I might have found my answer to Why?

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BayB8 said:
Hey guys,

I wanted to get your guy's opinion on something.

Some people say that being ABDL is sometimes caused by a trauma or abuse of some sort, but thats not true for everyone. I have asked myself this and my fiance has asked if I thought something might have happened or some trauma that might have caused me to want to wear and take comfort with diapers. There hasnt been anything that I could think of. My sister was sexually abused when we were younger, but idk if I was. I was way to young. I don't think I was so I always told myself it wasn't because I was abused. Yet i was going through the forums and I read somethi g that brought a memory to the forefront of my brain that I had tried hard to forget.

"I don't know if there is a connection.. I'm pretty sure it was in 3rd grade.. Round 2001-2002. Cuz I remember taking the bus to his house in colchester headed out to grand isle.

We had a sleep over a few times.. The last time I went.. Idk why but he wanted us to touch each other.. I didn't want to but he did. Essetally made me touch him and he me.. I stopped going there after that. Told my parents in pretty sure. Haven't seen him sense. I didn't give it any thought back then to that being a form of abuse because we were friends and the same age.." (Copy paste from a text i sent my fiance this morning)

Like I said, I don't know if that counts as abuse, or if like my fiance suggested, kids explore, so was it just being kids?

Because I stopped going there after and I stopped being friends, I feel like I didn't take it as exploration. I felt violated by it. We would have been 8. So to me that's late for exploration like that but idk.

I cant wrap my head around how something could be caused my something without actually knowing it, but that doesnt mean it canr happen.

Im just trying to thibk this through. I feel like its already to talk to people know what I'm talking about and feel the same.

Thanks guys

BayB8

Sent from my VS987 using Tapatalk

I spent a long time trying to source my love of diapers to some sort of abuse or event gate in my childhood with no clear cut answer. I think Trevor is right. It is a flowchart, a combination of things that work out just right. I was potty trained very early and was likely taken out of diapers before I was ready, I wet the bed, and I had a very, very, *very* strict household. On top of that, I had the common distinct memory of being four or five at daycare or wherever and trying to put a diaper on when no one was looking.
I understand the need to try to trace the issue to the source, but it's difficult. Especially because you're the only one who has these memories and experiences available to piece together because you were the only one there for them. And memories degrade. Every time you recall a memory, you're actually recalling your last memory of that memory, and memory is always fading. I gave up the fight and just said, "Hey, it could be this, but whatever. It is what it is."

I've come up with an alternate theory, and that is that everyone is attracted to odd stuff. The things don't get more odd, just society's perspective. Imagine if the playing field was leveled and being into diapers was just as normal and accepted as being into...I dunno, big boobs or schoolgirl outfits or doing the diddly in public. Why are diapers weird but those things are normal? I theorize that a LOT more people are into a LOT more shit than we imagine. I've met enough kids who appear outwardly normal but got caught jacking it in class or sniffing some girl's used panties in the laundry at a party or whatever. Or like to crossdress or are into pegging. Or like to wear collars and/or are into petplay.

I think that people are just naturally REALLY good at keeping the bedroom in the bedroom, but are generally into a lot more than we think they are. I imagine the figure of people who give the idea of diapers a double take at least, even if they internalize it and do nothing about it and think "ugh thats weird nope", is closer to 1 in 10 than 1 in 100. I think it stirs something inside more people who aren't aware of ABDL than are. I've had numerous friends who became aware of my (however elective) condition and..to my surprise... many wanted a try.. or to at least see. I've "turned" a few people little, maybe not ABDL. Obviously I didn't turn them, I just made them aware of what it was and did some educating.

I digress. My point is, I think it's a lot more natural to be attracted to something like diapers that have such a strong mark on our childhood and also represent big factors like control and comfort and dependence in our lives, things we naturally want to both have and give up at times, than we think it is. The reason behind why we pick those things is likely a lot more innocent than we imagine when we have big memory holes to fill.. Idk though, I'm not a psychologist, I'm an OT, so besides a few psychology classes, this isn't my field... ha.
 
