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Thread: Do You Miss Not Being Girly When You Were A Child?

  1. #1

    Default Do You Miss Not Being Girly When You Were A Child?

    It probably has been asked before but what I've been wondering lately is if I was able to express my girly side when I was child, how would I've turn out?

    A small bit of background... I was teased/verbally abused by my stepdad who would constantly call me a sissy growing up & always saying I was a girl. I cross-dressed from about the age of 8 or 9 secretly as when I did it in front of my parents at about 6 years old, they told me off quite harshly I believe. And of course there was the teasing at school. Then Mum caught me quite a few times wearing my sisters clothes in my early teens & again, it was dealt with harshly. I was made to feel ashamed of doing it.

    I know that I wasn't quite the normal boy growing up, I definitely had a feminine side but after seeing how some parents have allowed their children to have the freedom to express themselves so openly, I just wonder how different I would be now. Does anyone who had a similar upbringing who are trans now, feel like they've missed out on so much not being girly when they were younger? Do you wish you could go back & relive it? Do you feel like it's part of why you are a little?

    Sorry for all the questions but I thought I'd see what others may think. Thanks for reading & if you comment.

  2. #2

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    I am so sorry you had to go through that growing up *hugs*. You should never of had to felt that way about yourself and makes me angry just reading it because I can kind of relate to not being able to explore myself properly as a child. Growing up I never thought about girl stuff much so I never got to see the issue challenged to my parents or sisters while young. But now as an adult someone might walk into my room and think it was a little girl's room with Disney Princess posters and bed covers with dolls I sleep with. I do feel robbed though. I wasn't physically oppressed as a kid but mentally suppressed to the point that I would fear liking anything girly that I would be teased or bullied and so stayed away even though I know looking back I had interests in feminine things. This lasted well into high school and only am now exploring my feminine side starting about 3 years ago and slowly increasing from then. All my immediate family now know this about me and accept it. In fact my dad was helping me show me how I can put up some Disney Princess curtains so I guess I am lucky for that. I am only now living what I should of been able to as kid and yes I do wish I could go back and relive it but I can't so reliving it now is the best I got though I do realize that compared to some I have it a lot better and shouldn't be complaining really. Yes I do think not being able to try it then is why I am a LG now because when I cuddle my dollies and snuggle in my pink sheets and princess bed I feel like a young girl going to sleep. It's so relaxing and peaceful.

    As for being trans well that is something still on the table for me I am experimenting with wearing bras and woman's clothing so maybe and it certainly started from wanting to be a young girl and in a funny way it's like the young girl is growing up and wants to be a woman not that I'll ever give up my young girl tendencies though But I am still questioning being trans as of now.

  3. #3

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    I'm not trans, but I did go through similar experiences as a child.

    In a way though, my cute side was never able to be quashed. I wear bright colors, and prefer pretty fancy dapper clothes, and childish cartoon shirts on weekends.

    Is it part of why I'm little now? Yes ... I think it's part of it. If society and my parents were more accepting of my natural tendencies, I may have not so strongly associated what I wanted to be and experience with being young and being traditionally feminine.

    For me there's more to it than that... a need to be cared for, to feel safe, to not have to (by not being allowed to) make choices... but I think you're not alone in having this be a factor.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by DufusBear View Post
    It probably has been asked before but what I've been wondering lately is if I was able to express my girly side when I was child, how would I've turn out?

    A small bit of background... I was teased/verbally abused by my stepdad who would constantly call me a sissy growing up & always saying I was a girl. I cross-dressed from about the age of 8 or 9 secretly as when I did it in front of my parents at about 6 years old, they told me off quite harshly I believe. And of course there was the teasing at school. Then Mum caught me quite a few times wearing my sisters clothes in my early teens & again, it was dealt with harshly. I was made to feel ashamed of doing it.

    I know that I wasn't quite the normal boy growing up, I definitely had a feminine side but after seeing how some parents have allowed their children to have the freedom to express themselves so openly, I just wonder how different I would be now. Does anyone who had a similar upbringing who are trans now, feel like they've missed out on so much not being girly when they were younger? Do you wish you could go back & relive it? Do you feel like it's part of why you are a little?

