Greetings All!

Hi everyone,

I'm Nagol08. I am currently in the military and hold a bachelor's degree in Business Management and working towards my MBA. I am an avid aquarium keeper (not professional, just for fun) and just started my first saltwater aquarium back in April. I'll be switching careers in the next year or so and not looking forward to the 'finding a job' process.

Ever since I was probably four or five, I have had an interest in diapers. No idea where that interest came from, but from being 'that guy' who's been reading online forums and such for the better part of 10 years, I know I'm not alone! I still have no idea why I like it, but I do. I finally came to fully accept this side of myself about 20 years after I discovered it thanks to online resources and sites such as ADISC.org.

My most significant hobby is aquarium keeping but I'm also big on gaming on my laptop, DnD, and reading fantasy books. I'm a pretty big Star Wars fan and enjoy reading the science articles on the news to see what kind of wild and awesome things we discover and invent every day.

I'm finally joining ADISC.org (my first site I've ever 'come out' on) because I hope to find not only encouragement, support, and insight here for myself, but also for my loving wife who does not fully understand this side of me (can't really blame her, since I don't either). I genuinely look forward to being part of this community and hopefully I will be able to help others as well.

So here is to the beginning of a journey of a lifetime!

Hey!

I too just "came out" minutes ago on the site Also like yourself, I am married and don't really understand this side of me, and am thus looking for encouragement, support and insight through this site. Oh, and I'm a huge Star Wars fan!

From what I gather, even though she doesn't fully understand it, this side of you is something that you've been able to talk about with her, and something that she accepts? I'm yet to tell my husband and am at a total loss as to how to even broach the subject. Do you have any advice? (Only if you're comfortable sharing, total respect if not).

Anyways, welcome! Thank you for sharing. It's a relief knowing there are people out there sharing the same confusion but who have a positive attitude towards it all. Peace!

DirtyGirl said:

Hey!

I too just "came out" minutes ago on the site Also like yourself, I am married and don't really understand this side of me, and am thus looking for encouragement, support and insight through this site. Oh, and I'm a huge Star Wars fan!

From what I gather, even though she doesn't fully understand it, this side of you is something that you've been able to talk about with her, and something that she accepts? I'm yet to tell my husband and am at a total loss as to how to even broach the subject. Do you have any advice? (Only if you're comfortable sharing, total respect if not).

Anyways, welcome! Thank you for sharing. It's a relief knowing there are people out there sharing the same confusion but who have a positive attitude towards it all. Peace!

Click to expand...

So I hope this isn't too long for the welcome forum, but seeing as how we can't private message each other, here goes:

Welcome to the online community! Glad we were able to find a place to call "home" so to speak. I told my wife about this part of me before we were engaged. I only thought it appropriate and I was so nervous I was shaking. At the time she seemed hesitant, but okay with it. Once we were married things changed and she didn't want anything to do with this part of me and so for out of respect for her, I tried to stop and I did for years, albeit it wasn't easy and it tore me up inside.

Well, my birthday is coming up here soon and she asked what I wanted, and since it's been a few years and we've matured in our relationship, I asked if this was something she would be willing to 'give it another try' (me wearing without including her) which is what it was from the beginning. She's been thinking about it for a couple of days and we've had one or two short talks but they have been awkward. That's the primary reason I joined this site, was to be involved with a bunch of good folks who may have advice or just willing to listen. I'm hoping she will be willing to "let" me start again, even if its just a little at first so I can show her it is not as big of a deal as she may believe it is. I suppose only time will tell.

In reference to any ideas on how to broach the subject with your hubby, I can only tell you how I did it and how it turned out. I was in college and drove to the 'big city' and on our way back, I took her hand and told her that if our relationship was to go any further, I had to tell her something. Of course, this made her worried but was very attentive and listened very well. She asked a couple of questions and said something to the effect that she still liked me and would try accepting it. I think I may have took it to far for her comfort and that pushed her further way from this side of me and here I am today being hopeful and praying she will come around.

One way that her and I communicate with each other is through letters. Yes, sounds old school and all, but writing down (or typing) exactly how we feel and leaving it on the other person's side of the bed or nightstand. I'm always better at writing what I want to say than confrontation and she's the same way so this works for us. It's how I brought up this subject with her for my birthday. She wrote me a letter back and it wasn't what I was hoping for, but it gave us an opening to talk to each other. I can't say this will be the best way for you, only you and your hubby know each other well enough to know what will work best for the two of you.

I am a huge proponent of telling him before he finds your 'stash' or 'catches' you in the act though. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone but it will go a lot smoother if you can muster up the courage to start the conversation. I just thought of another way you might can bring it up: ask if he has any kinks or fantasies or what-have-you that he hasn't mentioned to you, if he does, tell him you'll trade him one for one and let him in on this wonderful side of you. Who knows, maybe he'll even want to try!

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for taking the time to write this! I seriously appreciate it. I’ve been in such a weird headspace lately because of this. As such I’ve been vacillating flippantly between wanting to bury it furiously forever and just “let it out”… My username was made in the latter frame of mind, clearly. Wishing I’d gone with something less suggestive, ha.