I was at my therapist yesterday and while I've detailed this before to her, she asked when I first had sexual thoughts about diapers. I told her about four years old. I explained that even at that young age things like certain episodes of Rugrats and commercials for training pants made me feel funny and want to touch myself, and that I believe the ''taboo'' way my mom painted training pants helped wires get crossed in my brain.

While I myself accept this theory, my therapist still seems... a little skeptical? She asked if perhaps there was some kind of traumatic event that happened to me that gave me sexual feelings towards diapers, but that I had repressed. Don't think so, I said. Can't remember my potty training, but I don't think that caused it either. I still just think it was a happy accident of sorts.
 
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KimbaWolfNagihiko said:
While I myself accept this theory, my therapist still seems... a little skeptical? She asked if perhaps there was some kind of traumatic event that happened to me that gave me sexual feelings towards diapers, but that I had repressed. Don't think so, I said. Can't remember my potty training, but I don't think that caused it either. I still just think it was a happy accident of sorts.
This is interesting. I've been watching the evolution of psychology for 50 years now and at least some psychologists are focusing more on the psychological problems of dealing with unusual sexual feelings than being overly concerned with the cause of those feelings. Many are aware that imprinting and epigenetic research show a connection between the environment and and the formation of sexual desires that can occur prior to sexual maturity. These things do not require any kind of Freudian explanation such as trauma or positive reinforcement.
 
Drifter said:
This is interesting. I've been watching the evolution of psychology for 50 years now and at least some psychologists are focusing more on the psychological problems of dealing with unusual sexual feelings than being overly concerned with the cause of those feelings. Many are aware that imprinting and epigenetic research show a connection between the environment and and the formation of sexual desires that can occur prior to sexual maturity. These things do not require any kind of Freudian explanation such as trauma or positive reinforcement.

Well, I realize that my case is a little... unusual. I know fetishes can form at an early age, because I'm proof of that, but it still seems to be a bit uncommon to have such strong sexual preferences so young. So frankly I think what my therapist is looking for is any evidence of sexual abuse, as sexual behavior that's inappropriate for a child's age can be a sign of that. I don't really think masturbating at age four or five would be considered ''age inappropriate'', but at a past session my therapist asked ''How did you know to do that until... something happened?'' (I'm assuming she meant orgasm, which I was capable of even that young). I answered honestly - I don't know. I just did. I mean, I don't think it's all that improbable to assume that as a young child I simply felt arousal and answered the call by touching myself - it felt good, so I did it.
 
The idea of sexual preferences being formed early in life is not all that uncommon when you look at people's attitudes about heterosexuality. Most people assume heterosexual attraction is in our DNA so it would be present, though not usually expressed sexually, in our youth. Sexual behavior in a child could mean the child was abused, so I understand your therapist's concerns, but I still hold that imprinting is the likely cause of most of the sexual desire for specific objects, including heterosexual 'objects'. I can only guess what effect early orgasm might have had on the process but I am certainly open to the possibility that it was a factor.
 
I have often wondered what causes my desires, and I have no hint of any memory of having ever been abused. I think my desires probably stem from the potty training phase of my childhood. Somehow, the right combination of negative reinforcement and maternal attachment manifested in a desire to stay in diapers. It is easy to see how a young child can associate being diapered with being loved, and not wanting to let that go. I know for sure that the sense of shame I have for wearing diapers came from how my potty training was negatively reinforced, with being "a big baby" repeatedly portrayed as a bad thing to be ashamed of. I think my parents were just doing what they thought they should do the best way they can and I don't blame them or fault them for my desires. In fact, it may have been a babysitter that caused it and not my parents. The psychological explanation for ABDL desires fascinates me, but I don't lose sleep over asking why I am the way I am.
 
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