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Thread: My new step mom

  1. #1

    Default My new step mom

    I'm upset because I have nothing in common with my step mom, whenever me and her talk it's always small talk like "have you got work today?" And "did you have a nice day" and several "are you oks?"

    These so called "conversations" make me feel empty inside as I remember the lengthily conversations I had with my real mom about various interesting things. I have literally nothing to say to her!

    I feel depression coming back and I feel dumb when I try to talk to my step mom because my dialog is very limited or we just sit there in silence twiddling our thumbs. I will feel a lot happier once I can have real conversations with her.

    I keep to myself upstairs most of the time and I feel bad when I leave her sitting downstairs on her own when it's just me and her for the day.

    Her and my dad are getting married at the end of September so I don't want this "relationship" to carry on this way.

    How can I get the ball rolling on good conversation starters and sound more interesting? Had any of you experienced this, if so could you give me your stories?

  2. #2

    Default

    Getting started with a new relationship can be hard. Small talk comes easy, but meaningful convo is tougher. Have you learned about her childhood? What did her parents do? What does she do? Does she like it? Start there. Now, if she doesn't reciprocate in a similar manner, then it will continue to be tough. She probably thinks she knows all about you from whatever your dad told her about you. Maybe you can say something like, "Did my dad ever tell you about when I/We went/did something?" She might learn more about you that way. I assume you will live with them full time? No weekends with your birth mom?

    Now, if things don't progress then maybe she's aloof? Maybe she has kids of her own and likes those relationships and doesn't have any desire for another child? Just throwing something out there. Please try to make it work. Remember that it's better to ask open ended questions rather than ones that can be answered with a yes or a no.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

  3. #3

    Default

    Birth mom is dead, Scaramouche.

    But yes your questions sound better than mine by a long shot, I should try those...
    I can't believe I never thought about those questions before, it should of been obvious but I've been kinda afraid to ask in case I'm prying too much

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    Birth mom is dead, Scaramouche.
    I'm so sorry. I wondered, but was afraid to ask.

    I'm sure others will have some ideas, too. Hang in there!

  5. #5

    Default

    It's ok, I don't expect everybody to know, you proberly joined after I announced my mom's death about a year ago...
    Plus not everybody hangs around the mature forums here

  6. #6

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    Actually I joined in 2013 but left for most of last year so that's how I missed it.

  7. #7

    Default

    Everyone is different of course. Some people go out of their way to engage others in conversation and some don't. Like Scaramouche said, try to engage her in conversation, something a little more involved. If she doesn't respond you may just have to accept it. But you could also maybe find a friend or someone else who would take a greater interest in you. Everyone needs someone to talk to.

  8. #8

    Default

    In depth conversations only really come after you have connected with that person. You just haven't connected with her yet. And that takes time, so don't expect it to instantly happen.

    In the mean time, try and get to know her, and try to get her to know you too. Trade past stores like the others said. Stay away from religion and politics for now though. You've seen here how even the smallest disagreements there can blow out of proportion.

  9. #9

    Default

    Find common ground with her , something youbsre hoth intrested in lets say just as sn axample golf , chatbher up about how and when she got involved what she enjoys about the game etc. And build from there , we all in some even small way share a common like or of dislike about something start dmall get to know thosebthijks and use it as springboard to something larger. It may take awhile but stay at it till you find something.

    Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

  10. #10

    Default

    I talked to her today for about 15 minutes, I showed her my childhood pillow I just repaired and replaced and talked to her about when she used knit and sew and then I mentioned about my mums artwork and showed her a few pieces I have kept and she commented "she was a very clever lady" and said my repair work was good and i learnt she stopped doing cross stitch and knitting when she started work.

    I did talk about my mum a bit saying how differ t she could of been if she wasn't diabetic and how she acted and then step mum commented on how snappy I can be and said I shouldn't be blaming her actions on her and how I should think before I speak, I wasn't blaming my actions on my dead mum! I was quite upset by that comment although I don't think I should of mentioned my own mum at all.

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