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Thread: Not sure where this belongs

  1. #1

    Default Not sure where this belongs

    My little side has been blocked(partially) for a while now. As some of you already know, my husband is only somewhat supportive of my being little. I have taken several people's advice, and tried to open up communication with him... we are starting to get back on track together, which is AWESOME.

    This is completely a different topic though. At my work, which I LOVE doing, I have a verbally abusive coworker. I have brought the problem to my managers several times, and since the other employee has been with the company for something like 15 years (I just passed 2) they do little or nothing about it.

    My real question is: How many others here completely freeze up, not able to think, when someone's yelling at them? About 15-30 seconds after, THEN I come up with all these great things to say, but it's too late... it makes me feel like an absolute idiot. 🙁

  2. #2

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    All the time! You're definitely not alone there. I think it's a pretty normal human response for many to freeze up in the heat of the moment like that.

    I hate hate hate being yelled at and cry every time. Sometimes I can hide it but usually can't. I'm sorry about your coworker being so rude.

  3. #3

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    It happens to me a lot and not just in a yelling situation. I work with people who have different political views than I and after a few minutes of their diatribe I think of a rebuttal. But then it's too late as they have moved on to a different topic.

  4. #4

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    This happens to me as well, but I'm working on a technique I thought up, which as works a couple times for me, at least.

    When hes yelling at you or talking down on you, you first must realize that hes doing it. I know that sounds odd, but often being yelled at triggers a state of panic where you basically enter fight or flight. So if you consciously register whats happening, you might feel like you've gained more control of the situation.

    Take a deep breath, and disarm him. Instead of acknowledging what he has to say ( you wont be able to reason with him), instead identify the kind of abuse taking place. i.e., he yells at you and you respond with "Stop blaming me for something i have no control over" "stop name calling" You may encounter times when it does not work, in which case your only option may to remove yourself from wherever he is. This shows him you have 0 tolerance for his bs

    Ive read that doing stuff like this may change his behavior over time with exposure. Or it may not. I wish you the best of luck dealing this this jerk.

  5. #5

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    All the time. I can't deal with being yelled at, at all. I think of many things to say after the fact, but my initial response is basically to freeze and / or cry.

    It usually takes me a lot longer than 15 to 30 seconds to formulate my rebuttals... o.o; And I'm no idiot. You shouldn't feel like one either.
    Last edited by Sapphyre; 24-Sep-2017 at 03:22.

  6. #6

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    My initial reaction to someone yelling or being hostile is to fight rather than flight. Perhaps it comes with age, but I also grew up in a lot of tough neighborhoods where you had to be tough. That said, I think the best tact is to be calm and logical, if that's possible. My line in the sand is crossed if someone is disrespectful to me.

  7. #7

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    Document the abuse and the reason why
    If you get terminated then this is a good case for the abuse that you received which was uncalled for I tend to carry a little tape recorder and just record it all.
    It sounds like this person's been there long time and think she can get away or he with anything because they've been there 15 years but being abusive to an employee is not right very unprofessional.

  8. #8

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    Remain calm, document everything. Follow the chain of command in your workplace. Talk to your supervisor and if they ignore you then you may want to talk to HR but I cannot stress enough about documentation especially if there is a lot of it. You need not take notes as this is happening but clear and concise will bolster your case. Good luck!

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Kalis View Post
    My little side has been blocked(partially) for a while now. As some of you already know, my husband is only somewhat supportive of my being little. I have taken several people's advice, and tried to open up communication with him... we are starting to get back on track together, which is AWESOME.

    This is completely a different topic though. At my work, which I LOVE doing, I have a verbally abusive coworker. I have brought the problem to my managers several times, and since the other employee has been with the company for something like 15 years (I just passed 2) they do little or nothing about it.

    My real question is: How many others here completely freeze up, not able to think, when someone's yelling at them? About 15-30 seconds after, THEN I come up with all these great things to say, but it's too late... it makes me feel like an absolute idiot. 🙁
    Document his abuse! Keep a note pad and write down when it happens, and what he said. If it gets really bad, then buy a small tape recorder. With proof in hand, management can't ignore him or they will risk a lawsuit.

  10. #10

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    Reported everything. The answer? Keep reporting, and do your best to avoid them... it is to laugh...

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