First off, without wanting to sound lame, you’re freakin’ brave. Telling your wife can’t have been easy. It seems like you’re both good communicators who truly respect each other, despite her reservations about this particular issue. I can certainly relate to having more luck articulating myself through writing than through conversation. I enjoy both but when discussing difficult subjects I feel like my emotions undermine my logic. That’s typical of most humans though, I suppose!

As for a stash, I don’t have one. I’m far too paranoid to even buy any. I was home alone for a few days over Christmas and indulged myself then but haven’t since. I think that’s why I’m really struggling to suppress it at the moment; I have no outlet. Then again for now I feel better knowing this is something I just have to worry about containing mentally, without having the additional stress of keeping track of physical giveaways.

I like the idea of bringing it up in the context of kinks, only I am already cripplingly insecure about my sexuality because I was abused as a minor. I feel like I already have so much baggage that I am ashamed of. That said, my husband loves me for who I am, and has been nothing but supportive when it’s come to dealing with issues from my past, so I’m not writing off the possibility of sharing with him completely (my apologies if this is too intense, but like you said, private message isn’t an option at this stage).

Because of the nature of what happened when I was younger, it’s been the subject of public scrutiny, which I think adds to my reticence to even mention this other strange thing that I really can’t explain. Not to mention my husband has been in the public eye too, and given the damning stigma around it, I fear I’d ruin him. Then again I wonder if I’m making into something bigger than it is??? The cognitive dissonance really is a pain haha.

Has being in the military affected your ability to deal with it? Helped or hindered? I don’t suppose it’s something you’d want to share or engage in in that kind of environment?

None of this was meant to be as dramatic and depressing at it might have sounded, by the way! Just being completely honest. I’m actually very hopeful. It really does make a difference knowing that I’m not alone in wrestling with it. That’s a step in the right direction for me already, and hopefully for you as well So glad to connect. Looking forward to more good conversation!

Firstly I just want to say that I love the name change. It reminds me of a quest I've never been able to figure out for one of the text based games I play online, but it gives me renewed hope to try it again :thumbsup: and to apologize if any of my post last night was not exactly clear.. late night writing doesn't always come through as being the best!

I think it's awesome how your husband is so willing, accepting, and understanding of your past! That already says how great of a guy he is (and perhaps even open minded about things?).

I'm going to answer your question and then provide an update to my life, so hang in there: You asked if being in the military has affected my ability to deal with this side of me, whether it has helped or hindered, and that it is likely not something I'd want to share or engage in inside that kind of environment. ANSWER: I think being in the military HAS affected me in ways that have helped me with this part of myself. Self discipline being the primary one. Between going to a military college and joining up right afterwards, discipline has been a continuous thing that is always being taught, through one form or another and I think that without having that, I would not have been able to manage the unhealthy "binge/purge" cycle which would most likely have caused a huge rift in my marriage. Thanks to discipline being "shoved down my throat" so to speak for several years, I was actually able to refrain from any DL type activities, except for lurking on websites reading and learning about myself. I think that answers the first two questions, and as for the third: You'd actually be surprised at how easy it is to conceal an ABDL diaper under one of those camouflage uniforms. I managed it, through the two years in college where I indulged, while living in a barracks (read that as a dorm with more strict rules) while having a roommate who was none the wiser, and also after I joined the service for an extremely short time until I stopped out of respect for my wife's wishes. But you are absolutely correct in assuming that the military is NOT the type of environment you'd want to be exposed as a DL.

Ok, on to the update. My wife has been thinking over the letter I wrote her three days ago. She wrote me a letter back two days ago and I knew she was really struggling with this. I've been around the block once or twice and I'm open to discussing anything related to this with her. We had a tearful conversation yesterday about how she doesn't understand and can't fathom why anybody would like wearing such things. She felt like me and our son deserved a better wife/mom than her and I assured her that I loved her no matter what, and she's doing a great job at raising our child. She was afraid that this would be something that would drive us apart and I kept telling her that neither of us are going anywhere and reiterated a few times that I loved her no matter what. I also reinforced the idea of how important this is to me, to be able to come home from a long day at work and relax. After church this morning I was thinking everything over (and being a guy) pretty quiet about it all. Well, she picked up on it so we finally got back to the house, came inside, embraced her, and told her I'd been thinking about it all and that she had a decision to make, but before doing so, I wanted her to tell me any and all reservations she has about it so I have a chance to help her better understand. Of course, at this point in time, my son started screaming in the living room so we broke apart while she got him settled in for his nap and I came back to my computer to check out the news. She comes into the room and tells me she's made her decision. Now I'm pretty good at reading people, but I couldn't tell one way or the other of how this was about to go down. She asked if I was nervous, which of course I was extremely nervous and then she hugged me and told me she didn't mean to hurt me in any way by wanting me to stop, and if this was something that was so important to me, then she would be willing to try letting me wear again. WOW! What a relief! That'd been years in coming and I was so excited. Then she let me know she did NOT want to participate (fair enough, I never had asked her to, but I think it would be awesome) and she did not want to know where I put them, when I was wearing, and that she didn't want me to wear if we were on a date. My wearing has always made it awkward between us and that would be too much for her if I did it when we went out together because that's all she'd be able to think about. So, long story short, I think we made a huge step in the right direction, I just ordered 4 samples from bambino (hoping she doesn't see the awesome prints), and they should be here either next week or the week after.

