New here and questions about dl

Its believed by researchers that people's fetishes develop at a young age from specific acts related too the fetish. For bondage it may have been the time you were goofing around with handcuffs, for latex it could of been a when you were trying on gloves etc. I can specifically pinpoint when mine occurred, I was very young and as the meme goes I was going on a YouTube recommend binge (early YouTube when most stuff was not banned and removed) and I saw a video of a person wetting a diaper. It's did not gross me out but it had me amazed and from that I began wetting my underwear in private for awhile but since each pair had to be thrown away I stopped for years, I can't remember why but once became a teenager and learned about spanking it and PR0N it reminded me of my old days of wetting and I started watching not only wetting vids but messing as well. I fell back into my very rare habbit of wetting and even messing my underwear (and an old pair of jeans) and once I realized I was out of old clothes to throw away it was on to find myself diapers. Since I'm moved out now I can buy the best adult diapers online and wear without fear, but then it was just the baby ones in coin operated vending machines or when I was brave enough to go out by bike and buy a pack of goodnights or Walgreens diapers. I am glad I can enjoy myself but at the same time I'm ashamed because I know how ridiculous and weird I look and I know I am not some creep and never would be but I always get that image in my head and it so off putting. I try and make excuses for my actions by saying "I'm in my own place by myself and not bothering or displaying it to anyone else and how do I know my friends aren't also hiding their own "stash". I hope I could meet a person some day to experience this with me (not some invitation owo). And maybe you could give me some advice or words to put my mind at ease, I'm not stopping wearing since I tried and well I'm not addicted to it and I can watch and get "excited" from other things but not like from wearing.

Welcome to the community! Do you have any other interests or hobbies you would like to share with us? We always try to get to know each other so we can give better advice.

Scaramouche said:

Welcome to the community! Do you have any other interests or hobbies you would like to share with us? We always try to get to know each other so we can give better advice.

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Sure, I'm into paintball and I travel for it and play for a team and I am sponsored, I am a automotive enthusiast, and I play lots of PC games like battlefront, fallout 4, and fortnite, unreal tournament, arma 3, and subnautica etc. I also have 3 cats that melt my heart and everything.
i guess I should say my "set up" right.
Abena abri form air plus s4s and tranquility regular boosters. It was the only good adult diapers on Amazon that I could ship to a Amazon locker so no one could know. I want to try a plastic backed next just to try and in general just other brands with compareable or greater absorbency, just to see if other fit me better.