Diaper Addiction

Since coming clean to my mother in May about wearing diapers, thus making it a million times easier to get them, I've been on a three-month binge that shows no signs of stopping. I'm almost 24/7 wearing (but not 24/7 using). The idea of wearing normal underwear is pretty bleh to me now so for the most part, I don't.

I'm spending around $20-$25 a month on baby diapers, Pull-Ups, and wipes. I know for most people that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but usually I only get $58.25 a month from my dad. So correspondingly there's not much left over for anything else. I can't really afford to go on bus trips to the casino anymore. I know it's more economical to buy bigger packs of diapers, but I seldom have enough cash on hand at one time to do so.

The start-up cost of cloth is too high for me, and I'm not as interested in them as I am disposables.

In short: I'm addicted to diapers now. I've latched onto them like a security blanket and just won't let go. They're my fluffy anti-anxiety medication. When my therapist asked that if there was something that controlled my anxiety as well as diapers if I would try it, not to give diapers up completely, but more as a way to save money, I couldn't say yes.

I can't figure out if this is a problem or not. I love my diapers. They let me live out my deeply-rooted fantasies. I really resist the idea of having them ''taken away''. I guess you could say having the training pants, whose commercials used to drive me wild, completes me. On the inside I'm an unpotty-trained/partially potty-trained toddler, and thus need my padding. Going without isn't normal or right.

Kimba, I know where you're coming from, I bought 2 cases of diapers (the 2nd one was done accidentally and couldn't be canceled) and I can't get out of them nowadays. I even wear them to work and use them while on the job. I also started changing myself in public bathrooms. Sometimes I wear a onesie under my work uniform, I just can't stop. I think it's because I have a job now, I can buy more immediately after I run low on diapers. There's also times where I got to a store to buy baby diapers to put on my stuffed animals.

I know what you mean. I've been a DL since I was probably about 5 years old when I knew I loved them and wanted them. Since I was a teen and actually able to get diapers I've been off and on binge and purge cycles a lot. I recessed my desires for 3 solid years not acting on them until last December I developed a issue where I actually needed them so the day I wore a simple depend the dam broke. I used depends and goodnites for a month to deal with my issues until I began ordering AB brands. I have been in diapers every day since 12/17/16 and have not stopped. My problem actually got better but I can't stop wearing I'm just so happy. I have almost anxiety level of stress if I try to not wear to work or in general anywhere. I budget my monthly allowance and at work I usually use a booster in it so I can go all day without changing. It really saves and I can use less making a whole case last almost 2 months!

Hiya Kimba,

Definitely not a problem!

Hope your financial situation improves as diapees for sure are the best thing to buy.

I haven't worn regular underwear in the past several years. I replaced those with Big Baby "Almost a Big Kid" cloth training pants. I don't wet them; just wear them. At this point, it wouldn't feel right wearing thin underwear.

Been there done that, cloth diapers would be a choice as you said

An addiction becomes an issue when it supersedes other stuff that you should be doing (be it saving money, spending it on something you need, etc.) and you cannot stop doing it on your own. I do hate to say this but it does seem like you are going down this path, and regardless of how harmful/less this particular type of addiction is compared to certain drugs and other more harmful behavior, I think you should take some time to reflect on it, especially during your therapy session.

If you are telling yourself you cannot stop on your own then yes you do have addiction issues and seek help for that. You may want to see if you can stop on your own for a few days to see how it feels and such.

--sf

I'm... scared of going back to the old days, the days when I was forced to ration my padding. When I told my mom, I started out wearing at minimum every night, because it helped with my anxiety about sleeping. Before I could lie down and be filled with basically a sense of dread, which even my therapist seems to find a little odd. It was like ''Oh no, now I have to lie down and drift into a state of altered consciousness and have dreams I can't control!'' With a diaper on I'm much more relaxed about sleeping.

And that quickly morphed into wearing almost constantly during the day as well.

My issue is that I'm very very insecure and really need something to latch onto. Diapers fill that role well. Unlike toting around a stuffed animal, diapers can be worn discreetly under my clothes. I receive very little in the way of human touch, and can't afford the weighted blanket or vest that is supposed to benefit autistic people (and once again, they're not so discreet.) Even a mess in the back of diaper is starting to become a welcome source of tactile sensation.

The issue sweety is Diapers are awesome

Enjoy them, make no excuses for how much you love them, definitely the BEST thing humanity has developed.

Tomorrow is promised to NO ONE so if you are not hurting anyone else intentionally or cognisant that it is more than your experience I say GO FOR IT and justify to no prudes.