I have two concerns at this point:
1. I don't want to mess this up like I did last time and push her even further away, that would break my heart. I need to be careful and attentive to her mood and mindset, in the off chance she notices and things get awkward.
2. I'm afraid that she won't come to me if she has questions or if this side of me become to much for her. I love her so much that I'd do everything I could to keep her, but this side of me always ends up wanting to come out and play and the longer I have to suppress it, the harder it becomes.
3. I know, I said "two concerns" and this isn't a concern. I think this is a huge step in the right direction of my wife being fully accepting. She loves me so much and hates that I suppressed this side of me so she wouldn't have to deal with it, and in turn, hurt me on the inside not being able to express this side of me.

If you were looking for some words of wisdom or advice, I don't think I provided you much. I'm pretty sure my previous post was all I've got. I'm just so glad I'm able to talk to like-minded people and, like you, know that I am definitely NOT alone in this struggle for acceptance.

If we keep up the good fight, time will tell the rest.

This is amazing! Congratulations! I can't imagine that going much better, except maybe if she said she was willing to participate, but who knows, that might still be a possibility? At least for now you've established a comfortable arrangement, which is awesome. Do you worry about her now having a secret to keep that she might be tempted to tell your mutual friends, family etc? Or is that something you're ok with? I think one of my bigger fears is the sort of 'ripple effect' that sharing taboo subjects can have because of they are so hard to contain and deal with alone...

Re: the military stuff; I think it's fascinating that you were able both indulge your DL side and consider it a means of disciplining those habits. Ultimately because of it, it seems like you've been able to achieve a perfect balance. That's something I'm struggling with, as I've mentioned. Haha.

Despite what you think, I'd say you've actually provided a LOT of wisdom, and most definitely good food for thought at the very least. Not to mention your updates have been super encouraging. Thank you!

Definitely committed to keeping up the good fight!

BarFly said:

This is amazing! Congratulations! I can't imagine that going much better, except maybe if she said she was willing to participate, but who knows, that might still be a possibility? At least for now you've established a comfortable arrangement, which is awesome. Do you worry about her now having a secret to keep that she might be tempted to tell your mutual friends, family etc? Or is that something you're ok with? I think one of my bigger fears is the sort of 'ripple effect' that sharing taboo subjects can have because of they are so hard to contain and deal with alone...

Click to expand...

Hey, sorry its taken so long to get back to you! Life got a bit busy there for a bit and I had forgotten you'd had a question that I'd left unanswered, plus there have been some new developments in my wife and I's 'arrangement'.

First to your question of the ripple effect: I'm not worried at all about it. I WAS worried about it when I first told her before we had gotten engaged, but she promised to never tell anyone and she has kept her promise. She mentioned that she would like to be able to tell her counselor about it but wanted to run it by me since she had promised. I told her she could tell her therapist but I asked her again to not say anything to anyone else. Like I've said before, I'm one heck of a lucky guy to have found her!

As for the developments: I forgot how it came about, but she is ok (but still struggling with the 'weirdness' of it all) with me now wearing any time I want (except when we go on dates) and where ever I want (which is pretty much all the time, and she is ok with that) as long as I "keep them covered by shorts" or something. She is being accepting of the fact that this is a part of who I am that will not be going away. She wants me to be comfortable with wearing around her without having to hide it (crinkles and all!) as long as I keep them covered because she finds it hard to be around her husband just wearing a diaper and t-shirt/hoodie and I cant blame her. We've had countless talks about comfort zones and how we are both out of ours, for her its the whole 'my husband wears diapers and enjoys it', and for me its the crinkling when I walk around her after having to hide it for 20+ years. We're taking it slow too when it comes to diaper things and the items that come along with it (powder/diapers/wipes/etc) and she knows that if I ask her to pick something up for me, or do something for me that is pushing her limits, to let me know and I'll take care of it myself when I get off work. So right now, I'm waiting on my order of Bambino Teddy's to arrive Thursday so I can get out of these Depends for when I get home and the kiddo is put to bed!

Any word on the home front between you and hubby? Anything else you'd like to know or anything I can help you with? I'm a good listener if you just want to talk! And that goes for anyone else who may read this too!

Welcome to both of you! I've read your whole exchange and am pleased you found each other. Shortly after I joined this site over 3 years go, I connected with another member and developed a good relationship. Ultimately he left the site as a way to try to please his wife and try to put this stuff behind him. Personally, I don't think that's possible in the long run. It took years for me to come to terms with the fact that this is a part of who I am that I have never been able to leave behind. It always came back even after years of suppression. I've never been able to share this side of me openly with anyone other than on this site. I've kept it hidden from my wife and everyone else for my entire life. I applaud your ability to share it Nago108, and wish you the best when it comes that time, BarFly.

Best wishes to both of you.