.

    I do not blame him for the damage, but the three GP that ignored my complaints about frequency and near misses for three years.

  10. #10


    I've had more bad urology experiences than most will ever think of. Half I've probably forgotten. I've been to much more than a dozen urologists, and been through nearly very pill and procedure there is.

    Yeah, I'd say about 95% of the urologists out there have bad bedside manner, are very dismissive of their patients, believe we need to be "cured" of using diapers, will only ever push pills, cystiscolpies, and urodynamics tests on us, and worse of all will not listen to what we tell them our underlying problem is.

    In my experience, finding a competent urologist is extremely rare and difficult. You are better off to just jump through the hoops of whatever hack you're currently seeing. It is fast than trying to find a better urologist, to imperically rule the pills out and get those test results so you don't have to keep going through it again and again. It is also more efficient to get the procedures, and even surgeries/botox done that they want done, so you can move on to the actual problem. The reason? If you don't, then EVERY urologist will get stuck thinking "what if we tried this". They won't be able to move past it either. Then you'll get frustrated and try to move on to someone better. In reality, you'll just be starting over though.

    Is all that a pain in penis? You bet your not-ass it is. Does it waste a mountain of your time, and cause undue suffering on our part. Again yeah. The only thing that's worse though, is never getting anywhere because you're too frustrated with some hack urologist.

    I will tell everyone this too. I spent more than a decade going to one urologist or anioher. And I hated them all for pushing yet another pill on me, and wanting nothing more than to perform yet another urodynamics test- that for me, always came back inconclusive. I'd do the test, and take the pills - for maybe a month or three. I'd go back to them, and get frustrated when all they wanted to switch up the pills. Then I'd walk away from that urologist.

    Six months later I'd be back at my primary doctor complaing of the same old problems, and get yet another referral to some other urologist. And the proccess just repeated itself. For more than a decade. And all that while, my problems slowly got worse and worse.

    Finally it got to the point where I couldn't bear it anymore. The countless urologist broke me. I got the surgeries, the botox (several times- which are temporary at best or make things worse most likely), the interstim implant (which painfully fried my sacral nerve and made things much worse) and a whopping SEVEN sphincterotomies (that individually did little, but cumulatively did help overall) And in that process, went through getting knocked out for each surgery, lost time from work, and painfully recovered. Before going through yet another surgery.

    By far, the most helpful thing I went through- was helping mysel. I had to become my own expert. I spent countless hours scouring the internet for every thing I could find. I learned the medical terminology, and I learned which sympoms fit my own. Only when I was able to talk to my urologist on their own level- and to point out their misdiagnoses was I able to sway their thinking ans start working totowards what I needed.

    I can also say this. You NEED to tell them "diapers improve my quality of life" tell them you do not wish to focus on eliminating diaper, but do need to focus on the underlying problem which is (whatever medical self-diagnosis you have- and your reasoning for it). This is like some sort of secret code or hand shake that will get things working for you. Or so I've found.

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