KimbaWolfNagihiko said:

I can't figure out if this is a problem or not. I love my diapers. They let me live out my deeply-rooted fantasies. I really resist the idea of having them ''taken away''. I guess you could say having the training pants, whose commercials used to drive me wild, completes me. On the inside I'm an unpotty-trained/partially potty-trained toddler, and thus need my padding. Going without isn't normal or right.

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A problem? I doubt it. On the contrary, I'd say you're better off just following the feelings and seeing where they lead. Placating the fantasies will (probably) leave you with more time to think about other things and follow other interests. Given that your mom is in on your secret, a full-on "purge" seems really unlikely, but you might still overdo it on the diapers. If that happens, you'll probably just naturally pull back a bit, and eventually you'll find a happy medium.

Or that's my prediction.

Generally, I'm a proponent of the "feed the addiction" method of "treating" a diaper fetish. Especially where sexual stuff is concerned, abstinence or the inability to indulge only amplifies the desires. Conversely, if you set yourself up with a good system for indulging and make the diaper-wearing not a big deal, the desires should find their natural size.

Ask yourself this. Is it an addiction, or is it actually a compulsion.

Slomo said:

Ask yourself this. Is it an addiction, or is it actually a compulsion.

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That's an interesting question. What really is the difference?

I read this article: https://www.verywell.com/the-difference-between-an-addiction-and-a-compulsion-22240

And it says that compulsions don't bring pleasure unlike addiction - and that addicts usually don't have an awareness of their addiction unlike compulsion where the person knows the illogical reality of it but can't help but do it.

I'm not sure I agree with either of these proposed distinctions.


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cm90210 said:

That's an interesting question. What really is the difference?

I read this article: https://www.verywell.com/the-difference-between-an-addiction-and-a-compulsion-22240

And it says that compulsions don't bring pleasure unlike addiction - and that addicts usually don't have an awareness of their addiction unlike compulsion where the person knows the illogical reality of it but can't help but do it.

I'm not sure I agree with either of these proposed distinctions.


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Here's one more source, which says nothing about compulsions bringing pleasure. More importantly it talks more about how compulsions relieve anxiety. And what DL here hasn't gotten anxiety out over not being able to wear a diaper. Also note, addictions are considered unhealthy, yet wearing a diaper is in itself not unhealth.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/whats-difference-between-addiction-and-compulsion

Part of my ABDL identity is in my name. Ever since I could remember I've had a thing for stroking and petting my own hair. I have always had super fine corn silk hair and as a little kid, I always had a brush or comb and would stroke my bangs all the time. It was a comfort mechanism, similar I think, to a security blanket. So it was a habit that has always been with me. It still gives me a sense of ease and comfort, not unlike the rest of my ABDL interests go. But that is a good example of a compulsion bringing pleasure and that sure as heck ain't no fetish.

hey kimbawolfnagihiko did u get the cruz ramirez pull-ups yet? im a huggies pull-ups person especially cars pull-ups haha

I was kinda the same way being petted and treated like a kid always made me feel gushy inside

Slomo said:

Ask yourself this. Is it an addiction, or is it actually a compulsion.

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Or just plain a hobby?

bambinod said:

Or just plain a hobby?

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lol, that too. There are MANY levels of being an AB, DL, or even just a SD. They're all good!

KimbaWolfNagihiko said:

...I'm almost 24/7 wearing (but not 24/7 using). ...
The start-up cost of cloth is too high for me, and I'm not as interested in them as I am disposables.

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Actually, if you are fitting in baby diapers and not using regularly, you might be able to get some cloth diapers and pins inexpensively from a local babies R us. If not wetting, leaks and laundry become much less of a problem. They might not fully replace disposables, but they might provide the "hug" of being in a diaper much of the time at a very low per-day cost.

BitterGrey said:

Actually, if you are fitting in baby diapers and not using regularly, you might be able to get some cloth diapers and pins inexpensively from a local babies R us. If not wetting, leaks and laundry become much less of a problem. They might not fully replace disposables, but they might provide the "hug" of being in a diaper much of the time at a very low per-day cost.

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I don't fit in baby diapers without modding, which in my case consists of pins and underwear I cut the crotch out of.

When I say I'm 24/7 wearing but not using... I still end up wetting each one I wear. It's just like, say, I wear a Pull-Up to bed, wet it in the mid-morning, and change in the afternoon. I'm using my diapers but most of my pee and poop still ends up in the toilet. So I still want something that I can use for its intended purpose.

Well... I'm gonna stock up tomorrow, but I'm thinking of maybe trying to get myself to put on some big-kid underwear more often. I might be more likely to do so if they had cute designs on them though. :sweatdrop: