Trevor said:
except that when I discovered I wasn't alone, it was seeing people who were extreme and not what I wanted to be (ABDLs in diapers on TV making a spectacle of themselves for attention). Rather than putting me at ease, it made me wonder if that was what was inevitably in store for me.
It was a bit like that for me as well. Just like brokenbiskit wrote, I thought for a long time that I was the only pervert with this urge to wear diapers in a world of normal people (and I know lots of others felt/feel the same). When I discovered an online forum for DLs (in Germany), I was relieved on one hand to realise I wasn't alone. But many members of that forum seemed too "extreme" to me, basically making diapers the centre of their world. And that scared me quite a bit - I certainly did not see myself deliberately walking that road.
It was only gradually, by finding more diverse opinions/experiences and maybe even role models (as far as that's possible with ppl I only know from the online world), that I was able to positively identify as a DL who can get strong sexual pleasure from diapers. And that helped me a lot to overcome the binge + guilt cycle.
Plus - here I feel like the luckiest person on the world: I am blessed to have a partner who knows and is very accepting. (It was many years into our relationship that I came out to him.). It now feels almost normal to go to bed next to him with a thick diaper when the "urge" hits me. I say almost since I'm still slightly embarrassed. But even though he has no interest in diapers himself and is rather grossed out by the pee aspect, he nevertheless cuddles me, pats my bum, etc, and most importantly, just behaves and treats me normally. And that is the biggest gift for my self-acceptance. This unconditional acceptance by another person.
I know, many dream of being in a relationship where their "kink" / "fetish" / whatever is accepted. But I think also a good friendship with a person who's either in a similar situation or accepting can be very beneficial for one's self-esteem. So far I never had the courage to attend any kind of AB/DL meetup, and since I'm quite happy with my situation, neither the drive. But I would probably be much more keen to meet other DLs if I weren't in a relationship where I can be open. I mean not primarily for any kind of sexual encounter, but for getting the chance to talk about a "weird" subject with other for whom this is normal.
To return to brokenbiskit analogy: this kind of finding support in a group of others who are in a similar situation greatly helped me when I came out as gay, too. And it was indeed a lot easier (for me) to accept being a flaming homosuexual
than my diaper fetish. As for outside acceptance, the difference is even more stark. Literally everybody knows I'm gay, but I would be mortified if anybody other than my partner would know - with the exception of other DLs.