Upcoming Surgery, I lied...

cm90210 said:

Her biggest concern is her own sense of embarrassment being attached to me as I go to surgery. In other words, if I were going alone, and she wouldn't have to interact with any of the staff or anything she wouldn't care what I wanted to do. But because she'll kind of be "in on the secret" that I sort of need diapers, but primarily need/like them psychologically (and that's weird). She feels like she'll have to hold up the other end of the bargain and "act normal" like I would be doing, and that's an embarrassing prospect for her. All this, i guess I understand. I mean, my first impulse regarding diapers is that its shameful and embarrassing as well. The public/cultural relationship to diapers in America is that it IS something to be ashamed of (even if you actually need them for physical abnormalities or problems). And all of this says nothing of the erroneous fetish/pedophile judgments people have about those of us who like to wear them for fun.

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I hadn't noticed all the pages of discussion when I replied before.

For me it helps to recognize that there's little shameful about wearing diapers, that it's almost all conditioned shame perhaps used by parents to try to prod their children out of diapers (which karmically comes back to haunt parents who live to be old and need diapers and feel bad about them). Seeing this it's clear there's no reason to buy into this conditioning. So the question is how to manage the interface between yourselves and the wider world, who does buy into it.

Your wife is probably afraid of what others might think, and how that will affect their perception of her, and how they will treat her in the future and possible loss of consideration. This too seems pretty simple: do you want to live your life in fear of others' perceptions of you, cramping your living, or let them have their discomfort and save the fear for only those that can do great damage to you? It's especially easy to try to suppress others to assuage this fear, rather than face it and support those around you.

Seconded. And you already answered your questions too. You need them both physically and mentally, and your wife needs to work on accepting and being ok with that.

Medical professionals see diapers all the time, and it's no big deal to them. Go to your surgery with a diaper on (and don't forget to bring a change for after the surgery too).

The nursing staff in most places really wish more patients would see diapers as friends rather than shamefully, many patients break hips and other things well doped up and trying to make it to a strange bathroom in the middle of the night ,it would be a he'll of a lot safer for people to use a nice safe diaper in bed ! A good nurse can change a diaper with coffee and a cigarette in one hand and a patient in the other , yeah sure some nurses have to be taught some things like we're to park you and how you like your tapes but that's personal preference.

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Hi cm90210

If course you should wear your diaper there and have a couple of changes with disposal bag and wipes with you.

No guilt should be associated with this at all.

Frankly I think you are focusing on the diaper aspect way too much. I would be more concerned with the procedure you are having done. You have reported you have bladder issues. Reported that you wear diapers and have been told by the staff what to do when you get to the hospital. There is nothing to fear there. I think you have handled it the proper way and should do as you were told.

I no longer worry about what is said by a doctor's or hospital staff. I've been in a few doctor's exam rooms with nothing but my diaper and plastic pants on. Tough at first to get used to it, but as time has gone by being shy and bashful just tends to go away. For a hospital stay, I bring a 12 count bag and a 1/2 dozen diaper doublers for overnight and if I need more, my wife will bring them in. Good Luck with your procedure!

I have an enlarged prostate among my health challenges so I have spent many an afternoon in diaper and rubber pants waiting for my urologist to come in and undo them to do a digital, although thats rapidly falling out of common practice which I don't mind a bit ,but yeah medical profession and diapers go hand in hand , I am actualy realy happy with my Uro who doesnt feel like hes a failure for prescribing diapers, he has never had a problem with it and doesn't shame his patients that need them.

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spent 2 weeks in a plastic diaper in the psy ward, went every where in it all we had was a gown, even group therapy. It did not bother me, i was so doped up and its felt nice to know i would never see these people again. But i did the same embellished abit.

Honesty is the best policy. Doctors and nurses are some of the best lie detectors out there. So take your chances if you so choose!

xpluswearer said:

Honesty is the best policy. Doctors and nurses are some of the best lie detectors out there. So take your chances if you so choose!

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There are three people in life you should NEVER lie to:
1) your lawyer, the one that protects your freedom
2) your financial advisor, the one that protects your wealth
3) your doctor, the one that protects your health

Lying to any of them prevents them from being able to do their job and is totally against your best interest.

bambinod said:

There are three people in life you should NEVER lie to:
1) your lawyer, the one that protects your freedom
2) your financial advisor, the one that protects your wealth
3) your doctor, the one that protects your health

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There's actually four:

4). Yourself!

bambinod said:

There are three people in life you should NEVER lie to:
1) your lawyer, the one that protects your freedom
2) your financial advisor, the one that protects your wealth
3) your doctor, the one that protects your health

Lying to any of them prevents them from being able to do their job and is totally against your best interest.

Click to expand...

BabyDenise said:

There's actually four:

4). Yourself!

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I agree, which is why I had a little pause going forward in my case, with the office's request. Others' responses on this thread helped me to come to the conclusion that the truth in my situation is a little more slippery perhaps than on my chart - or than simply saying that I had lied. In my case, I certainly didn't correct the nurse's assumption that my bedwetting is still an issue...as she imagined it. However, it is certainly true that I wear diapers when I'm on medications - and that I NEED them for other reasons than bedwetting. Did I lie? I don't know honestly - kind of yes, kind of no. Am I likely to wind up with personal harm in this case from going forward with the information given? Highly unlikely IMO. The procedure I'm having is outpatient, and not on that end of my body (its an head/neck procedure).

Aside from my specific situation, this leads me to a broader question. Maybe more philosophical than some of you what to get. But what does it mean to lie? Is withholding certain details lying? Is giving only partial information lying? Is answering questions as given, without adding to them other apparently pertinent information but that wasn't specifically asked for lying? I might answer a financial advisor's question as asked, unintentionally leave out important details, and wind up with the same kind of negative consequences that I would otherwise get had I actually intentionally deceived him/her!!

It seems like to me, we manipulate/massage people to get what we want all the time by the degrees of information we share. In a car negotiation, I'm disadvantaged to the same extent that I tell the sales person information about myself, my life, my income, my family, etc. Am I lying by not answering or misleading? Perhaps. But I'll end up with a better deal because he'll certainly screw me if he had the details. The examples you provide however, are with regards to people who's job it is to serve ME - not screw me. So essentially it becomes self destructive to lie. True dat. I guess it requires our own judgment to determine how much to disclose.

The underlying assumption I work with as well - how much is too much information to share to these people? Is there a point at which telling them too much will actually lead them to make prejudicial and incorrect judgments about me and my situation? If I share too much, will that end up working against me just the same? I think that the answer to this is just as much "yes" as with lying.