    Sorry for all the questions but I thought I'd see what others may think. Thanks for reading & if you comment.
    I'm not really "little", at least I don't think, though there may be more lurking beneath the surface than I'm presently aware of. But I feel that I've missed out on a great deal of my life, not just my childhood, by being forced to live as a male.

    EDIT:

    I suppose I should add to this, though, that there are parts of my childhood that I'd not trade for the world, that may not have happened if I'd been born in the correct body. Like sleep-overs with my best friend when we were in our early teens; I imagine our parents would have had a more difficult time accepting and permitting that if we weren't (apparently) the same gender.
    Last edited by Sapphyre; 01-Oct-2017 at 03:44.

  5. #5

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    Thanks so much for the replies.



    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPrincess View Post
    Growing up I never thought about girl stuff much so I never got to see the issue challenged to my parents or sisters while young.
    I wasn't overly girly when I was a kid, more like a tomboy you could say. I had both male & female interests. But I wanted to express myself more in a feminine way.



    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPrincess View Post
    ...But now as an adult someone might walk into my room and think it was a little girl's room with Disney Princess posters and bed covers with dolls I sleep with.
    Same here. So much pink, heaps of stuffies everywhere (must have over 80 now). I even bought a heart shaped dream catcher not so long ago. Anything with hearts, butterflies or bears I just adore.



    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPrincess View Post
    ...I wasn't physically oppressed as a kid but mentally suppressed to the point that I would fear liking anything girly that I would be teased or bullied and so stayed away even though I know looking back I had interests in feminine things.
    I just wanted to fit in somewhere, anywhere really. Most of the time I wanted to be girly, I went & played with my sister's toys & clothes (although she wasn't too happy about that, which is fair enough). Usually when I was home alone.



    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPrincess View Post
    ...All my immediate family now know this about me and accept it. In fact my dad was helping me show me how I can put up some Disney Princess curtains so I guess I am lucky for that.
    That's so cool of your Dad! My immediate family know to a point, I'm sort of telling them in bits & pieces as to not freak them out too much at once. I have my bear with me nearly every time I see them now. I'm not out to extended family or any of my friends although I sure things have been said, oh well.



    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPrincess View Post
    Yes I do think not being able to try it then is why I am a LG now because when I cuddle my dollies and snuggle in my pink sheets and princess bed I feel like a young girl going to sleep. It's so relaxing and peaceful.
    I feel like I'm so attached to my bedroom & my stuffies. One of the best feelings in the world.



    Quote Originally Posted by AdorableRabbit View Post
    In a way though, my cute side was never able to be quashed. I wear bright colors, and prefer pretty fancy dapper clothes, and childish cartoon shirts on weekends.
    That's awesome. Being quite a big person, it's hard to find the clothes I really want to wear but I do dress mostly like a kid still, like tees, shorts & sneakers.



    Quote Originally Posted by AdorableRabbit View Post
    Is it part of why I'm little now? Yes ... I think it's part of it. If society and my parents were more accepting of my natural tendencies, I may have not so strongly associated what I wanted to be and experience with being young and being traditionally feminine.
    I sometimes wonder if I would want to be woman, not a child, if I had the chance to experiment when I was growing up & also not be judged for it. Sometimes I feel like I'm being stupid, trying to be a little girl but deep down, that's how I want to be, I can't change that.



    Quote Originally Posted by AdorableRabbit View Post
    For me there's more to it than that... a need to be cared for, to feel safe, to not have to (by not being allowed to) make choices... but I think you're not alone in having this be a factor.
    I do want to be cared for & looked after but I'm a little more independent than most littles.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    I'm not really "little", at least I don't think, though there may be more lurking beneath the surface than I'm presently aware of. But I feel that I've missed out on a great deal of my life, not just my childhood, by being forced to live as a male.
    I'm really sorry you feel like that. It's not easy living with dysphoria, but then being forced to being someone you're not, it's a horrible existence.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    I suppose I should add to this, though, that there are parts of my childhood that I'd not trade for the world, that may not have happened if I'd been born in the correct body. Like sleep-overs with my best friend when we were in our early teens; I imagine our parents would have had a more difficult time accepting and permitting that if we weren't (apparently) the same gender.
    Lol, totally get that. Yeah, I have a few of those moments but I still wonder how many friends & moments I would of had as a girl too. Like SweetPrincess said, I feel like I've been robbed.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by DufusBear View Post

    I'm really sorry you feel like that. It's not easy living with dysphoria, but then being forced to being someone you're not, it's a horrible existence.



    Lol, totally get that. Yeah, I have a few of those moments but I still wonder how many friends & moments I would of had as a girl too. Like SweetPrincess said, I feel like I've been robbed.
    I know I missed out on quite a bit. A girl in a boy's body doesn't fit in well socially while growing up... even in pre-school, the vast majority of my friends were girls. The staff kept separating us and trying to encourage me to play with boys instead. I wonder, sometimes, how much of my social awkwardness to attribute to things like this happening throughout my childhood, essentially being discouraged to have friends, or how much of it is because I'm a probable "aspie". Hard to say. But I definitely feel "robbed" as well, and of something more precious than money can buy.

  7. #7

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    Well, when I was younger I considered myself a tomboy (still do) because of some of my interests. Even though I am girly I don't consider myself as such still because I always felt tomboys could like all that girly stuff too (I mean, we are girls after all). However, society at the time didn't want girls to be masculine and boys to be feminine, so I felt I couldn't do certain things because I was a girl. But when I was 15 I started wearing boy t-shirts and I'm still wanting more boy clothes. But I do wish I could express my tomboy side a lot more. I mean, I love pretty and cute things but it'd be nice once in a while to dress however I want to. I think I'd blow people away if I did all boy clothes and stuff.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by SparkleBunny View Post
    However, society at the time didn't want girls to be masculine and boys to be feminine, so I felt I couldn't do certain things because I was a girl.
    That's how it was for me too, a boy acting feminine was a bad thing to be discouraged at all costs. Mum was very religious too.



    Quote Originally Posted by SparkleBunny View Post
    But when I was 15 I started wearing boy t-shirts and I'm still wanting more boy clothes. But I do wish I could express my tomboy side a lot more. I mean, I love pretty and cute things but it'd be nice once in a while to dress however I want to. I think I'd blow people away if I did all boy clothes and stuff.
    I must say though that girls wearing boy clothes is much more tolerated IMHO then a boy who wants to wear a dress. I'm not trying to start a argument on it or anything, I'm sure it would have been just as hard for you at the time, just how I see things now. Even my sister made the comment to me a couple of months back. Sad that most of us hide this side of us because of how society views it.

    And I'm sure you'd be awesome dressed up in boys clothes!



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    I know I missed out on quite a bit. A girl in a boy's body doesn't fit in well socially while growing up...even in pre-school, the vast majority of my friends were girls. The staff kept separating us and trying to encourage me to play with boys instead. I wonder, sometimes, how much of my social awkwardness to attribute to things like this happening throughout my childhood, essentially being discouraged to have friends, or how much of it is because I'm a probable "aspie".
    That's so sad Sapphyre. Sorry you had to deal with that. Kids should be able to choose their own friends. When I was in primary school (age 7-12), I remember wanting to hang out with girls & be their friend but I was also quite jealous of the way that they were. I can remember sitting in class & wanting to be just like them.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    ...But I definitely feel "robbed" as well, and of something more precious than money can buy.
    This. Definitely.

  9. #9

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    Hi, I'm 53, UK, cis-male and diagnosed Aspergers, around 8/9 I really wanted to wear school dresses at school, still crossdress sometimes, I would describe myself as a fetishistic transvestite as the DSM description matches most closely. Lady Tena Discreets are an essential part of the outfit, I am strongly attracted to boyish looking women,

  10. #10

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    I absolutely believe I would be more well off, more socially adjusted, and a happier person if I had been able to be myself when I first started feeling my feelings.

    I feel like there is almost no denying that. A childhood full of feeling like there is something wrong with you, that you can be yourself, that something about yourself is abhorrent, that you're just waiting to get away from it all. Running away from home only to realize you have nowhere to go and making it back before they even noticed but they didn't care. Of course that's not the ideal circumstance to grow up in.

    Best I can do and any of us can do is to live today though. Be the best you can be right now.

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